Answering machine messages

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mike Rotch
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Mike Rotch

Mike Rotch

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1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are a bill collector, I already sent the money.If you are my parents, please send me money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have PLENTY of money.

4. "Hi. Now you say something."

5. "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."

6. "Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

7. (From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave *sexy* message, I call sooner!

8. "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

9. "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need sliding windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

10. "This is not an answering machine -this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

11. "Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."

12. "Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

13. "If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
 
I just hate the ones that go,
Hi how are u?.............im not here right now, please leave a message.

They are annoying, cause you always say smething in the silence after how are you.
 
This one's my favourite (and the only one that actually made me :lol: ):
Originally posted by Mike Rotch
11. "Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
Click to expand...

I like the one I read on Dilbert's web site in the list of "Top Signs your Customer Support Department hates your customers"

They spent 5 years developing an adventure game for the answering service: "You have reached the customer support forest. You are required to rescue the Support Princess, who can help you with your problem. Press 8 to go North, 4 to go East or 6 to go West."
Click to expand...
 
12. "Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."
Click to expand...

Haha, that's the best one.
 
Originally posted by ExigeExcel
I just hate the ones that go,
Hi how are u?.............im not here right now, please leave a message.

They are annoying, cause you always say smething in the silence after how are you.
Click to expand...


OR the cell phone ones where it says "Hello?.... Hello?.... Just playing im not here right now leave a message"
 
Narrator's voice: "There Richard sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Richard in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message."

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."
 
the best messages are when people are sooo serious about them, like where they talk slow and give their number and where they called.

my neighbors answering machine is something like "hello,... you have ... reached ... the X residents ... at ... xxx-xxxx, ... we are ... not ...home ...right ...now ...leave ...a ...message after ...the ...long ...beep. " i have actually left a message where i was just laughing for the time it gives you to talk


otherwise i like the hello, we are not here but the answering machine is, so talk to it instead.
 
I downloaded one that was called "learn Japanese in 20 seconds" they proceed to talk Japanese for the rest of the time. :D
 

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