A Highway Racing Story I'm Writing

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NISMOskyline

NISMOskyline

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The following is only the prologue. But if you have the time, please read it and give me your opinions (this will help make the story better). Here it is:

As he sat there thinking about the inevitable whirlwind that would pass through Yokohama, the veteran highway racer knew this perpetual cycle better than any other racer. He knew that the Nightmare Wanderer would seek to crush every other team in this and all other areas, and that it would take the courage of one racer to stop this destruction.

Yet much had changed since his time: the teams today were far more destructive as they battled not for the love of racing, but rather for fame and money. These new racers also lacked the skills necessary to defeat the Nightmare Wanderer, but the teams cared little about the past and viewed him as nothing more than a legend.

Little did they know that legends would soon emerge from the shadows of the past And take what once was theirs. Until that day, however, these teams would not care and would continue their petty actions……
 
That's very Txr3'ish but I'm no english teacher so I can'T help.
 
What about your brother was racing the 'Nightmare Wanderer' and he was killed. Now, you seek out revenge on him.

Simple protagonist vs antagonist storyline. It gives your story meaning.
 
Let's see.... Here's a happy ending or this happy ending.

Or this happy ending: News story was removed

Oh... So many to choose from, where to start??

AO
 
Be really damn descriptive, thats the only way for the reader to get a good sense. Use all five senses. Just a suggestion. But your off to a good start.
 
Originally posted by Der Alta
Let's see.... Here's a happy ending or this happy ending.

Or this happy ending:

Oh... So many to choose from, where to start??

AO
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ahh the guy is writing a *story*, why u gotta be like dat?

ps nice boobie section on the streetracing.com website
;)
 
Not a fan of you in general, but I did enjoy the prolouge. Nice work. I applaud you, I can't write a reply, let alone a good story. Awesome topic. 👍
 
Actually, I feel that by writing this you can strike down many street racers..

You can hype him up all you want.. In a so called 'final race' he is killed as he pushes himself over the limit. This would actually help to make many street racers stop racing on public roads and endangering innocent people.
 
Originally posted by F.Zamataki
ahh the guy is writing a *story*, why u gotta be like dat?
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Ahhh.... Far be it from me to take a page from real life.

I like HRD's approach. You can then write an epilogue of what his family and friends go through.

Really bring the emotion on and create an impact.

AO
 
Well, it sounds like something I would've started writing a few years ago. If you want my honest opinion; it's really not that good. I mean, you need alot more introduction. There needs to be some more description of the guy's past, instead of just eluding (sp?) to it. Also, you should try expanding your vocabulary so that it doesn't get too repetitive. Also, you need to explain the street-racing scene to someone who's never been involved in it before; as they would have no idea what the heck is going on (I'm still a little lost myself...). Your style of writing shows a lot of promise. Keep working on it, and eventually you'll get a good story that will sell well...
 
Originally posted by Der Alta

Oh... So many to choose from, where to start??

AO
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Is that necessary? I mean you've made you point before. People are allowed to write about anything they want to and your opinions on street racing don't achieve anything here.

If you dont like street racing thats fine. That doesnt mean you have to be negative, just because he wants to right a (emphasis on the) fictional story about it is no reason to jump up on your high horse and cut him down for nothing. (Yeh I know you didnt but... meh) Save you opinions on street racing for the clearly marked "opinions" forum instead of wastings ome guys time when he simply wants some help with his english homework or whatever.
 
Originally posted by NISMOskyline

but the teams cared little about the past and viewed him as nothing more than a legend.
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Isn't that contradictory?
 
Originally posted by Crayola
Is that necessary? I mean you've made you point before. People are allowed to write about anything they want to and your opinions on street racing don't achieve anything here.

If you dont like street racing thats fine. That doesnt mean you have to be negative, just because he wants to right a (emphasis on the) fictional story about it is no reason to jump up on your high horse and cut him down for nothing. (Yeh I know you didnt but... meh) Save you opinions on street racing for the clearly marked "opinions" forum instead of wastings ome guys time when he simply wants some help with his english homework or whatever.
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Is it necessary to lionize street racers and worship the street racing mythos? No. Why should you be allowed to escape the reality of something, just because you happen to think it's cool? Answer me that.

You want to pretend that street racing is this romantic, heroic outlaw culture full of noble heroes. I'm sure there's some portion of truth in that. But it's also a reckless, dangerous thing full of arrogant idiots and meaningless deaths, to both participants and innocent bystanders.

You cannot ethically pick and choose just the pretty parts that you like, and ignore the ugly parts. There's a term for doing that: it's called "delusion".

