1 in almost 5 years

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K_Speed

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About five years back I moved to a different country.

I was angry, sad and frustrated. I didnt really care about anything. Nothing at all.

After about 1 year this girl in my class said that she was interested in me (we got together one night).We talked and talked...she said she liked me the first day she saw me. I asked her if we should get together, she said she needed time...but we never got together.

Five years later now, I have to say that this is still the most beautiful girl I have seen. I am now starting to think about her again, I am not interested in any girl but her. I was mad at her for a long time, and we never talked ever since. I always spoke bad about ehr to my friends, friensd she was also friends with.

Now im at a stage where I am saying "why the **** didnt it work out between us? she told her girlfirend how happy she would be being together with me, but why the **** did it never happen?"
I am frustrated, I am afraid if I would talk to her that she would laugh at me and say "oh, look whos back."

Man, what should I do? It's that fear of losing against her, that would brake me apart. If she didnt want me back I'd be depressed.

Man this sounds like a ****ing cheap ass romance movie. But its just the way it is. And its bothering me.

Any advice from experienced people? Why are woman like this? They say they love you and then leave?


*sry for my wierd writing, its 4 am and its been a l ong day
 
K_Speed
Man this sounds like a ****ing cheap ass romance movie. But its just the way it is. And its bothering me.

Any advice from experienced people? Why are woman like this? They say they love you and then leave?
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Welcome to life! To be honest, guys can also be like that, but it's not always as apparent. In your case, I think you should prepare yourself for the worst, but hope for the best, put on your best confident, happy face, and go talk to her. What have you got to lose? If it works out, then great, if not, then you haven't really lost anything, and you will know where you stand, which will allow you to move on.

Also some women (and men) get scared when they experience feeling as strong as true love for the first time, and run away, through fear of getting hurt. There is also the consideration that there may be more to this girl's past that you don't know about, I know a girl (woman now) who was...abused... by her uncle as a child, and until recently had all sorts of trust and commitment issues. She has told me that I was one of the main forces in helping her get over it, she is now engaged, and we keep close contact. I'm not saying that your girl is in the same category, but I am suggesting that perhaps she has been hurt before, or maybe something happened in her childhood (eg. Parents separating, childhood best friend moving away) that could have influenced her ability to trust people, and to be committed to someone.


Like I said, whether you like it or not, it's time to swallow your pride, perhaps apologise for the things you said about her, and talk to her, tell her how you feel. Either way, you will feel better afterwards for having got it off your chest to the person that it relates to.

Dr gOoSe
 
This time don't give her a chance to say no. Go back to her and say that you two should catch up over dinner. After dinner, say that you're going to be in her area around lunchtime tomorrow and that you two should meet up. If she asks what you're doing in her area say "having lunch with you hopefully". After lunch, ask her to dinner again. Problem solved. :) If she tries to protest and say she needs time say something like "Yea, I need time too. Let's think about it together at the movies this Friday."

Good luck. You have nothing to lose. 👍
 
:lol: You know that actually does work sometimes!
 
If you are already so emotionally dependent/preoccupied with a relationship that never really existed, I would suggest walking away. Cut the cord, and get on with your life. Only heartbreak waits down that road, as evidenced by how you are writing right now.
 
Pretty sure that's harder than it looks. As is asking her.

Anyway, maybe we should get some (more?) girls on here so they can help us guys out with this topic. I'm sure a lot of us could use girl help as they are a complete mystery.
 
To be completely honest, I can relate somewhat to how you feel. What I find works out best to get a girl to talk, to kinda move towards that point where things could work out. I always find it best to take it slow, and just talk to them like you are their best friend, and have always been. Maybe casually invite them out to dinner or a movie, or do the dinner/movie thing at each other's house.

I'd suggest two ways of doing it:

1) Call her and do the "catch-up" thing. Invite her out for ice cream. Girls love ice cream. I don't know why... I've had quite a few "dates" at Steak and Shake over ice cream, and although things often never come of it (damn my curse of friendship!), things nearly happen every time.

