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Heres the 411 on the stupidest 911 calls ever.
Maxim, January 2002
These asinine real-life 911 calls, excerpted from Leland H. Gregory IIIs Whats the Number for 911 Again? (Andrews McMeel, $9), prove once and for all that 911 should be an unlisted number.
BANDIT ON LINE ONE
Can I have the officer in charge, please?
There arent any deputies in here. This is a communications building.
I just Im the guy who robs all your stores in Lakeland, and Im just letting you guys know you aint ever going to catch me, you stupid punks!
PLANNING AHEAD
Do you work the night shift?
I am tonight. Do you have an emergency I can help you with?
No. But would you give me a wake-up call at 6 a.m.? I have an important doctors appointment tomorrow.
THE NAKED CHEF
Hi, my new wife left me and took all my clothes.
OK, we can send an officer to take a theft report.
Could you have the officer stop and get a pizza on his way over?
BAD POTLUCK
Yeah, hi. Ill just lay it out for you, OK? You see, my husband and II dont have to give you his name, right?
It depends
Anyway, weve been trying to get pregnant, you know, for, like, four months now.
Maam, are you calling to report an emergency?
Its just,you see, Ive been smoking a lot of pot lately, and Im wondering if that might be, you know, why things havent happened.
What things?
You know, the fetus thing.
WHATS THE PROBLEM?
I need some advice [giggles].
What can I help you with, maam?
Its a little embarrassing, but youre a woman, right?
Yes. Do you have an emergency?
Well, I just had a baby, and the doctor said to do those Kegel exercisesyou know, to tighten up things down there.
Are you in pain?
No, no, no. Its not that. Its just that every time I do those exercises I have an orgasm.
Im sorry, did you say orgasm?
Yes. Am I doing them right?
Sounds like it to me.
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Hope you enjoyed it!
~LoudMusic
Maxim, January 2002
These asinine real-life 911 calls, excerpted from Leland H. Gregory IIIs Whats the Number for 911 Again? (Andrews McMeel, $9), prove once and for all that 911 should be an unlisted number.
BANDIT ON LINE ONE
Can I have the officer in charge, please?
There arent any deputies in here. This is a communications building.
I just Im the guy who robs all your stores in Lakeland, and Im just letting you guys know you aint ever going to catch me, you stupid punks!
PLANNING AHEAD
Do you work the night shift?
I am tonight. Do you have an emergency I can help you with?
No. But would you give me a wake-up call at 6 a.m.? I have an important doctors appointment tomorrow.
THE NAKED CHEF
Hi, my new wife left me and took all my clothes.
OK, we can send an officer to take a theft report.
Could you have the officer stop and get a pizza on his way over?
BAD POTLUCK
Yeah, hi. Ill just lay it out for you, OK? You see, my husband and II dont have to give you his name, right?
It depends
Anyway, weve been trying to get pregnant, you know, for, like, four months now.
Maam, are you calling to report an emergency?
Its just,you see, Ive been smoking a lot of pot lately, and Im wondering if that might be, you know, why things havent happened.
What things?
You know, the fetus thing.
WHATS THE PROBLEM?
I need some advice [giggles].
What can I help you with, maam?
Its a little embarrassing, but youre a woman, right?
Yes. Do you have an emergency?
Well, I just had a baby, and the doctor said to do those Kegel exercisesyou know, to tighten up things down there.
Are you in pain?
No, no, no. Its not that. Its just that every time I do those exercises I have an orgasm.
Im sorry, did you say orgasm?
Yes. Am I doing them right?
Sounds like it to me.
----------------------------------
Hope you enjoyed it!
~LoudMusic
