I've been clinically depressed since I turned 16, thats more than 12 years now. Given time you will adjust.
When I'm clinical depressed, I'm really depressed. I can't eat anymore, I have a lot of anxiety, phobia, depression enduced psychosis, I can't sleep anymore without medication, I always lose weight due to the severe stress and wearing myself out, exhaustion, eventhough I force myself to eat. I always seem to lose a lot of muscly tissue and less body fat. For some reason I still don't comprehend, I cry a lot when being clinical depressed. I can't stand anything. My senses are very sensitive/hightend that every sound is too much etc.... . I can't literally watch TV because that makes me more depressed. I don't wash, shave until late at night when I'm not depressed anymore.
Basically, I'm a non-human-brain-eating zombie whom isn't able to live, suffer a lot, constantly trying the best way to commit suicide, getting admitted to the hospital etc.... . When I'm in a depression, I'm really in a depression and not feeling down like most people feel when they think they are depressed. I always scores the highest scores on depression tests e.g hamilton depression scale test.
In 2008, my psychiatrist took some blood and had sent it off to Germany to be tested. Guess what, my serotonin level was so low that it was normal for me to feel so horrible. I have a strong character and will power and still, it is
brutal/cruel/gruesome what I have to go through and barely manageable.
Nobody can deal, for years, with what I feel/go through when I'm depressed. That is impossible, believe me. People whom claim that they can are liars because what I go through when I'm depressed is literally going through hell, day after day, minute after minute and these people certainly won't survive if they go through what I have to go through.
They die from exhaustion, malnutrition or lack thereof, body shutting down or they will kill themselves eventually.
This will go on for a few months. Luckily for me, until now, I have always been able to come out of these severe clinical depressions. It can change though but I hope not. And when I do get out of it, I'm depression, anxiety, phobia and all the other stuff, free.
When I get out of the clinical depressions, I have to start all over again. My endurance/stamina is completely gone, literally. Making up my bed is even too much and I'm out of breath. I don't have any strenght anymore. E.g. when I take the stairs and go down, my legs can barely support my body and I have to hold on to the wall on my right and the banister on my left. My legs always shake and tremble when going down.
Riding a bike; well my legs start to acidify immediatly. It always takes my up to half a year to one year to get my strenght back.
This is actually funny. A few months ago, I was carrying 12 glass bottles (with water in it, in a plastic bottle thing that holds 12 bottles
) up the stairs (and I barely made it). When I wanted to put the bottles (still in this bottle thing that holds 12 bottles) down, it was too much, too heavy for me. I wasn't able to put these bottles on the floor and I catapulted myself hitting the window with my head.
. It does give me nausea for anywhere between 30 minutes and a few hours after I take it, and the weight gain seems to be even more pronounced (I'm about 15kg over my "normal" weight at this point as a 6 foot guy), but again these are prices I'm willing to pay for controlling the depression.
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