2) Call her, "catch-up," and then to really impress her, invite her over and make dinner for her. That would not only impress her dramatically, but it should give you quite a few "long-run-Kudos" (long-term relationship points) in the process. Cook something good and that is kinda difficult, but the hardest part is whether to shoot high or low with the food, and I'd suggest taking the middle-road. The easy job would be something like a meatloaf or a chicken dish, make sure there are at least some fruits or vegetables, and if you are old enough go for the wine... Don't be cheap, but don't try to over-impress.

...Thats the best I can think of at the moment, make sure to keep us updated...
 
what you should have done was hung out with her for a little while, flirt a little bit, then ask and if she said no than whatever.

so she is no longer your friend really? with that kind of situation, like it was said, you have nothing to lose.

if she was your good friend i would say be a little spectical. I used to love this one girl that was a very good friend of mine. almost everyday she would flirt with me on the bus. i didnt know if she liked me but it seemed apparent that she may have liked me a little, i just was always to chicken:censored: to ask because 1) Im a shy person 2) she was a good friend so if she said no, it we be very akward to still talk to her. ...... but, i ended up moving and i regret not asking her out.

good luck
 
Guska, thanks for you reply. You are right, she told me she was having trouble at home, her parents getting divorce...But they are not divorced as far as I know. I felt like she was acting, having an excuse for not being with me, as harsh as it sounds. Her best friend at the time said she made out with another guy at a party and it was true. But she said it wasnt. So basically she lied...I dont know what was true that came out of her mouth.

Danoff, that is a good strategy - but thats one step too far for this situation.

Samurai, I cut the cord for 4 - 5 years, now I want her back.

One night, they pull you towards them, say they loved you the first time they saw you and the next day or week whatever, shes not there anymore.

The only way is to talk to her, apologize, make her apologize, talk talk talk.

I cant ask for a date or whatever, not in the situation were in.

I feel like she is taking advantage of guys liking her. But I never felt liek she was like that. She is a attractive girl and back in the day I realized thta she liked me, but like I said I was personally in a bad situation and I didnt interact.

Talk to her, I dont know if I can do this.
 
I get all my relationship advice from Keef, he's an expert in the field (Well, at least he thinks he is), he'll know what do to.

Personally I'd just get her drunk and find out if she wants you, but that's just me.
 
Speedy Samurai
If you are already so emotionally dependent/preoccupied with a relationship that never really existed, I would suggest walking away. Cut the cord, and get on with your life. Only heartbreak waits down that road, as evidenced by how you are writing right now.
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I'd have to agree with this. Nostalgia and 20-20 hindsight do not provide a sound basis for restarting (or even just starting) a romantic relationship. You may feel like she is the only one for you, but that simply isn't true. If you're open to the idea of letting new people into your heart, then you will find someone new who you can move forward with, rather than attempting to relive part of your life that is long gone. If you're not open to new people, then I'm afraid that it's very unlikely that restarting this relationship will work either - 5 years down the line, both you and her will have changed - possibly tremendously so... either way, it will take a little bravery and alot of effort. By all means give it a go, but at the very least you need to be prepared for the possibility that however much you might want her back, she may not feel the same way.
 
K_Speed
Her best friend at the time said she made out with another guy at a party and it was true. But she said it wasnt. So basically she lied...I dont know what was true that came out of her mouth.
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Nevermind then. I like TM's advice now. Take my previous advice and apply it to a girl you don't know. Good luck. 👍
 
Take this with a grain of salt: I haven't had a lot of girlfriends (2 by my count) , and I've been with my current gf for what will soon be 6 years now with no thoughts of leaving.

I have to agree with TM and speedy samurai here. I've never understood why sober guys get the urge to chase after girls like this. I mean, it's not that it hasn't crossed my mind a time or two before, but if it goes nowhere on the first try, just leave and find someone else - plenty of fish out there, as they say. Life usually doesn't work out like it does in all the movies, and it doesn't have to.


