C-ZETA's car reviews - C-ZETA Awards 2012 - 21/12/12

Sigh...I'm having a great time already.

The Impreza in general is not a good car for me at all. And it's not just because I am an Evo fan, it is because it is genuinely rubbish.

Even despite a turbo, the acceleration just feels...lousy. For a 4WD Gentleman's Agreement car it should accelerate faster than this, but...no. It's just not fast enough.

The handling isn't much better either. It's also too lousy. The 4WD may have something to do with it, but then 4WD's are built for grip you can feel (which is why no one in the drifting forum likes them ). You don't feel the grip in the Impreza. You just...turn, and there. Yawn.

The sound is also colossally boring. It is an impossibly quiet sound that you can't even hear if you put your TV to about...I dunno, 20 volume approx? I certainly struggled to hear it a little at times. However, the one good thing about this Impreza is the sound from its Racing Exhaust. The Racing Exhaust sound of any Impreza has always sounded brilliant to me, and trust me, it sometimes makes the less notable ones a little bit more joyful to drive. But sound doesn't do anything for performance, as the HKS CT230R would seem to prove.


The views on the Impreza are kinda awkward, mainly its onboard view. I don't know what's up with it, but its...kinda moved a bit up then sort of slanted down, and it makes it look remarkably weird. It's hood view is a little bit angled as well, particularly when you look at it coming out of the onboard view. The chase cam is OK, since it is wide, but it's nothing special.

...Right, anything else to criticise the Impreza on...ah yes, the looks. The Impreza back in '05 did look remarkably similar to the Evo IX. However, even so, the Impreza looks stupidly blocky. And, the absolutely stupid part is this...


It's got two spoilers!

Why? Why is this necessary? It doesn't even give the Impreza any downforce! It makes no difference, and it just looks retarded to me. The RM kit doesn't really change the look for me either, and the RM is just...average really.

That's really most of the hate I have to say about the Impreza, so I'm now gonna do A Small Test with it.

But first...


Cone Massacre!


...Yeah, sorry, couldn't resist that. Not on Top Gear Test Track I couldn't.

So, anyway, we're now gonna put the Impreza through its paces on a 1 mile run down the runway.


And we're on the start line...


And we're off! Very slowly. Notice the completely unnecessary change of ride height at the front that has no explainable purpose


It's a good run as I make it past the 140mph marker.


And then braking...notice the rear ride height rising up now...


Skidding it a bit...


And ooh, oh no! That's not gone well!


It's gonna hit the wall...


...Ouch.


And you can clearly see the damage done to the Impreza here...see.


So there you have it. Not only is the Impreza boring, not so fast, bad looking, not good to drive in and very boring sounding, but it isn't even that safe. So what you gonna do?

...Get yourself an Evo. Done.

Love the Impreza review, I think the camera's are screwed on it, especially the RM

You know, I was going to just let rip and swear at you for that crappy 'review' of it, but I won't cuz:
1) you were forced
2) I'm soooo going to drive that the next time we do a race together

But trust me, you'd be so, so, so, so disappointed with the Evo as well. RM or not, I fell asleep driving that. Woke up 5 minutes later to find it buried in a wall. It never looked better in its life

I'll start off by saying this: if you do decide to turn your Cobra into one of these, expect this:


Followed by this...


Followed by quite a bit of this:


Yeah: it's hard. Quite hard to drive.

The main problem is its original state, really. Cobra's aren't really the best at cornering in most situations, so a tune of it is bound to go wrong. And bearing in mind this was happening with me equipped with 5 TCS, SRF On (notice how it doesn't really work at all), ASM 1, ABS 1 and Sensitivity 0. Yeah...it's gonna be wild. Magnificent.

So before I got down to truly testing how scary this was, I went for a drag race down the Circuit de la Sarthe straight. The Mulsanne (hint hint ) straight, no less.

I got the Cobra ready.


And set off, with the Cobra speeding away like nothing else like it.


By the time I was at the first chicane I was almost at 220mph. Already!


By the second chicane, I was doing 229mph. That was the fastest I got, and that is a very high speed.


Then I got to the hairpin and...the brakes locked up. Naturally.


Then the Cobra catastrophically swerved left, towards the tire wall...


...Thank god I went through the gravel trap, otherwise I'd be in for an awfully expensive repair.


So I kept calm, and carried on driving - down Indianapolis.


It was a good start again, charging down the straight, very quickly hitting the 190s.


But as I got past the second small turn the car started snaking.


I corrected over and over again and then suddenly THIS HAPPENED


I got air, in a COBRA.

It didn't help the swerving issue much.


I then cut over to the grass...


...then wildly leapt over to the gravel trap. I had been saved again - by gravel.


I managed to creep my way out again though...


...and just kept on driving again.


Then as I headed towards the Porsche curves...


...and would you believe it, I started sliding again. May I ask, do the brakes on this thing actually...work?


The swerving got wilder again...


...and then I ended up being saved by the gravel, again.


...Only this time I got the car stuck. Putting down 700hp+ on gravel is not really gonna help, is it?


