Solid Lifters
In Memoriam
- 19,311
- Inland Empire SoCal
- SOLID_LIFTERS
Ever watch a movie so bad, you thought it was the most awesome thing you've ever seen? I have. I've seen a few. I call them horrible-awesome movies, and this thread is about one. Perhaps the greatest "horrible-awesome" movie of all time. Before we start, a little background of my Sunday activities in front of the TV.
I was about ten or eleven years old, and all day Sunday was mostly spent in front of the TV, usually "grounded" for Saturday's felonious activities. In the morning, at six AM, there was a full hour of Little Rascals. At seven AM, it was Tom Hatten who hosted the three hour long "Popeye the Sailor Man Cartoon Show." The whole gang was there, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Super Chicken, Professor Peabody, Underdog and George of the Jungle. It was a fantastic show.
Next, came Family Film Festival, again hosted by Mr. Hatten. He would show, of course, family oriented films like Pippi Longstocking, Shaggy DA, Flubber, Herbie the Love Bug, etc. It was a great way to finish off three hours of cartoons.
Next, came classic comedy sitcom shows starting at twelve noon with The Munsters for two episodes. Then, it was F Troop for two shows at one PM and then my favorite Gilligan's Island at two PM for two episodes. Nobody bothered me at two PM because they knew I would be watching Gilligan, more like Mary-Ann in her shorts, and the gang and wouldn't respond to them anyway. All these great shows aired on the same channel. Great, because we still didn't have a remote controlled TV at the this time and this saved a lot of trips to the TV set to change the channel.
At three PM, however, it was time to change the channel to Adam Twelve for the next hour. After this, came a Elvira's Movie Macabre. She showed bad B horror movies that my mother never approved of, so before the show started, I would have to get rid of her in some way so she wouldn't see or hear the "parental warning" just before the show would start. Either that, or change the channel and waited for the movie to start, so she wouldn't know it was one of those "terrible movies" that I shouldn't watch.
It was this show that I saw the worse film I have ever seen. A movie so horrible, it was AWESOME. Have you ever seen a movie so bad, you absolutely LOVED it? This is that movie. This movie is Laserblast!
The Plot
I've come to the realization that law enforcement is universally incompetent, as in police all over the universe. As the credits finish we see a sick man stumbling across the desert, carrying the Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction and pendant. Judging from the skin color and hygiene, he looks like some species of living dead. Within moments a spaceship passes over, then lands and a pair of armed (as in carrying weapons) stop motion aliens exit the craft. Despite his impressive blaster the zombie/vampire/mutant fellow is no match for the aliens, he becomes a man-shaped scorch mark on the ground. The aliens hear a small aircraft approaching, so they board their spaceship and depart. In the rush something is forgotten; the pendant and cannon are still lying on the sand.
Everything that transpired over the last few minutes should get your mind working on some questions. Under what circumstances did this weapon come to Earth in the first place? What are the aliens saying? How in the world did the aliens forget to grab or destroy the cannon and pendant? You are never going to find out, though some inventive guessing can help relieve the frustration.
Meanwhile, we are introduced to the tragic hero of our story. Billy will never be addressed by the ghastly apparition of a bloody child, but I still think he fits the moniker nicely. Seems like the entire town pushes him around in one way or another, whether it be Chuck's taunting or Ungar loading on the speeding tickets. Ah, a persecution complex in full bloom, the exact person you should avoid giving a laser cannon. Of course, that saves him lots of time studying explosives and building a cabin out in the woods (or desert, as the locale dictates). Why couldn't the Unibomber find one of these? Would have made him more interesting, a kook with a beard is not interesting to me.
Billy finds the cannon while wandering around the desert (nobody picks on him out there). We can assume that sooner or later he was going to explode, but finding the Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction hastens things along. I'm of the mind that the pendant is the real problem, it seems to power the weapon. Plus, when the young man is wearing it, he turns into a zombie/vampire/mutant thing. Contact with the artifact is not healthy at all, leaving a strange scar on Billy's chest that appears to be flesh transformed into some strange metal.
Our alien buddies are happily motoring along back home to Alpha Centauri when their leader makes a videophone call. Just like before, we can't understand a darn word they are saying. Scenes of Billy finding the blaster are broadcast, plus the leader seems a little agitated. I'd bet the gist was, "You idiots! You forgot to get the Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction!" Tweedle Dzzzrkkk and Tweedle Dvvvrkkk turn around, obviously on their way to prevent Billy from using his toy to do something unpleasant.
