Depression and Anxiety Thread

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Did you suddenly stop taking these meds? Or did you did you reduce/lower the dosage gradually over a period of time?

It sounds like withdrawel symptoms. If this is the case, there is nothing to be scared about. It will pass but it can take a while, from 4 weeks to a few months (gets better over time of course).

I'm not a physician or psychiatrist but I recognise some of the symptoms.
I suddenly stopped them twice, first time was one week exact, took them at 20 mg's instead of 30 mg's and the second time, is now, 2 weeks so far, so 3 weeks in total. I have lost weight not by my hand and I think I still am, I am not doing anything to myself at all, my body just doesn't want to work and heal itself, also it's been 3 years since my pectus excavatum surgery, and due to the sudden weight loss and the stomach problems, I think the metal bars in my body have become disconnected and are probably damaging my ribs as I type, basically my body is being attacked from all sides, my organs, my ribcage, my brain, my stomach, my throat, my bladder, etc, and I have no defense to it, I can't even shower for god's sake, I don't know what to do, I wake up nausea so i always have trouble eating or drinking every morning, and I basically suffer indigestion, every time I eat soft foods, it's such a mess, such a bloody mess, and to be honest, I feel like I'm actually dying, I wake up stiff and my muscles feel broken, everything feels broken, I don't hope for miracles or anything, but come one, I get most of this is on me, but this is a nightmare. It's hard to be sick with something, physical or mental and cant fight against it even if you change what you feel is the problem.
 
I suddenly stopped them twice, first time was one week exact, took them at 20 mg's instead of 30 mg's and the second time, is now, 2 weeks so far, so 3 weeks in total. I have lost weight not by my hand and I think I still am, I am not doing anything to myself at all, my body just doesn't want to work and heal itself, also it's been 3 years since my pectus excavatum surgery, and due to the sudden weight loss and the stomach problems, I think the metal bars in my body have become disconnected and are probably damaging my ribs as I type, basically my body is being attacked from all sides, my organs, my ribcage, my brain, my stomach, my throat, my bladder, etc, and I have no defense to it, I can't even shower for god's sake, I don't know what to do, I wake up nausea so i always have trouble eating or drinking every morning, and I basically suffer indigestion, every time I eat soft foods, it's such a mess, such a bloody mess, and to be honest, I feel like I'm actually dying, I wake up stiff and my muscles feel broken, everything feels broken, I don't hope for miracles or anything, but come one, I get most of this is on me, but this is a nightmare. It's hard to be sick with something, physical or mental and cant fight against it even if you change what you feel is the problem.
What I do know is that you don't suddenly stop taking antidepressant (SSRI). You have to gradually lower the dosage before you stop. Your brain gets somewhat dependant on these meds (not addicted). If you suddenly stop, your brain doesn't know what is happening. Because of that, side effects of the meds can get worse (if one is sensitive to medication). I have no clue were all your symptoms come from but I have a feeling that some of the symptoms are from suddenly stop taking SSRI's.

My own experience with herbal treatments is that they are probably not good enough to heal. They are very good for maintaining your mental/physical health though. First you have to get better through conventional medicine and then trying to stay healthy through natural herbs and stuff (e.g. diet, exercise).

I have only one thing to say and that is: get professional help ASAP. You won't get the help you need here on GTP.
 
What I do know is that you don't suddenly stop taking antidepressant (SSRI). You have to gradually lower the dosage before you stop. Your brain gets somewhat dependant on these meds (not addicted). If you suddenly stop, your brain doesn't know what is happening. Because of that, side effects of the meds can get worse (if one is sensitive to medication). I have no clue were all your symptoms come from but I have a feeling that some of the symptoms are from suddenly stop taking SSRI's.

My own experience with herbal treatments is that they are probably not good enough to heal. They are very good for maintaining your mental/physical health though. First you have to get better through conventional medicine and then trying to stay healthy through natural herbs and stuff (e.g. diet, exercise).

I have only one thing to say and that is: get professional help ASAP. You won't get the help you need here on GTP.
Listen man, I have been on this medication, not because I wanted to be on it, but I had no choice, the “professional help” was the psychiatrist that put me on this in the first place and what do they want me to do? Take another SSRI, over the past couple of years, I have seen different therapists and had to be stuck in a mental ward two times, because they misplaced my symptoms into a general observation, I am not asking for special treatment, I just wanted help with my problems, but that’s what I got and that’s what I had to deal with for the past couple of years, My parents are gonna switch me to a private hospital this week hopefully, and cold-turkey was my choice because my stomach all of a sudden decided to stop working properly, and taking my pills just made the stomach pain worse, right now as I said, I am being attacked from all sides, the only doctor I have been visiting is the natural one that I just recently started with, I can’t exactly start taking the pills again when my stomach will make me indigest them, I am trying to intoxicate my body, not add more in, I took conventional medicine in the first place anyways, I took Zantac and all it did was give me constipation. So yeah, I might be screwed right now but I still have to keep fighting right? and my symptoms began before I stopped taking Lexapro if that means anything.
 
I think that we need to temper the constant chorus of "Get professional help!!" with the knowledge that some doctors are frankly bordering on being brain-dead morons, that some really have not engaged at all with truly caring about the well-being of patients, and that some are flat out lazy in their analyses and treatments. Presenting professional help as the lynch pin can potentially lead someone into even further depths.

Admittedly, it's difficult for me. As far as I can tell I have been subject to anxiety and depression for the entire duration of my life's memories. I don't appear to have a before and after to properly gauge my potential for freedom from those afflictions. I must say though that I improved greatly when I loosed myself of all "professional" influence. I stopped cold the medication I was on, and terminated all contact with the psychiatrist I was seeing. I think that the professional approach had actually fed some of the aspects that sustain my depression. It's complex, but I have essentially created a hard shell around myself, painted with an almost perfectly life-like recreation of my inner self. I synthesise emotions so naturally that I myself usually can't pick it. With the medication and the psychotherapy, I was just delving deeper into being purely analytical and unemotional, while simultaneously becoming more and more distraught that I was only serving to build an evermore impenetrable "dummy" me.

