- 13,827
- Down under
> TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You sell one and buy a bull.
> Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
> You sell them and retire on the income.
>
> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You sell three of them to your publicly listed
> company, using letters of
> credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
> then
> execute a debt/equity
> swap with an associated general offer so that you
> get
> all four cows back,
> with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
> of
> the six cows are
> transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
> company secretly owned by
> the majority shareholder who sells, the rights to
> all
> seven cows back to
> your listed company. The annual report says the
> company owns eight cows,
> with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a
> new
> president of the
> United States, leaving you with nine cows. No
> balance
> sheet provided with
> the release. The public buys your bull.
>
> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, and force the other to produce the
> milk
> of four cows. You are
> surprised when the cow drops dead.
>
> A FRENCH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
> A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
> an
> ordinary cow and
> produce twenty times the milk. You then create
> clever
> cow cartoon images
> called "Cowkimon" and market them World-Wide.
>
> A GERMAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
> once a month, and milk
> themselves.
>
> A BRITISH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> Both are mad.
>
> AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows, but you don't know where they
> are.
> You break for lunch.
>
> A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
> You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
> vodka.
>
> A SWISS CORPORATION:
> You have 5,000 cows, none of which belong to you.
> You charge others for storing them.
>
> A HINDU CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You worship them.
>
> A CHINESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You have 300 people milking them.
> You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
> and arrest the newsman
> who reported the numbers.
>
> AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> That one on the left is kinda cute.
> You have two cows.
> You sell one and buy a bull.
> Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
> You sell them and retire on the income.
>
> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You sell three of them to your publicly listed
> company, using letters of
> credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
> then
> execute a debt/equity
> swap with an associated general offer so that you
> get
> all four cows back,
> with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
> of
> the six cows are
> transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
> company secretly owned by
> the majority shareholder who sells, the rights to
> all
> seven cows back to
> your listed company. The annual report says the
> company owns eight cows,
> with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a
> new
> president of the
> United States, leaving you with nine cows. No
> balance
> sheet provided with
> the release. The public buys your bull.
>
> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, and force the other to produce the
> milk
> of four cows. You are
> surprised when the cow drops dead.
>
> A FRENCH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
> A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
> an
> ordinary cow and
> produce twenty times the milk. You then create
> clever
> cow cartoon images
> called "Cowkimon" and market them World-Wide.
>
> A GERMAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
> once a month, and milk
> themselves.
>
> A BRITISH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> Both are mad.
>
> AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows, but you don't know where they
> are.
> You break for lunch.
>
> A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
> You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
> vodka.
>
> A SWISS CORPORATION:
> You have 5,000 cows, none of which belong to you.
> You charge others for storing them.
>
> A HINDU CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You worship them.
>
> A CHINESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> You have 300 people milking them.
> You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
> and arrest the newsman
> who reported the numbers.
>
> AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
> You have two cows.
> That one on the left is kinda cute.
Very nice. I haven't heard any of these "old" ones before though.