Depression and Anxiety Thread
- Thread starter JohnBM01
- 2,115 comments
- 138,850 views
- 5,137
- Nicest part of hell
Shem, I am sorry you feel that way because as far as I can tell from your posts, you are a good guy. I heavily recommend getting professional help, for the sake of yourself and the people who respect and love you. Talk to someone, listen to the reasonings of someone else. When you are depressed and suicidal you lose touch with reality even though you don't feel that way, talking to someone who is used to help people with that problem can be extremely helpful and such an eye opener, it helps you get back to logical reasonable thinking.
I know what you are going through, though believe me, suicide is not an option because the only thing that it does is strip you from every potential chance of happiness, fun and fulfillment you will ever have. I too had my thoughts of suicide but you have to realize its more of a brain malfunction, you simply stop being reasonable and logical because you are overwhelmed by feelings. Sit it out, be patient, get your **** together and old reasonable Shem will return.
One thing that also helps is simply packing your stuff and travel to some place you've always wanted to see, go camping in the mountains for a couple of days, travel to Iceland and visit the glacier lagoon and hike through the national park. That will help to cleanse your brain from all that dark crap.
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- 13,728
- Adelaide
- Neomone
Jesus Christ, :censored:ing doctors sometimes man. Went to see a different one at my normal clinic because my doctor is on holiday. We were talking about how I'm having a bit of a rough time recently and things that I could try, and his suggestion is Rescue Remedy.
Rescue Remedy is a homeopathic solution. It contains brandy and water that once had flowers soaked in it in sunshine, then heavily diluted.
🤬 me, I thought we were out of the dark ages. It continues to amaze me how many trained medical professionals consider "eat well and exercise" or straight up quackery an appropriate response to a patient with clinical depression. It's enough to make one depressed. And they query why it takes me a while to follow up on referrals to psychiatrists. Because it takes a while to digest the last load of BS that I was fed before I'm hungry for more.
Sorry, I just had to rant. I've been through some stupid stuff looking for a cure but I think that one about takes the cake. And that includes being diagnosed as a hypochondriac based on absolutely no testing at all. But telling me "here, have a placebo" is just :censored:ing rude.
Rescue Remedy is a homeopathic solution. It contains brandy and water that once had flowers soaked in it in sunshine, then heavily diluted.
🤬 me, I thought we were out of the dark ages. It continues to amaze me how many trained medical professionals consider "eat well and exercise" or straight up quackery an appropriate response to a patient with clinical depression. It's enough to make one depressed. And they query why it takes me a while to follow up on referrals to psychiatrists. Because it takes a while to digest the last load of BS that I was fed before I'm hungry for more.
Sorry, I just had to rant. I've been through some stupid stuff looking for a cure but I think that one about takes the cake. And that includes being diagnosed as a hypochondriac based on absolutely no testing at all. But telling me "here, have a placebo" is just :censored:ing rude.
- 28,391
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
It beggars belief and it is as sad as it is infuriating to hear that you can still be treated like this. You should either report this/lodge a complaint, or send them some sort of feedback e.g. in the form of a letter to point out how their treatment is potentially dangerous and clearly unsatisfactory.Jesus Christ, :censored:ing doctors sometimes man. Went to see a different one at my normal clinic because my doctor is on holiday. We were talking about how I'm having a bit of a rough time recently and things that I could try, and his suggestion is Rescue Remedy.
Rescue Remedy is a homeopathic solution. It contains brandy and water that once had flowers soaked in it in sunshine, then heavily diluted.
🤬 me, I thought we were out of the dark ages. It continues to amaze me how many trained medical professionals consider "eat well and exercise" or straight up quackery an appropriate response to a patient with clinical depression. It's enough to make one depressed. And they query why it takes me a while to follow up on referrals to psychiatrists. Because it takes a while to digest the last load of BS that I was fed before I'm hungry for more.
Sorry, I just had to rant. I've been through some stupid stuff looking for a cure but I think that one about takes the cake. And that includes being diagnosed as a hypochondriac based on absolutely no testing at all. But telling me "here, have a placebo" is just :censored:ing rude.
-
@W3HS I hope you can get through this rough patch and that your work are understanding - @JohnBM01 is absolutely right though, you need to get some professional help ASAP and try and get something sorted... self-medication, especially with alcohol, isn't going to cut it... in fact, the more you can avoid alcohol right now the better (even though it feels like it helps at times).
- 29,581
- Thailand
Been to the psychiatrist, explained the deal. He gave me a bag of sleeping pills (for the insomnia). What a tool. Right after I told him I was feeling suicidal.
And a placebo, in place of the Prozac I really needed “to make sure I wasn’t imagining it”. Don’t know where he got his medical certification. If I wasn’t so out of touch with the world I’d probably have let my ego go wild on his office and cause some damage.
Pills left me numb and lethargic, feel asleep at school today and yesterday and missed a few classes but work are ok and understand and only need me there because there are so many others absent.
