Ian English's Cadillac versus Ford GT! Epic Championship!

(Read as fast as possible) Warning, the following contains very average man-management of a B-Spec driver called Ian which some people may find pathetic and the odd piece of humour which some people may find tedious but does however include a very interesting tale.... and also a lot of garbage. Enjoy!

(Better read fast wasn’t it?)....... (If no, I warned you it was tedious)

............tumbleweed..............

It was only earlier in the day when I really explored GT5’s forums properly for the first time. I have seen similar topics on other forums for different games, whereby you post and relive exciting moments you’ve experienced; Notably FIFA with people doing stories of their manager mode career. But being an avid GT fan, I thought I’d start using these forums more. Yes, I’ve looked through countless tuning guides to get the best possible solutions for the cars in my garage, but not being the engineering genius, never was I going to post a guide on how to make someone else’s car drive better. Nor did I ever expect myself to relive one of these intense races. Again, not because I win every race and drive to pure perfection when it comes to driving simulators, but for the mere fact that I thought, “would I be bothered to share it and write one up?” I knew it’d have to be one special race of mine to really take this time out. So as I’m sure you’re wondering, “What the hell happened in your race then?”

Well typically, as much I doubted I’d ever have a race to share, it turns out I have three. But this wasn’t my race, and nor was it three random races. This was the Polyphony Digital Cup Championship driven by my trusty B-Spec driver, I.English, who has been dubbed Ian. So good old level 15 Ian English’s task to win this sort of prestigious event meant he had to tackle 14 laps of Madrid (reverse I believe), followed by 8 laps around Trial Mountain to then finally finish with a race around Grand Valley Speedway for 7 laps.

Now as I mentioned earlier, I didn’t expect myself to come on here. Therefore, to say “Righto chaps, here’s the 12 cars participating and here they all are accurately in order of grid starting positions” cause that’s just not going to happen. However I do remember the more important details, but I’ll come to that later. Onto the grid in Madrid in the bid to win a few quid. (I’m telling you, 50 cent hasn’t got sh..)

Okay, car of choice, an untouched brand spanking new Cadillac CIEN Concept ’02. Why? Well it was a mistake of course. I meant to have had selected the FORD GT LM Race Car II or whatever you call it. Loading screen appeared and they sat on the grid, Ian primed, and I still had no idea he was sitting in this silvery Cadillac. But anyway the race was off, and from the starting position in 7th, he left the first corner in roughly, 7th, so a nice unpromising start. But do not fear for Ian is here, in his big fat Caddy Concept he suddenly began to progress up the field and by about the end of lap 3, Ian was now sitting in about 2nd or 3rd. Only a Ford GT with No Stripes because he’s cool like that, was going to prove a challenge. Lap 5 or 6 turns up and Ian’s now in the lead and to say I’m going to tell you what happened in the final 8 laps would be a lie. Because Ian won so comfortably, he could have popped out the screen after stopping and getting out his car midway through the final lap, woke me up to remind me to get the kettle in a mo as this 100 points is in the bag. But anyway, he almost lapped the equivalent to a Scotsman marathon runner riding in last place come the final lap. But he didn’t and the 100 points was in the bag whilst the Ford GT with NO STRIPES BECAUSE HE’S COOL LIKE THAT gaining 75. And no, I’m not putting that every time I go to mention the Ford GT with NO STRIPES BECAU......

Second race, Trial Mountain and another breeze is expected for Ian and the Gang (me). 7th place to start, lights go green and yes, after the first corner Ian’s roughly in, 7th, again. But the Ford GT (don’t say it), who I have begun to take notice of, starts in 8th and come half way through the first lap, the nifty little bugger has moved up into about 4th with Ian, now looking that fat Scotsman moving down to 9th himself. I’m now smashing X on my controller, “Increase pa..”..erherm.....I’m now barking down orders through our Bluetooth communication systems (not on a mobile phone in hand whilst driving of course) telling him to get his skates on. Slowly, come lap 3 Ian moves into 8th. Lots of traffic in front including a dude in Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VI... bla bla bla... 99. He was in third causing a hold up the big red f....sponge. Meanwhile, Ford GT Coolio is now in 1st breezing it, roughly 8 seconds ahead of Ian. Also in this race worth noting is a Nissan GT-R ’07, a Lotus Esprit V8 ’02, a Subaru IMPREZA Sedan and a whole other load of pony. So, no surprise these three cars, someone else who I didn’t take much notice of and the Mitsubishi are the guys playing follow da leader leader leader, follow da leader (CLAP CLAP)!!, rather than looking to overtake the Scotsman holding up the pack. (Please note, I have nothing against Scotsman and never at any point stereotype them all as being fat or poor at racing....I’ve just never known one to be an Olympic marathon or sprint runner that’s all.) Besides, I’m Scottish anyway (lie). Back to the race and lap 4 out of 8 is here and finally our Scottish friend has been overtaken by the other four and I’m now bellowing at Ian to make his move. A lap later on that long straight downhill, he does. 6th place for English and the Ford GT who’s still leading is now slowing to my surprise. Ian’s pace remains steady.

