I have to make a homework newspaper article, and I need your help

2,209
Hungary
Bács-Kiskun
First of all, I'm aware that this shouldn't belong here. But I'm not a member of any other forum where I can hear the opinion of native or experienced English speakers.

As the title says, I have to write an article in English using this source:
https://thoughtcatalog.com/jessica-...edia-is-destroying-quality-human-interaction/

From this write-up I have to make a small 150-200 words article. The deadline's 30th. I have to ask for your opinion, I must make it perfect because I need that A. :lol:

What I wrote:

Is Social Media destroying our real communication?
Do you think you are hanging on Facebook too often? Do you think you don’t talk with your friends enough in real life? This little write-up could help you deciding how often should you use the features of the Social Media.
Social Media has been created to make our lives easier. But does it really? Surely we are smarter thanks to the news, interesting facts and other things which are found on the Social Media. However, according to a study, it also makes our lives more stressful, because we have to have acceptable behaviour on the Internet. We are caring too much about things what our minds can not even hold. It’s not only about communication – it affects our relationship too. The fact that we can follow our friends’ whole life on Facebook could be either a good or a bad thing. We don’t need to visit each other anymore, just use the S-Media and you are free to chat with your familiars (if they aren’t busy). Majid Zorofi, a professor of psychology at an Islamic university, made a study what their students think about Social Media’s power. They think it is easier than talking in real life, because they have time to think before they respond. I must admit that’s true.
Turns out Social Media isn’t that dangerous at all – if you learn how to use it, your life will be easier, but if you can’t get it, you could get trapped in the bad side of the Cyber-World

Unfortunately, I don't know how to indent only in the first line here on GTP, But in the PDF file the indents are all correct!
Please give some feedback what should I correct or do better.

The article with polysmut's advices:
Is social media destroying our real communication?
Do you think you are hanging on Facebook too often? Do you think you don’t talk with your friends enough in real life? This little write-up could help you decide how often should you use the features of social media.
Social edia has been created to make our lives easier. But does it really? Surely we are smarter thanks to the news, interesting facts and other things which are found on social media. However, according to a study, it also makes our lives more stressful, because we have to have acceptable behaviour on the Internet. We care too much about things that our minds can not even hold. It’s not only about communication – it affects our relationships too. The fact that we can follow our friends’ whole life on Facebook could either be a good or a bad thing. We don’t need to visit each other anymore, just use social media and you are free to chat with your familiars, if they aren’t busy. Majid Zorofi, a professor of psychology at an Islamic university, made a study about what their students think about social media’s power. The students think it is easier than talking in real life, because they have time to think before they respond. I must admit that’s true.
Turns out social media isn’t that dangerous at all – if you learn how to use it, your life will be easier, but if you can’t get the hang of it, you could get trapped in the bad side of the cyber-world.


Thank you for your help and care! :)
 
Last edited:

Joey D

Premium
44,706
United States
Holladay, UT
GTP_Joey
GTP Joey
Since writing for GTPlanet I've learned a couple thing. The first is that you need to make news articles easy to read for anyone who might read it. This means often times reducing word count on sentences and using relatively simplistic terms.

I used this site to check readability: https://readable.com/

You can just use the free demo to see how it looks. Don't be alarmed if you get a ton of instances of passive voice, that's one thing I struggle with the most in writing for GTP. It's kind of hard to get the concept though. But, there's plenty of resources around the net to help with that. Same goes for transition words too. Using things like "however", "although", and "due to" make the article flow better. I also use the Grammarly plugin to do self-editing and make sure that everything makes sense before sending it to be edited. This is a free plug-in for pretty much any web browser and is incredibly helpful.

I'm not sure which style you're supposed to use, but the standard in the US is typically AP Style. You can look up guides on that too. The headline should follow that as well, but thankfully you can use this website to do all the capitalization for you.

Finally, I see you abbreviated Social Media as S-Media. Try to use standard abbreviations or if you're going to use non-standard one note it after it's the first instance of use. For example, have it looks like this "Social Media (S-Media). I wouldn't abbreviate it though and it probably should not be capitalized either.

Hope it helps!
 

polysmut

Member
Premium
4,722
United Kingdom
United Kingdom
I'm not a scholar of English but I am a native speaker. Here's what I noticed when looking for errors. As I said though, I'm not a scholar of the language so this isn't likely to be a 100% perfect assessment.
Is social media destroying our real communication?
What do you mean by real?
Do you think you are hanging on Facebook too often? Do you think you don’t talk with your friends enough in real life? This little write-up could help you deciding decide how often should you use the features of the social media.
Social media has been created to make our lives easier. But does it really? Surely we are smarter thanks to the news, interesting facts and other things which are found on the social media. However, according to a study, it also makes our lives more stressful, because we have to have acceptable behaviour on the Internet. We are caring (We care?) too much about things that our minds can not even hold. It’s not only about communication – it affects our relationship (with what? or do you mean "relationships"?) too. The fact that we can follow our friends’ whole life on Facebook could be either (could either be?) a good or a bad thing. We don’t need to visit each other anymore, just use the S-Media (just no) and you are free to chat with your familiars (if they aren’t busy) (why the brackets?) . Majid Zorofi, a professor of psychology at an Islamic university, made a study about what their students think about social media’s power. They (the professor or the students?) think it is easier than talking in real life, because they have time to think before they respond. I must admit that’s true.
Turns out social media isn’t that dangerous at all – if you learn how to use it, your life will be easier, but if you can’t get it (what does that mean?), you could get trapped in the bad side of the cyber-world.
I'm not sure about my version of the sentence at the end with lots of commas, or your version. Fortunately I'm not the one who needs that A. :)
 

W3H5

New Member
Premium
28,089
Thailand
Thailand
This means often times reducing word count on sentences and using relatively simplistic terms.

If he’s only writing 150-200 words that’s just 1 or 2 paragraphs. I think it’ll be hard to convey anything meaningful in so few words without using a few more complex sentences.
 
2,209
Hungary
Bács-Kiskun
I don't think that's the best choice. Nobody else here will be able to advise you on your writing now that they can't see how you wrote it.
Damn, didn't think about that. Edited the OP once again with my original article and the one with your corrections! :)👍
 

W3H5

New Member
Premium
28,089
Thailand
Thailand
Don't kid yourself--we all need that A.

And if it’s just not happening, there are alternatives...

A0289BF5-EEF8-4B1D-AC6D-5D0B76C93B9C.png
 
2,209
Hungary
Bács-Kiskun
Oh yes yes yes! I sent the one with polysmut's advices to the teacher and she just checked it out! Guess what! A! She said I should be a journalist!

This is your A, @polysmut! A billion thank you from me, sir! :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:

:gtpflag:
 

polysmut

Member
Premium
4,722
United Kingdom
United Kingdom
Oh yes yes yes! I sent the one with polysmut's advices to the teacher and she just checked it out! Guess what! A! She said I should be a journalist!

This is your A, @polysmut! A billion thank you from me, sir! :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:

:gtpflag:
It wasn't my intention to do the work for you, just to offer some pointers.

If you've learned something from it then that's great. 👍