For myself, and the majority of my friends, the best relationships we've had have been ones where we were either:
a. good friends with the girl first.
b. asked out by the girl.


My current relationship happens to fall into both categories - but that's beside the point. Getting asked out by a girl isn't really something you can plan for, or expect. If it happens it happens, but it's out of your control.

But, making friends with (most) girls is pretty easy, I've found. All you have to do is ask them questions about anything, call them once or twice a week to chat, and drive them to the mall, grocery store (or whatever). Not like a date or anything, just as a friendly favour. Good on women ages 15 through 30 in my experience. The key is not to give off a 'creep' vibe by seeming like you're obsessed with them by setting too many plans or calling too often.

In the meantime while you're getting to know them you have time to figure out if this person is someone you'd really want to spend more time around or not. If not, then it's much easier to phase out a friendship than it is to break-up, I think. And there's no saying that you can't be doing this with several girls at a time. A comitted relationship will quickly put that to an end.
 
Boundary Layer
For myself, and the majority of my friends, the best relationships we've had have been ones where we were either:
a. good friends with the girl first.
b. asked out by the girl.
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This is ok for girls who don't typically have guys falling all over them and who are agressive. If you want a shy girl, or a girl who is going get a lot of interest from other guys, I recommend moving quickly and aggressively. Girls typically like a guy who is confident. That doesn't mean you have to be confident, you just have to act confident. Also, you have to keep in mind that if you like her, chances are you have competition - which means that you shouldn't take your time.

BTW Boundary, when are you popping the question? 6 years is a long time without a rock. Have you two talked about the next step? After 6 years I can guarantee that she's thought about it, and she's probably wondering what's taking you so long (and so are her parents).
 
Danoff
BTW Boundary, when are you popping the question? 6 years is a long time without a rock. Have you two talked about the next step? After 6 years I can guarantee that she's thought about it, and she's probably wondering what's taking you so long (and so are her parents).
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If I had a nickel for every time I got that question, she might have a big stone on her finger. :sly:


We're 22. Started dating at 17. Not that 22 is too young to get married, but I still have a few years of university left, and she's starting a new college program next fall.
There's just a lot going on right now and neither of us can be entirely sure where it'll take us in a few years when we start our careers - and both of us being students, we have no money right now.
 
Casio
Personally I'd just get her drunk and find out if she wants you, but that's just me.
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👍 👍 Best advice ever.

K_speed you said you guys never got together, and then go on to say you're afraid it will break you apart if she didn't take you back. Chances are if you guys never got together, and you got upset and talked **** to your friends behind her back... it ain't gonna happen.

And if you think a simple rejection is going to break you apart just wait until you're head over heels in love with a girl, and she cheats on you or something. Or leaves you. I was dating a girl for 22 months - I was madly in love with her, and she too supposedly in love with me, she drove to work one day, or so I thought, and I never heard from her again. Turns out that day she went to work she really drove 900 miles to Massafugginchusettes, and never spoke to me again. We never even had the slightest fight, or argument the entire time we dated. Either she found a really rich sumbitch, or found a dude with a wang the size of my arm - don't really care anymore. Just be prepared - you've seen nothing yet.
 
Boundary Layer
We're 22. Started dating at 17. Not that 22 is too young to get married, but I still have a few years of university left, and she's starting a new college program next fall.
There's just a lot going on right now and neither of us can be entirely sure where it'll take us in a few years when we start our careers - and both of us being students, we have no money right now.
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I got hitched at 21 before I finished my graduate degree and before my wife finished her undergraduate. If you know it's right, there's no reason to wait. Glad to hear that it's going that well though. :)
 
Josh, must have been a hard time.

Yea, getting drunk is a good idea. We had drinks the fist night we were together, but we werent drunk. I dont remember what we drank...

