My day just went from bad to worse

[SkylineObsession]

To explain a little;

I have been without a proper full-time job ('proper' meaning a paid job) ever since i left high school at the end of 2000.

In the past couple of months i finally did something about it and started working at Computing 4 Free (run by the Otago Polytechnic) and worked there three days a week for about two hours each day. It was supposed to be paid work but they never even got me a contract to sign. I'm not worred about it though. I ended up working there for about three weeks, or it might have been four?

During the last week i had put an 'employment wanted' ad in the local paper and the day the paper came out i got a call from the manager at Shell Mosgiel (15 min walk away from this house) to say that i could drop off my CV ASAP.

So i did that and got an interview on the Friday. He said i was over qualified for the job which helped my confidence a little. Basically he was looking for a full-time person to do the cashier work, stocktaking, cleaning, petrol pumping, gas bottle filling and jillions of other things (with training of course). There are about two people at the station at all times.

So on Tuesday this week (day one) he started me at the busiest Shell station in Dunedin (Andersons Bay Road Shell/Burger King station) where his wife was training me doing the cashier work etc. I didn't find it too bad and could easily smile and greet all the people coming to buy petrol or stuff. I made a few small mistakes but nothing too bad considering it was my first day.
I served one of the guys from the Skyline club i'm a member of too. Flashest car that came in was a silver Audi TT (as well as heaps of Skylines).

Day two (Wednesday) i was in Andy Bay Shell station again but found myself making a few more mistakes and temporarily forgetting some stuff i should have remembered from the first day. Smiling at people was a little more forced than the day before however.
I served one of my ex-school friends, one of the guys who i used to be in the same class as at school (pulled up in a R32 Skyline too), Emma Gilmore twice (she rally races throughout New Zealand if it is the person i'm thinking of - second time she pulled up in a Suzuki rally car...) and a guy i did a course with earlier in the year (he came in twice too).
Flashest car was a really nice (stock exterior) black Toyota Supra RZ. I knew it was the turbo Supra only because i asked.

Day three (Thursday - today) i was working in the Mosgiel Shell station from 9am. Smiling was forced most of the time i think and i made two mistakes, one big one.
Someone came in and got petrol and a couple of other things which came to about $45.00. I swiped the card and handed over the reciept - without looking at the screen and sent them on their way. When i looked at the screen next the purchase list was still sitting there even after pressing 'clear' a few times. So i printed out another reciept to see what happened - 'Incorrect pin number - DECLINED'. So i stood there looking dumb for about a minute then told the manager. He said i have to run out and tell them that the card declined. I got as far as the door of the shop and saw them pulling out into the road.

The thing is with Shell (and probably every other service station) that if you make a mistake like that then the amount it came to will be the amount that gets taken out of your wages. When you muck up - you pay. There are SO many responsibilities and things you have to do/check and for someone like me it is just WAY too much to handle.

So i very reluctantly quit the job. Me and the manager were talking in the staff room and he said he'd noticed my confidence levels had dropped since i started and said "if you're not happy or you don't think you'll be able to do it then it might be best to leave it at that".
When i was in there by myself (and i'm not afraid to admit this) i was trying to stop myself from crying (when i got home however...) because i knew how happy everyone was when i said i'd got a job at Shell and i didn't want to let anyone down. I was also massively disappointed in myself as i tried as hard as i could but still ended up making more mistakes. I feel like an absolute failure and that my chances of getting another job are very slim. I won't be able to buy the Skyline this year now.

The guy whose place i was taking at Shell was apparently in the same sort of situation as me but he eventually just stopped coming to work and had a bad attitude. The manager said he appreciated my honesty and said that he will not say a bad word about me to other employers. He even said that i was one of the most honest people (in my age group) that was working for Shell in Dunedin or something along those lines.

He also said that should i get another job (like in a supermarket which is looking to be the only place to go now) and gain more confidence/skills etc then he will happily hire me again. As it is he's kept my contact details etc in case any casual work comes up in the future.

But i still am so massively disappointed in myself and i'm completely lost as to what to do next.

Total time working: 15 hours (6 each on the first two days and until 12pm today).

Sorry this is so long but i've got to get it off my chest.

 

[Carl.]

Well, is if the issue has more to do with dealing with the public, or the lost of confidence due to mistakes?

If it's the latter, well, you just need to relax and take it more lightly, give yourself a chance and confidence will quiclky build up with time, no matter what the job is.

If the issue is dealing with the public, that may take a bit more time and effort to adapt. Personnaly, I wouldn't take any job that is mainly dealing with the public. That's just not my cup of tea, and I suck at faking a smile... Pehaps a job in a plant or a workshop would better suit you? I worked in a CNC machine shop as a student, and and I enjoyed it way more than working at a gas station or in a fast food, at a better salary.

