For starters, they don't currently live together. Neither of them wants to, nore would their families be supportive, and with these two their families are VERY important. That's probably why I'm such good friends with them, "Family Values" are quite high on my list as well.
Her parents are moving out of their house and renting it to her and 'whoever'. She wanted two roommates in order to keep rent cheap - I was the second of the first two to be asked. I veto-ed the first because she has the ability to really piss me off sometimes. Though two female roommates might have been interesting. *wink*
Then we took turns veto-ing eachothers suggestions until I finally said I'd take both rooms because I couldn't fit in one of the smaller ones anyway (she has to have the master bedroom ... whatver, it's her house). Now she can't even find a third roommate that suits her, even going back to original options - I've been talking sense into her - previously having really bad roommates I feel I can spot them in advance now ... maybe.
I don't know that any of our friends are atune to my feelings, but I'd be surprised if none of them were. They all know about the roommate situation because we keep them well aprised. So far I've had none of them tell me it was a bad idea. In fact, guys and girls tell me it's the best thing that could happen and it would be so much fun. I hope they're not just counting on a cool house to go hang out at to escape from their parents (yes, most of them still live at home ...).
When I think really hard about my feelings, I decide that I could never be in a long term relationship with her. So that's definitely a good thing. I just think she would be a blast to date. And essentially, I get that much now. The three of us are really good friends, so whoever isn't currently at work are together doing something. He and I play video games and play in the park while she's at work, she and I jog and gossip while he's at work, and those two ... well you know (: So If I can keep from developing greater emotions by living with her, I should be ok. Looks like I'll be spending more time at GTP in the next year ...
[Jordan, this text box isn't big enough]
Well, it's all about discipline, isn't it? Do you trust yourself? Do you trust her?
Yes, I have to now, with as much time as the two of us spend together.
You're a decent human being, LoudMusic - I'm pretty confident you'd do the right thing. It's difficult with women because of the sex thing.
I appreciate your compliments. It makes me feel good that people judge me favorably just through my words.
And, you never know - she and your best friend might break up...only kidding.
There's always that (: But seriously, I don't know what I'd do if they did break up ... again ... for the FIFTH FREAKING TIME. I tell ya one thing, mate, I wouldn't be doing my best to get them back together again.
Switch the situation around and put yourself in your guy friend's position. What would you want your friend to do, and how would you react if your girlfriend broke up with you for your best friend (that she started living with a few months ago)?
Excellent! I found that one of my
spiritual gifts (if you believe in that sort of thing), is to see a situation from others' point of views. I think possibly this thought is my hessitation. And though I've even asked him what he thought, even what he wanted me to do, I still hessitate. He honestly doesn't care. I believe he trusts me much more than most of her alternates, even the females. The guys all seem somewhat sleezy, and the girls would all the time be talking her into breaking up with him. I on the other hand, I love them together and I think he knows that.
Yeah - that's what I was trying to get at with my question. If she's asked you, and not told him - big trouble. I mean - BIG trouble.
How did this all come about?
Well as I stated above, it's all on the 'up and up'.
nope, theres always room for error mate.
think about it, you are rooming with her, you get to know her better, she gets to know you better...and things become weird.
I think we'd both like to get to know eachother better, but on a friendship basis. But you're right, it's easy to go beyond that into the 'weird zone'.
Over the years i have developed a number of rules by which i live, i call them my golden rules. The first two are....
1) Never get involved (in any way) with a mates girlfriend.
2) Never date a mates ex.
I have lost a best friend having broken rule number 2, and i miss him more than i'll ever miss the girl.
I have no issues getting involved with a mate's girlfriend on a friendly basis - these are the girls I feel most closely to. Maybe because there is no chance I would be dating them, and I can completely act as myself instead of trying to be "impressive".
