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FRANCE ANNOUNCES TROOP DEPLOYMENT
Paris, France 19-3-03
President Jacques Chirac announced today that France would be deploying two elite units of French troops to Iraq in the event of war. Five hundred crack troops from the 42nd Groupement d Instruction en Abandonment are mobilizing to assist the Iraqi Army in the finer points of military surrender.
The immediate capitulation of an armed force is a delicate and intricate tactic in which we French have much experience. Said Defense Ministry spokesperson General de Armee Francois-Phillippe Hommes de Petit-Pommes.
There is a certain protocol in laying down your arms or fleeing the battlefield. To wave the white flag while remaining pompous and insufferable requires experience and training.
The French Army believes it is second to none in the fine art of surrendering quickly. The record of our armed forces in that area speaks for itself. The Iraqi performance in giving up without a fight during the last Gulf War was slip-shod. We hope to improve their level of surrender execution for the next war.
General Hommes de Petit-Pommes further announced that 1,000 advisors from the Regiment de Collaborateurs Francais will also be dispatched to Iraq to assist the Iraqi people in colloborating effectively with any occupation force.
THE BUNNY AND THE SNAKE
Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
Oh, my, said the bunny, Im terribly sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you. Ive been blind since birth, so, I cant see where Im going. In fact, since Im also an orphan, I dont even know what I am.
Its quite OK, replied the snake. Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least youll have that going for you.
Oh, that would be wonderful replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, Well, youre covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. Id say that you must be a bunny rabbit.
Oh, thank you! Thank you, cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that youve helped me.
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, Well, youre smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. Id say you must be French.
Paris, France 19-3-03
President Jacques Chirac announced today that France would be deploying two elite units of French troops to Iraq in the event of war. Five hundred crack troops from the 42nd Groupement d Instruction en Abandonment are mobilizing to assist the Iraqi Army in the finer points of military surrender.
The immediate capitulation of an armed force is a delicate and intricate tactic in which we French have much experience. Said Defense Ministry spokesperson General de Armee Francois-Phillippe Hommes de Petit-Pommes.
There is a certain protocol in laying down your arms or fleeing the battlefield. To wave the white flag while remaining pompous and insufferable requires experience and training.
The French Army believes it is second to none in the fine art of surrendering quickly. The record of our armed forces in that area speaks for itself. The Iraqi performance in giving up without a fight during the last Gulf War was slip-shod. We hope to improve their level of surrender execution for the next war.
General Hommes de Petit-Pommes further announced that 1,000 advisors from the Regiment de Collaborateurs Francais will also be dispatched to Iraq to assist the Iraqi people in colloborating effectively with any occupation force.
THE BUNNY AND THE SNAKE
Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
Oh, my, said the bunny, Im terribly sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you. Ive been blind since birth, so, I cant see where Im going. In fact, since Im also an orphan, I dont even know what I am.
Its quite OK, replied the snake. Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least youll have that going for you.
Oh, that would be wonderful replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, Well, youre covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. Id say that you must be a bunny rabbit.
Oh, thank you! Thank you, cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that youve helped me.
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, Well, youre smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. Id say you must be French.