Just think of a job you may enjoy, and one you feel confident about it.

Good luck finding something you like.

 

[Sage]

Yeah, jpmontoya has the right advice – you need to figure out whether it's a problem with your "PR", or if you just weren't used to the burdens of such hefty consequences. I know that I'll never apply for a cashier job, not because I'm arrogant and feel "above it", but just because I don't have the people skills to handle that many strangers in a short period of time. Don't force yourself into a job that doesn't fit you – I naturally love teaching, so now I tutor Algebra students.

 

[Blake]

You have alot of qualifications that you've never really needed to use, maybe you should try and find an entry level job in the feild you're qualified in. I mean at first you may have to do boring tedious work but chances are you'll be half decent at it and it will lead you somewhere.

 

[Arwin]

I was also massively disappointed in myself as i tried as hard as i could but still ended up making more mistakes. I feel like an absolute failure and that my chances of getting another job are very slim. I won't be able to buy the Skyline this year now.

But i still am so massively disappointed in myself and i'm completely lost as to what to do next.

Total time working: 15 hours (6 each on the first two days and until 12pm today).

Sorry this is so long but i've got to get it off my chest.

Dude, there are some simple issues here. First of all, it was very tough on you to work so much after not having worked for a long while. This is something you'll have to build up, like running a marathon, only this is both physically and mentally tough - it requires concentration and so on, and if things go wrong you have to find a fine line between learning from your mistakes and not caring too much about them. People are not machines, and they make mistakes. I was good with the register at the postoffice I worked, sometimes only having 0.05 cents difference at the end of the day (bettering the regular crew, while I usually only worked on Saturday next to my studies), but another time I sold someone 100 40 cent stamps, only to discover I had given her 100 2.5 euro stamps, and so losing 400 euro. I was in total shock, but my boss said that although it was bad, it could happen (the color was practically the same) just please don't do it again. In the end the lady brought the stamps back, saying she needed 40 cent stamps, not 2.5 euro stamps. I completely fell in love with her.

In your case, you should forgive yourself for making mistakes. You cannot learn something in one day, it takes a while before you develop a routine. If you beat up yourself too much about your mistakes, you'll add a lot to the hard work it is already to learn stuff. Mistakes are investments in learning. You don't want to make them, but if you do, see them as an investment. There's this little joke about a guy who works at a jewelry store and accidentally sells a 50.000$ necklace for 5.000$. He reports it to his boss, expecting to be fired. He gets a speech, but isn't fired. He is stupified, and after a while asks his boss, but who don't you fire me? The Boss replies "are you kidding me? After investing 45.000$ in your education?"

Since you were the one paying for that 45$, you had no real reason to feel guilty about the mistake except to yourself. You should see it as just the same thing as in the joke above, a 45$ investment into your education.

What you went through is what everyone goes through when starting a new job. Heck, many people even experience this after they've been on holiday for one or two weeks, even if they were working and doing the same job already for years. You were just too hard on yourself, blaming yourself for every little mistake and being frustrated at feeling you weren't improving, which is only due to you needing to build up a work-routine again, mental and physical fitness, endurance.

The way I see it, you had a job in an environment that you enjoyed as you got to see some nice cars, helping you also to keep an eye on one of the reasons you were working, so it keeps your motivation awake.

What I would do, is I would call and ask him if he's willing to give you a second chance now, explaining that you hadn't realised what I wrote above because you had been out of it so long and because of the pressure on you by your peers, but that after thinking it through are highly motivated to make it work, and that you believe you can do it. He sounds like he might just take you back. If he doesn't, don't give up, consider this not as a demonstration of inability, but as an investment in your skills and self-knowledge! But come on, don't give up! He already knows your honest, which is one of the most valuable assets to an employer.

If you get the job back, there are lots of strategies to keep a job like this one interesting, such as trying to remember as many people as you can, seeing if you can engage them in chit-chat that makes them smile, and so on. Nothing you need to worry about right away, just something you can do when you get bored. And if you're really over qualified, you'll be able to move on once you have the working routine down. But that's an essential skill anyway, so obtaining that is a lofty enough goal as it stands.

My ex-girlfriend with two titles was really going for a breakdown and booze problem with her research work (she has both a Ph.D and an engineer title) and I recommended her to simply take a simple job at a place with nice people, and allow herself to settle down, rest (mentally) and chill. She'd feel soon enough when it was time to move on again. And sure enough, after a year she found a new career that she's happy in. Qualifications and working skills are different things, but they need each other, and you just need to work on the second. You'll do fine, just keep at it.

 

[Blake]

VERY good point Arwin.