1.
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing inline, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had Seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the Teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. The teller read the note and, surmising from misspelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him That she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
2.
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield
Decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the
chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
3.
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right away.
4.
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail: a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
5.
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well. The cashier refused and said, "I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
6.
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
7.
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided That he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8.
Ann Arbor, Michigan. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that A man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
9.
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber, James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
10.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
Machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his Insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
11.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
12.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
Driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
13.
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
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