SandStorm
(Banned)
- 7,069
These are jokes from the pub joke book. Enjoy! 
Q: How do you make a bunch of little old ladies say '****'?
A: Shout 'Bingo!'
Q: What has 99 balls and ****s old ladies?
A: Bingo!
Q: What's blue and screws old ladies?
A: Hypothermia!
Q: What do you call a man with a shovel in his hand?
A: Doug!
Q: What do you call a man without a shovel in his hand?
A: Douglas!
Q: What do you call a lady with one leg longer than the other?
A: Eileen!
Q: What do you call a lady with both legs the same length?
A: Nolene!
Q: What do you call an epileptic in a pile of leaves?
A: Russell!
Q: What do you call a man with a wooden head?
A: Edward!
Q: What do you call a man with 3 wooden heads?
A: Edward Woodward!
Q: What do you call a man with 4 wooden heads?
A: I don't know, but Edward Woodward would!
Q: What do you call a man with toilet paper in his mouth?
A: John!
Q: What do you call a man who hangs off the back of a car?
A: Reg!
Q: What do you get if you cross a pen!s and a potato?
A: A dictator!
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming in the channel?
A: Clever D!ck!
Q: What do you call a man with no arms, no legs and no d!ck swimming in the channel?
A: Smart arse!
One for Lotus350!
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None: It should be open by the time she brings it to the couch!
Q: How are a haemophiliac and a virgin alike?
A: One prick ... and its all over!
Q: Why is a man like a Rubik cube?
A: The longer you play with one, the harder it gets!
Q: What do you call a truck full of vibrators?
A: Toys for *****!
Q: Why was Cinderella thrown out of Disney land?
A: She was caught sitting on Pinnochio's face saying 'lie! Lie! Lie!'
Q: What should you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?
A: wipe it off and say your sorry!
Q: What do elephants use as tampons?
A: Sheep!
Q: Why do elephants have long trunks?
A: Sheep don't have strings!
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 2. The trick is getting them in there!
Q: How do you make a bunch of little old ladies say '****'?
A: Shout 'Bingo!'
Q: What has 99 balls and ****s old ladies?
A: Bingo!
Q: What's blue and screws old ladies?
A: Hypothermia!
Q: What do you call a man with a shovel in his hand?
A: Doug!
Q: What do you call a man without a shovel in his hand?
A: Douglas!
Q: What do you call a lady with one leg longer than the other?
A: Eileen!
Q: What do you call a lady with both legs the same length?
A: Nolene!
Q: What do you call an epileptic in a pile of leaves?
A: Russell!
Q: What do you call a man with a wooden head?
A: Edward!
Q: What do you call a man with 3 wooden heads?
A: Edward Woodward!
Q: What do you call a man with 4 wooden heads?
A: I don't know, but Edward Woodward would!
Q: What do you call a man with toilet paper in his mouth?
A: John!
Q: What do you call a man who hangs off the back of a car?
A: Reg!
Q: What do you get if you cross a pen!s and a potato?
A: A dictator!
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming in the channel?
A: Clever D!ck!
Q: What do you call a man with no arms, no legs and no d!ck swimming in the channel?
A: Smart arse!
One for Lotus350!
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None: It should be open by the time she brings it to the couch!
Q: How are a haemophiliac and a virgin alike?
A: One prick ... and its all over!
Q: Why is a man like a Rubik cube?
A: The longer you play with one, the harder it gets!
Q: What do you call a truck full of vibrators?
A: Toys for *****!
Q: Why was Cinderella thrown out of Disney land?
A: She was caught sitting on Pinnochio's face saying 'lie! Lie! Lie!'
Q: What should you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?
A: wipe it off and say your sorry!
Q: What do elephants use as tampons?
A: Sheep!
Q: Why do elephants have long trunks?
A: Sheep don't have strings!
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 2. The trick is getting them in there!
