The missus and I spent about $5k, with the honeymoon, and we just shopped around for the best of what we wanted. We found a great mid-priced restaurant on the ocean (we return every year for the anniversary, and there's usually a wedding occurring), rented a few tuxes, recorded our own music, found an awesome bakery for cake and desserts, kept the wedding party to a minimum, and invited about 50 guests/family on total (most people don't want to be obligated to buy gifts). A lot of other things we got in the cheap, or they were gifts in and of themselves: Mother's wedding dress, limo service as a gift, party favors donated...everything went together perfectly.
I've attended much fancier weddings and receptions, and all that complexity is a nuisance if even one thing goes wrong; and then they complain about it every year.
Let your wife-to-be have her way. You worry about the rehearsal dinner and speech.