Here’s the issue though. The Cadillac which in a straight line after getting past 3rd gear might be quicker than the rest of the field, however is slower getting out of the lower gears than the rest of the pack. So those bendy rocky corners midway through the race is causing a massive problem when it comes to keeping up with the others. After those rocky corners, you then have the corner through the tunnel bending left that leads to the massive downhill straight. You might have figured already where this is going. It means, by the time we’ve left those sharp rocky turns, the Cadillac and the distance of the car in front has grown to the point where to overtake on that big long straight, is very difficult as it corners off by the time the Cadillac gets into full flow. So it’s touch and go whether Ian is going to overtake or not at the end of that straight. I really hope that made some sense.

3 whole laps later and English hasn’t moved an inch. Well, he’s moved an inch but still stuck in 6th place, still about 4 to 5 seconds off the lead and still driving me nuts. After telling him to mind his pace fearing his driving may get sloppy, I had noticed that despite all my frustration, Ian had been remaining relatively calm. So start of the final lap and I am now saying to him, “Final push pal!” (I’m not, I’m screaming at the tele hammering X again). Early part of the lap, Ian has somehow pushed his way into 5th place. Overtaking early part of this track hadn’t happened in the first 7 laps of this race due to Ian’s pathetic driving, NOT my poor management of pressing buttons (Okay it might be but I don’t care, IT IS IAN’S FAULT). Rocky corners suddenly approach and a lot of hard work is to be done if we are not only going to save this race, but also some credibility and more importantly the Championship. Being all but over in the Championship was not a possibility heading into the final race and as Ian left Rocky Mountains and I constantly telling him to increase pace, it was to my surprise that a chance to move into 4th and possibly 3rd at the end of this long downhill straight was on the cards. 4th was not good enough but 3rd would be okay. Ian was also driving superb.

Suddenly, Ian had turned from this rather tame Scottish turtle to a fearless Scottish (to keep you happy) beaver. Yes, a beaver! He was sticking his nose in nobody’s business and as he powered down the long downhill straight he swerved into the middle of the track, primed like that beaver, and overtook the Subaru Sedan to claim 4th. 3rd place was occupied by the Nissan GT-R and as our silver Cadillac turned into the corner.......he remained 4th. The Nissan still had 3rd place and was looking good. However, pressure was being put under by Ian and 2 corners later, 3rd was ours. I’m now laughing in shock after this incredible lap but to my surprise, a Lotus Esprit V8 ’02 had somehow despite it not being the quickest and had managed to keep 2nd for so long, had actually become an overtaking possibility. Coolio meanwhile was in sight, but a far too unrealistic possibility as he was looking to take his first win of the Championship.

“Increase Pace Ian, Increase Pace!” Heading into the final two corners, this stunning lap was far from over. One straight, a corner, an S-Bend under a Bridge separated by another two short straights in between down to the finish line is all that remained. Ian put on the charge and through the first corner he remained 3rd. Down the straight heading towards the mini S-Bend under the bridge with that dangerous springy mound to be avoided, Ian closes the gap with every second. Under the bridge he goes avoiding the little death trap! The Lexus clinging on and as they reach the finishing line...... Yes! Yes, the Lexus held out, of course it damn well did. 3rd place it was, o so close to 2nd but far from a complete disaster as our Scottish Driving Marathon Running Big Nosed Beaver had produced his finest and quickest lap of the race. Two superb final laps kept the championship alive. Only a bronze medal to show for Trial Mountain, but with only 15 points separating the top two in the Championship, it was all to play for as they headed for the final showdown in what would turn out to be the reason why I’ve actually wrote all this so far. (Seriously, must be mad)..... But yes, it was to be a classic.

Grand Valley Speedway, the final race in which Ian English, (kind of ironic as he’s become Scottish throughout this piece) must win up against the feared Ford GT with NO STRIPES BECAUSE HE’S COOL LIKE THAT. (Sorry)

Championship Standings after 2 Races

Coolio... in the Ford GT – 175 points
Ian Eng-Scot-ish ... in the Cadillac CIEN – 160 points
No Idea...in the No Idea – No Idea points
See Above Line for same details for rest of the drivers.
Who cares anyway?

7th place grid position for Ian. 8th place grid position for No Stripes Coolio. And the race is off! 7 laps of gruelling tension. Two drivers head to head and a whole load of people to get in Ian the Beaver’s way. First corner, and Ian has unusually moved into 6th place. Coolio drops places getting caught up in traffic around the long first winding corner, 9th. First lap continues and a few corners later, Ian whilst fighting for 5th with the Lotus, the Ford GT who had been slowly moving his way up overtakes both of us pushing the Ford GT into 4th place and Ian into 6th.

End of lap 1 and Ian comes through in 5th ahead of the Lotus whilst the Ford GT goes over the line in our sights moments before, overtaking I believe the Subaru for 2nd place as he begins lap 2. End of the straight and Ian can’t quite overtake the Nissan and another whole lap goes by before he even gets a sniff of 4th.

