Need some help with an essay on Water Sustainability in Africa

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

I'm writing a persuasive essay for 12th grade and my rough draft turned out to be a bit more of an expository than it should be. I haven't found any sources on how or why to fix the problem, but many on the what the problem is.

My first paragraph is on how water is necessary/essential for humans to live and I'm transforming it into a paragraph about how "relatively cheap" it would be to provide water.

My 2nd paragraph is about the dirty water problem in Africa.

And my 3rd is on droughts/dry climate.

Any with leading me in the right direction would be great.

 

[Omnis]

How about telling us what your thesis statement is?

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

How about telling us what your thesis statement is?

The U.S. should aid in providing water to the citizens(people) of Africa. At least that is the basic idea, I think.

 

[Omnis]

Why should it be down to us?

Anyway, to help with your essay instead of argue your statement, I'd suggest making a few paragraphs about water here in the united states and what we can do for Africa. You'd need to figure out how the technologies and processes we use can be translated to African water.

Actually, you might want to change your statement to include aid from the entire world including Africa instead of just the United States.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

Why should it be down to us?

Anyway, to help with your essay instead of argue your statement, I'd suggest making a few paragraphs about water here in the united states and what we can do for Africa. You'd need to figure out how the technologies and processes we use can be translated to African water.

Actually, you might want to change your statement to include aid from the entire world including Africa instead of just the United States.

I should have mentioned this earlier, but the essay asks to pick some issue in Africa and then to decide whether the U.S. should get involved or not. it doesn't have to be complicated. The teacher said that we can focus more on the why instead of the how.

 

[Omnis]

So how would GTP help you? By giving you the why? That would be us persuading you.

 

[Solid Lifters]

I should have mentioned this earlier, but the essay asks to pick some issue in Africa and then to decide whether the U.S. should get involved or not. it doesn't have to be complicated. The teacher said that we can focus more on the why instead of the how.

So, persuade him...

Simple. The answer is "No. We shouldn't get involved with anything in Africa." It's the now the job of these fellas... http://www.africa-union.org/

 

[Sureboss]

You could go into why the water in some African countries is bad (ie Sewage).

You could compare an example of an African country with a good water supply (South Africa, erc) with a bad one (Zimbabwe, Sudan, etc)

 

[Omnis]

You could go into why the water in some African countries is bad (ie Sewage).

You could compare an example of an African country with a good water supply (South Africa, erc) with a bad one (Zimbabwe, Sudan, etc)

That would contribute to an expository paper.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

So how would GTP help you? By giving you the why? That would be us persuading you.

Well, I couldn't find any sources supporting it either way. All I found and have are sources saying there is a problem. The teacher said that I would find reasons through my research, which hasn't happened. I just figured arguing for the US to be involved would be easier.

So, persuade him...

Simple. The answer is "No. We shouldn't get involved with anything in Africa." It's the now the job of these fellas... http://www.africa-union.org/

I guess I could work with that somehow.


Thanks for the help, so far

 

[Omnis]

Well, I couldn't find any sources supporting it either way. All I found and have are sources saying there is a problem. The teacher said that I would find reasons through my research, which hasn't happened.

Why not? Based on your research, you should be able to pick a side and explain why you're on that side. Persuasion is just relaying what it is that persuaded you in the first place.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

Why not? Based on your research, you should be able to pick a side and explain why you're on that side. Persuasion is just relaying what it is that persuaded you in the first place.

I have only written a couple persuasive essays. The last one if I remember correctly had studies to support my opinion. Anyway, I uploaded my rough draft, so you can give me more specific comments. I know I have to add arguments for the body paragraphs and it isn't very coherent.

 

[Omnis]

If that's your rough draft you seriously have a lot of work to do. Is this in MLA format? I'm guessing the things in parentheses are citations, and they're probably done wrong. Go here: http://www.dianahacker.com/resdoc/ for help with that. Bookmark that site because it's a good reference for all of the types of formats.

You need to include what the united states has to offer to Africa and why they should. Basically, you're saying, "Oh, look at africa's problem. The U.S. should help. Bye."

You also need to do a lot of cleaning up with words that aren't needed and etc.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

If that's your rough draft you seriously have a lot of work to do. Is this in MLA format? I'm guessing the things in parentheses are citations, and they're probably done wrong. Go here: http://www.dianahacker.com/resdoc/ for help with that. Bookmark that site because it's a good reference for all of the types of formats.

You need to include what the united states has to offer to Africa and why they should. Basically, you're saying, "Oh, look at africa's problem. The U.S. should help. Bye."

You also need to do a lot of cleaning up with words that aren't needed and etc.

Yeah, the citations were there for reference, since I didn't want to look up how to do it properly at the moment.