My GT Sport Review. Exclusive early access...

Discussion in 'Gran Turismo Sport' started by BigJimmy, Jul 22, 2019.

  1. BigJimmy


    United Kingdom
    Hello GT Planet. As normal, when I publish an important article in the Pullman's Weekly News I like to drop it here a few days early. This time I thought I would do a little review early in the GT Sport game cycle.

    (For the less astute among you, the Tidgney bit is not real)(but the rest 100% is).

    GT Sport Review:

    The air is thick and heavy in my lungs as I struggle to remain absolutely still in the cramped darkness. I breathe with silent shallow breaths that make it feel like I’m slowly suffocating. My slightest move will be amplified by the flimsy hard surface below me, giving away my secret location in an instant. The pervasive darkness of my surroundings is broken only by three small shafts of dim light that trace a path through the still dusty air. I can see tiny particles of my sloughed skin, dance a slow foreboding ballet through the musty atmosphere of my chosen confinement.

    The prolonged under exposure of my senses is having a dramatic effect. It has heightened their urgency to receive stimulus and my eardrums burst with the sound of revving engines, screeching tires and one sided conversations going on below me. These are sounds that to the normal ear would be muffled and muted but to me in this grotto of isolation, they appear as if the gods themselves are crying out with Joy.

    A couple of weeks ago my parents got so fed up with me loafing around the house and only playing GT Sport that they kicked me out and told me to get my life together. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I followed the internet to YouTube sensation and GT Sport god Tidgney’s house and set up camp in his loft space. I don’t think he would mind if he knew but I’m trying to keep as quiet as I can. He’s streaming right now and it sounds fantastic.

    Without access to my PS4 and my Thrusmaster TGT, I have to find other ways to satisfy my GT needs, so I thought I would write a review of the game for my avid readers. It’s proving tough to do on my smart phone while lying prone on my stomach in the darkness but here we go…

    The Game overview

    Racy go brum brum, penalty, rage quit.

    I thought I was fast.

    It turns out I'm ****.

    Adjusting a frame rate, snapping a pic.

    The guys will love this,

    The filter is sick.

    Activity feed sharing, giving a like.

    No one’s liked my livery,

    I’m going on strike.

    I just cannot win, I must get better,

    Nobody’s got time for that.

    I’ll just go META

    Into the lobby the drivers arrive.

    A championship to win……..



    Where else should a review of a Gran Turismo game aspects begin but with the physics. Since the first GT game in 1998, it’s been called the “Real Driving Simulator”. It’s been called this because the driving physics have always been 100% accurate and true to life. Now with the evolution of series into GT Sport, Polyphony Digital (PD) have upped the stakes and taken the physics to the level of being 100% accurate and true to life.

    So what have PD done to take this game to the next (same) level as before. Well, of course the core of the car dynamics is set with the “comfort blanket” understeer we have been used to for the last 20 years. However for this next gen title difficulty has been built in with the very clever use of non-linear throttle inputs and unpredictable power oversteer on corner exit. Just like in real life cars!!

    Once driving, you wont be able to wait to try the other features of the game. Which is a genius move from PD when so much effort has gone into anything else but the physics.

    User Interface

    PD are well known for the quality of their Game’s UI systems and GT Sport can be thought of as a feather in their cap. Navigating your way through GT Sports menus is akin to eating Sushi off the silky naked flesh of a strangely gender-less but utterly captivating android servant. One that caters for your every wish before you even know you want it, all while you indulge your aural and visual senses in a subtly pleasurable matrix of dealerships, liveries, photos and 20th century trivia. For example did you know that the biggest film releases of 1921 were The Kid, The Phantom Carriage and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? It could literally be months before you even take to the track in this game.

    PD have also cleverly added to the whole experience with menu screens that can sometimes crash your Play Station or plunge you into a black screen of sensory deprivation where you have no idea when or if it will finish. Both of these features add a delicious level of tension to the UI functionality. Bravo PD!

    Presentation and community support

    Last week I went into a Harry Ramsden’s Fish and Chip (fries to our American friends) restaurant and ordered a large Cod and chips. I was very excited to receive my dinner but on delivery to the table I was disappointed. It was given to me as only a small section of the battered cod fillet and three chips on a big plate.

    “Excuse me miss, most of my meal seems to be missing” I said.

    “Yes, it takes a long time to make fish and chips, so we have given you what is ready now and the rest will be sent out to when its cooked” she replied politely.

    “What a great Idea” I sing. “However, do you know if I will get any notification of when the next bit of food will be ready, and what food item it will be”?