It's wise to recommend seeing a doctor, but be mindful that any given doctor could be a complete idiot, or that even what a non-idiot doctor could offer may not be best for the person at that time in their life.
 
Listen man, I have been on this medication, not because I wanted to be on it, but I had no choice, the “professional help” was the psychiatrist that put me on this in the first place and what do they want me to do? Take another SSRI, over the past couple of years, I have seen different therapists and had to be stuck in a mental ward two times, because they misplaced my symptoms into a general observation, I am not asking for special treatment, I just wanted help with my problems, but that’s what I got and that’s what I had to deal with for the past couple of years, My parents are gonna switch me to a private hospital this week hopefully, and cold-turkey was my choice because my stomach all of a sudden decided to stop working properly, and taking my pills just made the stomach pain worse, right now as I said, I am being attacked from all sides, the only doctor I have been visiting is the natural one that I just recently started with, I can’t exactly start taking the pills again when my stomach will make me indigest them, I am trying to intoxicate my body, not add more in, I took conventional medicine in the first place anyways, I took Zantac and all it did was give me constipation. So yeah, I might be screwed right now but I still have to keep fighting right? and my symptoms began before I stopped taking Lexapro if that means anything.
Wow, calm down. I was only trying to help and find answers.

That's what you get nowadays. Trying to help and getting answers like this one.

:grumpy:
 
Wow, calm down. I was only trying to help and find answers.

That's what you get nowadays. Trying to help and getting answers like this one.

:grumpy:
Sorry, It’s hard to do much right now for me, especially since well my primary care doctor doesn’t really care much for me, and my brain keeps bothering me so I am terrible right now, my bad.
 
Sorry, It’s hard to do much right now for me, especially since well my primary care doctor doesn’t really care much for me, and my brain keeps bothering me so I am terrible right now, my bad.
But I do! And believe, I really do. I know what it's like to have these mental/physical problems. Look for my posts in this thread and you'll see what I have been through for the last 11 years.

No problem, we are back on the same page. Very mature and strong to apologise. Appreciated!


I use to react the same way. So, I get it what you're going through.
 
But I do! And believe, I really do. I know what it's like to have these mental/physical problems. Look for my posts in this thread and you'll see what I have been through for the last 11 years.

No problem, we are back on the same page. Very mature and strong to apologise. Appreciated!


I use to react the same way. So, I get it what you're going through.
That's the thing, I feel like I am a passenger in my own body and have no control over anything, and right now I don't have anyone to go to, so this thread is pretty much all I got right now, even video games aren't able to distract me from my feelings and stuff, and it's like everything I do isn't healing me, I feel weak but I don't want to end up insane, because I have seen people like that, and I am scared. No doctors to go to help me because the only ones I know just believe everything is in my head, like they have been doing for the past 5 years, so yeah, its hell in the end.
 
That's the thing, I feel like I am a passenger in my own body and have no control over anything, and right now I don't have anyone to go to, so this thread is pretty much all I got right now, even video games aren't able to distract me from my feelings and stuff, and it's like everything I do isn't healing me, I feel weak but I don't want to end up insane, because I have seen people like that, and I am scared. No doctors to go to help me because the only ones I know just believe everything is in my head, like they have been doing for the past 5 years, so yeah, its hell in the end.
Well this reminds me of myself right now.

What scares me is that honestly i feel like a time bomb, only that i don't know when it'll explode but i know it will, if you get what i mean. At the same time, i have doubts whether i actually am depressed or not. I can't trust myself and i'm not in control.
 
As 2017 nears its sunset, I just wanted to make this post wishing all of you well if you're dealing with depression. I am hopeful you all can recover and feel good again with 2018 coming. We should all try to work together and offer encouragement and hope for those dealing with depression. We're in this together, GTPlanet. Let's do our best to try to get over depression... or at least, treat it. Stay strong, everyone!
 
We should all try to work together and offer encouragement and hope for those dealing with depression.
I failed at this a week ago, and i think it made my feelings worse. Not in the "failing to stop someone killing themselves" way, but i was being hypocritical to someone who is possibly suffering too. I don't know this person and this person doesn't know about me or what i'm thinking nor does this person is a member here. Argued about it with a friend (who isn't suffering from depression) and it hit me how i was the crappy one.

It's not much but, i am pretty critical to myself, so that didn't help my self loathing at all.

And for that, i feel like some way, i feel guilty and disappoint all of you and anyone who are depressed. It feels weird but i just want to say i'm sorry.
 
It’s been 1 1/2 weeks since I last took my Lexapro pills and I feel like complete death, I can’t eat even though I am hungry and want to, I am sensitive to everything with all my senses crippled, I feel nauseous 24/7, I gagged earlier today for no reason and now I feel like I am being squeezed together by something, I get tremors every so often, I can seeing my hair and hands shaking over and over, My stomach is still bothering me even though it’s been a month since this whole mess started, I just feel terrible, the problem is, I have no where to go to get help.

As someone who is also trying to get off the SSRIs, I have a suggestion. When it gets too much, just take one. Only one. Then go back to your cold turkey.

It helps.

You're still getting yourself off, but there are times when your body will seriously just freak the 🤬 out because it doesn't have the Lexapro. There's nothing else you can do about it, and it's unnecessarily awful for you. Arguably you're setting yourself up to fail to get off the drugs simply because it's so hard to work through that. Give your body one and only one pill, shut it up, and then go back to not taking it again.

Give it a try anyway, it seems to be working for me. You still feel like balls a lot of the time, but you get to skip the worst of it.
 
As someone who is also trying to get off the SSRIs, I have a suggestion. When it gets too much, just take one. Only one. Then go back to your cold turkey.

It helps.

