Pulling girls?

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X-Othermic

X-Othermic

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Hi everyone, you might remember me, i haven't posted on here in quite a while (about 9 months)...

Anyhow, a few weeks ago i split up with my girlfriend. We'd been going out for 18 months, 1 day (these things get etched into your mind), and one monday night, she phoned me up, said she wasn't happy, and left me forever. Now, i'm still going to school, and i have to see her everyday. That's not a problem, i can deal with that.

Right, onto the main problem...

Since i became a single man again, one girl in particular has stood out from the rest as one i would like to "get to know better". BUT, she happens to be one of my ex's best friends. We are also good friends, and i would so very much like to ask her out. However, i'm terrified of rejection, and messing up our friendship.

It's our christmas dance in two weeks, and i'm planning to ask her if she would like to go with me to that. I have no idea whether she likes me or not, and i don't have the guts to ask someone to find out for me.

My question is: What should i do? Do i go for it, and risk our friendship, or do i wait, and let someone else snap her up?
 
First of all: Welcome back dude!

Secondly: Go ahead and ask, who cares if she's one of your ex's friends. If your are really good friends, she may consider you just that. A friend. If she does, then shrug it off or something! :lol:
 
Well i can see it ending badly for both of you if shes one of your ex's best friends who you just split up with a couple of weeks ago...

I think you should get to know her on a friendship level, over the holidays go out with her etc..(as friends but flirt and show her you like her etc) and after the holidays you two should be closer and a bit more time would have passed since you split with your girl which is also good and then tell her you like her.
 
Another "relationship" thread....

Okay, first thing, how was the break up with your ex? If she was in the slightest pissed off with you ca forget it. Her mate is hardly going to go out with you if your ex is telling her everything wrong with you.

Second, be a man, and ask her out. Easier said than done, but always true.
 
This looks familiar...
TB
I haven't gone through all of the advice, X-Othermic, but from what I saw, the majority are saying go for it. I agree. What is the worst that happens? She says no? Big deal. When you are young, everything seems so dramatic and important. If she says no, and you have to admit that she might very well do that, don't let it get you down. If she says yes, come to grips with the fact that at some point, you will do something to piss her off. After closing in on 8 years of marriage, I piss my wife off on a regular basis. That is usually about the time I spend some time catching up on *insert game title here* - if she is going to be mad at me, I might as well make it good, right? :lol:

Point is, be prepared for anything, but expect nothing. Don't just use that advice for this situation, either. It'll serve you (fairly) well for quite a few things throughout your life. Besides, if you don't ask her, you'll forever beat yourself up wondering the dreaded "What if...?" question.
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The best way to get over one is to get under another. Ho-oh!

No, seriously; just do it. I wish I could practice what I'm preaching in that regard, but I'm always finding some kind of character caveat with these damn girlies around here. Therefore, I suggest you just introduce yourself and get to know her, but observe her so that you can be a good judge of character for the now AND the future. Make sure she has a cool family though. Seriously...

Good luck.
 
If you really like this girl, you're going to have to ease them both into the idea. She's probably not willing to betray her best friend so quickly by dating the ex-boyfriend. You're in a nasty spot because this girl is predisposed to reject you simply due to history.

Take it easy, try to remain friends with both of them. Give it time.
 
Just do it man. Because if someone else asks her to the dance the only thing you will ever do is wonder if she would have gone with you. But also since she's your ex's freind you need to be a little cautious.
 
danoff
If you really like this girl, you're going to have to ease them both into the idea. She's probably not willing to betray her best friend so quickly by dating the ex-boyfriend. You're in a nasty spot because this girl is predisposed to reject you simply due to history.

Take it easy, try to remain friends with both of them. Give it time.
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Best advice in the thread is here, if you rush in or take the wrong approach she will probably say no even if she likes you because of the history. If you settle the situation involving you and your ex and it's left with you on level and friendly terms then she will be far more open to the idea of saying yes to you. Ofcourse that's all generalised, and how she differs from the general is only something you as the person here that knows her can answer.
 
Happened to me before....

One of the things that you can also do is, to relax, just give it time like some people have said AND do the following:

When you're talking to her, because she's one of your ex's good friends, she'll bring up some conversation about how you feel after you broke up with your ex or something related to that. Why? because she's one of her friends and and most of the times girls are nosy. Another reason why she might bring her into the conversation would be that she's trying to TEST you, she's finding out, if you still have some feelings for her...and depending on your reaction to her comment, she'll figure out if your possible relationship with her might be a good idea.

