*cracks knuckles.
1. A former colleague of mine loved the torque wrench, the bigger the better.
Instead of using his hands for the first part of the thread, he used the wrench for everything. Until one day he decides to tighten up headbolts on an old Jaguar MK2. He placed the wrench on the first bolt, in the middle, pressed the button, tightened the bolt, and we all heard something snap. The bolt maybe? No. The head split in half.
Instant fired.
2. A friend of mine, and former colleague who wasn't a mechanic for long, gets to do the brake pads on a 2003 BMW 528, and when he is done, he gets in the car, puts it in reverse, drives of the ramp, only to find out that he has no brakes. He slams it in drive, shoots back up and over the ramp, into a rack full of oildrums. 9000 euro damage on the front of the BMW. And I almost died laughing.
ALWAYS PUT THE PRESSURE BACK ON THE PADS WHEN YOU SWAP THEM.
3. My former boss lets me do the headgasket on a Saab something. Tearing it down, replacing the gasket, building it back up, I get a call, emergency, I need to go. I inform my boss, he needs to tighten up the camshafts and and put the chain back in place.
Next day I come in, see the valvecover back on the engine. I ask if everything was done before the cover went back on. Yes. I finish rebuilding, start the car, take it for a testdrive. 3 minutes into the drive, a loud bang from the engine. No more valvecover. No more inletcamshaft. And the chain has found a new home in the hood.
4. I'm working on a Porsche 968?, rebuilding it after painting. Except the front of the torquetube, huge rubbermounted flywheel thing on the engineside. Gearbox is at the rearaxle. All done rebuilding, the boss and I take it for a spin. All is well. The car sits in the carpark for a while, when my boss decides he wants to take the car for the weekend. Master clutch cylinder doesn't work. Replaced with a new one. Testdrive. My boss tells me to gun it. I do. After 20 minutes, I driving 80km/h and slam it into 3rd gear.
Something breaks underneath the car. The car jumps a good 100cm into the air and I come to a screeching hold, white knuckles and all. I look to my right, the passengerseat isn't sitting as it should be. I get out of the car, look underneath it, the torquetube and propshaft are disconnected from the engine and are bent into the floorpan underneath the passengerseat. Cause? The rubber flywheelthing has sheered off.
5. I'm busy working and prepping an Austin Healey MK3 for streetrally. Building rollcage, extra gauges, install quickrelease latches on the hood, upgraded brakes. etc etc. After tuning the ignition and carbs, testdrive. After the testdrive, I tell the boss, while I'm still in the car, give the carbs a bit more fuel. He pulls open the quickrelease, tunes the carbs, and closes the hood. Back on the road. Doing roughly 100km/h I see the hood pop up a little, and before I know it, it is 15 meter up in the air, flying towards cars behind me, they swerve all over the road. Doing a U turn as soon as I can to collect the hood. Destroyed beyond recognition. I'm thinking, how the hell is it possible??? I know I locked the quickrelease. But. I wasn't the last one to open the hood. Aha. Back to the shop, my colleague and boss are walking towards me, noticing something strange with the appearance of the car. And then it hits them. No hood. My boss freaks out at me, and I respond : Who tuned the carbs the last time I was standing here? ..... He walked away in shame.
Ah, what the hell. 1 more
Buddy of mine, the same as above, working on a Jaguar, installing Cruisecontrol, vacuum powered. Has it all installed, puts the car in ignition, and presses the startbutton underneath the hood,(don't know why there is one there, but hey) the XK engine revs to max revs, my colleague runs to the window of the car, trying to turn the keys. But the keys aren't in the steering column, the are in the middle of the dash. His panic caused an apparent black out, and before he finds the keys, the engine self destructs. Pistonrods break, causing a new oildrainhole in the side of the engine.
Done.