You're still getting yourself off, but there are times when your body will seriously just freak the 🤬 out because it doesn't have the Lexapro. There's nothing else you can do about it, and it's unnecessarily awful for you. Arguably you're setting yourself up to fail to get off the drugs simply because it's so hard to work through that. Give your body one and only one pill, shut it up, and then go back to not taking it again.

Give it a try anyway, it seems to be working for me. You still feel like balls a lot of the time, but you get to skip the worst of it.
Isn't that just gonna damage the brain even more than it already has, these damn pills have already done nothing but harm to me, yeah sure it made me feel better for the short-term but I never felt any better because I never changed, and I am on my own as I said right now. My body is destroyed enough as is but I know I have to keep going, to keep living and am I really gonna fail cold-turkey, I don't know, that's the problem with me right now, my ability to overthink is diminished and that's supposed to be a good thing but the problem is I can't do it at all, my brain feels paused and broken and I feel like I am on borrowed time, I don't think it's a good idea to just start taking one just to shut the body up, it might regulate it for like a few seconds but my body is skinny and frail enough as is, I don't think I can do that without something messing up even more, right now my health is in jeopardy as is, but I can't take it again, Lexapro or anything else.

What SSRI are you trying to get off of? and how long have you been taking yours? if you don't mind the questions.
 
Isn't that just gonna damage the brain even more than it already has, these damn pills have already done nothing but harm to me, yeah sure it made me feel better for the short-term but I never felt any better because I never changed, and I am on my own as I said right now. My body is destroyed enough as is but I know I have to keep going, to keep living and am I really gonna fail cold-turkey, I don't know, that's the problem with me right now, my ability to overthink is diminished and that's supposed to be a good thing but the problem is I can't do it at all, my brain feels paused and broken and I feel like I am on borrowed time, I don't think it's a good idea to just start taking one just to shut the body up, it might regulate it for like a few seconds but my body is skinny and frail enough as is, I don't think I can do that without something messing up even more, right now my health is in jeopardy as is, but I can't take it again, Lexapro or anything else.

What SSRI are you trying to get off of? and how long have you been taking yours? if you don't mind the questions.

I'm getting off Lexapro and I've been on it for two years. During that time I've also been on Paxam, a benzodiazepine, and had to get off that too. That was a bad couple of months. None of it is easy, but it's doable if you're kind to yourself and you don't go in with the expectation that you're just going to be able to stop. For most people, their body won't allow it. I view getting off as a path rather than a single action.

If you think that taking one is going to do a significant amount of damage compared to anything that might have been done during the period that you're taking them, or anything that your body might be doing to itself if withdrawals, then I can't help you. I'd say be wary that these drugs (and depression in general) can warp your thinking to the point that really weird stuff can sound like a good idea. I know it's hard, but consider what you're doing and whether that's what Brian Boitano would do.

 
I'm getting off Lexapro and I've been on it for two years. During that time I've also been on Paxam, a benzodiazepine, and had to get off that too. That was a bad couple of months. None of it is easy, but it's doable if you're kind to yourself and you don't go in with the expectation that you're just going to be able to stop. For most people, their body won't allow it. I view getting off as a path rather than a single action.

If you think that taking one is going to do a significant amount of damage compared to anything that might have been done during the period that you're taking them, or anything that your body might be doing to itself if withdrawals, then I can't help you. I'd say be wary that these drugs (and depression in general) can warp your thinking to the point that really weird stuff can sound like a good idea. I know it's hard, but consider what you're doing and whether that's what Brian Boitano would do.


Well damn, I didn’t go in expecting it to be easy and so far it’s been hell too but I don’t know, It’s been a month so far and really all I have changed so far doesn’t feel enough, I just don’t think reinstating one is safe at least for me, I know it’s a path, trying to get your body to regulate it’s self is no easy task, I know that but how are you surviving your withdrawals? Do you take just one in desperate situations or when your body starts to fail? When do you think it’s necessary? also I don’t have any doctors to go to or trust right now, and SSRI’s are known to give a false sense of hope, so many of them exist and yeah they do heal but it the end they just screw the human body secretly.
 
Well damn, I didn’t go in expecting it to be easy and so far it’s been hell too but I don’t know, It’s been a month so far and really all I have changed so far doesn’t feel enough, I just don’t think reinstating one is safe at least for me, I know it’s a path, trying to get your body to regulate it’s self is no easy task, I know that but how are you surviving your withdrawals? Do you take just one in desperate situations or when your body starts to fail? When do you think it’s necessary? also I don’t have any doctors to go to or trust right now, and SSRI’s are known to give a false sense of hope, so many of them exist and yeah they do heal but it the end they just screw the human body secretly.

Yes, I think taking one is safe. What are you worried that it will do to you?

No, I don't have doctors at the moment either. I've been through 12 GPs, 4 psychologists and 2 psychiatrists. I'm working on finding some more because I might as well, but I don't rely on the medical profession to fix me. I happen to have the advantage of having a background in chemistry, so I have enough knowledge and ability to research that I can generally do as well or better than a GP on their 15th patient of the day reading off their computer diagnosis screen.

I take one when I can't put up with it any more. I take one when I can't function and I need to. I take the smallest dose (I was on 30mg a day, so I give myself 10), and that seems to work.

How do I get through it otherwise? Sleep. Distractions, like video games. Lots of reading about depression research and solutions that other people have found. Eating, I've put on a fair bit of weight but I can deal with that after the SSRIs are gone. Exercise is the one that is recommended, but I find that impossible so I mostly just don't. Imgur.

https://imgur.com/r/cats/Mr5yaG0

At the risk of giving poor advice, I also use drugs that I know I can come off relatively easily like caffeine, nicotine and alcohol. I do so in a fairly controlled manner, but ultimately if I could trade SSRI addiction for alcoholism, I'd do it. I know I can come off caffeine, nicotine or alcohol very easily compared to SSRIs, if I have to. But judge for yourself, I also know that I'm relatively good at coming off drugs. I have a friend who has been trying to give up smoking since he was a teenager. He finds it intolerable, whereas I can just do it.