Suppose the kid wanted to write a story about how cool it was to lynch gay people. Or blacks, Jews, Muslims, whatever. It's just fiction, right? Sure, he should be allowed to do so without considering the impact and the message of the story. I'm sure he could put a heroic spin on it, making the hero rid the world of these undesireables. But that would ignore the reality that gays, blacks, Jews, and Muslims are all human beings, right?

You're talking about precisely the same thing. It's all just a matter of what you happen to think is cool. There is no logical difference between the two subjects.
 
Your narrative is very disjointing. Who is the Nightmare Wanderer? Is he and the veteran racer (whose point of view the story is told from) the same character? The distraction of trying to figure out what you're trying to get across is taking away from the drama you're trying to build.

He knew that the Nightmare Wanderer would seek to crush every other team in this and all other areas, and that it would take the courage of one racer to stop this destruction
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Why would the Nightmare Wanderer seek to crush the teams? Does he have a vendetta? Is he too full of pride? Is he just a psychopath? Why does it require the courage of just one racer? Why not all the racers banded together? Why not call the cops and put an end to it? It feels like you take too many liberties with your audience and expect them to understand things before you explain them.

Your characterization is also filled with cliches. This is okay if your intended audience is young, but older readers will not tolorate much of this.

Yet much had changed since his time
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This doesn't belong there and creates more confusion for the reader. Whose time are you talking about? The veteran racer or the Nightmare Wanderer? Using the word "yet" implies you're making a statement contrary to the prior one. You don't.

These new racers also lacked the skills necessary to defeat the Nightmare Wanderer, but the teams cared little about the past and viewed him as nothing more than a legend.
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Another cliche.

Little did they know that legends would soon emerge from the shadows of the past And take what once was theirs. Until that day, however, these teams would not care and would continue their petty actions……
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So now you have a story about a Nightmare Wanderer character whom we don't know much about except that he is a better racer than the new younger racers. We also know the young racers don't believe he exists. This is told to us by the veteran racer --who may or may not be this Wanderer guy-- who can see the coming conflict. He may or may not be interested in stopping the Wanderer --we don't know, because we know nothing about him even though we just read three paragraphs told from his point of view. You're going to need to fix these narrative problems.

It also sounds like you have fixed yourself into an audience for this story that is extremely narrow. This is okay as long as you understand this. A lot of people think highway and street racing is really dumb. I'm one of them. Personally, I don't know why I'd be interested in reading about a fictional story about it --especially one that has characters with no identity or motivation. I suspect many people on this board feel the same way.

If you want to make this story more universal in its appeal, you will need to find a way for people to care about what's going on. Maybe the Wanderer character is a sympathic one. Maybe the new racers are the ones we care about. Maybe something more important than racing is at stake. Heck, its not even clear who your protagonist is and why.

Also keep in mind that the act of racing itself is a character in your story, just as much as a breathing character. If you want to sell the action in your story, you will need to make people care. This will be hard if some readers will have a pre-dispostion to disliking it. For example, I don't follow baseball, but I can enjoy a baseball movie if it is told well.

The best stories have one thing in common; a protagonist (or multiple) the reader cares about and can identify with. Without this key element, there is no story. The prose you can fix; that is not a problem, but for your story to succeed, you need a solid protagonist and a challenge for him to overcome (or fail at). Start with the basics and work from there.


M
 
Originally posted by Crayola
People are allowed to write about anything they want to and your opinions on street racing don't achieve anything here.
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Freedom of speech is a two way street. I'm allowed to express myself freely no more and no less than the person who decides to criticize what I have to say.


M
 
This is what happens when anime is your influence. It just reminds me of the big black hole I get in my head when I try to care about or follow an anime story.
 
I wrote a book once. I never finished it though - got about 1/3 through. It was pretty good.

I might post the first chapter if I'm bored enough.
 
Wow, thanks for your opinions, I wanted criticism and I apreciate what EVERYONE said.

HalfRaceDrift was right on course with his idea about the story: I want to start out with all the hype and supposed "glamour" of this form of racing and then show how it can destroy those you care for.

And M Spec, I know that the prologue is very vague, but that is kind of the point. I want people to be able to read the story and then look back and make the connections. However, I am planning on completely revising the prologue, because you made some very good points.


BTW Der Alta, The accident in the picture happened in Oakley right? I live in Antioch which is right next to Oakley and I saw it there. Holy crap, that incident was unbelievably stupid, yet it serves as big wake up call.
 
Hey, good luck on writing the story man. 👍:)
I'd love to read it once you're done with it.

