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Pills my friends, pills. You don't need them but you can't live without them.
I’m struggling to make sense of that.
I really can’t live (a normal life) without them so I do need them.
Pills my friends, pills. You don't need them but you can't live without them.
It was sarcasm and a reference to women.I’m struggling to make sense of that.
I really can’t live (a normal life) without them so I do need them.
It was sarcasm and a reference to women.
I've come across something interesting in the last couple of weeks. Apparently there is such a thing as bipolar II, and it can be quite easily misdiagnosed as depression/anxiety. Essentially, the "mania" phase is just a fairly high functioning, high energy mode which when you're depressed the rest of the time can be pretty easily confused for "normal" unless you're specifically looking for it.
It's interesting for me personally because the standard depression/anxiety treatments don't really work on me at all. If you have bipolar, that's expected. Anti-depressants can in some cases make you worse. There's also a bunch of other behavioural quirks and timings that happen to match up kind of well with me, stuff that I thought was just a normal part of me and what I do but may actually be related.
As an aside, this is why I don't like the standard GP diagnostic procedure. "Tell me what's wrong" assumes that the patient knows all the relevant symptoms. With mental illness, that's just asking for trouble. A comprehensive list of questions ("have you ever experienced something like A, B or C?") would seem like it would capture a lot more potentially relevant stuff and lead to a better diagnosis.
Anyway, the problem I have now is actually trying to convince a doctor that the diagnosis may not be correct. You'd think this would be easy. The initial diagnosis was made by a doctor that didn't even run the standard state screening test. I've got 2.5 years of not responding to standard depression/anxiety treatments. You'd think that'd be enough to at least raise the question that the diagnosis might be wrong.
Nope, my current doctor thinks that the best course of action is just to wait out the next month until I get to a new psychologist. I dunno what magic the GP thinks the psychologist is going to pull, but I suspect it's just that I'll then be off her plate.
For all that the conventional wisdom is to seek professional medical help for mental illness, they do make it :censored:ing hard to get anything out of them sometimes. It's still the right choice, but imagine if every GP was decent at helping mentally ill people instead of like, 1 in 10.
Kinesiology is incredibly effective in the treatment of anxiety. When combined with counselling it becomes a powerful tool to help individuals leave their worries behind and feel confident moving forward.
Depression has driven me back to alcohol. Seriously considering a very fast one way journey down the highway at silly speeds.
Please don't do anything that will harm yourself or anyone else.
I would like to tell you I won’t but after this bottle I’ll have pretty much no conscious control over myself. I just don’t give a ****.
Depression is a selfish monster, guilt tripping me isn’t going to change the result of this day. The ball’s started rolling and I’ll let the road decide my fate today.
If I wake up with a hangover and post here tomorrow offering my humblest apologies to all then I live to fight another day. Right now I’m Schrödinger‘s Shem.
If we here can't help you, then we can only hope someone or something nearer can. But it would be a shame to see you let yourself go to waste, especially as a result of a moment of misjudgment.
Indeed.
I’m still yet to understand if my current actions are a serious call for help or a genuine means to an end (literally, it would appear). Since it’s true that nobody here can actually help me I’m inclined towards the latter.
Anyhow, the day is still young and I’m far from the required level of intoxication to be able to effectively make that decision for certain.
A wild lifeline appears!
Seems I talk too much and “friends” have been dispatched to my place to save me from myself.
I’d never got as far as a suicide hotline before (I did today) and I’m still on the fence about how this day pans out.
Can’t say anymore than that right now. Am I desperate? Of course. Am I bluffing? I never bluff.
Edit: in the event that things do go tits-up, to use a phrase, I hope that nobody replying to me today feels they could have done anything more or thinks this could have been averted. I’m a stubborn mofo and I can live (lol, what choice of words!) with the consequences of my actions without guilt. Dead people don’t feel guilt. Or anything for that matter.
Edit 2: any hint of pity for me and I’m gonna chew on a 9mm shell right now. I don’t need any pity.
You are back.Seems I live to fight another day, though not for lack of trying. A full fuel tank of kamakazi riding didn’t prove fruitful that day.
Seems I live to fight another day, though not for lack of trying. A full fuel tank of kamakazi riding didn’t prove fruitful that day.
I'm just glad you're not hurt (or worse), and I mean that wholeheartedly. It goes to show how savage depression can be, where you can turn reason on its head, and calm and collectedly rationalise the decisions in your turn of vision.
I think what people who haven't experienced depression of that magnitude don't realise is that it can be totally rational.
Let's replace depression with pain for a second. One can fairly easily imagine a level of physical pain at which it would be rational to simply end your suffering. It makes even more sense when you've already been suffering this for some time, and it's unclear whether there's ever going to be a time when you are no longer suffering or if this is just what you can expect for the rest of your life.
People like to point out that it can't be that bad, or that it will always pass. They don't know what they're talking about. The reality is that it absolutely can be that bad. No one knows if it will pass. The truth is that depression compresses what you're able to deal with down so far that struggling through every single moment can be agonising.
It's a rational response to the unendurable to say "I've met my match and I'm done". This isn't at you specifically because I think you worded yourself fairly well, but in general I don't particularly like the responses that try to make it sound like it's irrational or to undermine what people are feeling as if it's incorrect. I'm not sure there's much that can be said when someone reaches that point other than "are you sure you're ready to give up, is there nothing else we can try that I can help you with?"
If people are ready to die, then they're adults and it's their life.
@W3HS Well done making it through one more day. One at a time, eh? I too am back on the alcohol, because it strikes me as at least more active than huddling in a cupboard being miserable.
but in general I don't particularly like the responses that try to make it sound like it's irrational or to undermine what people are feeling as if it's incorrect. I'm not sure there's much that can be said when someone reaches that point other than "are you sure you're ready to give up, is there nothing else we can try that I can help you with?"
If people are ready to die, then they're adults and it's their life.
I’m having cravings to drink for the first time since I can remember (excluding this past Saturday) but I know this time it will definitely kill me and today I’m not completely convinced I want to die.
Sorry Shem if this sounds like I'm unfairly misrepresenting your situation.
Let's replace depression with pain for a second. One can fairly easily imagine a level of physical pain at which it would be rational to simply end your suffering. It makes even more sense when you've already been suffering this for some time, and it's unclear whether there's ever going to be a time when you are no longer suffering or if this is just what you can expect for the rest of your life.
The people who love you give a ****, though. And if you think about what's important about being alive, that should be right up there.