Wife has calmed down about the other woman I was involved with and we’ve all agreed minimal contact outside of work; If we go for beers it can’t be just the two of us, although I’ll not be doing much getting drunk for a while, obviously.
So, still alive and waiting for the Prozac to do its sweet thing
And a placebo, in place of the Prozac I really needed “to make sure I wasn’t imagining it”. Don’t know where he got his medical certification. If I wasn’t so out of touch with the world I’d probably have let my ego go wild on his office and cause some damage.
Pills left me numb and lethargic, feel asleep at school today and yesterday and missed a few classes but work are ok and understand and only need me there because there are so many others absent.
Wife has calmed down about the other woman I was involved with and we’ve all agreed minimal contact outside of work; If we go for beers it can’t be just the two of us, although I’ll not be doing much getting drunk for a while, obviously.
So, still alive and waiting for the Prozac to do its sweet thing
- 1,301
- NRW
- Vinylshark
I feel like my depressions are getting worse and worse with each day. I reached the point where it takes me around 4 hours to get out of bed, simply because I don't see a single reason to get out of bed. I got new meds, since the last ones made no difference at all. So far the new ones don't seem to do anything as well. I'm still waiting for the day hospital (don't know if that's the right word) despite not even wanting to go there at all.
Every evening my mood completely goes downhill and I just feel like crying, for no reason at all. Lately I often think about cutting myself and I don't even know why. I guess it's some kind of curiosity? Maybe it's just desperation? I don't know.
For nearly two years my only social intercourse has been on the internet. I nearly lost all my daily contacts there this week and I don't know why. I don't think I did something wrong. I always thought that the mood and chemistry was good between all of us, but still it pretty much went "Yeah, we gonna spent our time now without you. See ya" from one day to the other. That really took a huge hit on my mood. Now I spent a lot of my days just starring at my screen. Thinking what I could do to be less bored and to make time go by.
I'm in my 8th year with depressions, going into the 9th year in a couple of months, and I still keep asking myself on a daily basis "Why do you keep going? Why do you keep exposing yourself to this torture?". I don't think I've ever felt this bad before in all those years.
I'm just so tired and annoyed by all of it. I just want it to end and be free of those depressions.
I know that my comment went kinda crisscross, sorry for that, but all those thoughts just kept mixing up while typing and I couldn't really focus. I don't even think that I managed to say, what I actually wanted to say in the first place.
Every evening my mood completely goes downhill and I just feel like crying, for no reason at all. Lately I often think about cutting myself and I don't even know why. I guess it's some kind of curiosity? Maybe it's just desperation? I don't know.
For nearly two years my only social intercourse has been on the internet. I nearly lost all my daily contacts there this week and I don't know why. I don't think I did something wrong. I always thought that the mood and chemistry was good between all of us, but still it pretty much went "Yeah, we gonna spent our time now without you. See ya" from one day to the other. That really took a huge hit on my mood. Now I spent a lot of my days just starring at my screen. Thinking what I could do to be less bored and to make time go by.
I'm in my 8th year with depressions, going into the 9th year in a couple of months, and I still keep asking myself on a daily basis "Why do you keep going? Why do you keep exposing yourself to this torture?". I don't think I've ever felt this bad before in all those years.
I'm just so tired and annoyed by all of it. I just want it to end and be free of those depressions.
I know that my comment went kinda crisscross, sorry for that, but all those thoughts just kept mixing up while typing and I couldn't really focus. I don't even think that I managed to say, what I actually wanted to say in the first place.
- 26,247
- Houston, Texas, USA
- JMarine25
There is a recent study that suggests drinking two glasses of wine a day can reduce depression. I am not sure if I would take my chances dabbling with alcoholic beverages to treat depression, but that is something I briefly glanced at on a scrolling ticker on the morning news. What I usually do is eat at least one piece of dark chocolate a day. That dark chocolate is told to reduce depression.
I still hope all of you get to find ways to limit or defeat depression any way you can.
I still hope all of you get to find ways to limit or defeat depression any way you can.
- 28,391
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
I would take this with a pinch of salt (well, I'd prefer a nice cheese, but I digress). Alcohol can be a depressant, but it does have some counter-intuitive effects - in moderate quantities, it can certainly lift one's mood, relieve stress, and create a feeling of relaxation. But I tend to think of it more like a mood amplifier in the first instance, but beyond a certain point it starts to have almost universally negative effects. But it does also depend on context as well - perhaps the main 'benefit' of alcohol lies in the social aspect of it - relaxing with friends, being less inhibited (especially around people) etc. - these are definite benefits that come with moderate, social drinking.
