Amusing car descriptions

[INEEDNAWZZZ]

Sounds stupid, but stay with me for a second. I was playing GT2 today and decided to read the little info blurbs on some of the cars since I'd never really read any of them before. Compared to GT5 and 6, which are all boring, clinical and just read like a Wikipedia article, GT2's actually manage to blend in a bit of humour and sarcasm along with giving you the vital information.

This is a long read, but I think its worth it to see how different they've become as the games and their styles have changed. This is GT2's description for the Daihatsu Midget II:

The Daihatsu Midget is a lightweight single seater. But it's not a racing car, oh no. Instead, it's the fastest delivery van in the Far East. First shown at the Tokyo Motor Show, the Daihatsu Midget II finally went on sale in Japan in 1996. This utterly bizarre commercial vehicle's nippiness through city streets is more thanks to its minuscule stature than outright power.

Poke is provided by a weenie inline 3 cylinder, 12 valve engine developed from that in the Mira and other more mainstream Daihatsu models. But unlike these, the Midget's engine is tweaked - to produce even less power! In total, there's just a 31 BHP maximum to play with, liberated at 4,900 RPM. Matched to this unit is a four speed manual transmission; or, should you prefer to go even slower, a three speed automatic gearbox.

Still, the bodywork is so flimsy that at least the cute little Midget has little to weigh it down. The D-Type model, added in 1998, is lighter still, being 75 mm shorter overall. Only an optional second seat (plus passenger) need seriously hamper progress. Not that its a, um, vehicle that you'd want to go quickly around corners in. Compact McPherson struts are fitted at the front, and the rear end rides on a primitive rigid axle and leaf spring combination. Next to no grip is provided by a set of tiny castors at each corner, borrowed straight from a shopping trolley.

The front pair are set much further apart than the closely spaced rears, the aim being to give maximum maneuverability whilst still preventing the whole caboodle from tipping over at the first sight of a bend. Braking, meanwhile, is a close match for a shopping trolley too. A set of tiny drum brakes are given the task of bringing the Midget to a stop. It's tragic then, that only Japanese pizza delivery boys will ever get to know just what a laugh the Midget really is.

Seriously, look at that. They joked about everything, from its looks and performance (which anyone could tell just from looking at it), yet still gave you the history and all the tech specs for it, which is what you want when you read it. It sounds like a completely useless request, for sure. But it definitely shows that PD have (or rather, had) a sense of humour and knew it was a game where you could just mess around with terrible but still fun cars. I'd much prefer that to the short novels we're given about everything in the newer games.

 

[citroengt1]

I never played GT2, but that is cool.
They could write such stuff, but it probably would not come
back in the game since it isn't that needed.

 

[Grayfox]

Why do you think, I painted mine pink and called it flip?