- 10,687
- Everywhere
December 1st
To: ALL EMPLOYEES
I am happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
be held on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbeque. There
will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional
carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up
dressed up as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchanging gifts
among employees can be done at his time; please remember to keep gifts to
the agreed $10 limit.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday
that often coincides with Christmas (though not this year unfortunately).
However, from now on we're calling this party our "Holiday Party." The
same policy also applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this
time.
There will be no tree, or Christmas carols sung.
Happy holidays to you and yours.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but please remember that if I put up a sign on the
table that reads "AA ONLY," you won't be anonymous any more. In addition,
we will no longer be having a gift exchange since the Union members feel
that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest away
from the dessert buffet, and for pregnant employees to sit closest to
the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians
do not have to sit with the gay men; each group will have their own
table. And, yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table!
Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people!! Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play
Santa Claus! Even if the anagram for "Santa" does happen to be "Satan",
there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit'.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians--I've had it with you people!! We're holding this party at
Luigi's Open Pit Barbeque whether you like it or not!! You can just sit at
the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get
salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have
feelings, too! They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm
hearing them right now. Ha!
I hope you have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The ***** from Hell!
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from
her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at
the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon off with full pay on the 23rd.
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director
To: ALL EMPLOYEES
I am happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
be held on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbeque. There
will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional
carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up
dressed up as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchanging gifts
among employees can be done at his time; please remember to keep gifts to
the agreed $10 limit.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday
that often coincides with Christmas (though not this year unfortunately).
However, from now on we're calling this party our "Holiday Party." The
same policy also applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this
time.
There will be no tree, or Christmas carols sung.
Happy holidays to you and yours.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but please remember that if I put up a sign on the
table that reads "AA ONLY," you won't be anonymous any more. In addition,
we will no longer be having a gift exchange since the Union members feel
that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest away
from the dessert buffet, and for pregnant employees to sit closest to
the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians
do not have to sit with the gay men; each group will have their own
table. And, yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table!
Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people!! Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play
Santa Claus! Even if the anagram for "Santa" does happen to be "Satan",
there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit'.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians--I've had it with you people!! We're holding this party at
Luigi's Open Pit Barbeque whether you like it or not!! You can just sit at
the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get
salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have
feelings, too! They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm
hearing them right now. Ha!
I hope you have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The ***** from Hell!
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from
her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at
the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon off with full pay on the 23rd.
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director