The trouble is that a few drinks often makes you feel so good that the temptation to drink another few (or to stay out with friends when you are having a good time) is overwhelming - knowing where/when to stop is a lot easier said than done. And once you've gone over your limit (whatever that may be on any given night - it varies), you can even end up arguing with your best friend over something trivial that you won't even remember the next day... the flip side of lowering your social inhibition is that you tend to say stuff that you would otherwise not say, while at the same time you may also be much more sensitive to other people's comments - needless to say, that is a bad combo. This ability to influence mood so drastically and quickly, coupled with the fact that it can be hard to stop drinking once you've started, means that it is almost certainly not a good idea to use alcohol to treat depression.
(Incidentally, 'two glasses of wine a day' could be anything from 3 units to 6 units - given that the daily recommended maximum for men (in the UK) is just 2 units a day, I'd imagine this estimate to be a bit high!)
- 724
- Germany
- GTRP_Krypto_
I'm new at GTplanet, and I saw this thread a moment ago by coincidence. I was really surprised that such a subject exists here. I don't suffer at depression and have to admit that I read only the first opener post from JohnBM01. But I wanted to express my respect about this courage and braveness and wish those of you who are suffering the very best and getting soon better!
- 5,137
- Nicest part of hell
Talking of alcohol, I very rarely drink one because any amount of it amplifies my depression by the factor two. I can drink so much that I get drunk and my mood is never lifted, I feel only intoxicated and even worse. The effects of alcohol can vary a lot between individuals so I would never recommend it to anyone.
- 16,414
- United Kingdom
As someone who has been using alcohol to lessen the effect of depression and anxiety for nearly 20 years, I'd have to say, it's rubbish at treating depression, but it does make it a bit easier to live with.
And, as someone who is fortunately a friendly drunk, a silly drunk, and funny drunk, or a creative drunk, I have to say that the biggest problem with it is the habitual dependency, and the £ cost that brings with it.
But I'd echo what Michael says, it varies a lot from person to person, so I would never recommend it either.
And, as someone who is fortunately a friendly drunk, a silly drunk, and funny drunk, or a creative drunk, I have to say that the biggest problem with it is the habitual dependency, and the £ cost that brings with it.
But I'd echo what Michael says, it varies a lot from person to person, so I would never recommend it either.
Dotini
(Banned)
- 15,742
- Seattle
- CR80_Shifty
I do not suffer from depression. But I have a close friend who does.
Questions:
1) Is depression at a higher level today than it was a generation or two ago?
2) Is there an inverse correlation between depression and the number of close friends you have that you could rely upon in time of crisis or emergency?
Questions:
1) Is depression at a higher level today than it was a generation or two ago?
2) Is there an inverse correlation between depression and the number of close friends you have that you could rely upon in time of crisis or emergency?
- 16,414
- United Kingdom
Just my opinions, but:
1) Maybe, maybe not. I do think that modern society and culture offers steeper "happiness gradients" than it once did, and the fact our society is bought much tighter together by modern connectivity - whilst at the same time leaving people more distant from one another also may make things appear worse these days... which brings me onto the second point..
2) I'm sure I can rely on my real friends in times of crisis or emergency - and no, I don't consider any well wishing on social media as part of that. But, depression isn't about needing someone in a crisis or emergency... everyone wants people they can rely on in those circumstances. On a day to day basis, I don't believe it matters how many friends you have... if life is pointless when you open your eyes in the morning, and shut them at night... it's pointless no matter who fills the hours in between. That's why people whose lives are full and rich can still let depression get the better of them.
- 173
- Brooklyn, New York City
- matanui08
Alright time for an update, I guess, I am still alive thankfully, it's been about 2 months so far without taking my Lexapro or pills or medicines of any kind really and some days it's hell and some days it's "ok". To be honest I feel like the cold turkey I did left me with permanent nerve damage in the area of my back or somehow I started developing an autoimmunity disease. I don't know, my body is in a mix-match situation right now, the fears that catch me on guard is losing any of my cognitive abilities to walk, talk, eat, breathe, and getting blood poisoning/sepsis, I have postponed the surgery to remove the metal bars from my body for now, due to my body not being strong enough to handle any operation of any sort, and also the fear of something going wrong afterwards. So many diseases surround the world and it can happen to any of us no matter what you do or change and I hate that. It's easy to say that sometimes you have to give up and accept that things are meant to happen either way then what's the point of fighting against something if you can't win, I highly doubt that the satisfaction from saying "At least I tried' is gonna be he final say when you let go of living, the will to live is such a powerful thing, people underestimate the human will to live, to exist, it's easy to say I want to die and that's it, to be honest, my will is what keeps me going, to keep living, the unpredictability of life is something I fight against, even if it seems impossible to in against it, goddamn is it hard, right now I don't know what's wrong with me, but I now the actions of the past is what brought me to this state, and I have no choice but to live with it, the boredom of the depression has crippled me and I am now trying my hardest to repair it but the fear of what fighting does, that I have to lose something in order to keep going, that's what I hate, how much more does the darkness of the human brain want in order to be safe, to feel "ok", the human brain is something we all have and yet it's our soul/spirit/energy that is fighting against it when something in it goes wrong, why can't it just accept that the human spirit is needed for it to live, why does it automatically decide to shut down anything it wants and manipulate the DNA , the very cells in the body to just not work, why can't it just work together instead of against us, I honestly feel like I have been asleep for most of my life and just recently woken up with a frail and crippled body, and that the version of me stuck in my brain is very different than the me in my spirit, why does it feel like I am split apart from the very atoms in my own body, and that I am just a prisoner, so many questions and yet there's no answer and what if there's no answer to find, anyways this is just a rant/vent I guess, this is what being alone for a long time does to you.
