Eating Happy Plums is the equivalent of dying a thousand deaths. Nay, a million deaths. Keep telling yourself this as your molars crack through the hard gelatinous shell, because at first, Happy Plums don't taste that bad. But this is only to trick you into putting the whole thing in your mouth at once. Because once you actually break through to the spice covered plum... words, for the first time ever, escape me. There is no way to describe the horror of the sweet/sour spicy coating as it smothers you physically and emotionally and drags you, screaming and kicking, into a hellish, fiery pit of excruciating pain and agony, where it slowly flogs and tortures you in the sulphurus recess of your darkest fears for hours on end, before finally leaving you, mangled beyond recognition, to die. And that's not the worst part.