I have met girls in between those years. But they were never what I was really looking for. Ive been a year without someone now and , like i said, am thinking about her again, how she is the one who I really loved - she was just so perfect (or, not).

OK so, Im making a plan - grabbing tips and tricks from your answers.

First thing I will do is talk to her friends, which I also am good friends with (we kinda of share friends lol...) and tell them(or specific people) what I think about her (positive and negative things). The firrends will most probably talk about this and I will see she "replys".
Next I will talk to her, even I didnt hera anything from her (man, this is gonna be hard). This conversation will change everything or everything will be same, maybe I will realize that she isnt that "great" anymore or maybe I will but she will still not want be with me. Whatever happens, I will have to talk anyways. Yeah, and Ill get her drunk:)

Yea thats the freakin masterplan. you can edit it if you want.

I hope I can do this...I guess my curiosity will win since it wants to know if she has chagned or not.

regards

*I guess i have to explain the title now - 1 in 5 years means that I had one true love in 5 years. When we came to gether iwas a wake up call for me. The girls...you know...i dont have to explain that...
 
You wanted a girls point of view.
Well, a girl is here. =]



Well, I think you really do need to speak to her personally. Trying to do this whole thing of 'giving her the message through friends' is silly. I prefer it when the guys just talks straight to me direct, although saying that it's sometime nice to hear the odd one or two things.

Maybe you could go to a friend of both of yours, and bring her up in the conversation, say how you think she cute, and how she seem like a laugh or whatever, (just one or two good things about her though) and then maybe ask if you could like either double date, or just all go to a bar like a group of your mates. I favour the later.

Then you'll both be out, and you'll both be in a relaxed environment and it'll seem alot easier, as she won't feel pressured into the fact she has to talk to you and things. When talking to her, just do what alot of people have said, just catch-up. Ask her how everything has been, if she's got a boyfriend, anything, even ask her questions that you already know the answer to, at least it will look like your interested.

Show her that you can hold conversation, without acting too clingy, show her that you are a decent guy and that the past is in the past (all the things you said etc..)

Then if the night has gone well, just like whisper in her ear that your sorry about the past. Don’t be overly specific, as she should know what you mean if she remembers. And then tell her you had a good time, nice catching up, hopefully do it again, blah blah blah and that if she wants she can call you.

Then let things lead on from there, be a gentleman, show her your better than how you was 5 years ago, that you've grow up etc.. She should see the better in you and if she likes you, you'll know. =]


Hope i have helped.


OH! One last thing, Don't get her drunk, unless she's an alcoholic, It's not always appreciated.
 
Secretive
Don't get her drunk, unless she's an alcoholic
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In which case it would be an even worse idea.

Just find another girl. Chasing after girls you're borderline obsessive about is a terrible idea. "You're putting the ***** on a pedastool.":scared:
 
Yep, all joking aside, getting her drunk is a very bad idea. Probably best to avoid alcohol in any circumstances where you are dealing with relationships and emotions, both your own and other people's...
 
It doesn't seem like he's obsessive over her.

Just he likes her.
A good deal.


It's easy to say "move on" "find someone else" Etc..
But it's not so easy to do.

Easier said than done kinda thing.
 
I was just about to provide some advice, but then the irony struck me like messy breakup.

All i can say is from a few years of painful experience, don't get hung up on one girl. I know it doesn't feel like it, but there are other women who will make you just as happy.
 
donbenni
I know it doesn't feel like it, but there are other women who will make you just as happy.
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True ture.
"There are plenty more fish in the sea" as they say.


All you gotta do is find the one, that can make you feel the same as she did..


Tell me how its going, K_Speed
 
If you really like her, and she makes you happy... go for it. Life is short, make yourself happy. There's no use being miserable or regretting things for the rest of your life, which you will if you don't at least find out if she is interested in you.

Holy cow, I'm starting to sound old!
 
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