- 1,440
- Illinois
- dylpro98
Hi all. I came across this thread somewhat by chance. I wanted to say I sympathize with everyone going through their troubles and after reading some of the difficulties others are facing, it's made me feel the need to ask for a little help for myself.
2016-2018 so far have been some of the most trying years of my life. I'd say it started in early 2016 when my first love/relationship ended rather poorly. This was the second breakup we'd had and I'd known there was no getting back together. The first led me into a spiraling depression but the optimism of getting her back kept me going. However, after we were back together, neither of us were happy. By the time of the second breakup I wasn't nearly as heartbroken as I had been the first.
Instead I dove into time with friends. Specifically smoking with friends. After my 18th birthday in Feb. of 2016 I had joined my friends smoking marijuana for the first time. It was a great time and after this I dove into the flower head first.
The last slightly upsetting thing with my ex occurred about 2 months later. She had started dating her ex she was with before me after telling me not two weeks before out breakup that she had no feelings for him. There were several factors to this and in the end, I look back and can't blame her. At the time I went off on her, our last conversation for months. Again, overall, I find this part of it a very small factor, I'm just trying to detail what has led up to what I'm feeling now.
I was now smoking regularly for the following months. This was the second half of my senior year, I was completely checked out. I'd never gone to school high, but my grades crumbled. Truthfully, over the last 2 years of my high school career they'd slipped, but nothing like this time. I chose a college that I wasn't completely sold on, without any idea other than a general sense of what I thought I wanted to do, just because I had friends going there. Friends who I smoke with. Needless to say my grades during my first semester were still reflective of it. I failed all but 1 class.
I had smoked heavily during the Summer before my freshman year of college. The "munchies" were more like food binges. I wouldn't eat when I wasn't high and when I was high I'd eat ****. Fast food likely 3-5 nights a week. I put on nearly 50 pounds, from 175 to 220 at my heaviest. I'd never been in shape, but this was the worst and I felt it.
In June my Grandpa who I was very close with was diagnosed with lung cancer. I saw him for the last time in July, before he'd started any chemo. After 1 round he passed in October 2016. This, halfway through my first semester and the first time I told my parents how bad my grades had gotten. Trying to BS my way out of the real reason (the weed, which my parents were well aware of) I convinced them to let me get an ADD treatment like adderall. Instead I'm taking vyvanse, but that goal had been achieved. I think I do have some sort of ADD issue, but possible the lack of drive was attributed more to depression than that, however, it helped. I passed all my classes that next semester.
At school, I rarely left my dorm, other than to occasionally attend class or go smoke. Then I developed a rather embarrassing and troubling, uhh, self-release habit. Even writing it on here I'm embarrassed to speak of it, but this is something that has completely wrecked my self-esteem, happiness, in general life. I'm not sure if this came out of a coping habit or a hyperactive drive from the combination of weed and vyvanse. This has no doubt though, been my biggest personal health struggle for the past 2 years, continuing to this day.
2017 started out as one of the worst years of my life. Coming off of the passing of my Grandpa in October, in April of 2017 year my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. It came as a shock to my entire family and shook us to the core. They removed all of the tumor during surgery over Easter weekend and would start chemo over the following months. Thankfully, as a result of just pure coincidence or fate, my mom had been babysitting a little girl for months prior who's parents were both doctors, one the primary cancer oncologist at our local hospital. Everything moved quickly and they got her into Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis within weeks with one of their best surgeons. Today, she's finished chemo and is on the path to recovery.
During her chemo treatments in Summer of 2017, I had started taking a hard look at myself and my dependency on weed. I was still smoking, but had slowed down considerably compared to just 6 months earlier. I'd gone through a few variances with smoking it over the following months, but starting 2018 I have smoked maybe 4-5 times total. There's little joy in smoking for me anymore, I don't get the same high and I just eat and sleep and the other thing so I try avoiding it as best I can. Over the previous year my weight has gotten down from 220 to 190. I've tried exercising, joined a gym but don't go enough, mainly just dropped the weight by eating less.
My biggest undeniable issue is my aforementioned habit. At the start of 2018 I'd committed to the 90 day "Hardcore" mode of the Reddit group that is the support site for this issue. I lasted a week before falling back into old habits and have been struggling since. I feel my biggest depression after succumbing to the habit. I feel like I've wasted hours doing this. Days. After finished I'll go into a deep self deprecating mood for hours which will ultimately end up in another release or me sleeping or doing nothing. I'm two days into another reboot of my 90 day challenge, but I know I won't last without finding a way to occupy my time.
