- 5,987
Hey there comedians, I've got a challenge for you. I'm looking for the Best Story Ever. I love a good story, and I also like to tell people these stories, and I've got a pretty decent handful of them. Most of them get laughs, and sometimes I am asked for more. If this happens, and the people've been nice to me, I bust out the Crown Jewels of my storybook - The Dead Dog.
I strongly nominate The Dead Dog as the Best Story Ever, because it is ridiculously hilarious on every level. A friend of mine told it to me a while back, but if I just heard this tale now, there's gotta be another story that can top my BSE. I think this is the place to find it.
What is your BSE? Can you help me find it? Is it better than The Dead Dog?
Here's The Dead Dog in its entirety. You may have heard this story already, but I've been telling it for a while, and I've only met one person who claimed to have heard it. Also keep in mind, a good storyteller can make the most boring situation a laughoutloud engaging tale, so bear in mind that this story can be a lot funnier when told in person and not typed out. I'll try anyways. This is how I tell the story.
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The Dead Dog.
Montreal's got a top notch university called Mcgill, it's one of the best in the country. There was a girl who lived out in Calgary (out west) and decided to change things up in her life and apply to Mcgill and move to Montreal to study here. She sent in the applications, and sure enough she got the acceptance letter back. So she packed up he stuff and flew out to Montreal to study at Mcgill.
She did not know anyone in Montreal, but she still managed to make some friends from her classes and the girls who lived in her residence. She did however, have an uncle who live downtown with his family. She met them soon after moving into town, and they had her over for dinner from time to time, and everything was dandy.
Time passed, she was successful in her classes. She was walking back from campus to her res to get studying, because it was exam season, when her phone rang. It was her uncle.
It was the regular family conversation, how's classes etc. but then he asked her for a favor. He offered her to live in his nice appartment for a week while he and his family went off to Mexico for vacation. Eager to get into a nice clean appartment to get some quality studying done, she accepted the offer. The only stipulation was that she had to walk and feed their family golden retriever.
The next day, she was over and saw the family off, got the key for the mailbox, was shown where the dog food was and was told when to walk the pooch. The uncle's family left and she got to her books.
She woke early the next day to walk the dog, but when she got to the living room, she found the dog dead as a doorknob. It doesn't take a scientist to diagnose a dead dog, this thing was cold and hard as a rock. The girl breaks into tears and thinks back and remembers feading the dog, and can't at all imagine what killed the poor hound. Out of ideas, she decides to call the uncle who is at his hotel in Mexico.
He is completely understanding, and tried to calm the girl down by reassuring her that the dog was old and it was just a huge shame that the thing died while in her hands. It was very unfortunate, but the family wasn't going to cancel their vacation on the first day just because of the dog. The uncle instructed the girl to cremate the dog at a veteranary hospital because it couldn't just sit there dead on their couch. The girl, still in tears, assures that she will do everything to try and make things better.
She hangs up the phone and looks at the dog. It's a good 80 lbs of dead weight. She can't even move the thing. She thinks about the people she knows from school, and none of them seemed like close enough friends to be able to call up and ask for help moving a family friend's dead dog.
She picks up the phone book, searches the vet section and finds the closest one that can cremate the dog. It's a couple blocks away, so she'll have to take the Metro (Montreal's underground transit system) for 2 stops.
Thinking of how she can transport the dead animal, she find deep in some closet this huge old fashioned suitcase that would be rather suitable for carrying the dog to the Metro, and then to the vet. She props up the trunk next to the couch and rolls the dead dog in. Luckily, the dog fits and the lid shuts.
The girl then takes the suitcase down to street level and heads down the street to the Metro entrance. She's having troubles, but still manages to schlep the big suitcase to the stairs to get down to the Metro platform. She takes it down the first two steps with a large amount of trouble, but she's gotta get the dog to that vet, so whatever it takes, she'll have to make do.
Suddenly a stranger asks her if she's having trouble and if the man could help her out. She accepts his kind gesture and he hoists up the suitcase and easily walks down to the platform to wait for the train.
The large burly man, curious about the contents of such a heavy suitcase, inquires about what could possible be in the trunk. The girl, unwilling to freak out the kind man by telling him that it's a large animal corpse that he is carrying, tries to think of something plausible to be inside the suitcase.
She says the first thing that comes to mind - she's moving to another appartment and the suitcase is full of a bunch of electronics, her TV, stereo, DVD player and laptop. The man looks at the suitcase, looks at the girl, looks around him, and takes off with the suitcase.
