My friend wants to lose weight. That's okay... right?

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dcalde78

dcalde78

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dcalde78
So. Just now I was talking to a friend of mine, and she says that she wants to lose some weight. Frankly, I don't think she needs to, she's wonderful the way she is. I thought "Hey, what's a stone or so matter?". Then she goes and says that she wants to be a UK Size 0. This kinda gets to me, cause to me, Size 0 is just freakish, it's disgusting and I never want to see a friend of mine that thin - and bear in mind, the friend I'm talking about, she's not fat at all, she has a lovely figure.

I don't know what to say to her. She's insistent, even after I've said it's disgusting, revolting, and a way of slowly killing yourself.

I don't want to see her do it, and I'm worried :nervous:
 
You're right to be concerned. Sadly, various pressures in society exist that mean that some people insist on trying to achieve a certain body shape that is totally unnecessary and potentially dangerous for them... I guess many of us have had experience with this in one way or another. However, despite your very rational objections, there are powerful reasons for why people think like this - self esteem, peer pressure etc., and often no amount of reason can overcome these things... in other words, do your best to support them and challenge their negative views about themselves, but at the same time, don't hold it against yourself if you fail...
 
Not to disagree with TM. I fully agree with what he said. But size 0 isn't what it used to be. They've been creeping up the definition of sizes for years now. Still it's not like 0 is roomy, there's a decent chance she qualifies for a disorder.
 
Touring Mars
self esteem, peer pressure etc.
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This is actually quite relavant, as she doesn't have a great self image, but in reality, she's beautiful, she's got many a compliment from me and others, yet she constantly brushes it off as though we're lying. Every day I tell her she's beautiful and I will continue until she believes me.

As for peer pressure, none of her friends are that size, nor is any of her family.

I think it's more to do with her self image more than anything, but I don't know what I can do, to be honest.
 
Support her, but be honest, without being hurtful.
 
Just be honest with her. Tell her you think she looks beautiful as she is and that you're worried about her wanting to be what is an unhealthy weight. Tell her you don't want her to get sick, because at size 0, she will do.
 
Thanks guys. It means a lot that I can get some decent, meaningful advice from at least 1 forum I frequent.
 
Self-esteem is a very tough nut to crack - you're lucky if you can even quantify it yourself, let alone remotely understand someone else's. But yet, by being their friend, listening to their crap problems, sharing the benefit of your experiences with them etc., you can help to influence them. Good luck.
 
I do a lot of listening. She's had a tough time recently, a lot of problems. I've been there and for her and listened to everything she's had to say.

To quote what she's said to me:

"You're my anchor."

I've given advice to the best of my ability on everything I can, yet she seems defiant on just this one thing.
 
If it's in the best interests and for her health, you should stay defiant as well, and let her know constantly how it's affecting you.
 
Here's something else; she's always getting compliments, not just from me, but from all of her friends, and she's recently been asked out by three different guys, yet she says she doesn't understand why because she's "so fat and ugly", when that blatantly isn't the case.
 
dcalde78
Here's something else; she's always getting compliments, not just from me, but from all of her friends, and she's recently been asked out by three different guys, yet she says she doesn't understand why because she's "so fat and ugly", when that blatantly isn't the case.
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Not to be insensitive, I'm still trying to gauge just how bad the situation is. Can you give us an approx. height and weight?

If you're clueless about that sort of thing, one of her girlfriends could probably give you an estimate.
 
5'6" and no more than 8st. If that. I dunno her weight, she refuses to weigh herself.
 
dcalde78
5'6" and no more than 8st. If that. I dunno her weight, she refuses to weigh herself.
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I think she's got a disorder man. I hope not, but signs so far are pointing to it. You should try to get her parents to help you out.
 
She'd never forgive me if I went to her parents, and I'm not in contact with them anyway.
 
^Well even she doesn't forgive you, you know you're doing it for her well-being. Unless there is some history between the parents and her that shouldn't know.