I failed another class this previous semester and as a result I withdrew from school for the time being. I'm still living in the area as I had a lease on a house with my roommate so I'm just working right now. Overnight shift at a hotel. This isn't where I saw my life at 20. I'm not sure what I'm doing, where I'm going. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel stalled, stuck as I see everyone passing me by and I sit here disappointed in my self for nearly every decision the past 3 years. I don't think I've ever been suicidal, but I've had passing thoughts where I'd think it'd just be easier if I would. It hasn't gotten there and overall at this point now I feel marginally better than I did this time last year so I feel I'm past the worst of my depression for now but know I could easily fall back there at any given time, especially if I don't get a control over this habit.
I just needed to get this all off my chest. It's not something I really want to discuss with other people since the core of my issue right now is extremely embarrassing even discussing it here in a community I value extremely. I can't go to my parents saying THAT'S what my problem has been. I'm going to keep striving for the 90 day goal, but had I kept with it from the start of the year, I'd be almost half way through now. Instead I'm working on day two.
For those who read it thank you. For those who didn't thank you too. Thanks to GTP for having a thread like this because in the end I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere and it's helped. I hope the best for everyone else going through much worse struggles than mine.
Thanks.
2016-2018 so far have been some of the most trying years of my life. I'd say it started in early 2016 when my first love/relationship ended rather poorly. This was the second breakup we'd had and I'd known there was no getting back together. The first led me into a spiraling depression but the optimism of getting her back kept me going. However, after we were back together, neither of us were happy. By the time of the second breakup I wasn't nearly as heartbroken as I had been the first.
Instead I dove into time with friends. Specifically smoking with friends. After my 18th birthday in Feb. of 2016 I had joined my friends smoking marijuana for the first time. It was a great time and after this I dove into the flower head first.
The last slightly upsetting thing with my ex occurred about 2 months later. She had started dating her ex she was with before me after telling me not two weeks before out breakup that she had no feelings for him. There were several factors to this and in the end, I look back and can't blame her. At the time I went off on her, our last conversation for months. Again, overall, I find this part of it a very small factor, I'm just trying to detail what has led up to what I'm feeling now.
I was now smoking regularly for the following months. This was the second half of my senior year, I was completely checked out. I'd never gone to school high, but my grades crumbled. Truthfully, over the last 2 years of my high school career they'd slipped, but nothing like this time. I chose a college that I wasn't completely sold on, without any idea other than a general sense of what I thought I wanted to do, just because I had friends going there. Friends who I smoke with. Needless to say my grades during my first semester were still reflective of it. I failed all but 1 class.
I had smoked heavily during the Summer before my freshman year of college. The "munchies" were more like food binges. I wouldn't eat when I wasn't high and when I was high I'd eat ****. Fast food likely 3-5 nights a week. I put on nearly 50 pounds, from 175 to 220 at my heaviest. I'd never been in shape, but this was the worst and I felt it.
In June my Grandpa who I was very close with was diagnosed with lung cancer. I saw him for the last time in July, before he'd started any chemo. After 1 round he passed in October 2016. This, halfway through my first semester and the first time I told my parents how bad my grades had gotten. Trying to BS my way out of the real reason (the weed, which my parents were well aware of) I convinced them to let me get an ADD treatment like adderall. Instead I'm taking vyvanse, but that goal had been achieved. I think I do have some sort of ADD issue, but possible the lack of drive was attributed more to depression than that, however, it helped. I passed all my classes that next semester.
At school, I rarely left my dorm, other than to occasionally attend class or go smoke. Then I developed a rather embarrassing and troubling, uhh, self-release habit. Even writing it on here I'm embarrassed to speak of it, but this is something that has completely wrecked my self-esteem, happiness, in general life. I'm not sure if this came out of a coping habit or a hyperactive drive from the combination of weed and vyvanse. This has no doubt though, been my biggest personal health struggle for the past 2 years, continuing to this day.
2017 started out as one of the worst years of my life. Coming off of the passing of my Grandpa in October, in April of 2017 year my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. It came as a shock to my entire family and shook us to the core. They removed all of the tumor during surgery over Easter weekend and would start chemo over the following months. Thankfully, as a result of just pure coincidence or fate, my mom had been babysitting a little girl for months prior who's parents were both doctors, one the primary cancer oncologist at our local hospital. Everything moved quickly and they got her into Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis within weeks with one of their best surgeons. Today, she's finished chemo and is on the path to recovery.