End of lap 2 and Ian is still in 5th and still cannot get past the Nissan in his CaddyWhack whilst the Mitsubishi behind him continuously puts him under pressure through the slower corners. Coolio crosses the line beginning lap 3 well ahead of Ian, overtaking 2nd into 1st.

Lap 3 and finally we get past the Nissan as lap 4 begins. Lap times are similar between Ian and the Ford GT whilst the Subaru in 3nd and the Lexus now in 2nd are producing slightly slower times. Ian has however become slightly short of 6 seconds behind Coolio as Gangster’s Paradise beams from the base of the Ford’s speakers, it was looking that easy.

Lap 4 out of 7 and finally, Ian is starting to make a push. No, he still remains in 4th at the end of the lap but has gone 2 seconds faster that lap than our Cool in the Ford leader (You can turn that music off son).

Lap 5 out of 7 and Ian midway through the lap again turns up the pace, the leader’s margin decreasing and suddenly all 3 cars ahead of our man are all in his sights. However, as he does manage to overtake the 3rd placed Subaru, in doing so, ground has been lost and the gap increases between him and the Ford back up to 4.5 seconds as the penultimate lap beings.

Lap 6 and with no room for error, Ian’s physical strength is starting to take toll for the first time in this Championship. Suddenly the Cadillac is skidding rather than gliding through corners. It’s a tough call for me as I now have to get the right balance of telling Ian to slow up and keep his cool, whilst recovering on a small gap between 2nd and 3rd. End of the lap approaches and as Ian leaves that ‘Monte Carlo style tunnel’ and turns through those winding corners, he’s got ever closer to this average but overachieving Lexus. Through the final straight heading into the final lap, Coolio leads by 1.5 to 2 seconds, followed by Ian in 2nd place.

Around the first bend Ian goes and the Ford is still driving well whilst Ian is really struggling. A corner of magic grace is followed by a disaster at the next and the pattern continues throughout the first half of the lap. Out of many tunnels he goes and he still cannot get close enough to the Ford. Quicker out of the lower gears, the Ford holds the edge but as soon as a straight looms, the Cadillac recovers. Monte Carlo tunnel approaches after they’ve head over the bridge. To say I was bricking it a little and getting off my seat was a tad of an understatement. “Increase Pace” I bellowed and hammered as it served so well at the end of Trial Mountain in the previous race. 3rd place Lexus was so much out of sight in my eyes it may have been the Subaru. I only had eyes on the race between the top two and more importantly, that gold Polyphony Digital Trophy (and also the fact I wouldn’t have to do this whole Championship again).

Out of the tunnel and Ian is right up the rear end of Coolio. (Oit... Easy...). As we enter the weaving corners, the Cadillac loses a bit of ground whilst knowing if Ian could be right behind the Ford heading into the final straight, we’ve got every chance. I knew that slacking wasn’t an option. Finally, a straight, a light and relatively easy fast corner, and the home stretch loomed (so does this piece you’ll be glad to hear) and the opportunity to win was there for all (just me again) to see. The Ford GT turned out of the final bendy corner as it slammed on the gas homing in on the final bend, pulling ground away from Ian who was still struggling in those early gears. A slight braking zone approached for both cars and whoever over-braked on this final corner could cost them everything. The Ford GT being first tapped at the brake first, a little heavy! Ian POWERED through the corner the quickest he’d done it so far. I’d guess at around 7 tenths of a second behind the GT still, the momentum was all in Ian’s Silver Cadillac. A few hundred yards remained. The gap closing with every second and this bright red rear end was getting closer to Ian’s face (...........).

Approximately 5 seconds to go in this Championship and Ian’s Beaver like nose could do with some kind of miraculous Pinocchio extension. Final couple of seconds and it’s going to go either way. They cross the line!!!

FINISH

And in first place, winning by a margin of precisely 0.126 seconds.....is:

.................

Driving the FORD GT NO STRIPES, Coolio had done it! Held on by a breath. Even as the word FINISH appeared on the screen, Ian was in first place. He may have been in front by then but it was too late, he had crossed the line in second. Another 50 yards and it was ours. But The Ford had nicked it and finished finally with what looked a clear and easy win at the top of the Leaderboard.

To say I was sick was an understatement, but boy what a battle. And after thinking about for a minute or so, a rise smile appeared on my face in what I realised, this is what the game is all about. From it looking sewn up after Madrid, to being given a reality check in the Mountains and then to finish in the most dramatic way was simply astounding. It was worth writing these 4 whole pages on Microsoft Word, to transfer onto this forum page on what is my first post when I finally register. Yes, I haven’t registered whilst I write this.

I’m not stupid, I know this is incredibly long and never intended for one second it to be this lengthy. But if you did read it, hopefully you enjoyed some part of it and kudos to you for reading through it all. I know I couldn’t.
 
So, are you going to fire Ian? :lol:
 
That was a great write up, and I have to say.... I thought I was the only one left who still said coolio! If you have any more stories like this please post them!
 
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