Sometimes the person you're trying to help will give you some scratches and bruises.
 
dcalde78
5'6" and no more than 8st. If that. I dunno her weight, she refuses to weigh herself.
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Yea, sounds like doesn't need to lose a pound.

My guess would be that she's telling you this because she's fishing for complements. This is a common strategy. "I'm so fat. Tell me how skinny you think I am." The only thing that I can think of that would work against that is to take offense on behalf of everyone she's calling fat. But that's a tough road for a guy to go down.

If you think she's genuinely trying to lose substantial weight, she has a disorder and needs some help.
 
I'll have to wait and see for that, but I really hope that's she's just fishing for compliments.

I'll update with news as and when I can and see where we go.
 
dcalde78
5'6" and no more than 8st. If that. I dunno her weight, she refuses to weigh herself.
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I hate girls like this. Tell her that if she starves herself a size 0, that nobody really will go out with her because she'll be ugly and flabby.

Then get her in a gym to start lifting. Pauline Nordin used to have eating disorders and all that kind of image crap, but she turned out great:

18513d1245776473pauline.jpg
 
dcalde78
I'll have to wait and see for that, but I really hope that's she's just fishing for compliments.
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I thought it was a law to not know a women's weight, measurements, and age without their permission? but support her like everyone else is. Omnis, is that girl in a movie called "Blood and Bone"?
 
"Consult your physician before beginning any weight loss program."

Also, man up, it's better to have her not like you because you helped save her from herself than to keep her as a friend but let her ruin her body. Not to be insensitive but really, the choice is clear. Being the hero doesn't always mean being well liked.
 
No, nk.
 
dcalde78
I do a lot of listening. She's had a tough time recently, a lot of problems. I've been there and for her and listened to everything she's had to say.

To quote what she's said to me:

"You're my anchor."

I've given advice to the best of my ability on everything I can, yet she seems defiant on just this one thing.
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You sound alot like me. :odd:

But to repeat what the first responders did, all you can do is try to support her and tell her the truth. Ultimately it's not in your hands though.
 
She sounds like a typical female. We're never happy and always want to be thinner/prettier/stronger/fitter etc etc.

See if you can find a programme presented by Louise Redknapp called The Truth About Size Zero. She underwent a stupid diet to lose weight from a size 4 down to a size 0 and she made herself quite unwell. It was very interesting viewing!

If you can find it, show it to your friend. She might get why this stupid idea she has is actually going to affect her health. Otherwise, leave her to it. Any comments she makes about her weight, ignore her. Simply state "You look fine" and leave it at that.
 
There's nothing more annoying and scary than when women talk about loosing weight when they absolutely don't need it (which seems to be the case in most cases). I hate weight obsession with a passion!

dcalde78, just keep telling her she's lovely the way she is. It may or may not work, but it's all you can do I think.
 
No update yesterday, she went out and got pretty wasted with a few friends, but there was no mention at all of her losing wight or anything when I spoke to her before she left. I'm just gonna try and leave it alone and if she brings it up, then I'll start with these things, otherwise, it's probably a better idea to leave it alone.
 
Tell her for every kg/lb she looses you will gain in spite, or maybe double it, I bet you will enjoy it much more. :p
 
Milford Cubicle
Simply state "You look fine" and leave it at that.
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I concur with this; rather than giving her the attention she may be fishing for by getting worried and over-complimenting, "you look fine" gets the message through and doesn't cater to her ego.
 
dcalde78
No update yesterday, she went out and got pretty wasted with a few friends, but there was no mention at all of her losing wight or anything when I spoke to her before she left. I'm just gonna try and leave it alone and if she brings it up, then I'll start with these things, otherwise, it's probably a better idea to leave it alone.
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Lol, don't tell her how many calories reside in most alcoholic beverages.
 
We're doing an Alcohol unit on my course (No, seriously!)

There are typically 55 calories per unit, and a unit is 10ml of ethanol.
 
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