During her chemo treatments in Summer of 2017, I had started taking a hard look at myself and my dependency on weed. I was still smoking, but had slowed down considerably compared to just 6 months earlier. I'd gone through a few variances with smoking it over the following months, but starting 2018 I have smoked maybe 4-5 times total. There's little joy in smoking for me anymore, I don't get the same high and I just eat and sleep and the other thing so I try avoiding it as best I can. Over the previous year my weight has gotten down from 220 to 190. I've tried exercising, joined a gym but don't go enough, mainly just dropped the weight by eating less.
My biggest undeniable issue is my aforementioned habit. At the start of 2018 I'd committed to the 90 day "Hardcore" mode of the Reddit group that is the support site for this issue. I lasted a week before falling back into old habits and have been struggling since. I feel my biggest depression after succumbing to the habit. I feel like I've wasted hours doing this. Days. After finished I'll go into a deep self deprecating mood for hours which will ultimately end up in another release or me sleeping or doing nothing. I'm two days into another reboot of my 90 day challenge, but I know I won't last without finding a way to occupy my time.
I failed another class this previous semester and as a result I withdrew from school for the time being. I'm still living in the area as I had a lease on a house with my roommate so I'm just working right now. Overnight shift at a hotel. This isn't where I saw my life at 20. I'm not sure what I'm doing, where I'm going. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel stalled, stuck as I see everyone passing me by and I sit here disappointed in my self for nearly every decision the past 3 years. I don't think I've ever been suicidal, but I've had passing thoughts where I'd think it'd just be easier if I would. It hasn't gotten there and overall at this point now I feel marginally better than I did this time last year so I feel I'm past the worst of my depression for now but know I could easily fall back there at any given time, especially if I don't get a control over this habit.
I just needed to get this all off my chest. It's not something I really want to discuss with other people since the core of my issue right now is extremely embarrassing even discussing it here in a community I value extremely. I can't go to my parents saying THAT'S what my problem has been. I'm going to keep striving for the 90 day goal, but had I kept with it from the start of the year, I'd be almost half way through now. Instead I'm working on day two.
For those who read it thank you. For those who didn't thank you too. Thanks to GTP for having a thread like this because in the end I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere and it's helped. I hope the best for everyone else going through much worse struggles than mine.
Thanks.
- 16,414
- United Kingdom
@dylpro Good luck with the 90 days. I'll go through phases of trying to give up drinking. First week is the hardest for me, but I find if you can keep in the mind that the reward of not doing it, is greater than the reward of doing it - and the harder it is to not do it, the greater the step forward you have made - which should bring with it some satisfaction at least.
- 4,531
- Los Angeles
- racingheartruby
- RubyWooby
So the situation with my family has gotten worse, to where they raised my prozac dosage to half of the max dose. Sister has threatening to beat me, putting me in a stranglehold when family isn't here, yelling at me, threatening harm to me if I don't do the things she wants me to do. Now that my father knows she's been very careful but she still finds way to make me feel sub-human. Buying a webcam to monitor my room, since she also threatened to sell my stuff, and just in case she hurts me while inside my room. Next time she puts me in a chokehold I'm calling the police.
- 6,874
- Jakarta
Have a good one everyone, i wish all of you the best one.
I don't have anything to open up, i just can't, some of my posts are rather upbeat recently but i'm just trying to ignore something, idk what it is but this is what i'm feeling. Days are filled with wondering whether to smoke a pack or drink a crap ton to blur whatever it is i'm feeling.
Also came to a point where feeling relax or good feels wrong and i keep trying to beat myself down again because it feels right.
I'm disoriented, best i can do is just wishing you all the best, so all of you can survive each day.
I don't have anything to open up, i just can't, some of my posts are rather upbeat recently but i'm just trying to ignore something, idk what it is but this is what i'm feeling. Days are filled with wondering whether to smoke a pack or drink a crap ton to blur whatever it is i'm feeling.
Also came to a point where feeling relax or good feels wrong and i keep trying to beat myself down again because it feels right.
I'm disoriented, best i can do is just wishing you all the best, so all of you can survive each day.
- 5,137
- Nicest part of hell
1.) Hard to say, depending on how you count generations I could say that depression was definitely higher 80 years ago.
Kidding aside, according to many statistics depression seems to be a rampaging pandemic that has indeed become a much bigger problem than a couple decades ago. On the other hand, back then diagnosis was not as good as today so many people suffering from mental disorders were diagnosed incorrectly. Though having spent almost 30 years on this planet I can say from personal experience that more kids are depressed today than back when I was a kid. I remember back when I was a teenager in school depressed suicidal kids were basically unheard of, we were a happy bunch.
Now things are apparently quite different.
2.) Definitely, having people you can rely on an genuinely like you play a huge role in your general well being.
Humans spent 99% of their evolutionary time living in small close knitted ''tribes'' were people could rely on each other because they grew up together or were distant relatives, they were all friends and important parts of a small working community. Thats our natural way of living.
That people grow up isolated, being surrounded by strangers they have nothing in common with and they are totally indifferent about and people simply not caring about each other anymore etc. is a relatively recent problem caused by the drastic changes in technology, society and thus life style.
