Funny car stories

[TurboLevin2NV]

It was a few days after Christmas last year, plenty of loose snow on the road. We had to get stuff at Jewel so my dad let me drive the gargantuan Toyota Previa.

We had seven people riding, and my dad, being drunk, told me to attack the corners "D1 style"

I decided to humor him, so I led the van into a 90 degree turn, yanked the ebrake, and slammed the gas. The had left the automatic lever in "2" so I had plenty of revs. And what amazed me was that it was so EASY to hold the drift. I did a few turns and everybody was pretty much freaking out. Wouldn't you be scared of a 14 year old drifting a loaded automatic minivan in the snow?

Then, the Jewel parking lot was pretty empty, so on the way back my dad did donuts with the van

WTF was I thinking???? hahahaha

 

[Cap'n Jack]

Haha! Awesome, sounds like you had fuN!

 

[1X83Z]

Why do you hate it? How much are you looking to get for it? My uncle is looking for a nice car, his Dodge minivan blew a motor (don't ask me how) and his Chevy Tracker just isn't cutting it.

It has serious mechanical problems; the turbocharger doesn't work particularly well and we had a new automatic transmission put in five months ago which doesn't get along very well with the non-working turbo. I'm asking $8000, but I don't think I'll get that. My local Volvo dealer drove it and offered me $3900 on a trade-in; it's worth $13000 in good condition. I'm wondering if I could claim insurance if I titled it salvage.

 

[Gil]

Here's an oldie but a goodie:
In my youth, when the right foot was heavier and the brain cells were lighter, I had my fathers 1970 Ford Country Squire wagon. It was equipped to tow a boat. (429 Super Cobra Jet, from the factory, with Holley 1050 carb). Yes, it was very fast.
My dad was very picky about that car. He let me take it one day after he had washed and waxed it. When I came out of the skating rink I found a "friend" sitting on it. Being logical (and 17) I freaked on him and yelled at him to get off the car.
He was of large stature and basically told me to sod off.
As you might imagine, this only served to piss me off.
So, I got in to the car, started it and gave him one more chance to get his fat a** off my dad's (freshly waxed) car.
His response "Get me off, a**hole. If you think you're up to the job." I was plenty big enough to do the job (100+ kilos and 5'10") but I guess I snapped.
I backed out of the parking space, gave him one LAST chance to get off the (FRESHLY WAXED) car. He again refused. So,
I put my foot down trying to put my left foot in the damn carbuerator, counted to three, then put BOTH feet on the power-assisted brakes (front discs).
Did I mention that the car was freshly waxed ?

STOP HERE FOR A MOMENT AND GET A VISUAL

He flew 15 feet and rolled 15 more. He was mad as a wet hen. So, I offered to add an a**-whoopin' to his "flight training". That was more than 20 years ago, and I still giggle when I think about it. Further, I can't recall that guy EVER sitting on another car I was driving.
Some people require "agressive" teaching.



__________________

 

[Gordonfan24]

Here's an oldie but a goodie:
In my youth, when the right foot was heavier and the brain cells were lighter. . .

That phrase is, along with that hilarious story, just great! You mind if I use it once or twice?

 

[MazKid]

My Protege drifts around corners without me trying.

Ehm...yeah...anyway I don't really have 1 particular funny story, rather a bunch of funny bits of driving, like:
Doing 102mph with 2 friends in my 323 running well into the redline in 3rd.
Winning a 3 player fake drifting event(I was up against an auto Probe GT and a '89 626, both with weak parking brakes, I easily won in the 323).
Going 80, hitting the brakes hard into a curve, hitting a dip in the road, and hanging on as the back end swung out - on dry pavement! On wet pavement my Protege goes controllably sideways at will, bad back tires.
Turning DSM(Dynamic Stability Management - applies braking power to various wheels so that you can't lose control, or drift) off in a RX-8 on the wet parking lot and hitting the gas around a corner and going way sideways.
"Racing" a Junoir-driven Integra on the way home from school, rolling down the window flat out at 80+mph and yelling to the guy - and his girl friend - "Wow! You're beating a 16 year old, 82hp economy car!" and giving them the thumbs up, and watching as the idiot just kept going flat out before cutting people off.
Wiping out in the snow like 6 times by accident, one of which just shy of a fairly large hill.

