Cows simplify complex concepts

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///M-Spec

///M-Spec

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This appeared in my office inbox today. Its good for a few chuckles, after I edited out the duds.

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DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you.



REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?



SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.



COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.



CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.



DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.



BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.



AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the cows to produce the milk of four cows. You¹re surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.



FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.



JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow And produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.



ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.



POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.



FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.



NEW YORK CORPORATION

You have fifteen million cows.

You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick one from Arkansas.
 
Originally posted by danoff
That's very funny.

Where's the libertarian or green party cow?

Nice post!
Click to expand...


Glad you enjoyed it! Feel free to add on, I think the beauty of this one is that grows as you go.


///M-Spec

PS- Did you get my PM?
 
Green Party:

Has two cows that they consider themselves inferior to.


Libertarian:

Has two cows that have a better chance of getting elected to public office because of the whole drug legalization issue.


Engineers:

Have two mechanical cows that require 400 horespower turbocharged engines and 2000 kW of electricity to mooo at over 100 dB. Estimated lifespan = 5 yrs. within 6 standard deviations.


Ok, I'm not so good at this.


P.S.
I got your PM, sent you one back.
 
Green Party:

Has two cows that wear hand knitted sweaters and eat humus while being allowed to crap in the house. They reproduce until the planet is overrun with arrogant, entitled cows.

Libertarian:

Has two cows that undestand libertarian principles as well as the rest of the country.
 
Ricers:
You start off with no cows.
You work your tail off to be able to buy a very slow and durable cow.
You paint the cow rediculous colors, give it Notre Dame for a cowbell, and regularly inject it with laughing gas in hopes that it will go faster.
Your neighbors complain about how loud the cow is.
Your cow gets impounded after you've lost your first 50 races and you begin the process again. The cow is laughing hysterically the whole time...
 
How about:


GREEN PARTY

You have no cows, because you set them free.

You eat all the pasture cud that was there for the cows.

When you don't have enough cud, you run over to your neighbor's yard, free his cows and eat his.

You complain your neighbor's cud isn't 100% organic.



///M-Spec
 
British Labour Party: (I have no idea what all of this is about so I'm winging this one - just really for the brits here)

You have two cows.
Labour send you a tax bill for owning two cows.
They then tax you for how many legs each cow has.
They then tax you how many spots each cow has.
They tax you for the fact that the cow is breathing.
They tax you because the name for your animal you own (cow) happens to have the vowel 'o' in.
They tax you for each blade of grass the cow eats.
They tax you for each ml of milk the cow produces.
They tax you for many more rediculous things on your cow, and spend the money you've given them on tax to pay people to work out other ways of taxing you on your cow.
They do all this under the banner that 'we aim to give you cows a better future'.
Then finally when you can't afford to keep your cow any longer they take it away and eat or give it to somebody on the doll.

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That was my lame attempt :p .
 
THE BUSH ECONOMY:

You have 2 cows.

President Bush gives you a cow he doesn't have.

President Bush gives two cows he doesn't have to a foreign country.

President Bush give a cow he doesn't have to the elderly and a cow he doesn't have to the unemployed.

President Bush wonders why the government has negative cows.

10 years later:

You have no cows.
 
Feudalism
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Pure Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism
You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Real World Communism
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Perestroika
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.

Cambodian Communism
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Militarianism
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Totalitarianism
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

British Democracy
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

Bureaucracy
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Pure Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Capitalism
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Enviromentalism
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Surrealism
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonic lessons.
 
I'm sorry but I only got as far as pure communism before I realized that you're not funny and you don't understand the political systems you're trying to spoof 👎
 
Canadian
We had 2 cows.
Now one of them can ONLY speak french.
The other one feels that because it grazed our fields for thousands of years before we came, that it deserves to be given all the grass it can eat for free.:irked:
 
I'm sorry but I only got as far as pure communism before I realized that you're not funny and you don't understand the political systems you're trying to spoof
Click to expand...

I didn't write it, it was an email sent to me
 

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