Facebook friends and people you game with on Steam surely aren't a substitute.
Dan
Premium
- 15,396
- United States
This always gets me thinking. Are more and more people suffering from depression now, or has it always been the same number and we haven’t realized until now because of...
A: People wouldn’t open up about their feelings
B: Mental health awareness campaigns were not widespread things back then
C: Additional factors
I wish we could get down to the bottom of this because it’s constantly nagging at me. Are people truly getting worse every year?
- 5,051
- Netherlands
The additional factor is the Social Media/smartphone culture. Youth are isolating into their social media bubble more then ever. There are even Vloggers claiming depression and/or burnout, because of the "pressure" of needing to log every minute of their life. Which seems idiotic to me.
As for proof... Stats do show a slight rise in the suicide rate globally for the past 5 years, but no rise over the past 50 years.
1.) Hard to say, depending on how you count generations I could say that depression was definitely higher 80 years ago.
Kidding aside, according to many statistics depression seems to be a rampaging pandemic that has indeed become a much bigger problem than a couple decades ago. On the other hand, back then diagnosis was not as good as today so many people suffering from mental disorders were diagnosed incorrectly. Though having spent almost 30 years on this planet I can say from personal experience that more kids are depressed today than back when I was a kid. I remember back when I was a teenager in school depressed suicidal kids were basically unheard of, we were a happy bunch.
Now things are apparently quite different.
2.) Definitely, having people you can rely on an genuinely like you play a huge role in your general well being.
Humans spent 99% of their evolutionary time living in small close knitted ''tribes'' were people could rely on each other because they grew up together or were distant relatives, they were all friends and important parts of a small working community. Thats our natural way of living.
That people grow up isolated, being surrounded by strangers they have nothing in common with and they are totally indifferent about and people simply not caring about each other anymore etc. is a relatively recent problem caused by the drastic changes in technology, society and thus life style.
Facebook friends and people you game with on Steam surely aren't a substitute.
In my research and experience the contrary is true. There isnt any significant rise in depression. The reason perhaps you "perceive"there are more depression among youth is the internet. People can share their experiences on a forum (anomonously or not) but 50 years ago they did not have anyone to talk about it and just kept quiet.
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- 26,247
- Houston, Texas, USA
- JMarine25
You know, if people these days are opening up about LGBT matters, sexual harassment, and stuff like that; what makes discussing depression any different? Some people understandably don't seem to open up about stuff like depression. Depression is as serious a matter as any other. I'm certainly not going to make fun of anyone or laugh at anyone who is depressed. As I say, we're all in this together. We are fighting the same depression you are fighting regardless of how intense your own depression is.
As I like to say, I may babble a lot, say some silly things, or pretend to be funny. But really, I care about every community I try to involve myself in, including my 14 years on GTPlanet. So anything you can do to help treat your depression or someone else's depression will go a long way to living longer and happier.
This is kind of becoming my own mantra to this topic, but it's true: "don't let depression win."
As I like to say, I may babble a lot, say some silly things, or pretend to be funny. But really, I care about every community I try to involve myself in, including my 14 years on GTPlanet. So anything you can do to help treat your depression or someone else's depression will go a long way to living longer and happier.
This is kind of becoming my own mantra to this topic, but it's true: "don't let depression win."
Dan
Premium
- 15,396
- United States
It’s because of the mental illness stigma. People think you’re automatically a danger to yourself or others when you say you’re depressed. Then there’s the fear of being involuntarily committed to a psych ward if you even mention suicide to a therapist. That’s what keeps a lot of people away from treatment.
The hospitals are allowed to hold you against your will, and most people lie about feeling better so they’ll be released. Then, those people will never seek treatment again over that fear of being locked up again.
- 1,440
- Illinois
- dylpro98
I’ve kind of avoided this thread like the plague after I deep dove into everything that I’d been dealing with. Specifically just the embarrassment that came with my habit I had mentioned previously.
However, after I’ve seen it come back up I feel like I need to update my progress. I’m currently on my longest streak and feeling good. Not great, but better than when I wrote that post. I’m 26 days in if the 90 day challenge. I feel better than I have in a long time. Some people talk about “Super Powers” when they do this, but I don’t feel like I’ve gotten to that point or if I ever will. I do feel like I’m finding it easier to simply maintain my personal health when I’m not wasting hours of my days with that habit.
I’m going to the gym almost everyday, I’ve never been an athletic person but I’m learning and I’ve made it for 3 weeks now without missing other than an occasional rest day. I really need to start eating better though. I’ve really been trying to learn about lifting/exercise but I don’t have any friends who are necessarily athletes that know what they’re doing. I find the best knowledge I’ve learned so far is either from online or by asking some random people while I’m at the gym. The trainer at PF has set up a routine for me that I follow and he has also been extremely helpful in teaching me some basics.
