Age and Death- How do you cope with these ideas?

Alpha Cipher

Alpha Cipher

3,954
Philippines
Laguna
Alpha_Cipher1
Just as the title says, how do you cope with age and the thought of death? Is there acceptance, or is there a constant fear within you that screams "I don't want to die"? Does the constant movement of time anguish you or not? Do you perhaps take a blind eye to these topics instead? I'd like to hear your thoughts and coping mechanisms on this one.

I'm not sure if I'm posting on the right thread, but it is somewhat opinionated so I thought I'd post it here. Please move to a different sub-forum as necessary
 
BobK
Meh, I'm going to die some day. So are you. Not much either of us can do about it except maybe try to put it off for a bit. So why worry about it?
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I guess you took the acceptance route? I can't really answer as to why I worry about it, since all I can give are irrational rambles. But I guess if I have to put it in the most rational way I can, it's because of the very fact that it's going to happen to me one day and I can't do much about it
 
Everybody has to die. It makes me curious (in a good way) really. Is there going to be a sort of life after death or is it really the end. One day, we all will find out or not. Simple.

It's not really death that I think about much but how I'm going to die (not thinking about this much either. Life scares me more, sometimes). Is it going to be quick, painless and peaceful or is it going to a long agonising painful death?
 
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As I get older it becomes more apparent. As a kid it didn't really cross my radar, but I'm now 25 and since I was 16 I've lost a grandparent, a guy on my course during my bachelor's degree, friends of my sisters, friends and cousins of my parents, and a family friend's new born baby, most of whom in the past year, and even yesterday an acquaintance who was in my year at school died.
 
You cease to exist, much like before you were born. It takes more to exist than to not, and I find comfort in closure.

It is an interesting topic that people can feel very differently about.
 
PeterJB
As I get older it becomes more apparent. As a kid it didn't really cross my radar, but I'm now 25 and since I was 16 I've lost a grandparent, a guy on my course during my bachelor's degree, friends of my sisters, friends and cousins of my parents, and a family friend's new born baby, most of whom in the past year, and even yesterday an acquaintance who was in my year at school died.
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I'm sorry for your losses
I'm very fortunate to not have experienced losing someone close to you, or someone you know relatively well, but sometimes the thought of it just comes to me at random and I can't really take it off my mind
 
It's scarier when you're younger. I had a heart attack three years ago and went into cardiac arrest on the stretcher in the ambulance on the way to hospital. The paramedics perofmed CPR on me and brought me back.

During my NDE I didn't feel a thing other than a sense of calm and inner peace and a vague sense of regret that I hadn't written my will. Everything went white and I think I saw something that looked like my dead father telling me to go back but in retrospect it was probably the oxygen loss to my brain causing a temporary whiteout.

A mate of mine was stung by a poisonous scorpion and nearly died. He also remembers the same Eagles-style peaceful, easy feeling as he shook hands with the grim reaper. I guess if it's sudden enough and you don't have time for bitter regret then ceasing to exist isn't so bad.

Life is a struggle and eventually we have to stop fighting but I don't remember what it was like before I was born and can't imagine it won't be the same after I die. For me oblivion beats Catholic eternal damnation any day of the week anyway. To me that's a whacked (next-)world view.
 
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Life is precious yet temporary, what scares me more than the fact I will die one day is losing others close to me, and believe me I've had plenty of experince of that. Personally the thought that I will die one day doesn't really affect me, it's not something I dwell on though. It is kind of scary that I'm in my mid 30's now though and it seems like yesterday my biggest concerns included whose house was I going to after school and what new games were out, if the next 20 years go just as fast I'll be retiring soon.

The last 10 years have had so many ups and downs, including the biggest of these in my life, losing my brother but also getting married to the best girl in the world. In my opinion worrying about death is a waste of life, everyones dies eventually, when it happens to someone too soon it can be devestating. My brother was killed 8 years ago at the end of this month, it almost tore my family apart and that experience and loss is something I will live with for the rest of my life. But it doesn't stop me doing things, enjoying myself, working hard and reaping the rewards of that.