This likely goes for SSRIs too, I'm likely having an easier time than most people would. (Don't get me wrong, it's still the worst thing I've ever had to come off by a wide margin.) There's a strong genetic component to addiction, and you may have gotten a bad roll of the dice. But I think that's even more reason for you to not beat yourself up if you're finding it difficult. You may be able to power through, but I'd recommend instead seeing if you can't make it easier for yourself. Your chances of ultimate success are much higher.

What works for me may not work for you, but if you're having a hard time I'd suggest trying anything you can think of. Anything. Firstly, it helps to feel like you're fighting against it. Secondly, maybe you get lucky and find something that works. You're the only one who can tell what effect something has on you, and so you might as well try stuff.

I had a period where I was super-agoraphobic, and so I made myself a bed in a closet and slept there because every other room in the house was too big. It helped, and eventually I got past that period. A doctor or the internet is not going to suggest this stuff to you. Do what you think might help and see what happens.
 
Yes, I think taking one is safe. What are you worried that it will do to you?

No, I don't have doctors at the moment either. I've been through 12 GPs, 4 psychologists and 2 psychiatrists. I'm working on finding some more because I might as well, but I don't rely on the medical profession to fix me. I happen to have the advantage of having a background in chemistry, so I have enough knowledge and ability to research that I can generally do as well or better than a GP on their 15th patient of the day reading off their computer diagnosis screen.

I take one when I can't put up with it any more. I take one when I can't function and I need to. I take the smallest dose (I was on 30mg a day, so I give myself 10), and that seems to work.

How do I get through it otherwise? Sleep. Distractions, like video games. Lots of reading about depression research and solutions that other people have found. Eating, I've put on a fair bit of weight but I can deal with that after the SSRIs are gone. Exercise is the one that is recommended, but I find that impossible so I mostly just don't. Imgur.

https://imgur.com/r/cats/Mr5yaG0

At the risk of giving poor advice, I also use drugs that I know I can come off relatively easily like caffeine, nicotine and alcohol. I do so in a fairly controlled manner, but ultimately if I could trade SSRI addiction for alcoholism, I'd do it. I know I can come off caffeine, nicotine or alcohol very easily compared to SSRIs, if I have to. But judge for yourself, I also know that I'm relatively good at coming off drugs. I have a friend who has been trying to give up smoking since he was a teenager. He finds it intolerable, whereas I can just do it.

This likely goes for SSRIs too, I'm likely having an easier time than most people would. (Don't get me wrong, it's still the worst thing I've ever had to come off by a wide margin.) There's a strong genetic component to addiction, and you may have gotten a bad roll of the dice. But I think that's even more reason for you to not beat yourself up if you're finding it difficult. You may be able to power through, but I'd recommend instead seeing if you can't make it easier for yourself. Your chances of ultimate success are much higher.

What works for me may not work for you, but if you're having a hard time I'd suggest trying anything you can think of. Anything. Firstly, it helps to feel like you're fighting against it. Secondly, maybe you get lucky and find something that works. You're the only one who can tell what effect something has on you, and so you might as well try stuff.

I had a period where I was super-agoraphobic, and so I made myself a bed in a closet and slept there because every other room in the house was too big. It helped, and eventually I got past that period. A doctor or the internet is not going to suggest this stuff to you. Do what you think might help and see what happens.
For the past 2 years I have been on Lexapro, I wasn’t taking care of myself, I am skinny naturally and have a really thin frame but I was even more so, My immunity is low and my faith is low too, I ate a lot of junk food, barely did anything, sleep for a lot time, eat at the wrong hours, basically killing myself, it wasn’t until recently that I stopped taking the meds, three months ago because my body was telling me it’s dying inside, then I changed everything, I changed my diet, I change my sleep, I don’t stay up anymore, I sleep earlier, I wake up earlier, I rarely play video games nowadays, I brush my teeth more, I walk and walk, but I still feel like death is coming after me, like my time is running out;, and I don’t want it to, I don’t want to die, I want to fix my mistakes, I want to damn it, Diseases, things that are unprecedented and unpredictable, that’s what scares me, right now I have been having trouble doing number 2 and been urinating everytime I drink water, I can only take dumps in the morning and my bladder feels like it’s being pressured on, I don’t know why it does, but all this time not taking care of myself, I feel like I am not repaired, like my body doesn’t know how to repair itself, like it’s failing, I don’t know if it’s my mind or it’s actually happening, I don’t know what to do or think or say, I am scared, I am scared of my body, that it can easily just die and I won’t live again, that’s why I am afraid, afraid of this, So many just disappear just like that, but I don’t want to, I don’t, I want to keep fighting damn it, I don’t want to give up, death is something I don’t want, especially by disease. I want to avoid it but I feel closer to it, damn it...
 
For the past 2 years I have been on Lexapro, I wasn’t taking care of myself, I am skinny naturally and have a really thin frame but I was even more so, My immunity is low and my faith is low too, I ate a lot of junk food, barely did anything, sleep for a lot time, eat at the wrong hours, basically killing myself, it wasn’t until recently that I stopped taking the meds, three months ago because my body was telling me it’s dying inside, then I changed everything, I changed my diet, I change my sleep, I don’t stay up anymore, I sleep earlier, I wake up earlier, I rarely play video games nowadays, I brush my teeth more, I walk and walk, but I still feel like death is coming after me, like my time is running out;, and I don’t want it to, I don’t want to die, I want to fix my mistakes, I want to damn it, Diseases, things that are unprecedented and unpredictable, that’s what scares me, right now I have been having trouble doing number 2 and been urinating everytime I drink water, I can only take dumps in the morning and my bladder feels like it’s being pressured on, I don’t know why it does, but all this time not taking care of myself, I feel like I am not repaired, like my body doesn’t know how to repair itself, like it’s failing, I don’t know if it’s my mind or it’s actually happening, I don’t know what to do or think or say, I am scared, I am scared of my body, that it can easily just die and I won’t live again, that’s why I am afraid, afraid of this, So many just disappear just like that, but I don’t want to, I don’t, I want to keep fighting damn it, I don’t want to give up, death is something I don’t want, especially by disease. I want to avoid it but I feel closer to it, damn it...

