Man In Hell

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Danny

Danny

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Are you kidding?
One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"
 
While innappropriate for the site - in a MAJOR way, you may want to go about removing this entirely - I give it my 17,531 thumbs up.

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Okay, so I stopped at 12. Still deserved 17,531 though. :lol:
 
Stinky Chicken
THIS is appropriate?
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Indeed - Except I ****ed up.. When I came back to finish, my ever so short, reply, the next joke had been added, and I, apparently got in a little late - So it was directed at the first joke !...

And THERE - it was appropriate !....
 
Flerbizky
Indeed - Except I ****ed up.. When I came back to finish, my ever so short, reply, the next joke had been added, and I, apparently got in a little late - So it was directed at the first joke !...

And THERE - it was appropriate !....
Click to expand...

Ah. Yes it is appropriate. ;)
 
let me try one, a woman applies for a job in a china shop and the shopkeeper asks her what she would she do if she broke a very expensive piece of china. the woman replies " I would glue it back together and put it somewhere where a customer would knock it over. The shopkeeper replys "your hired."
 
gt3 drifter
how do you know if a redneck is married? there is tobacco spit stains on both sides of his truck.
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:lol: :lol:

Ha!

Chinese man goes into a hardware store, asks for a job. Boss asks if he can operate a buzz saw. No. Can he handle timber, etc, etc? No. So he gets a job in supplies.

A few months later the boss comes into one of the regional stores and asks where the Chinese man is. Suddenly he jumps out from behind a box and goes "Suplise!"

:D
 
ultrabeat
[deleted by moderator]
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DON'T do that again.

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Jordan
The Comedy Corner
Share your favorite jokes with other members and have a good laugh! (Please keep all jokes appropriate for the site.)
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That shouldn't have been very hard to see as a bad decision. Don't make the same decision again.
 
Yo momas so dumb her favourite colour is clear.
Yo momas so short she did a suicide jump off the curb.
Yo momas farts stink so bad george bush declared it a biological warfare.
 
gt3 drifter
Yo momas so dumb her favourite colour is clear.
Yo momas so short she did a suicide jump off the curb.
Yo momas farts stink so bad george bush declared it a biological warfare.
Click to expand...
There is a "yo mamma" joke thread already, but this isn't it.
 
gt3 drifter
what is this thread all about?
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10077520av5xw.jpg
 
Oh heck it had hell in the title... so it's kinda relative...

THERMODYNAMICS FOR ENGINEERING GEEKS

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
 

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