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Have you got something better to tell? I'd love to hear it.
I strongly nominate The Dead Dog as the Best Story Ever, because it is ridiculously hilarious on every level. A friend of mine told it to me a while back, but if I just heard this tale now, there's gotta be another story that can top my BSE. I think this is the place to find it.
What is your BSE? Can you help me find it? Is it better than The Dead Dog?
Here's The Dead Dog in its entirety. You may have heard this story already, but I've been telling it for a while, and I've only met one person who claimed to have heard it. Also keep in mind, a good storyteller can make the most boring situation a laughoutloud engaging tale, so bear in mind that this story can be a lot funnier when told in person and not typed out. I'll try anyways. This is how I tell the story.
----
The Dead Dog.
Montreal's got a top notch university called Mcgill, it's one of the best in the country. There was a girl who lived out in Calgary (out west) and decided to change things up in her life and apply to Mcgill and move to Montreal to study here. She sent in the applications, and sure enough she got the acceptance letter back. So she packed up he stuff and flew out to Montreal to study at Mcgill.
She did not know anyone in Montreal, but she still managed to make some friends from her classes and the girls who lived in her residence. She did however, have an uncle who live downtown with his family. She met them soon after moving into town, and they had her over for dinner from time to time, and everything was dandy.
Time passed, she was successful in her classes. She was walking back from campus to her res to get studying, because it was exam season, when her phone rang. It was her uncle.
It was the regular family conversation, how's classes etc. but then he asked her for a favor. He offered her to live in his nice appartment for a week while he and his family went off to Mexico for vacation. Eager to get into a nice clean appartment to get some quality studying done, she accepted the offer. The only stipulation was that she had to walk and feed their family golden retriever.
The next day, she was over and saw the family off, got the key for the mailbox, was shown where the dog food was and was told when to walk the pooch. The uncle's family left and she got to her books.
She woke early the next day to walk the dog, but when she got to the living room, she found the dog dead as a doorknob. It doesn't take a scientist to diagnose a dead dog, this thing was cold and hard as a rock. The girl breaks into tears and thinks back and remembers feading the dog, and can't at all imagine what killed the poor hound. Out of ideas, she decides to call the uncle who is at his hotel in Mexico.
He is completely understanding, and tried to calm the girl down by reassuring her that the dog was old and it was just a huge shame that the thing died while in her hands. It was very unfortunate, but the family wasn't going to cancel their vacation on the first day just because of the dog. The uncle instructed the girl to cremate the dog at a veteranary hospital because it couldn't just sit there dead on their couch. The girl, still in tears, assures that she will do everything to try and make things better.
She hangs up the phone and looks at the dog. It's a good 80 lbs of dead weight. She can't even move the thing. She thinks about the people she knows from school, and none of them seemed like close enough friends to be able to call up and ask for help moving a family friend's dead dog.
She picks up the phone book, searches the vet section and finds the closest one that can cremate the dog. It's a couple blocks away, so she'll have to take the Metro (Montreal's underground transit system) for 2 stops.
Thinking of how she can transport the dead animal, she find deep in some closet this huge old fashioned suitcase that would be rather suitable for carrying the dog to the Metro, and then to the vet. She props up the trunk next to the couch and rolls the dead dog in. Luckily, the dog fits and the lid shuts.
The girl then takes the suitcase down to street level and heads down the street to the Metro entrance. She's having troubles, but still manages to schlep the big suitcase to the stairs to get down to the Metro platform. She takes it down the first two steps with a large amount of trouble, but she's gotta get the dog to that vet, so whatever it takes, she'll have to make do.
Suddenly a stranger asks her if she's having trouble and if the man could help her out. She accepts his kind gesture and he hoists up the suitcase and easily walks down to the platform to wait for the train.
The large burly man, curious about the contents of such a heavy suitcase, inquires about what could possible be in the trunk. The girl, unwilling to freak out the kind man by telling him that it's a large animal corpse that he is carrying, tries to think of something plausible to be inside the suitcase.
She says the first thing that comes to mind - she's moving to another appartment and the suitcase is full of a bunch of electronics, her TV, stereo, DVD player and laptop. The man looks at the suitcase, looks at the girl, looks around him, and takes off with the suitcase.
----
Have you got something better to tell? I'd love to hear it.