I'll throw out the other option: depression may have been a misdiagnosis or at best secondary. You sound like whatever you have is an actual disease/infection/system failure. Or the depression can weaken the body and immune system to the point where you picked up something else, and that's what's wrecking you at the moment.

If you're having actual physical symptoms like problems defecating and urinating, I'd try taking those to a doctor and not mentioning the depression. The mental stuff I find doctors of questionable help dealing with, but they are very good at managing physical symptoms. It may be that you have some digestive infection or something else that is working you over in combination with any mental problems.

It's tempting to look for a single cause, but sometimes it can be multiple things. If you can get help dealing with the physical stuff, then whatever's left is "in your mind" as you put it (although I prefer not to say that, it makes it sound imaginary which mental illnesses very much aren't) and you can work on that yourself. Have you had CT scans and the like done? There's some sneaky, rare stuff that can present as depression but actually isn't.

I don't know how it is in the US, but don't be shy to use the emergency room for things like this. If you're really struggling, they will help you at least manage the symptoms short term so that you can keep fighting. Particularly if you're being overwhelmed by the physical aspects, which it sounds like are really a big part of what you're going through at the moment.
 
I'll throw out the other option: depression may have been a misdiagnosis or at best secondary. You sound like whatever you have is an actual disease/infection/system failure. Or the depression can weaken the body and immune system to the point where you picked up something else, and that's what's wrecking you at the moment.

If you're having actual physical symptoms like problems defecating and urinating, I'd try taking those to a doctor and not mentioning the depression. The mental stuff I find doctors of questionable help dealing with, but they are very good at managing physical symptoms. It may be that you have some digestive infection or something else that is working you over in combination with any mental problems.

It's tempting to look for a single cause, but sometimes it can be multiple things. If you can get help dealing with the physical stuff, then whatever's left is "in your mind" as you put it (although I prefer not to say that, it makes it sound imaginary which mental illnesses very much aren't) and you can work on that yourself. Have you had CT scans and the like done? There's some sneaky, rare stuff that can present as depression but actually isn't.

I don't know how it is in the US, but don't be shy to use the emergency room for things like this. If you're really struggling, they will help you at least manage the symptoms short term so that you can keep fighting. Particularly if you're being overwhelmed by the physical aspects, which it sounds like are really a big part of what you're going through at the moment.
That's the thing, the physical symptoms started before the withdrawal, around June of 2017, I went to the ER then, nothing showed up except little dehydration, Went to the ER after returning from Mexico, nothing showed up, around August 2017, then went to the ER in November 2017, nothing showed up, after having a half-*** ultrasound, I had my blood taken three separate times, and my urine checked twice, I started my lexapro withdrawal around the time of the last ER visit due to the fact that my stomach was rejecting it, and yeah I was given Zantac for the stomach problems, I went to a private doctor and I was given nothing. It wasn't till I went to a natural alternate medicine doctor that I was given something, I went on a special diet, lost a lot of weight for whatever reason which is a bad thing for me cause that can kill me and I have be slowly gaining it all back I think, I was given special supplements and go to the naturalist every two weeks, and I don't know, don't feel much different, where I live, most of the hospitals aren't exactly popular, and are all connected, the naturalist is the only one out of the network that I see, I am basically in a Natural Medicine vs Conventional Medicine type of deal and to be honest I believe more in the natural than conventional nowadays. I am "doctor-less" in the mental department though, I know what I am dealing with right now is multiple things but due to my mental history, my words are often baseless due to the doctors connecting it to my mind same with my parents, "it's all in my head", the naturalist is the only one who gave me a chance and actually is treating me, so yeah, I don't know what to believe nowadays...

My mind and my body saying different things, my brain might be damaged from the withdrawal, my digestive organs might be broken, so many diseases that exist, that's what scary, not knowing what's wrong with you and not wanting to find out and no one believing you. It's both my mental and physical state being attacked at the same time and the fear of dying from these unknown is what scares me the most. The past 6 years have all been misdiagnoses, I don't know, I just don't know and I hate not knowing, I don't want to lose.
 
My mind and my body saying different things, my brain might be damaged from the withdrawal, my digestive organs might be broken, so many diseases that exist, that's what scary, not knowing what's wrong with you and not wanting to find out and no one believing you.

Your brain isn't damaged from withdrawals. SSRIs don't work like that. Your brain has adapted to the fact that it's neurochemistry is consistently altered by the SSRIs, and it can take a long time for it to readjust. There are also effects on the immune system and other parts of the central nervous systems that are complex and can take a lot of time to fade. But they do fade, provided that there's not still an underlying condition that's also causing symptoms.

It is scary not knowing what's wrong, and it's frustrating when "professionals" are unable to provide a reasonable diagnosis or even decent support. It's demoralising when people don't believe you. Personally, that's the line I draw at where I drop a doctor. When they tell me that I'm imagining my own symptoms, I say thanks very much and move on. It's why I've gone right off psychologists, because they tend to pick and choose which symptoms they'll accept in order to fit me into a diagnostic box.

But do you really not want to find out what's wrong with you? To me, that would be the best outcome I could imagine (bar it all magically disappearing, which seems unlikely). If I actually knew for sure exactly what was wrong and why, then I can take steps to address that. The fact that the diagnostic "tests" for mental illnesses are so awful is a major frustration for me. How are you supposed to diagnose something that you can't test for?

And personally, I don't buy a lot of the "it's all in your head" stuff that floats around. Your self, the part of you that you think of as you, is entirely in your head. In that sense, mental problems are more destructive than physical ones, as it attacks your sense of self. But western culture (and most cultures, to be fair) have a long history of ignoring mental illness as though it's weakness, or laziness. Particularly with men, in whom emotional or mental weakness is really poorly tolerated.