I coped by by not isolating myself, going back to work was probably the hardest thing I had to do in the following weeks, but I think it was one of the best things I did. I didn't go back too soon, but I was conscious of not leaving it too long because the longer I left it I knew the harder it would be. Fearing your own death I think is sometihng I can't relate to, I'm still young enough to not be worried about age, although it does take a lot longer for the aches to go away after a game of football (soccer to the US of A) these days. I think I'd worry more about other people coping, and making sure they are okay than about myself if I did grow old or get trerminally ill. As for something unexpected happening, there's simply no point worrying beyond what's reasonably within your control (driving safe, not taking drugs etc).
 
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My neighbour died on New Year's Day. He was in his early 50s and had an aneurysm. He was fit, healthy etc. etc.

Apart from the sadness and shock the thing that always puts a death into perspective is how clearing up after somebody's life involves just clearing the minutiae of their existence. For all the things he'd done and been it came down to helping his sobbing mother clear the house right down to that mad kitchen drawer where we all keep our old microwave manuals, odd bolts and elastic bands.

It happens, enjoy it not happening while you can.
 
Alpha Cipher
Just as the title says, how do you cope with age and the thought of death? Is there acceptance, or is there a constant fear within you that screams "I don't want to die"? Does the constant movement of time anguish you or not? Do you perhaps take a blind eye to these topics instead?
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No, I do not worry about or fear death, and never have. I'm 70. I have felt free to mountain climb, vertical rock and ice climb, race cars and karts, ride a motorcycle and everything else I wanted to do without fear of death. I do not ignore death; I'm acutely aware of it. Along the way most of my family and several of my friends have died, sometimes violently or prematurely. I have seen dead bodies up close. All that said, I've been in no hurry to die and have taken many prudent precautions to safeguard myself and maintain a healthy body. In case there's a soul and an afterlife, I've tried to make sure to treat people in such a way that I've nothing to be ashamed of or apologize for.
 
I fear death. I am one of the few i know who would stay immortal if i could. I hold no preceptions that there is anything after we die, and thus would rather stay living than no longer exist. Inevitable or otherwise matters little in that.
But, i do not live life like a scared child. I have held dangerous jobs, hung off helicopters by a rope, jumped out of planes and live life with little regardto my immediate safety despite the fear. I may not be accepting of death but i have no intentions of arriving to the inevitable in pristine condition.
 
I'm 26 so these idea's can still change but I both look at death as a relief and as something I'm scared of.

So,... I do have a certain fear for death as I don't want to stop looking at the progression we make. What beautifull technologies will be invented? Which disseases will we find a cure for? Those questions make me 'fear' the end, I don't want to miss out on those I want to see all of those changes/breakthroughs happen.

On the other hand I have since a short time been going to a therapist as in a period of 3years time I lost 4 people I knew rather well due to them committing suicide. That was hard and it started changing my perspective on life and death, all of them had big troubles living in a stressy and hasted society. The big hit on the other hand was when one of my best mates did the same a year after that. A lot of people don't understand them and some even are mad, on me it had a different effect. I agreed with them I miss Stef like hell but I'm ok in not being ok with it. I learned to accept they needed the rest of not existing. And I'm seeing a therapist as from time to time I wish I could just stop to exist. I don't fear death somehow if I don't wake up tomorrow I'd be so happy (as far as that's possible since I won't exist no more). What I do fear is leaving the people I love behind. I want to still make the change in their worlds I want to grant them the best life possible. I want to make sure those people don't ever need to feel that they'd be better of dead, that is my drive to not give in when the road gets rough. I want to make the diffrence for people who feel like Simon, Nick, Seba, Tim, Stef,... Or even as I feel sometimes.

So while I don't fear death I fear for the things I should still have do in this life for the people around me.
 
Mr Tree
I'm 26 so these idea's can still change but I both look at death as a relief and as something I'm scared of.

So,... I do have a certain fear for death as I don't want to stop looking at the progression we make. What beautifull technologies will be invented? Which disseases will we find a cure for? Those questions make me 'fear' the end, I don't want to miss out on those I want to see all of those changes/breakthroughs happen.