No really cool stories with the protege yet since the clutch is very bad(tons of slipage in 2nd up), hopefully that'll be fixed soon. On the way home from getting pizza tonight I did attempt to race an older Lexus from a stop light. I saw the guy driving pretty fast and when I came up to him at a stop light he looked like he wanted to race, haha. So the light turned green, I take off(no skidding, my clutch...and the guy prolly didn't slam on the gas to start with) and didn't bother to drop rpms into 2nd, so I ended up going from 30-55 or more with the RPMs up at around 6,500(god it had to have sounded so bad) but I beat him. Then the guy got right behind me and started tailing me which kinda freaked me out because it seemed like he was following me. I had to go up a clover leaf, so I downshifted to 3rd and accelerated to around 40 during the turn(this is a smaller clover leaf, and I was pushing hard in the turn) and this guy was pretty close behind me, obviously driving faster than most everyone would, I saw cars coming towards the top so I floor it and get infront of them(without cutting them off) but the guy didn't, so I was able to block him and thus - win. hehe

 

[Victor Vance]

Whoa, MazKid, talk about a real good source for inspiration 👍

I love your agressive driving style!

 

[MazKid]

Well, you see, I drive fast because I like to, not to show off to anyone. I also take pride in my car(s) and don't do anything to risk them. I hate cutting people off, so I will usually slow down to get behind them rather than cutting them off(or if the road permits I will accelerate and get well ahead of them before making a lane change. I always signal too. It's very plausible to drive fast and safe at the same time, you just have to watch the road, the other cars, and ofcourse, cops. And with my fast driving? 0 tickets, even 0 pull-overs.
Doug's reasoning with the blind spot is great. I usually use it. Although some people could use it negatively("There's a Cavalier next to me, I'll cut em off, haha!").

 

[Victor Vance]

Yeha, but I mean, getting sideways in an RX-8, and taking a clover leaf at maximum speed (what exactly is a clover leaf, anyway?) all good stuff my friend. And, heck, why not cut off that Geo Metro?

 

[1X83Z]

Then the guy got right behind me and started tailing me which kinda freaked me out because it seemed like he was following me.

I hate this to no end. Whenever I play around with someone and end up in front, if they take two or three turns same as me, the first thing I think is, 'undercover cop on his cell phone calling his dispatcher.' Usually I'll go out of my way to get away from him.

I'll also go out of my way to get away from people with no driving skills - the other day I was looking in my mirror and the Tahoe behind me completely left the road, at 35mph, and came back on without much braking. I decided I didn't want to get rear-ended, so I made the next left and u-turned to get back where I was. I don't need incompetence!

 

[MazKid]

A cloverleaf - which I refer to often in talking of my driving because I at times use them as a virtual lateral G-force tester, is the ramp from 1 road/highway to another. It's kinda hard to explain, but say you're going east on a road that crosses another road going north and south. Say you have to go from east to north. You turn right onto the ramp and you make a 270 degree turn, going from East to south to west and finally to north, in a single constant turn. Here's a pic of the very cloverleaf I was on tonight, except it's better now because the whole thing is smooth asphault:

The sideways in RX-8s is quite odd. First off, RX-8s come from the factory with dangerously slick tires. It's like they have a slick coating on them that you have to wear off. So I'll get in one to move it in the parking lot at work and, even in the auto, you hit the gas and turn and you are drifting at 5mph. It's hilarious, it feels like you are on ice. You don't even get a lot of wheel spin, it's like you are slowly spinning the tires and sliding at the same time. It's an odd feeling. On a wet parking lot it's worse and you usually end up sliding more than you want to. Now then, if you attempt to slide with DSM on, you'll start your 5mph drift but then suddenly you'll hear a bunch of clunk sounds and feel the brakes being applied to the front wheels and you'll stop sliding instantly. Push the switch and you're on your own.
I'd say that it would be very dangerous to take a newly arrived RX-8(like one that has a half mile on it) at any high speed around a corner. Ofcourse the 2 times I've driven RX-8s for any distance on the open road(which should change soon since now I can leagally do it, when I was 17 any road trip was technically illegal for the dealership to send me on, but hey, they sent me and I liked it), 1 was a demo with like 3,000 miles on it, and the other was one of our, at the time, older RX-8s in inventory so the tires weren't slick anymore.

 

[Victor Vance]

You so lucky man

Anyways, around here you're lucky to see a 4 lane road, let alone one of those things. I think there's one over at the Route 130-1 intersection where the traffic light used to be.

 

[MistaX]

This isn't funny. Just friggin awesome.