Too late! Looks like the pendant completely short circuits the superego, because the normally quiet main character is blasting anyone who ever wronged him! Even Dr. Mellon is killed to prevent him from examining a sample of tissue taken from Billy's chest. You may notice that "Laserblast" yields a huge number of random acts of violence, especially at the end. This is the possessed teenager wandering through town, destroying everything in sight. Okay, so maybe he was just demolishing temporary structures in some alley, but you understand the intent.
The aliens are exceptionally neat and definitely make the movie, even their strange squawking speech is well done. Other than the stop motion I am at a loss for words, because the plot is simple. "Kid with a (valid) persecution complex finds a Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction and blows things up." That's the plot, everything else is padding and it feels like padding.
List of Characters
Billy - Young man who is picked on by almost everyone in town, until he finds a powerful alien bazooka. Zapped, but not incinerated, by the aliens (so Kathy can weep over his body).
Kathy - As you can guess, this is Billy's girlfriend. She loves her little toad.
Chuck and Froggy - Town bullies, why does the big tough guy always keep a loudmouth worm around? Both are zapped.
Jeep and Ungar - Deputies that act like jerks. Deputies always come in pairs, an imposing corn-fed one and another who is skinny. These two fit that stereotype nicely. Blasted to donut heaven.
Mr. Craig - Government agent, though we never find out if he has any inkling of his own purpose in this film. Investigating aliens is like that, you don't need any clear goals.
Doctor Mellon - Roddy McDowall! Just a simple country doctor, not afraid to cut metallic growths out of his patients' chests either. Vaporized before the malpractice suits can begin rolling in.
The Colonel - Keenan Wynn! Kathy's grandfather was in the military as an officer. Has his moments of clarity, but for the most part he is participating in Operation Alzheimer's.
The Stop Motion Aliens - Either intergalactic police or bounty hunters, most likely the former.
Sound Clips and Images (Click on names for audio clips)
There's the Colonel.
The Aliens.
Kathy.(Pic = Kathy and Billy)
Laserblast himself, Billy. (Kathy again in audio clip)
Poor Billy gets a little carried away with power and ends up going "Infidel Zombie."
Ending clip of the movie. Don't worry, it wont spoil anything for you; trust me. Laserblast!
Again, a movie so horrible, it remains awesome at the same time. Have you seen it? What did you think of it? If you've never seen it, you must. Everyone should watch this movie at least once. You wont regret it.
I was about ten or eleven years old, and all day Sunday was mostly spent in front of the TV, usually "grounded" for Saturday's felonious activities. In the morning, at six AM, there was a full hour of Little Rascals. At seven AM, it was Tom Hatten who hosted the three hour long "Popeye the Sailor Man Cartoon Show." The whole gang was there, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Super Chicken, Professor Peabody, Underdog and George of the Jungle. It was a fantastic show.
Next, came Family Film Festival, again hosted by Mr. Hatten. He would show, of course, family oriented films like Pippi Longstocking, Shaggy DA, Flubber, Herbie the Love Bug, etc. It was a great way to finish off three hours of cartoons.
Next, came classic comedy sitcom shows starting at twelve noon with The Munsters for two episodes. Then, it was F Troop for two shows at one PM and then my favorite Gilligan's Island at two PM for two episodes. Nobody bothered me at two PM because they knew I would be watching Gilligan, more like Mary-Ann in her shorts, and the gang and wouldn't respond to them anyway. All these great shows aired on the same channel. Great, because we still didn't have a remote controlled TV at the this time and this saved a lot of trips to the TV set to change the channel.
At three PM, however, it was time to change the channel to Adam Twelve for the next hour. After this, came a Elvira's Movie Macabre. She showed bad B horror movies that my mother never approved of, so before the show started, I would have to get rid of her in some way so she wouldn't see or hear the "parental warning" just before the show would start. Either that, or change the channel and waited for the movie to start, so she wouldn't know it was one of those "terrible movies" that I shouldn't watch.
It was this show that I saw the worse film I have ever seen. A movie so horrible, it was AWESOME. Have you ever seen a movie so bad, you absolutely LOVED it? This is that movie. This movie is Laserblast!