Never date a mate's ex ... this is a dangerous area, of which I am still debating. Depending on how their relationship ended, there can be different outcomes. If the two just decided that they didn't love eachother, I would say "play ball". If they cheated on eachother, or had an outstanding argument about something, steer clear. I have lots of friends that just decided they weren't good together, started dating friends, and we're all still really good friends. I have other that had to leave the city (:
Man, you're gonna be like a 3rd wheel in this Loud. See if they weren't involved, then it would be ok, but as it is now you're opening yourself up to controversy and scandals. First off people would probably think you're trying to get the girl by living with the couple. And then that spreads rumors, and before you know it you got people asking you directly and telling you stuff.(Happened to me when people heard that I liked this girl, I had people making fun of both of us in the middle of class, and when I would walk in the halls I'd get comments and even get people trying to stop me and talk with me, the rumors went around the whole school...).
You're in bad magumbo here Loud, bad magumbo...
In the words of the great Protoss Templar, "You think as I do." I've gone over this in my head time and time again. I've talked with nearly all of our mutual friends. Even though they all tell me it's a great idea and we'll have a lot of fun being roommates, I think deep down they're thinking the same thing you and I are. I have trouble judging their honesty, and that alone scares me. I appreaciate people putting my thoughts in writing for me though, it helps me realize just what I'm thinking (:
Aww man, no way!
If you like this girl even remotely, as in if you think she's half a point above being a warthog, you need to steer clear.
See, one of the things I've learned in life is that women generally become more attractive the more you know them, especially the ones you like but don't currently fancy. This has happened to me so many times, and I've generally been quite hurt by it.
So if it were me (and I freely admit that this may well not apply to you), after about 3 months, I'd become attracted to the girl, and then things would get weird. If you become even remotely attracted to her, or even attractive to her, you will lose one or other or both of them as friends.
Based on what you've said, you're risking the closeness you have in your social life, and it's almost certainly not worth it.
The only caveat to all this is if the room-sharing is on a short-term basis, and the end to that term is defined and set in stone. If there's no fixed end to the term, all the above applies.
Let us know what you decide!
My gosh ... again people put my thoughts in writing in front of me. How about this ... what if I were to sit down and discuss all of this directly with her, and even him? Exactly what you're talking about ... just throw it out there on the table and discuss it. I wonder if simply suggesting that this would happen would destroy the option of being roommates.
Well said Giles...
Well, I'm currently living with my wifes best friend. The circumstance is different though. She's in the basement, and my wife is also living with us....
It's all the closed door minutes and seconds that might run through your guy friends head, driving him to an uncontrollable insanity... Or he could be totally cool with it, with nothing romantic ever happening between you and your gal friend. I guess if there's even a remote chance of something happening that would ruin the friendships that you charish, I would look for an alternative.
Yes, if he was also living there, I think EVERYONE would be more comfortable. Especially myself.
Having been in certain similar situations, I can attest that YOU need to set moral standards quite high, and hold strong to them.
My previous roommate moved his girl in without consent to me. Short term became long term, and caused real problems. It's fine to have a female roommate, but it's even tougher to have a mate's girl as your roommate.
When they have a problem, she's going to turn to you as a confidant. This will cause problem's with your mate.
It can be done. I wouldn't advise of it. The many factors that figure in could help. take your thoughts of a physical, psychological and emotional relationship between her and you, and flush them down the toilet if you two should decide to become roommates.
It's a rough road, but it is passable.
Good luck.
AO
I find myself as her confidant during their times of trouble already. I believe he is aware, and comfortable with the situation. Though you are correct - it would be stronger, and more uncomfortable when she and I are living together. He would find himself 'out of the loop' with his best friend and his girlfriend. I don't believe he deals well with being shut off from the people he cares so much about.
The road is very rough, but I believe you are correct, and I believe it is passable. Fortunately I've had time to discuss the road with others who have travelled it (: Now I need to discuss the road with my fellow travellers, and make sure everyone has what they need to make the voyage successful.
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What a wonderful group of guys. When we get down to the nitty-gritty, I think we all shine. We come here to gloat about our video games, but when we're confronted about our personal feelings and emotions, we tend to make a pretty good show of it.
Thank you for all the wonderful insight! I'll be thinking this all over for the week to come. I've had all these thoughts before, but it helps so much to see someone else sharing my ideas and putting them in front of me to look at.
~LoudMusic
, I'm sure no matter what happens, it'll work out...
written all over it, don't you think?