I've done one short story about street racing as well, entered it for a national-level short story competition and to my surprise, I won. :D (That's how I got monies to purchase my PS2). The plot was simple, the usual things that go with street racing. In the end one of the main characters die due to an accident, and I put in those little 'messages' in the end of the story (dangers of street racing, about life, etc). :)

Good luck! :D
 
Originally posted by neon_duke
You want to pretend that street racing is this romantic, heroic outlaw culture full of noble heroes. I'm sure there's some portion
You're talking about precisely the same thing. It's all just a matter of what you happen to think is cool. There is no logical difference between the two subjects.
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I totally understand what you and Der Alta are saying and I think racing should be done on the track (I hate drag racing anyway, it merely tests gear changing ability) what im saying is its unfair to the guy whos writing the story to patronize him, my thoughts on the subject are irrelevant to my argument.
Der Alta could have atleast said something like, "Street racing is bad. Oh yeh, maybe you should cut down on the loaded adjectives." instead of just talking about how many people have died street racing. I realise that now I've stuffed up this guys thread to but only cos i was pissed (off) when I read Der Altas statement.
Originally posted by ///M-Spec
Freedom of speech is a two way street. I'm allowed to express myself freely no more and no less than the person who decides to criticize what I have to say.


M
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I understand that but what Der Alta said didnt add to the thread anymore than me saying something about a guy riding a pony.
I'll finish off by saying: Street Racing is bad but your story is good.
 
AT the risk of being seen as a "wet blanket" The peeps that get killed street racing are probably luckier than those who live in the aftermath of crippling injuries.
I truly doubt that wheelchair racing is as stimulating, or "cool" as street racing. Remember, my life's work is to take people from stretchers, to wheelchairs, to ambulation if possible. So, I tend to spend an inordinate amount of time with survivors. Whether it be of health issues, like stroke, joint replacement, or head injury sustained by accident or stupidity.
As Duke & Alex have pointed out there is a very ugly side to street racing.
NISMOSkyline's story seems to be one that could go either way.
The thus far unamed protanganist is waiting for the opportunity to shut down this "Night Wanderer". If written well, the story can provide some real insight into the street racing culture, from a fictional point of view. Or it can be another "Good v. Evil" story in which the "cowboys" ride in cars, instead of Horses (ala' Silverado)or spaceships, (ala' Star Wars). Both good storys, but from the story point of view, pretty basic plots that are not that earthshattering.

A good story provides interesting reading for the reader. A great story, provides interesting reading, and tugs at you for a long while after you've read it. It may be controversial. It may be adverserial, but it makes you think.
 
I do realize that I was a bit heavy handed in my response. I live in an area where there are quitre a few nice straight aways, and the local kids have been caught racing on more than one occasion at these places.

NISMOskyline: the twist at the end is absolutely impreritive in a story like this. The "legendary" racer be involved in a race that does cost another racers life, and your story could evolve into the emotions and guilt associated with it. Perhaps the legendary racer has changed from his younger racing years into a prominent citizen (Outspoken advocate of some sort, Mayor, Police chief forced to investigate himself). He figures at this time, the best way to teach a lesson would be to rejoin his old adages. The Old Barracuda he used to run has been in storage and noone has known about it, so it's same to take out on the road, as noone will recognize him.

He begins to whup a few kids unti lone over extends himself and gets killed. The second ironic twist is that it could be this guys son's friend. The legend then has to deal with the emotional guilt of him getting his son's friend killed.

AFter all, "The Usual Suspects" was a pretty horrid movie right up until the last few moments when the real twist was revealed.

Just a few thoughts.

Crayola, not a problem. You voiced your opinion, just like I did mine. You did it without resorting to belittling comments, and foul language.

AO
 
I'm over it now, I was angry at the time. (Not at you)
 
Originally posted by milefile
This is what happens when anime is your influence. It just reminds me of the big black hole I get in my head when I try to care about or follow an anime story.
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Hit the nail on the head.
 
Originally posted by Mike Rotch
Hit the nail on the head.
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I'm sorry that my story isn't sophisticated enough for you two :rolleyes:. I could delve a bit into the idea that neither of you read the whole story, but that would make me out to be a jackass.

I don't really give a crap if my story is influenced by anime (video games, anime, you guys are CLEARLY too mature to know the difference). I just like writing and I am not even close to being
serious about getting this published. But I guess this is what anyone gets when they ask for criticism, they get irrelevant crap like this

I'm kinda regretting putting the intro on this thread. I mean, if it can lead to stupid, irrelevant comments from two normally very intelligent people then imagine what it could do to a noob:lol: .
 
Well...

You can't base your story's success on a few moronic criticisms. I'd say keep going.

The usual trick with story is chosing the exact word, and put it into paper so as to make the reader feel it.

You are doing a good job.
 
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