Stuff that's in your head has causes just like "physical" diseases do. It's just that mental health is poorly understood, and so for less diligent or intellectually honest professionals it can be easy to use that excuse to write symptoms off. It's bollocks. Personally, this has become the centre of my quest at the moment; my disease has a cause and I will track it down.


As an anecdote that may or may not be relevant, I decided to get off Lexapro as a result of my own testing. I came across a body of research that suggested that often depression is linked to heightened inflammatory markers in the body. Basically, your body thinks it's sick (which it may or may not actually be) and the immune system is responding as such which (naturally) has flow on effects to both how you feel mentally and physically. I had a blood test that indicated that my inflammatory markers were low, and so I asked the doctor how we would decide when to stop taking SSRIs.

My doctor is actually pretty good and straight up with me, so she said that there's no protocol for telling when to stop. What's more, the withdrawal effects can do a pretty good job of mimicking depression outright, so you can't tell simply by stopping for a wee while. You have to stop taking them, and then eventually either you get better or you don't. To her credit, we both think that this is an awful way to practise medicine, but that's what they have at the moment. So I figured that I'd start getting off, and at worst I'd get new information on my disease based on what happened as I did. I honestly expected to get crushed and be back on them within a fortnight.

I seem to have been lucky in that I probably should be off SSRIs (bar the odd wacky episode where my brain just throws **** at me, but they usually don't last longer than a day). It seems to be working for me. That may not be the case for you. Your continued struggle may suggest that there's still something there that needs to be treated, and despite the side effects the Lexapro was at least doing something for you.


Have you been put on other medication than Lexapro? It tends to be the first line because it's effective and the side effects on average are lower, but some people respond poorly. I was one, I ended up on a cocktail of stuff in order to mitigate the side effects that I experienced with the Lexapro. The other primary choices at the moment are Zoloft (SSRI), Effexor (SNRI), and Remeron (atypical). Wellbutrin can also be good, either in combination with an SSRI or on it's own. St. John's Wort is usually available over the counter, and it's basically an SSRI as an extract from a plant. You may find it more tolerable, but beware that the same restrictions on taking it in combination with other mental health drugs apply as to SSRIs.

If you were mentally doing OK before the withdrawals and the problems were mostly physical, I'd definitely be looking as switching to another drug as at least a short term solution. Then you can put together a plan to get yourself to whatever final state you desire while you're not having to fight through your current mental anguish.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a doctor, I'm just someone who has spent a lot of time on my own mental health. Please take my advice as some things possibly worth investigating yourself, rather than absolute recommendations on what will work for you. Your illness is not the same as mine, and so all I can do is point out things you may want to consider.
 
Your brain isn't damaged from withdrawals. SSRIs don't work like that. Your brain has adapted to the fact that it's neurochemistry is consistently altered by the SSRIs, and it can take a long time for it to readjust. There are also effects on the immune system and other parts of the central nervous systems that are complex and can take a lot of time to fade. But they do fade, provided that there's not still an underlying condition that's also causing symptoms.

It is scary not knowing what's wrong, and it's frustrating when "professionals" are unable to provide a reasonable diagnosis or even decent support. It's demoralising when people don't believe you. Personally, that's the line I draw at where I drop a doctor. When they tell me that I'm imagining my own symptoms, I say thanks very much and move on. It's why I've gone right off psychologists, because they tend to pick and choose which symptoms they'll accept in order to fit me into a diagnostic box.

But do you really not want to find out what's wrong with you? To me, that would be the best outcome I could imagine (bar it all magically disappearing, which seems unlikely). If I actually knew for sure exactly what was wrong and why, then I can take steps to address that. The fact that the diagnostic "tests" for mental illnesses are so awful is a major frustration for me. How are you supposed to diagnose something that you can't test for?

And personally, I don't buy a lot of the "it's all in your head" stuff that floats around. Your self, the part of you that you think of as you, is entirely in your head. In that sense, mental problems are more destructive than physical ones, as it attacks your sense of self. But western culture (and most cultures, to be fair) have a long history of ignoring mental illness as though it's weakness, or laziness. Particularly with men, in whom emotional or mental weakness is really poorly tolerated.

Stuff that's in your head has causes just like "physical" diseases do. It's just that mental health is poorly understood, and so for less diligent or intellectually honest professionals it can be easy to use that excuse to write symptoms off. It's bollocks. Personally, this has become the centre of my quest at the moment; my disease has a cause and I will track it down.


As an anecdote that may or may not be relevant, I decided to get off Lexapro as a result of my own testing. I came across a body of research that suggested that often depression is linked to heightened inflammatory markers in the body. Basically, your body thinks it's sick (which it may or may not actually be) and the immune system is responding as such which (naturally) has flow on effects to both how you feel mentally and physically. I had a blood test that indicated that my inflammatory markers were low, and so I asked the doctor how we would decide when to stop taking SSRIs.

My doctor is actually pretty good and straight up with me, so she said that there's no protocol for telling when to stop. What's more, the withdrawal effects can do a pretty good job of mimicking depression outright, so you can't tell simply by stopping for a wee while. You have to stop taking them, and then eventually either you get better or you don't. To her credit, we both think that this is an awful way to practise medicine, but that's what they have at the moment. So I figured that I'd start getting off, and at worst I'd get new information on my disease based on what happened as I did. I honestly expected to get crushed and be back on them within a fortnight.

I seem to have been lucky in that I probably should be off SSRIs (bar the odd wacky episode where my brain just throws **** at me, but they usually don't last longer than a day). It seems to be working for me. That may not be the case for you. Your continued struggle may suggest that there's still something there that needs to be treated, and despite the side effects the Lexapro was at least doing something for you.


