- 8,128
- 2 smacks past uranus
- Somebodyshootme
Tidbits of Life...
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of
natural causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not
a
valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is
a valuable plant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is sexually transmitted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool.
who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Always get the last word in: Apologize.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to
use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some people are like Slinkies . . not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of
nothing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they use to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole
box to start a campfire?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
You read about all these terrorists --- most of them came here legally,
but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15
years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video
and
those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of
natural causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not
a
valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is
a valuable plant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is sexually transmitted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool.
who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Always get the last word in: Apologize.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to
use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some people are like Slinkies . . not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of
nothing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they use to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole
box to start a campfire?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
You read about all these terrorists --- most of them came here legally,
but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15
years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video
and
those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration.