On the other hand I have since a short time been going to a therapist as in a period of 3years time I lost 4 people I knew rather well due to them committing suicide. That was hard and it started changing my perspective on life and death, all of them had big troubles living in a stressy and hasted society. The big hit on the other hand was when one of my best mates did the same a year after that. A lot of people don't understand them and some even are mad, on me it had a different effect. I agreed with them I miss Stef like hell but I'm ok in not being ok with it. I learned to accept they needed the rest of not existing. And I'm seeing a therapist as from time to time I wish I could just stop to exist. I don't fear death somehow if I don't wake up tomorrow I'd be so happy (as far as that's possible since I won't exist no more). What I do fear is leaving the people I love behind. I want to still make the change in their worlds I want to grant them the best life possible. I want to make sure those people don't ever need to feel that they'd be better of dead, that is my drive to not give in when the road gets rough. I want to make the diffrence for people who feel like Simon, Nick, Seba, Tim, Stef,... Or even as I feel sometimes.

So while I don't fear death I fear for the things I should still have do in this life for the people around me.
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Thank you for remembering the names who now rest. They might not be around anymore, but they still left a legacy in this world because you remember them. Their names, and your experiences with them. I just want to say thank you for that :)

And, I know this wouldn't help much, I hope you'll find a reason to love yourself. One post isn't really much to knoe your personality, but I think you're a great person because you carry the memories of those who you lost within your heart. Not many people can do that. Thank you as well for sharing your opinion :)
 
PeterJB
As I get older it becomes more apparent. As a kid it didn't really cross my radar,
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Same here. In the last 7 years two of my Nieces passed. one was 25 and the other was 5 years old. And whilst incredibly tragic and hard to cope with, it is when older folk that I have known since I was in nappies pass that the reality of death really becomes more apparent. I have seen a lot of my mothers friends pass in the last few years (her best friend passed just last month) and it really made me think damn, that time is getting closer and closer for me too. Even if I could die at any time before I grow old.

Generally though I don't give it any thought, no point as it is coming either way.
 
Alpha Cipher
I'm very fortunate to not have experienced losing someone close to you, or someone you know relatively well, but sometimes the thought of it just comes to me at random and I can't really take it off my mind
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I rather think that the fact that in a modern society we're very much insulated from death means that we're much more poorly equipped to deal with it when it happens. It's just a thing, and it's sad and sometimes unnecessary, but I think people being afraid of it is the most damaging.

In the words of a wise man, stop trying to control everything and just let go (warning, profanity):



It's hard and it can feel like it's disrespectful to those that have gone. But once you lose the fear, you're able to remember them without it being terrifying for you. And in people's memories is how we keep those that have died alive for others to be touched by what they did and who they were.
 
Imari
I rather think that the fact that in a modern society we're very much insulated from death means that we're much more poorly equipped to deal with it when it happens. It's just a thing, and it's sad and sometimes unnecessary, but I think people being afraid of it is the most damaging.

In the words of a wise man, stop trying to control everything and just let go (warning, profanity):



It's hard and it can feel like it's disrespectful to those that have gone. But once you lose the fear, you're able to remember them without it being terrifying for you. And in people's memories is how we keep those that have died alive for others to be touched by what they did and who they were.
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Wise words
Perhaps I'm still too close-minded to accept the concept of growing older, and much more so with death. Hopefully one day I'll be able to stop myself from trying to control everything and just let it go, and by doing so I can finally accept those ideas.
 
Alpha Cipher
Hopefully one day I'll be able to stop myself from trying to control everything and just let it go, and by doing so I can finally accept those ideas.
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Personally, I think the biggest step I made towards letting go was going bungy jumping. As I was plummeting through the air I really thought I was going to die. There's no time when you're falling from a bridge to be reasoning that you know you're tied by the feet and probably fine, your body feels like it's falling to it's death. It's a very visceral experience.

It's an easy and safe way to face your own death, as it were. Easy is relative, you're throwing yourself off a bridge after all which is remarkably challenging when you're actually standing on the edge. But being able to do that, having your mind go through the thoughts that you would have if you really believed you were going to die, and then being able to process that afterwards can be quite profound, in my experience. In terms of changing how I viewed the world, that was probably the most powerful five seconds of my life.

If you have the opportunity, I recommend it. It may not have exactly the results for you that it did for me, but I think you can't help but come away changed. And perhaps once you know that you can face death the fear may diminish a little.

I don't think the fear is something that you can really reason your way around intellectually. It's much easier to give yourself an experience that contradicts the current fears that you have, and perhaps that will alter how you feel.
 