I’m also just doing things hygiene wise that make me feel so much better. Brushing my teeth more than once a day, washing my face before going to bed and when waking up, going outside and enjoying nature instead of sitting on my phone feeling bad about myself.
Thank you @MatskiMonk for the words of encouragement. And that is exactly how I feel now. That first week was brutal and that’s not to say now I don’t still have to fight back urges at times, but with how long I’ve gone now the thing that keeps me going most is not wanting to go back to where I was.
I’m closing in on 1/3 of the way there. I know how easy it can be to slip back to it so I’m just keeping my mind forward to the next day
However, after I’ve seen it come back up I feel like I need to update my progress. I’m currently on my longest streak and feeling good. Not great, but better than when I wrote that post. I’m 26 days in if the 90 day challenge. I feel better than I have in a long time. Some people talk about “Super Powers” when they do this, but I don’t feel like I’ve gotten to that point or if I ever will. I do feel like I’m finding it easier to simply maintain my personal health when I’m not wasting hours of my days with that habit.
I’m going to the gym almost everyday, I’ve never been an athletic person but I’m learning and I’ve made it for 3 weeks now without missing other than an occasional rest day. I really need to start eating better though. I’ve really been trying to learn about lifting/exercise but I don’t have any friends who are necessarily athletes that know what they’re doing. I find the best knowledge I’ve learned so far is either from online or by asking some random people while I’m at the gym. The trainer at PF has set up a routine for me that I follow and he has also been extremely helpful in teaching me some basics.
I’m also just doing things hygiene wise that make me feel so much better. Brushing my teeth more than once a day, washing my face before going to bed and when waking up, going outside and enjoying nature instead of sitting on my phone feeling bad about myself.
Thank you @MatskiMonk for the words of encouragement. And that is exactly how I feel now. That first week was brutal and that’s not to say now I don’t still have to fight back urges at times, but with how long I’ve gone now the thing that keeps me going most is not wanting to go back to where I was.
I’m closing in on 1/3 of the way there. I know how easy it can be to slip back to it so I’m just keeping my mind forward to the next day
- 16,414
- United Kingdom
I’ve kind of avoided this thread like the plague after I deep dove into everything that I’d been dealing with. Specifically just the embarrassment that came with my habit I had mentioned previously.
However, after I’ve seen it come back up I feel like I need to update my progress. I’m currently on my longest streak and feeling good. Not great, but better than when I wrote that post. I’m 26 days in if the 90 day challenge. I feel better than I have in a long time. Some people talk about “Super Powers” when they do this, but I don’t feel like I’ve gotten to that point or if I ever will. I do feel like I’m finding it easier to simply maintain my personal health when I’m not wasting hours of my days with that habit.
I’m going to the gym almost everyday, I’ve never been an athletic person but I’m learning and I’ve made it for 3 weeks now without missing other than an occasional rest day. I really need to start eating better though. I’ve really been trying to learn about lifting/exercise but I don’t have any friends who are necessarily athletes that know what they’re doing. I find the best knowledge I’ve learned so far is either from online or by asking some random people while I’m at the gym. The trainer at PF has set up a routine for me that I follow and he has also been extremely helpful in teaching me some basics.
I’m also just doing things hygiene wise that make me feel so much better. Brushing my teeth more than once a day, washing my face before going to bed and when waking up, going outside and enjoying nature instead of sitting on my phone feeling bad about myself.
Thank you @MatskiMonk for the words of encouragement. And that is exactly how I feel now. That first week was brutal and that’s not to say now I don’t still have to fight back urges at times, but with how long I’ve gone now the thing that keeps me going most is not wanting to go back to where I was.
I’m closing in on 1/3 of the way there. I know how easy it can be to slip back to it so I’m just keeping my mind forward to the next day
Keep it up, you're doing a good job. Getting the simple routines in like brushing your teeth and all that jazz might seem like small bricks in a wall, but they are really important for taking making solid foundations.
- 2,851
- Australia
We really are done no favours by having the actual affliction share the same name as one of the symptoms. Imagine having bowel cancer and only being able to describe it as a sore tummy. That's along with other people who just have a sore tummy also describing it as a sore tummy.
Clinical depression doesn't come and go with the way one feels at any given moment. When I feel on top of the world, I still have clinical depression. Equally, someone that does not have depression might feel really down at any given moment, and even say that they are "depressed", but still not actually have depression.
To any non-sufferers (or even sufferers) that have posted in here and received an agitated/aggressive response, please try to understand that it's possible that you may have effectively called bowel cancer a sore tummy.
Clinical depression doesn't come and go with the way one feels at any given moment. When I feel on top of the world, I still have clinical depression. Equally, someone that does not have depression might feel really down at any given moment, and even say that they are "depressed", but still not actually have depression.
To any non-sufferers (or even sufferers) that have posted in here and received an agitated/aggressive response, please try to understand that it's possible that you may have effectively called bowel cancer a sore tummy.