The Plot
I've come to the realization that law enforcement is universally incompetent, as in police all over the universe. As the credits finish we see a sick man stumbling across the desert, carrying the Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction and pendant. Judging from the skin color and hygiene, he looks like some species of living dead. Within moments a spaceship passes over, then lands and a pair of armed (as in carrying weapons) stop motion aliens exit the craft. Despite his impressive blaster the zombie/vampire/mutant fellow is no match for the aliens, he becomes a man-shaped scorch mark on the ground. The aliens hear a small aircraft approaching, so they board their spaceship and depart. In the rush something is forgotten; the pendant and cannon are still lying on the sand.
Everything that transpired over the last few minutes should get your mind working on some questions. Under what circumstances did this weapon come to Earth in the first place? What are the aliens saying? How in the world did the aliens forget to grab or destroy the cannon and pendant? You are never going to find out, though some inventive guessing can help relieve the frustration.
Meanwhile, we are introduced to the tragic hero of our story. Billy will never be addressed by the ghastly apparition of a bloody child, but I still think he fits the moniker nicely. Seems like the entire town pushes him around in one way or another, whether it be Chuck's taunting or Ungar loading on the speeding tickets. Ah, a persecution complex in full bloom, the exact person you should avoid giving a laser cannon. Of course, that saves him lots of time studying explosives and building a cabin out in the woods (or desert, as the locale dictates). Why couldn't the Unibomber find one of these? Would have made him more interesting, a kook with a beard is not interesting to me.
Billy finds the cannon while wandering around the desert (nobody picks on him out there). We can assume that sooner or later he was going to explode, but finding the Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction hastens things along. I'm of the mind that the pendant is the real problem, it seems to power the weapon. Plus, when the young man is wearing it, he turns into a zombie/vampire/mutant thing. Contact with the artifact is not healthy at all, leaving a strange scar on Billy's chest that appears to be flesh transformed into some strange metal.
Our alien buddies are happily motoring along back home to Alpha Centauri when their leader makes a videophone call. Just like before, we can't understand a darn word they are saying. Scenes of Billy finding the blaster are broadcast, plus the leader seems a little agitated. I'd bet the gist was, "You idiots! You forgot to get the Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction!" Tweedle Dzzzrkkk and Tweedle Dvvvrkkk turn around, obviously on their way to prevent Billy from using his toy to do something unpleasant.
Too late! Looks like the pendant completely short circuits the superego, because the normally quiet main character is blasting anyone who ever wronged him! Even Dr. Mellon is killed to prevent him from examining a sample of tissue taken from Billy's chest. You may notice that "Laserblast" yields a huge number of random acts of violence, especially at the end. This is the possessed teenager wandering through town, destroying everything in sight. Okay, so maybe he was just demolishing temporary structures in some alley, but you understand the intent.
The aliens are exceptionally neat and definitely make the movie, even their strange squawking speech is well done. Other than the stop motion I am at a loss for words, because the plot is simple. "Kid with a (valid) persecution complex finds a Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction and blows things up." That's the plot, everything else is padding and it feels like padding.
List of Characters
Billy - Young man who is picked on by almost everyone in town, until he finds a powerful alien bazooka. Zapped, but not incinerated, by the aliens (so Kathy can weep over his body).
Kathy - As you can guess, this is Billy's girlfriend. She loves her little toad.
Chuck and Froggy - Town bullies, why does the big tough guy always keep a loudmouth worm around? Both are zapped.
Jeep and Ungar - Deputies that act like jerks. Deputies always come in pairs, an imposing corn-fed one and another who is skinny. These two fit that stereotype nicely. Blasted to donut heaven.
Mr. Craig - Government agent, though we never find out if he has any inkling of his own purpose in this film. Investigating aliens is like that, you don't need any clear goals.
Doctor Mellon - Roddy McDowall! Just a simple country doctor, not afraid to cut metallic growths out of his patients' chests either. Vaporized before the malpractice suits can begin rolling in.
The Colonel - Keenan Wynn! Kathy's grandfather was in the military as an officer. Has his moments of clarity, but for the most part he is participating in Operation Alzheimer's.
The Stop Motion Aliens - Either intergalactic police or bounty hunters, most likely the former.
Sound Clips and Images (Click on names for audio clips)
There's the Colonel.
The Aliens.
Kathy.(Pic = Kathy and Billy)
Laserblast himself, Billy. (Kathy again in audio clip)
Poor Billy gets a little carried away with power and ends up going "Infidel Zombie."
Ending clip of the movie. Don't worry, it wont spoil anything for you; trust me. Laserblast!
Again, a movie so horrible, it remains awesome at the same time. Have you seen it? What did you think of it? If you've never seen it, you must. Everyone should watch this movie at least once. You wont regret it.