Have you been put on other medication than Lexapro? It tends to be the first line because it's effective and the side effects on average are lower, but some people respond poorly. I was one, I ended up on a cocktail of stuff in order to mitigate the side effects that I experienced with the Lexapro. The other primary choices at the moment are Zoloft (SSRI), Effexor (SNRI), and Remeron (atypical). Wellbutrin can also be good, either in combination with an SSRI or on it's own. St. John's Wort is usually available over the counter, and it's basically an SSRI as an extract from a plant. You may find it more tolerable, but beware that the same restrictions on taking it in combination with other mental health drugs apply as to SSRIs.

If you were mentally doing OK before the withdrawals and the problems were mostly physical, I'd definitely be looking as switching to another drug as at least a short term solution. Then you can put together a plan to get yourself to whatever final state you desire while you're not having to fight through your current mental anguish.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a doctor, I'm just someone who has spent a lot of time on my own mental health. Please take my advice as some things possibly worth investigating yourself, rather than absolute recommendations on what will work for you. Your illness is not the same as mine, and so all I can do is point out things you may want to consider.
My brain and my body are constantly against each other, that’s the thing, even before I went on SSRI’s, I was a sickly kid, I would get sick easily and feel like I was being sucked out of life, my sadness and anguish comes from this immunity weakness, and my skinniness and my ability to do anything, I am not sure of anything considering physically or mentally, It’s so easy to say or want a “diagnosis” from someone or anywhere to explain what’s wrong and why you feel a certain way, I just want to live in peace and do something with my life but the fear, the fear of pushing forward, the fear of diseases and things that come unexpected, my ability to overthink everything kept me in my own confinement and now my body is sick with some merging, my mind is sick with something, I am sick but I don’t know how to heal it or cure it or get rid of it, I don’t even know what I am sick with, all these diseases that exist, and I could have one right now or be close to one of them, and no one notices or cares.

I don’t want to be one of the humans that just fades away without doing anything, so many get crippled by diseases all of a sudden or overtime, and I feel like I am one who’s gradually gotten worse overtime, I don’t want to die, not this soon, not now, I feel like I am on death’s door everyday that passes, it doesn’t matter what I eat or drink or do anything to “fix” myself, it doesn’t matter what herbs or natural substances, or conventional medicines that exist, I just want to feel fine, to feel “happy”, right now the metal bars in my body are probably damaged, I am bony and skinny and not gaining any fatter, I don’t think I am gaining weight at all, and all these negativity, I don’t know how to get rid of it, It doesn’t matter how much I type or complain, I don’t know anything anymore, I just want a reset, a way to fix my life and health, Im young but I felt like I have done jack, so many wasted opportunities and chances, but it’s not like it matters, I want to keep going and fighting, but It’s hard to do when you feel misery for no reason every minute, every second, every hour, every day, and it doesn’t go away, I want to live damn it, why, why can’t it be simple, why does everything have to complicate to something, why doesn’t my body just work when i want it to, why does my brain feel like it’s detoriating, why can’t I do anything... I just want to keep going and be healthy and happy, I want to live, I don’t want to die.
 
Recently I feel really depressed after doing my weight lifting, which is pretty unusual since lifting - like most other sports- is known to release endorphins, paired with the feeling of being strong and having successfully performed the challenging lifts. It was one of the very few things that still managed to lift my mood, but now its totally gone despite the fact that I am doing really well and that I am stronger and more successful in the sport than I have ever been. I am really good at it.

Like today, I lifted 230kg / 507lbs in deadlift, not my personal best but it was easier than ever. But after the training I felt just depression, a big hole, no joy, no energy, no feeling of having achieved anything. 2 years ago when I did a heavy deadlift or overhead press close to my max weight I felt great, the feeling of success, hard work paying off and having experienced something few people do totally lifted my mood for a day or even more. A thrilling thing.

First I thought its overtraining so I did a rest week - but the symptoms are not right, one of the main symptoms is decreasing strength, which is not the case at all, and I do not have any of the other typical signs. Even after the rest week nothings changed. What used to be one of my favorite things to do actually worsens my mood. No idea whats going on. :indiff:
 
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That's unusual to feel BAD after accomplishing something that usually brings joy. Not sure what's up, but I hope you get better or something.
 
That's unusual to feel BAD after accomplishing something that usually brings joy. Not sure what's up, but I hope you get better or something.
Maybe not for me, I also always feel really down when I am attending to happy gatherings / parties / festivals. My mood totally drops even though I should be happy and everyone else around me is happy.
 
I feel like complete **** right now.
Since months my depressions have gotten worse, to the point where I started to take meds again and register for a therapy place.
But all that just became meaningless....

I've been talking on a daily basis with a girl on the internet, she's 15 and had a rough time. She just came back home from 3 months of staying in a clinic. As soon as she was back home, she started to cut herself again. Yesterday she was back at the clinic where she had to stay for the night. Today she got back home. We've just been chatting like always and than suddently out of nowhere she told me, that she's going to commit suicide tomorrow on her way to school.... I've tried to say everything I could, but I fear it was all in vain. She said she will think about it again, but I don't think she's going to change her mind....
I even tried to get other people involved that are on the same Discord server with us, but they all literally couldn't have cared less.
I just feel completely broken. I really don't know how to deal with this situation at all.....

Edit: she thankfully changed her mind over night and realized, that she simply wasn't herself yesterday. God. This is such a huge relief for me...
 
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Any of you wrestling fans remember The Rock? Well, I saw a video last night on YouTube where The Rock opened up a bit on his depression. This was a guy who was solid playing football at the University of Miami. Despite his success, he was turned down pretty much by the NFL as well as the CFL. He did still come out pretty good in the WWF/WWE as well as him being a great actor. So in other words, don't let things bring you down. Another door will open when one closes. So don't give up!

Don't let depression win.
 
I don't really know if this post would be a true fit here, but I don't really know where else to put it. This potentially could come across as venting and I suppose in some manner it is, but I don't intend for this post to be that way.

I got a lot going on right now. I have for a number of years now but every year things have seemed to have gotten worse. So far the latter parts of 2017 and to this point in 2018 definitely haven't been fun. Some things haven't really affected me as much as others. But things are to the point where I'm really starting to think that I need to move away and start over again. I can barely take it here in PA anymore and I desperately need an escape.