In 1998 I had the chance to go to a F355 Challenge race at Lime Rock, CT.
I was invited by the sponsors of the "Periguna Baci" Racecar.

100s, if not 1000 Ferrari's there. I Met the CEO of Ferrari North America, and he invited me to a few laps around Lime Rock in a Burgendy on Tan 355 F1. (As a passenger, duh)

Just getting in the car, I was just... blown away at the insaneness of what was about to happen. Me, a real race car driver, in a Ferrari, on a racetrack.

There was one turn that clearly sticks out in my mind as scaring the crap out of me, theres an uphill section of the track, where you're flat out. I think we hit about 130 or 140 there, and at the top of the hill, theres just a cone. A single cone.

That cone is in the middle of a turn. A sweeping left if I recall correctly, I didn't know it was coming, so I was scared out of my mind, going from 140 down to about 100 or so, and the G forces were just... immense.

On the main straight I wouldn't doubt that we hit higher than 160. It's not like I was looking at the gauges. I was holding on for dear life.

After 3 or 4 laps, we came back to the pit stalls, and I stepped out of the car, shaking.
The closest thing I can relate it to is a rollercoster, but alot faster and alot less predictable.

I'm sure If I had the same chance again now that I'm older, I think that I'ed have handled myself a little better, instead of umm...yelling "AHHHHHHHH" at every turn we came to.

I've never had the chance again, but damn, that memory will stay with me until I die.

 

[1X83Z]

I'm telling you, dude, let's go to Lime Rock and you can ride with me. Those Ferraris can't be much quicker than my car.

 

[Blackbird.]

Lots of times I start my mom's Sequoia for her and when she gets in because of the engine being so quiet she turns the key while it's on. I sigh and shake my head.

One time I was in my friend's dad's Lexus IS300 and we were leaving a store and he had some good music on, one with a fast tempo. When we got on the freeway he hit the accelerator hard and the car was picking up speed... fast. The IS300 is amazingly fast, anyways We finally hit 120mph(I was looking at the gauge) and then he finally slowed down. Everything felt like it was going 2mph on the freeway. He turned down the music and said, "This music is making me go fast, sorry." I gave him a funny look and felt an adrenaline rush going away.

 

[Gil]

That phrase is, along with that hilarious story, just great! You mind if I use it once or twice?

Have at it!👍

 

[Gordonfan24]

I'm pleasantly surprised with some of the good stories this thread has gotten.

About that IS300 story, my dad has done that before, but he drives a '97 Mercury Grand Marquis...so we got up to about 80, plus it needs a tune-up, cause there's pinging coming from the engine compartment...

That same day, we were on our way home from the Philly Auto Show (where we were that afternoon of the high-speed 80mph rampage) and I was just falling asleep (I woke up at 5:00AM and it was now 10:30-11:00PM) and the next thing I know, WHAMM!!!!... I instantly awoke to the sound of my dad, "🤬 🤬" My first thought, by the sound of it, was that one of the tires blew out. Nope! Being that we had to drive through Bamber (which around here is the middle of nowhere with only trees, trees, and more trees) I quickly gathered that we had hit a deer. So, my dad stopped, turned around and found the deer he hit. It was huge! An 8-point I think it was. It took out the whole grill, put a few dents in the hood, and made the Grand Marquis look like the van from Dumb & Dumber (hair was all over, along with some blood). It's not really funny, but I figured it was a story that I could tell...

 

[MazKid]

Forgot to mention what happened to my brother a few days ago. He was driving his Millenia down the highway...if you don't know the whole story of the Millenia being a $600 car that ran off the road and bent the frame infront of the front tires and messed the rest of the front end up and my brother kinda straightened the frame enough to get the hood to latch and other bits to line up, well, I just told you. So he was going down the highway on his way to school(college), in the rain. He said he was driving along just fine when he heard a "ping". He thought "what was that?" and a few seconds later the hood flew up and curved over the roof. Still doing highway speeds, he just kept going for a few moments thinking about the situation. He knew what cars were infront of him, so he was able to keep going and pull over to the side of the road. Now then, a normal hood flip up, as experienced by one of my friends in thier Maxima, breaks the windshield. Well my brother just put a new one in his Millenia(the old one cracked from the airbags going off in the accident) so he though it was toast. Well, at the moment when the hood flew up, since it was raining, the wipers were in the vertical stage, and cushioned the hood on the windshield and it didn't crack or anything. Lucky! So then, on the side of the road he was met by one of those Motorist Assist people, who handed him bungy cords and told him that it would work. Yeah...righto...50ft down the road it was already showing signs of lift(well, as you can imagine, bending over the roof shapes it into a wing shape, haha), so he pulled over, took the hood off, and jumped on it a bunch of times(it's an aluminum hood, weighs like 15 lbs) and was able to get it latched back on.
And ofcourse being who he is he plans on getting another Millenia that he found that needs a transmission.

