i hate this pain

  • Thread starter Thread starter SS69
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she wasnt lieing for the whole year and a half. just the last month. im so stupid. tonight i went with my friends to one of those places where you pay by the hour to play pc games. i needed to take my mind off of it. but she showed up. they wanted to stay later and i was ready to go. so like a dumbass i agreed for her to take me home. we sat in the car talking for a few minutes. and she started crying again. and for some reason i kissed her. i dont know why. i just missed her. i missed what we had. i wanted to see what it felt like. but even after i did it. she cried even more. saying she wanted to be with me but she didnt deserve me. that we should just not see each other again because she didnt deserve me. she said i deserved someone who wouldnt lie and hurt me. she felt horrible and she shouldnt have done something so stupid to mess up a good thing. i dont know what to now. i dont think i should have moved that fast. im stupid. and this sounds like nothing but bs high school drama. did i do the right thing? or am i just falling for another lie?
 
Dude,

This kind of thing does happen a lot in high school and it sucks. Something similar happened to both myself and a friend of mine at exactly the same time... we got very drunk together and almost seriously hurt ourselves - I wouldn't recommend that as a way to get over her.

After a serious relationship you're going to hurt bad and so is she. The dumper and the dumpee are both thinking that their life was far better a few days ago when they were in a relationship.... and they're usually wrong.

My advice is that right now you're both weak and needy and that that's not a good way to start a relationship over. You need some perspective on the situation. If she was willing to go behind your back with some other dude after a year and a half (which is how long I was with my wife before I proposed), then you really can't trust her. You could go back to her and try to enjoy the short length of time you stay together but you'll just be prolonging the agony.

I'd recommend that you give it some distance. Take some time for yourself, gather your thoughts, and go meet other people (chicks). If you're still crazy about her and she's crazy about you in another 6-12 months, you might give it another shot. I'll bet you'll be thinking about how glad you are that you're not with her - but I know that's hard to imagine right now.
 
thats actually the best advice ive gotten. thats what i should do. thats how i felt too. i figure if its really meant to be then she'll still come around in time. but like you said its hard to think about. but i guess i have to go through it. its just that ive never had a relationship like this one before and ive never had this happen to me. ive never had to go through this before.
 
SS69
she cried even more. saying she wanted to be with me but she didnt deserve me. that we should just not see each other again because she didnt deserve me. she said i deserved someone who wouldnt lie and hurt me. she felt horrible and she shouldnt have done something so stupid to mess up a good thing.
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Translation: "I'm still knocking boots with the other guy, but I'm going to make it look like breaking up was your decision AND make you feel pony about it."

I know you're 19, but come on.
 
Don't forget to get your end away before you ditch her though.
 
ive decided that i want her back too much to just let her go. but im not gonna take her back yet. she needs to be punished for what she did. if she really feels as bad as she says then she'll just sit at home and cry. but if i take her back now then she'll just think she can get away with it without punishment. im gonna tell her we need time apart. see how much we really want each other. and ill wait till her little vato comes back in town and see how she acts then. if she still wants to come back after a little time then ill let her.
 
ive decided that i want her back too much to just let her go.
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I guess sometimes you just gotta take the hard route. I've been there man, I know what that's like. Good luck, you're gonna need it.
 
SS69
ive decided that i want her back too much to just let her go. but im not gonna take her back yet. she needs to be punished for what she did. if she really feels as bad as she says then she'll just sit at home and cry. but if i take her back now then she'll just think she can get away with it without punishment. im gonna tell her we need time apart. see how much we really want each other. and ill wait till her little vato comes back in town and see how she acts then. if she still wants to come back after a little time then ill let her.
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I see that you and Haggai have something in common.👍
Not a lot, but something. You don't have to let her off "scot-free", but this whole idea of "punishing" her sounds a bit childish and vengeful to me. If you want her back, take what's yours and move on. If you are set on "revenge" you need to step off and let her go. She may have been wrong but she deserves better treatment than that.
Tell her that you want her back. Tell her you're sorry you flew off the handle and broke up with her. Then calmly explain that while you still love her and desire her, she broke your trust and it will be a while before she earns it back. Then you get your point across without being an a$$hole. You show how compassionate you are. You get your girl back, and you get to be the gallant "hero" of the situation.

Just because one of the participants in a relationship "strayed" doesn't necessarily mean it's over.
Yes, there is a lot of hurt to deal with.
Yes, there are now trust issues to deal with.
Yes, you have to decide whether you can forgive and trust her, or if you're going to give her "enough rope to hang herself"
But, if the relationship weathers these "storms" it will, in the end, be stronger for it.
It also gives you one huge "get out of the doghouse free" card for the next really stupid thing you pull.:lol:

If she has another "change of heart" and strays again, then you kick her right to the curb, and move on. You still won't be like Haggai, but you'll have given her a chance.
 
dude....bros before ho's ALWAYS.

you better find out if she is still a virgin before you hook back up with her.

tramp.
 
Omnis
dude....*snip*
you better find out if she is still a virgin before you hook back up with her.

tramp.
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While I understand the "bros" comment, it isn't really salient to the topic at hand.
As for the "virgin" bit...
Virgininty is a nice plus. I'll give you that. But it isn't always realistic to expect the girl that "cheated" on you to have done so whilst remaining virginate.

Could we get a clarification on that?

And BTW you really need to get your Bible out and read the story of Haggai.

Trust me, if Haggai can get past it you can.
 
SS69
thats actually the best advice ive gotten. thats what i should do.
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Actually, this is the best advice you've gotten, though you just don't yet know it:

milefile
She's crying over herself. If she did it once she'll do it again. Don't be a chump.
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well, he said he didnt have any friends anymore cuz of her...

unless i read wrong. but, a friend of mine had the same thing happen to him, except the girl used him as a total tool, and he lost all his buddies afterwards.

its always good to have a ring where you know you are always welcome and etc., just like the beginning of romeo and juliet.