For example, let's say your ex's name is Rachel her friend is Jen.
Jen starts with something like

" Ohh you know what happened last night?!, we were at the movies with Rachel and after we got out, some guys were looking at us and then they started flirting with us, I ignored them, I was like whatever.. but Rachel was smiling back at them and I was like "what r u doing?! come over here let's go, bu the guys followed us and one of them caught up with Rachel and I heard when he asked her to give him her phone number...guess what the idiot did? She gave it to him!, she's so dumb, I couldn't believe it...they were not even cute!...."

I did what I could guys :lol:.

Anyway, your immediate reaction to that story would be a short chuckle, kinda like shaking your head a little bit but smiling at the same time. DO NOT change conversation right away...You have to show Jen, that you don't care about Rachel anymore, that any story that she brings up, you will react like if Rachel was never your girlfriend and she's just another regular girl you don't like.

That might help you get rid of that invisible link between you and Rachel that might prevent Jen from going out with you...
Once she sees that you're totally over it, or that you would never have anything to do with Rachel, then she might give it a try.

All of this advice is taking in consideration that Rachel doesn't feel anything for you anymore... and if that's true, then Jen shouldn't have a problem letting Rachel know she's dating her ex boyfriend.

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Like everybody said, just hold back for a while. Your situation is NOT the same as Lewyman's one, there's no reason why you should jump in right now.



That's it.






Ciao!
 
Ozzy brings up a good point. The best friend is going to evaluate your reaction to the breakup really carefully if she's interested at all. You have to walk the line between caring about your ex, and not being pathetic. You have to be someone she respects, but you also have to be someone that will get along with your ex when the two of you are together later. She's not going to want to trade a friend for a boyfriend only to dump him later too.

Again, it's a tough delicate situation. I'd recommend only persuing it if you're really interested in the girl. If you're only semi-interested, look elsewhere.

In fact, that might be the best advice of all. See another girl first, then come back to this one if you're still interested. Dating another girl will two a few things.

A) It'll let you stop rebounding
B) It'll build confidence
C) It'll give you a chance to find someone you really like and move on
D) It'll distance you from your ex
 
And if the girl sees you with somebody else, it'll make her want you even mo'.
 
What a coincidence I found this thread, I could use it well. Last year, there was a girl in my school who I really, but really, liked. I never dared to ask her out or even talk about it because we were really good friends and it happened to me before that when I talked about it with her (previous situations), the girl just started to act weird and ignored me. My friends told me she was just acting like a little child but it still has a big influence...Anyway, some really good tips in here 👍
 
X-Othermic
Well... lol

I think the thing is i lack the self-confidence to actually pull something like this of. I'll keep trying though, and try to worm my way in....:sly:
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Same as me, guess I just don't have the guts. Sissy I am...



Aaaaaaaanyway, I don't think like Mdnite, that statement is just "What?!" Girls will surely think what a monster you are or something, whatever it is, they won't like to hear this:

"Dude, don't think about how ugly she is, just pick her out and nail her, so you know how it works!"

That's what a dude said to me last year, jees. NEVER, will I follow his advice :scared:
 
Zrow
And if the girl sees you with somebody else, it'll make her want you even mo'.
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Oh yes, that old trick brings back memories...

Nevertheless, I wouldn't risk playing games (i.e: the fact Zrow stated or trying to mess around with her), nor would I say jump right in there and ask her out.

I'd say that you get to know her a little better, not too fast nor slow, but go at your pace. Try to talk to her in class/lunch-breaks and try to show some genuine interest in what she is saying and for her feelings.

In other words, and as a well-known fact, genuine girls will like guys who will listen to them and show interest and empathy, atleast this way she's not afraid to have a conversation with you. And if that all goes well and you feel comfortable further down the track, ask her out. 👍

Regards, GT Pro.
 
well, i have a feeling a year 8 at my school likes me (i'm in year 7) but i'm also too scared to ask her, i think the only reason she won't ask me is because all the other girls hate me, and they're not very mature yet, and she's friends with some of the other girls, so i have no girlfriend yet:(

i personelly think you should go for it, but it's your choice, if you have the courage, go for it
 
X-Othermic
Anyhow, a few weeks ago i split up with my girlfriend. We'd been going out for 18 months, 1 day (these things get etched into your mind), and one monday night, she phoned me up, said she wasn't happy, and left me forever.
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This sounds peaceful enough.

she happens to be one of my ex's best friends.
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I fail to see the problem here.