 

[Blackbird.]

I'm pleasantly surprised with some of the good stories this thread has gotten.

About that IS300 story, my dad has done that before, but he drives a '97 Mercury Grand Marquis...so we got up to about 80, plus it needs a tune-up, cause there's pinging coming from the engine compartment...

That same day, we were on our way home from the Philly Auto Show (where we were that afternoon of the high-speed 80mph rampage) and I was just falling asleep (I woke up at 5:00AM and it was now 10:30-11:00PM) and the next thing I know, WHAMM!!!!... I instantly awoke to the sound of my dad, "🤬 🤬" My first thought, by the sound of it, was that one of the tires blew out. Nope! Being that we had to drive through Bamber (which around here is the middle of nowhere with only trees, trees, and more trees) I quickly gathered that we had hit a deer. So, my dad stopped, turned around and found the deer he hit. It was huge! An 8-point I think it was. It took out the whole grill, put a few dents in the hood, and made the Grand Marquis look like the van from Dumb & Dumber (hair was all over, along with some blood). It's not really funny, but I figured it was a story that I could tell...

Did you wake up from the incredible crash(sound)?

 

[Victor Vance]

Forgot to mention what happened to my brother a few days ago. He was driving his Millenia down the highway...if you don't know the whole story of the Millenia being a $600 car that ran off the road and bent the frame infront of the front tires and messed the rest of the front end up and my brother kinda straightened the frame enough to get the hood to latch and other bits to line up, well, I just told you. So he was going down the highway on his way to school(college), in the rain. He said he was driving along just fine when he heard a "ping". He thought "what was that?" and a few seconds later the hood flew up and curved over the roof. Still doing highway speeds, he just kept going for a few moments thinking about the situation. He knew what cars were infront of him, so he was able to keep going and pull over to the side of the road. Now then, a normal hood flip up, as experienced by one of my friends in thier Maxima, breaks the windshield. Well my brother just put a new one in his Millenia(the old one cracked from the airbags going off in the accident) so he though it was toast. Well, at the moment when the hood flew up, since it was raining, the wipers were in the vertical stage, and cushioned the hood on the windshield and it didn't crack or anything. Lucky! So then, on the side of the road he was met by one of those Motorist Assist people, who handed him bungy cords and told him that it would work. Yeah...righto...50ft down the road it was already showing signs of lift(well, as you can imagine, bending over the roof shapes it into a wing shape, haha), so he pulled over, took the hood off, and jumped on it a bunch of times(it's an aluminum hood, weighs like 15 lbs) and was able to get it latched back on.
And ofcourse being who he is he plans on getting another Millenia that he found that needs a transmission.

What's so special about the Millenia? Well, I'm crazy about the MA/RA/TA60-65 generation of Celicas, which nobody seems to care about so I'll shut up.

 

[Gordonfan24]

Did you wake up from the incredible crash(sound)?

Yeah, and I could've sworn it was a tire-blowout, but I was wrong... And the deer, from where my dad said he hit it, flew at least 20 yards and landed on the side of the road near an intersection (one of the few) for the firehouse.

 

[MazKid]

What's so special about the Millenia? Well, I'm crazy about the MA/RA/TA60-65 generation of Celicas, which nobody seems to care about so I'll shut up.

Nothing's really special about the Millenia L, and while the Milly S was special it sucked at the same time. My brother wants a Milly for a daily driver even though he can(and does) drive his 229whp MX-6 GT every day, the MX-6 is loud, rough, and not really comfy or something you'd want to be in in traffic. What's cool with the Milly L is that it's basically a detuned KL-ZE 2.5L, which means with the right parts you take a 170hp V6 to a 200hp V6 and still remain completely factory Mazda by basically taking the KL-DE to the Japanese KL-ZE. My brother hasn't done that with his Milly since he hasn't had it that long and the frame damage is still a problem. It's odd, his Milly under full acceleration is still quieter than the MX-6 at idle.