So, the Mulsanne Black Bullet. It's a hugely fun, hugely terrifying, hugely out of control bullet, as the name would suggest, the acceleration on it is very wild, it can reach hugely wild speeds and it really loves the gravel traps. Find one, unless you wanna see it get trashed.

Final Score: 16/20

C-ZETA

...OK, while this does have an official name, I'm also giving it an extra part to the name for anyone who decides to use this, so...
Shelby Mulsanne Cobra Black Bullet OF TERRIFYING TERROR
Sounds good, no? Anyway, this is MrMulsanne's special custom Shelby Cobra Black Bullet, never before seen on GTP, TV, BBC, TGTV or anything like that. And I've got to drive it. Help me...please!​

I'll start off by saying this: if you do decide to turn your Cobra into one of these, expect this:

Followed by this...

Followed by quite a bit of this:

Yeah: it's hard. Quite hard to drive.

The main problem is its original state, really. Cobra's aren't really the best at cornering in most situations, so a tune of it is bound to go wrong. And bearing in mind this was happening with me equipped with 5 TCS, SRF On (notice how it doesn't really work at all), ASM 1, ABS 1 and Sensitivity 0. Yeah...it's gonna be wild. Magnificent.

So before I got down to truly testing how scary this was, I went for a drag race down the Circuit de la Sarthe straight. The Mulsanne (hint hint ) straight, no less.

I got the Cobra ready.

And set off, with the Cobra speeding away like nothing else like it.

By the time I was at the first chicane I was almost at 220mph. Already!

By the second chicane, I was doing 229mph. That was the fastest I got, and that is a very high speed.

Then I got to the hairpin and...the brakes locked up. Naturally.

Then the Cobra catastrophically swerved left, towards the tire wall...

...Thank god I went through the gravel trap, otherwise I'd be in for an awfully expensive repair.

So I kept calm, and carried on driving - down Indianapolis.

It was a good start again, charging down the straight, very quickly hitting the 190s.

But as I got past the second small turn the car started snaking.

I corrected over and over again and then suddenly THIS HAPPENED

I got air, in a COBRA.

It didn't help the swerving issue much.

I then cut over to the grass...

...then wildly leapt over to the gravel trap. I had been saved again - by gravel.

I managed to creep my way out again though...

...and just kept on driving again.

Then as I headed towards the Porsche curves...

...and would you believe it, I started sliding again. May I ask, do the brakes on this thing actually...work?

The swerving got wilder again...

...and then I ended up being saved by the gravel, again.

...Only this time I got the car stuck. Putting down 700hp+ on gravel is not really gonna help, is it?

So, the Mulsanne Black Bullet. It's a hugely fun, hugely terrifying, hugely out of control bullet, as the name would suggest, the acceleration on it is very wild, it can reach hugely wild speeds and it really loves the gravel traps. Find one, unless you wanna see it get trashed.

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Sure you will be happy to know its actually in a more controllable state than a month ago. Unrestricted down the Mulsanne it hits 235 without chicanes. Working on version 2 as well... Thanks Cizeta

Hmm……that bad? Mind if I have a go and try to drive it? And you did have ABS on 1, right? Anyways, is this the Anti-X car week?

Cizeta, news:

Working on the cars sister

Onboy123

Hmm……that bad? Mind if I have a go and try to drive it? And you did have ABS on 1, right? Anyways, is this the Anti-X car week?

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The Cobra's not bad, just terrifying. It is a brilliant thing to drive, and I would give it another go (I have a Chrome Line on me right now which I...won't use, since it's DLC ), but it isn't that good at corners. And yes, ABS was on 1, TCS 5, SRF On, ASM On and Sensitivity 0. That's crazy tuned muscle cars for you, Onboy

If anything, if you like the Yellow Bird, this is definitely for you I actually find this more...not slippery, but funny than a Yellow Bird.

c-zeta

the cobra's not bad, just terrifying. it is a brilliant thing to drive, and i would give it another go (i have a chrome line on me right now which i...won't use, since it's dlc ), but it isn't that good at corners. And yes, abs was on 1, tcs 5, srf on, asm on and sensitivity 0. That's crazy tuned muscle cars for you, onboy

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I wanna go!!!! I wanna go on da scary snake ride!!!!

C-ZETA, I'm sure you will agree that the BB Cobra's strength is drag. I've only just started tuning for circuits. Mid range torque scares me tbh

Onboy123

i wanna go!!!! I wanna go on the scary snake ride :d :d :d

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I dunno if Mulsanne's releasing it, but if he does, try it. I don't even know how well it does without aids but I did dupe it.

Also, for Mulsanne, did you ever get any air whilst driving this before? I have to say, it is not normal to get air in any car while just casually...swerving down Indianapolis I'm sure the '99 Mercedes team would be quite used to it though

C-ZETA

I dunno if Mulsanne's releasing it, but if he does, try it. I don't even know how well it does without aids but I did dupe it.

