US Orders Blackout Over North Korean Torpedoing Of Gulf Of Mexico Oil Rig

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Delirious

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Yes I know how whacked out this sounds and that's why I need your guys help picking this apart and seeing if this really is bogus...or if I fear the worst, another war.

http://www.eutimes.net/2010/05/us-orders-blackout-over-north-korean-torpedoing-of-gulf-of-mexico-oil-rig/

A grim report circulating in the Kremlin today written by Russia’s Northern Fleet is reporting that the United States has ordered a complete media blackout over North Korea’s torpedoing of the giant Deepwater Horizon oil platform owned by the World’s largest offshore drilling contractor Transocean that was built and financed by South Korea’s Hyundai Heavy Industries Co. Ltd., that has caused great loss of life, untold billions in economic damage to the South Korean economy, and an environmental catastrophe to the United States.
Most important to understand about this latest attack by North Korea against its South Korean enemy is that under the existing “laws of war” it was a permissible action as they remain in a state of war against each other due to South Korea’s refusal to sign the 1953 Armistice ending the Korean War.
To the attack itself, these reports continue, the North Korean “cargo vessel” Dai Hong Dan believed to be staffed by 17th Sniper Corps “suicide” troops left Cuba’s Empresa Terminales Mambisas de La Habana (Port of Havana) on April 18th whereupon it “severely deviated” from its intended course for Venezuela’s Puerto Cabello bringing it to within 209 kilometers (130 miles) of the Deepwater Horizon oil platform which was located 80 kilometers (50 miles) off the coast of the US State of Louisiana where it launched an SSC Sang-o Class Mini Submarine (Yugo class) estimated to have an operational range of 321 kilometers (200 miles).
On the night of April 20th the North Korean Mini Submarine manned by these “suicidal” 17th Sniper Corps soldiers attacked the Deepwater Horizon with what are believed to be 2 incendiary torpedoes causing a massive explosion and resulting in 11 workers on this giant oil rig being killed outright. Barely 48 hours later, on April 22nd , this North Korean Mini Submarine committed its final atrocity by exploding itself directly beneath the Deepwater Horizon causing this $1 Billion oil rig to sink beneath the seas and marking 2010’s celebration of Earth Day with one of the largest environmental catastrophes our World has ever seen.
To the reason for North Korea attacking the Deepwater Horizon, these reports say, was to present US President Obama with an “impossible dilemma” prior to the opening of the United Nations Review Conference of the Parties to the Treat on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons (NPT) set to begin May 3rd in New York.
This “impossible dilemma” facing Obama is indeed real as the decision he is faced with is either to allow the continuation of this massive oil leak catastrophe to continue for months, or immediately stop it by the only known and proven means possible, the detonation of a thermonuclear device.
Russian Navy atomic experts in these reports state that should Obama choose the “nuclear option” the most viable weapon at his disposal is the United States B83 (Mk-83) strategic thermonuclear bomb having a variable yield (Low Kiloton Range to 1,200 Kilotons) which with its 12 foot length and 18 inch diameter, and weighing just over 2,400 pounds, is readily able to be deployed and detonated by a remote controlled mini-sub.
Should Obama choose the “nuclear option” it appears that he would be supported by the International Court of Justice who on July 8, 1996 issued an advisory opinion on the use of nuclear weapons stating that they could not conclude definitively on these weapons use in “extreme circumstances” or “self defense”.
On the other hand, if Obama chooses the “nuclear option” it would leave the UN’s nuclear conference in shambles with every Nation in the World having oil rigs off their coasts demanding an equal right to atomic weapons to protect their environment from catastrophes too, including Iran.
To whatever decision Obama makes it remains a fact that with each passing hour this environmental catastrophe grows worse. And even though Obama has ordered military SWAT teams to protect other oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico from any further attack, and further ordered that all drilling in the Gulf of Mexico be immediately stopped, this massive oil spill has already reached the shores of America and with high waves and more bad weather forecast the likelihood of it being stopped from destroying thousands of miles of US coastland and wildlife appears unstoppable.
And not just to the environmental catastrophe that is unfolding the only devastation to be wrecked upon the United States and South Korea by this North Korean attack as the economic liabilities associated with this disaster are estimated by these Russian reports to be between $500 Billion to $1.5 Trillion, and which only a declaration of this disaster being an “act of war” would free some the World’s largest corporations from bankruptcy.
Important to note too in all of these events was that this was the second attack by North Korea on its South Korean enemy, and US ally, in a month as we had reported on in our March 28th report titled “Obama Orders ‘Immediate Stand-down’ After Deadly North Korean Attack” and which to date neither the Americans or South Korea have retaliated for and giving one senior North Korean party leader the courage to openly state that the North Korean military took “gratifying revenge” on South Korea.
And for those believing that things couldn’t get worse, they couldn’t be more mistaken as new reports coming from Japanese military sources are stating that North Korea is preparing for new launches of its 1,300 kilometer (807 miles) intermediate range ballistic “Rodong” missile which Russian Space Forces experts state is able to “deploy and detonate” an atomic electromagnetic pulse (EMP) device, and which if detonated high in the atmosphere could effectively destroy the American economy for years, if not decades, to come.

...insane?
 
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NotThePrez
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I heard about the ship sinking on the news but never gave it any real attention.

But please, for the love of God and all that's good, no nuclear war! :scared: Scares the crap out of me just thinking about it!

EDIT: I fail. See below.
 
Last edited:

Famine

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That's... *counts*... the fifteenth most ridiculous thing I've heard this year.
 

Mark T

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It's a great basis for a film.

Although it would definitely be a straight to DVD/petrol station bargain bin 99p deal.
 

Famine

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The irony being that you'd get 90 minutes entertainment for that price, but only enough fuel to get you 5 miles away.
 

Sureboss

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How would a thermonuclear device solve the issue of stopping the oil flow from the pipe? Or is it just really badly worded?
 
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MrTimmyA
It's a great basis for a film.

Although it would definitely be a straight to DVD/petrol station bargain bin 99p deal.

Or it could make millions on day one if it were a video game with the title "Call of Duty" in front of it...

:)
 

niky

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A "Call of Duty" game would be a little more grounded in reality.

I don't know which is sillier... the "North Korean Sniper Corps"... military SWAT teams being deployed to prevent such attacks (I was laughing my ass off at that point, so... they're going to negotiate hostage release with a human torpedo?) or the idea of capping an oil leak with a nuclear bomb (which may or may not work... and in any case, conventional explosives would do just as well.)
 

DK

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May Fool's just doesn't have the same ring to it as April Fool's, does it?
 
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eran0004
Suicide snipers. On a boat. Manning a submarine... torpedoing an oil rig... Sure, why do it the easy way and just use a submarine crew for that?

SWAT teams on oil rigs. Trying to protect them from submarine attacks... Sure, why do it the easy way and just use the navy for that?

Nukes to stop the oil leak. "The only known method", interesting how they know it will work scince it has never been tested before. It's hardly like someone would have said "alright France, for your next atomic bomb test we have given you this oil field on the bottom of the ocean. It's worth about ten billion dollars, I want you to blow it up and see what happens, just as we gave you that Rolex in the trunk of a Rolls Royce which we parked in that goldmine which we let you blow up for that last test of yours... remember?

And basically, wouldn't a big blast just blow an even bigger hole in the sea bottom and cause more oil to leak?

Finally: It's interesting that one single report uncovers all the facts and draws all the conclutions. It must be a first ever in the history of military intelligence. Congratulations to Kreml.