I have a cousin that has had more than a bit of trouble with the law. For the last couple of months she's been staying at my grandma's house who lives on the same property as my house, about 500 feet away. Unfortunately my cousin constantly lies to and takes advantage of not only my grandma but my family who lives with me as well. She also has friends who are no different than she is. She actually once broke into our house while we were away and stole $160 out of my wallet when I was 16 I believe, which at the time was the only money I had. My mom had said we wouldn't be letting her anywhere near the house or helping her, but that only lasted about a month. Since then anytime my cousin is around or we're away from home I'm living in constant fear of what the next thing will be that gets stolen, and that eventually led to me selling my three wheeler and looking at moving whatever I had outside not locked up or permanently attached to something into a storage unit but I didn't have the money for it.

It gets worse. One of my cousins abusive and controlling ex boyfriends showed up late one night and was demanding a certain something from her and threatening to force it if he didn't get it. I don't know if I could say it any differently and not break the AUP but it may not take much to figure it out. Fortunately he didn't get what he wanted. Long before this happened we tried to make it clear that we didn't want him around but obviously it didn't help in the least. Since the following morning after that little mess I've been fearing for my life in my own home because I let the thought slip in that there's a chance he could show up and try again but with more force and possibly with a weapon, or if he ends up getting angry enough should something happen to him because of it, someone he knows who could be even more aggressive with more help than him. This happened a week before Christmas and thankfully nothing else has taken place since but I still don't feel any easier.

In addition to that I've had some fairly nasty things said about me over the years which lately have been coming back to my mind and can't seem to leave. There was a time back in sixth grade when I stupidly said aloud I thought a girl in my class was cute. That turned into me liking her which wasn't true. When I said that there was a bully who I considered a good friend of mine in my group of friends, but I was too stupid to realize what he was doing at the time. About a month later he went to the girl I thought was cute and said I wanted to force myself on her and do illegal things which wasn't true. I never found out for sure if he did in fact say something since I was never spoken to about it by a teacher or principal, but that's one of things that all of a sudden came back and can't leave my mind seven years later. Then in 11th grade I started becoming interested in a girl and she ended up being who I thought was a trusted classmates best friend, and he went and falsely told her I was just using her for pleasure. That ended up ruining everything her and I had going at the time, and it was really looking like we would've ended up dating. Then in 12th grade, since I was put in school late and therefore 21 years old for most of that year, someone called what you call someone that has misconduct with a kid. Right about that same time a lot of people who showed plenty of respect for me and were friends of mine disappeared and I was left with only about five people. Thoughts of all these things have randomly just came back to my mind and won't leave. It's like everyone heard about this and that's why only a couple people want anything to do with me but I don't know they know.

You might be asking where my family is to help me with this? Well let's just say they've made it clear they don't care and I'm better off not saying anything. One of those "I'll give you something to cry about" or "someone else has it worse off so quit being a spoiled little brat" deals if you will. I'm forced to bottle everything up and keep it inside which as you can probably imagine hasn't helped me at all. If anything it's made things so much worse. Not to mention the fact that I very rarely have any sort of release for even the slightest bit of it. I'm also forced to depend on them for everything. Even though I'm 21 and fully licensed I'm not allowed to borrow either of our cars to go anywhere by myself, not even five minutes down the road for ice cream and back home. I can't even look for a job which I desperately need as I'm quickly running out of money and I refuse to go in debt for any amount for any reason. I have dreams I'd like to accomplish and I can't do that if I don't have the money to support it. At some point I want to go to a tech school but I need to be able to pay for it and get a car to get me there. I can't even hang out with any friends unless it's my friend I've known since first grade and even then I can't even drive there so I have to get a ride from someone. Can't take public transit or a bicycle as there's none in my area and my bike isn't road worthy. Also can't get a ride from anyone because no one has the time thanks to work and school hours. None of my friends even live close to me. 99% of my days consist of me being at home editing videos, playing video games or working on model cars because I can't leave the house. But yet my cousin gets everything and anything handed right to her from us like its no big deal. I'm constantly left feeling like utter crap and a total failure at life and I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of the panic and anxiety attacks. Sick of having next to no freedom. Sick of everything. I hear so many stories about people going through absolute hell then moving far away and starting over again and it's like they walked into heaven and never have to worry about anything again. At this point in life especially after everything that's been going on not just these last few months but for the last 10 years I need that change. I just simply can't take it anymore.
 
I’ve attempted to write this post for weeks, I guess I’m just gonna put it out there...talking to myself really...

Hadn’t had any issues with depression for a few years, thought I was over it.

The last few months I’ve been bored of life; not wanting to die but not really wanting to exist either.

Got emotionally involved with another woman (that isn’t my wife) and things were ok for a while until I started having suicidal thoughts.

Other woman (work wife, if you like) was very supportive and I ended up drinking heavily like I used to in China. My wife obviously saw her as a threat and **** hit the fan last night.

Haven’t been to school for a while and have probably lost my job due to that, though I did explain to them I’d hit a rough patch.

I was avoiding getting back on Prozac in favour of exercise but it seems it’s too late for that and I am clinically depressed again, for the first time in years.

Still toying with the idea of suicide although I know I couldn’t go through with it. It just seems like a viable option right now.

I really have no idea what I’m doing right now. I have a great job, great wife, live in paradise and I still can’t get my **** together. My life is what most people dream of yet I’m so detached from it all. I’m sure the booze doesn’t help but it eases the suffering.

I know I need to stop drinking before it kills me, I know I need to reconcile things with my wife, who I love dearly, I know I need to pull my head out of my arse and man up, but I don’t know if I have the energy for it.

I feel like going for a ride on my bike and never stopping, just riding until my body gives up from exhaustion and I can go and die somewhere away from it all.

This is not a suicide note, by the way, I don’t think I’d leave one.
 
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