Also, for Mulsanne, did you ever get any air whilst driving this before? I have to say, it is not normal to get air in any car while just casually...swerving down Indianapolis I'm sure the '99 Mercedes team would be quite used to it though

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Give me!!!! Or just put it on share. Or I shall spam your Mailbox with Amuse S2k Turbos everyday

C-ZETA

I dunno if Mulsanne's releasing it, but if he does, try it. I don't even know how well it does without aids but I did dupe it.

Also, for Mulsanne, did you ever get any air whilst driving this before? I have to say, it is not normal to get air in any car while just casually...swerving down Indianapolis I'm sure the '99 Mercedes team would be quite used to it though

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I used to have a lot more extreme camber, so it did 3 wheel. And at 230mph down the Mulsanne 4 wheels off the ground. Tell ya what, I'm going to go for a lap at Le Mans 2009 no chicane, and I'll post here my time.

Onboy123

Give me!!!! Or just put it on share. Or I shall spam your Mailbox with Amuse S2k Turbos everyday

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I'm not putting it on share, that's just forgery Besides which I've had to use up my daily trade to give it back to Mulsanne...

By the way, you've inspired me to write my own anti-X car thing! You should be able to guess what it is…you should know me well enough to guess. The only car in the world that I hate.

MrMulsanne

And at 230mph down the Mulsanne 4 wheels off the ground.

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About what, sorry?! You never told me about the secret hydraulics system in your car

Onboy123

By the way, you've inspired me to write my own anti-X car thing! You should be able to guess what it is…you should know me well enough to guess. The only car in the world that I hate.

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It's the Prius, duh Could be worse though, you could be forced to eat on a G-Wiz

C-ZETA

About what, sorry?! You never told me about the secret hydraulics system in your car

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Yeah. Scary I know. Now I need to get back to testing my more powerful version

C-ZETA

It's the Prius, duh Could be worse though, you could be forced to eat on a G-Wiz

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No……cuz that wouldn't work for the destruction part. Oh alright, cheap hint, but it's in the review thread title.

MrMulsanne

Yeah. Scary I know. Now I need to get back to testing my more powerful version

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Oi, keys, nao! Please????? I won't dupe it, I promise!

Onboy123

Oi, keys, nao! Please????? I won't dupe it, I promise!

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Still working on it, she was just delivered this morning in all her 805hp glory (yeah 50 more than my current one)

MrMulsanne

Still working on it, she was just delivered this morning in all her 805hp glory (yeah 50 more than my current one)

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Then PM me the tune! Or I'll just send my Cobra over and let you put the tune on it. I wanna be killed in a Le Man Legend!

Onboy123

No……cuz that wouldn't work for the destruction part. Oh alright, cheap hint, but it's in the review thread title.

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So it is the GT-R! Meh, it's OK, just the PP system kinda underrates it I think.

C-ZETA

So it is the GT-R! Meh, it's OK, just the PP system kinda underrates it I think.

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Never have I had a near wheelie at 215mph... in 3rd gear...

C-ZETA

So it is the GT-R! Meh, it's OK, just the PP system kinda underrates it I think.

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Was there any doubt? And do you really, honestly, want me to start to rant on about its awfulness in your thread? If not, you hush up and when I publish the review, you'd get a lot of lovely pictures of flying GTRs.

Quickie, I drive this thing without aids now

Oh I see what you did there in your Impreza review.

When it comes to Evos, I love everything except the CT9A's. They're starting to be an eyesore to me. And I find the pig nose of the Impreza GDB-F awkward to me too. Oh I like the angry look on your face, you intentionally crashed that STi

If I were to get an Impreza, I'd get a Spec C any day.

MrMulsanne

Quickie, I drive this thing without aids now

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I WANT TO TRY!! Please?
Edit:

uMadson?

Oh I see what you did there in your Impreza review.

When it comes to Evos, I love everything except the CT9A's. They're starting to be an eyesore to me. And I find the pig nose of the Impreza GDB-F awkward to me too. Oh I like the angry look on your face, you intentionally crashed that STi

If I were to get an Impreza, I'd get a Spec C any day.

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Enough car talk, get typing. Nao you slacker. I've pretty much ran our review thread since it started, I'm bored with being a one man band. I need my lover boi to keep things intresting.

Onboy123

I WANT TO TRY!! Please?

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She's a one-off, no plans to release... yet...

Is that just the premium cobra with a tune on it? Can the tuner PM me the setup? It looks such fun

MrMulsanne

She's a one-off, no plans to release... yet...

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So can I just have one day with it? Cuz any car that scares the crap out of C-ZETA is a fun car in my mind!

MrMulsanne

She's a one-off, no plans to release... yet...

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In that case, since I've accidentally got my hands on a one-off, how much do you need to be paid?

mattythedog

Is that just the premium cobra with a tune on it? Can the tuner PM me the setup? It looks such fun

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It is a premium Cobra with a tune on it. But as said, it's one off. It is fun though

Onboy123

So can I just have one day with it? Cuz any car that scares the crap out of C-ZETA is a fun car in my mind!

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Find something that scares Andre and it'll be your daily drive.