We are also good friends,
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This is the answer. She may be your ex's friend but she is also your friend. When you are dating within a group of people it is foolish for someone to expect their ex not to date a friend.

It's our christmas dance in two weeks, and i'm planning to ask her if she would like to go with me to that. I have no idea whether she likes me or not, and i don't have the guts to ask someone to find out for me.
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Never send in the spy. This ploy doesn't work. Ask her to the dance. You need a date anyway and if your ex has an issue with it then explain that you all are friends and you needed a date. If you happen to suddenly "get along" well on this friendly outing then you can't help your feelings can you?

Basically, go for it. Unless you wait until your ex is no longer her friend or moves away you will find that time won't make this better. Girls are a jealous bunch. My wife just made up with afriend where a similar situation happened. She dated her friend's ex a year after they broke up and her friend refused to talk to her for years.

It doesn't make sense and I don't understand them.


Omnis
No, seriously; just do it. I wish I could practice what I'm preaching in that regard, but I'm always finding some kind of character caveat with these damn girlies around here.
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What are you, Seinfeld?
 
antihero
We need more friends like you in the world 👎
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All is fair in love.

Besides, if he had a peaceful parting with his girlfriend and she doesn't hate him there shouldn't be much of an issue is all I was saying.


I'm assuming you've never heard how I met my wife? Let's just say a friend from college no longer speaks to either of us. Now, if I didn't have that mindset would I have married my wife? Call me what you will, but I have no regrets that she and I followed our hearts.
 
FoolKiller
I'm assuming you've never heard how I met my wife? Let's just say a friend from college no longer speaks to either of us. Now, if I didn't have that mindset would I have married my wife? Call me what you will, but I have no regrets that she and I followed our hearts.
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That's fantastic... and good for you for going for it. But if she hadn't been "the one", would you still think it was worth it to alienate that friend?

That's why I suggested to our troubled friend here that he consider just how interested he is in this girl. Obviously if he thinks she's got marriage potential he should go for it. Even so, you'll admit that he's asking for trouble.
 
danoff
That's fantastic... and good for you for going for it. But if she hadn't been "the one", would you still think it was worth it to alienate that friend?

That's why I suggested to our troubled friend here that he consider just how interested he is in this girl. Obviously if he thinks she's got marriage potential he should go for it. Even so, you'll admit that he's asking for trouble.
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Dating teh friend of an ex that you had a fairly amicable parting with doesn't seem like a big deal to me but I grew up in a small community where after your first break-up you were always dating a friend of an ex. The only way around it was to date outside your social circle, which rarely happened.
 
FoolKiller
Dating teh friend of an ex that you had a fairly amicable parting with doesn't seem like a big deal to me but I grew up in a small community where after your first break-up you were always dating a friend of an ex.
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.. must... resist... joke... about.. Kentucky...


:D

M
 
FoolKiller
What are you, Seinfeld?
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Maybe I am. But, I'd like to go out with someone who is nice to look at, yet doesn't hang out with scumbags and surround themselves with their lame and lowly dealings. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?


edit: By the way, I can make a topic picking out all of the flaws and stuff of every girl I know if you'd like me to. :D
 
Ultrashot
And what do you mean by that? Girls are toys?



..........
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No, I mean go out and actually talk to them. If they reject move on.

And with the toys thing, aren't you the ones treating them like that with all your theories?
 
Isn't there a "Man Law" written about this one?

**pulls out the old book, dusting it off**

Ahh yes, here we are:

The Book of Man Law
Q:Your best friend is dumped by his girlfriend. How long before you can ask her out?

A:Six months, but only if she is drop-dead gorgeous.
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**Hey, I came with an old video too...**



---

Hmmm, I think this can be applied here in a reasonable way. Sure, this is more about your ex than your best friend, but even then, when she is breaking up with you, that would theoretically mean that her friends are going with her.

I'd wait it out a bit, but don't wait too long. I think the six-month grace period is a bit too long, but then again, it is hard to disagree with a man like "The Bandit" himself...
 

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