Imari
Personally, I think the biggest step I made towards letting go was going bungy jumping. As I was plummeting through the air I really thought I was going to die. There's no time when you're falling from a bridge to be reasoning that you know you're tied by the feet and probably fine, your body feels like it's falling to it's death. It's a very visceral experience.

It's an easy and safe way to face your own death, as it were. Easy is relative, you're throwing yourself off a bridge after all which is remarkably challenging when you're actually standing on the edge. But being able to do that, having your mind go through the thoughts that you would have if you really believed you were going to die, and then being able to process that afterwards can be quite profound, in my experience. In terms of changing how I viewed the world, that was probably the most powerful five seconds of my life.

If you have the opportunity, I recommend it. It may not have exactly the results for you that it did for me, but I think you can't help but come away changed. And perhaps once you know that you can face death the fear may diminish a little.

I don't think the fear is something that you can really reason your way around intellectually. It's much easier to give yourself an experience that contradicts the current fears that you have, and perhaps that will alter how you feel.
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Interesting perspective... thank you for your advice and I will try bungee jumping when I get the chance :)
 
I think if Humans are going to live beyond normal life span people will have to turn Cyborg.

Personally I think this is possible in about 50 years.

However this will cause serious overpopulation issues.
 
mustafur
I think if Humans are going to live beyond normal life span people will have to turn Cyborg.

Personally I think this is possible in about 50 years.

However this will cause serious overpopulation issues.
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On the other hand the Robot Wars TV programme will be a hell of a lot more exciting to watch.
 
TheGeologist
Due to my scientific background, I am not religious. How do I deal with thinking about death and aging? I do so with extreme anxiety. It's terrifying of the idea to cease to exist. I'm thankful everyday I am around.
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This is also my problem. The school I go to is not religious (A rarity in the country I live in) and their literature and humanities classes with their existentialist topics don't really help
 
TheGeologist
Due to my scientific background, I am not religious. How do I deal with thinking about death and aging? I do so with extreme anxiety. It's terrifying of the idea to cease to exist. I'm thankful everyday I am around.
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Exactly so. Maybe if i am old, and my body beat down and my mind has gone feeble, maybe that day i will embrace death. But I am none of these. I do not sit and dwell on the topic, ceaselessly anxious about dying. Rarely do I ponder on it, but when I do, it certainly is something that instills fear. To no longer exist. No longer experience or feel or know. That is not something i accept or welcome.
 
Rallywagon
Exactly so. Maybe if i am old, and my body beat down and my mind has gone feeble, maybe that day i will embrace death. But I am none of these. I do not sit and dwell on the topic, ceaselessly anxious about dying. Rarely do I ponder on it, but when I do, it certainly is something that instills fear. To no longer exist. No longer experience or feel or know. That is not something i accept or welcome.
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I used to be like that when I was younger but I don't think you have to be old and feeble for the feeling to go away. Having a near death experience changed my perspective and also that of a couple of people I know. I'm grateful for the life extension but going away didn't seem so bad.
 
UKMikey
I used to be like that when I was younger but I don't think you have to be old and feeble for the feeling to go away. Having a near death experience changed my perspective and also that of a couple of people I know. I'm grateful for the life extension but going away didn't seem so bad.
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While by no means old, i am not young. I have had many near death experiences. I find that as i age, i am less accepting of death. In my twenties the most stock i put into death was simply that i did not want to die slowly and painfully. Wasting away to some from of cancer or something like that. As ive aged through my thirties, I find I am less worried about the pain, and more worried about what i leave behind. Regardless, views on death are highly subjective.
 
I tell the oldest boy when im dead you can have my sim rig all my flight gear racing ect.
But while im living if you touch it i will kill you lol .
Hopefully it doesn't backfire on my arse and he gets a bit antsy and throws a toaster into the bath while im having a wash to speed up the process.
On a more serious note my grandfather was on the clean up of Hiroshima after the bomb.most of his mates died from various cancers over the years ,the cancer finally got him last year. We knew he would go so i built a cabin out the back of my parents house for my grandmother and my disabled aunty.so they were not left by themselves once he was gone.
In his last week thats all he asked about his cabin lol. As soon as they moved in i spoke to him on his death bed he was happy they were going to be looked after and he let go .
 

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