(edit: not that it is bad to have any friends that are girls, i think i see why you snipped that out now. lol)
 
Actually, this is the best advice you've gotten, though you just don't yet know it:
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Yup. I was trying to go easy with him but mile and M5 are right. She'll do it again, don't be a chump.

But hey, sometimes we all gotta be the chump to figure out how to avoid chumphood in the future.
 
I dont think she'll do it again. maybe i am stupid. but i know her way too well. we just kinda drifted apart. i can tell she feels horrible over it. plus what does she have to gain by going through all this just to get me back? seems like she would just go ahead and move on. all it was, was a peck. and she felt bad over it. She knows what she had was good. she says she cant live without me. she says we're meant to be together. she feels horrible for what she did and she cant believe she hurt me this bad. I may be stupid, but at least i can get some tang out of her.
 
SS69
she says she cant live without me. she says we're meant to be together. she feels horrible for what she did and she cant believe she hurt me this bad.
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Do what you need to do, don't regret it in the end. She doesn't deserve your trust, if she did it once, and you're foolish enough to turn back, she's bound to take another chance and do it again. Personally I don't trust girls who say cliche stuff like that :yuck:
 
Let it ride out a couple weeks, let her 'friend' arrive back in the 'hood, and stay on watch. If she's crying fake tears to you then turning around and going to him to get over you, you should really think over whether or not you really need her.
 
danoff
But hey, sometimes we all gotta be the chump to figure out how to avoid chumphood in the future.
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those are wise words. i found out she's still lieing to me. what a *****. what does she want from me? she obviously doesnt want to be with me or she wouldnt have done this in the first place and definately wouldnt have done it after she swore to me she was sorry. but what the hell does she want from me? whatever. i hate people like that. she never used to be this way. she did a complete 180 from what she used to be. but oh well. i cut the string. its over. now its my time to shop around and see what else is out there. there has to be someone better.
 
You gave up your friends for her? That alone is a bad move, and shows manipulation. Like what was said before, she wasn't crying over you, but over herself. over the control she had. Get back with your friends, female or not. Friendship is the best safteynet in society, they will always be there for you, and can help you make better decisions(even if it's in their own, twisted, or hilarious ways.)
 
Dude......These things can happen.....I know how painfull in can be to see perfect relationships fall apart. Try to understand that at this age its sometimes hard to say true to one another (although morally you should or atleast tell them). Personally you shouldnt be weak and give in to her being upset over something that was her fault....but don't kinda rub it in...be sensitive but at the same time strong to re-inforce how hurt you feel about it. I know how much you care about her and it does hurt to see a girl cry.....man its hard but seriously if you to mean so much to one another you will work it out. She probably lied to you because she cares deeply about you.....its the classic situation of lieing to keep someone happy.....most of the time it backfires.....like in this situation. Try and talk...talking it through is good.....you have to talk to her about it......but always be sensitive, she probably feels that she has mucked things up big time! But she doesnt want to keep hearing that.....the way she has reacted shows that she would probably never do this to you again.....she took a gamble and BOY she regrets it! Forget about the other guy......he has nothing to do with this....its her that matters....don't forgive her, accept it and her back.....(there is a difference between those 2). You are not the one that messed up.....you said you feel like the dumbest person ever.......why?.....its is because you feel that you didnt do enough in your relationship for her to stay true to her?......thats BS!....you care lots about your realtionship.......you shouldnt feel like and idiot...don't. You have to ask questions to your self.......do you really care about her?.....is she worth accepting back?.......do you have confidence in that she has learnt her lesson on her own?.......if these are yes then go with it. All this cliche stuff maybe bull....but do you know her better than that...it may well be that she doesnt deserve your trust again......but remeber...people say silly cliche stuff when they are upset...she may well be truely sorry......only you can know. If you do accept her back please stay close to her.....to have someone to care about and hold in your arms is the best thing in the world.....its what makes life worth living...... Don't be harsh with the situation.....you said things have been weird......but you still hang out together.....thats good.......work it out, spend more time and things will get slowly better.....it will never be the same.....but it will be a relationship that both party's will not want to put at risk.....well, that is if she has learnt from this. Whatever it is......take it easy man...i'm sorry that it happened this way.

My opinon may well be different fron other peoples........but if you ae willing to listen to a 17 year old's advice then hear what I have to say...I know what i'm talking about.......and I really do always want things like this to work out for everyone.

Good luck man 👍

Robin
 
did you even read any of this thread? she cheated on me. i decided to take her back. decided to try and fix things. and last night i found out that she's still lieing and she's still messing around with some guy. its over. i cant deal with that.
 
Yeah I did......Its kinda hard what I am trying to explain but you have to see whether she is the person you think she is.....do you really think that she could lie again......you have to ask youreself whether it is worth it.....I know you took her back but what I mean is REALLY take her back.....in your own mind....Right now you to are in limbo and you have to make a decision on whether it is ever gonna really work......that dision in yours.....not her's.......she will have you and she does care about you ......but only you know if hse can honestly stay with you and you alone......maybe she just can't be completely with you.....if that is the case...then sorry man.

Im basically outlining the ways that maybe you could test your relationship to see whether it is worht yet another chance.

Robin

p.s........how do you know she is still messing around with him now?
 
SS69
i have nothing to do now. i gave up my friends for her. thats how much i loved her. i feel like the dumbest person ever.
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see if they are your real friends they will welcome you back with open arms and be like "we told you so"

you need to decide to leave this alone - She has messed around too much

 
Do whatever you think is right........ love is worth going through hell for.......

and also I agree with BigJamesGTI, if thy were you real friends they would have you back.....
 

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