    “No not really…” she replied, followed by a short pause. “… but what we can do is, a short time before it’s delivered, we will provide to you with a grainy ultrasound picture of the bit of food being that’s cooked. You can then post this on your discord server to be discussed at length with your buddies“.

    Impressed I say “Great, that will be a perfect way to distract me from the fact that I ate the food you gave me ages ago and that now I’m really hungry…. Sorry one more thing, could I please have some tomato ketchup?”

    Looking confused she says “Tomato ketchup, no, no I’m afraid the ketchup supplier requires an expensive license to be purchased before we can give you ketchup. This is not cost effective, and if we do pay for it, other condiment suppliers will see this and then require more expensive contracts to supply us as well.”

    I think for a second and then babble “But you are a large restaurant chain. Other local small fish and chips shops are able to give me ketchup with my chips and also supply mayo and tartar sauce. How is this possible”?

    “Oh” she says, “that’s because the ketchup supplier requires an expensive license to be purchased before we can give you ketchup. This is not cost effective, and if we do pay for it, other condiment suppliers will see this and then require more expensive contracts to us them as well.”

    “Ahhh” I trumpet with glee. “Now I see. That makes perfect sense”.


    Mmm. Mmmm. Ooh. Mmmmm. Ooh, ooh, oh god. Mmmm, mmmm. Yes. Oh god. Oooooooooh. Yes. Yes, Yes, Yes. Yes. Yes. God yes. Oooooohhhh. Hhmmmm.

    I’ll have what Kaz is having.


    Do you enjoy being blamed for accidents that weren’t your fault? Do like getting your fun spoiled by the same people over and over again? Do you think you are fast but would really enjoy finding out you are nothing special and that there are loads of people out there with much more time to practice than you (that’s your excuse anyway)?

    If you do, then step right up for the daily races and FIA events.

    Single Player

    On release, much to EVERYONE(who doesn't have access to the internet)'s surprise the game released with little to no real single player offline content. To sate the grizzling babies suckling on GT Sports empty teats, PD quickly supplied a thin veneer of single player action. A layer so thin that any babies that happened to fall into it face first, would be unlikely to drown. It is here that you must visit, on the epic journey to Level 50 mastery!!!


    With each baffling edition of Gran Turismo, Kazunori Yamauchi stretches his spider’s web of obsession to entangle more followers into his strange world of single minded focus. The powerful and weak minded alike are drawn into a game that will infuriate them beyond description, yet will have them playing it until everything else in their life is but a small interlude between doing another lap, creating a livery or posting a photo realistic picture of a rusty Samba Bus.

    It goes without needing justification, that this is the single greatest game ever created and everyone in the world should by a PS4, slip a GT Sport disk in and leave it there until the wild animals reclaim the world that is rightfully theirs.

    My Score 34/10
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2019
  2. sirjim73


    I can't believe you only gave it 34/10... :mad:

    3 points to add:

    1. They told you there would be 50 more chips (French fries) by March and they're still giving you free *at no extra cost* fries. I know you asked for more fast French fries, but you'll get Japanese chunky Toyota-chips and tough!

    2. You got the cheap own brand sauce instead of ketchup with every half a dozen fries (yes i know its mostly French and Italian mustard).

    3. The black screen is clearly just intended to acclimatise everyone to living in Tidgney's loft.

    PS I hope you've got lots of tins of beans stored away in the loft in case you can't get away soon. And a commode.

    PPS I'm level 49 and A HALF and it's ONLY taken me 21 months without grinding. You've no stamina for these games. Go play Project Loft 2!

    PPPS Another laugh inducing post. Thanks.

    (How's the dating going?) :sly::lol:
    fastone371, CTznOfTime and BigJimmy like this.
  3. Lazybike


    :lol::lol::lol: Tidgneys loft....must be cramped with all that world tour merch in there!
  4. GaLbaNoryes


    Honestly I was actively disappointed by the lack of a fish-shaped car
    BigJimmy likes this.
  5. BigJimmy


    United Kingdom
    The XNR is quite aquatic looking!

    I will need to find a place to put my RIG before I can try dating again. :sly:
    sirjim73, dlshearon and fastone371 like this.
  6. fastone371


    United States
    I love your articles, I was wondering when you would grace the pages of GTP with a new one, they seem to appear about as often as the fish and chips we get from the PD restaurant chain. The biggest difference is that yours give us much more entertainment, bravo!!
    dlshearon and BigJimmy like this.
  7. JayRS200