Rectum Stretcher

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BrianCNorton

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So a well to do man goes fishing one weekend. He gets on his grungiest clothes, dosent shower or shave, and gets in the crappy pickup truck that his wife keeps begging him to sell and goes to the lake.

He does well, catches lots of fish and starts to come home.

He gets going a little bit fast and dosent see the cop behind a bush. He gets pulled over.

The police officer asks the man if he knows how fast he was going, to which the man replies "not fast enough for you to have pulled me over"

The cop dosent like to be second guessed by a smelly slob gets angry. he says "you fuking bum, dont tell me how to do my job, I dont tell you how to pickup your welfare check"

The man is a little taken back and replies "I have a job, I'm a rectum stretcher"

Now the cop is off guard. "A rectum stretcher?" he asks.

The man then elaborates "Yeah, I get two fingers in there, and slowly work in one fist, then the other. After a while I can get that sucker as wide as a man is tall."

to which the cop responds "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot a$$hole?"

The man then retorts "I suppose you could give him a radar gun and stick him behind a bush on the side of the road."
 
Originally posted by BrianCNorton
So a well to do man goes fishing one weekend. He gets on his grungiest clothes, dosent shower or shave, and gets in the crappy pickup truck that his wife keeps begging him to sell and goes to the lake.

He does well, catches lots of fish and starts to come home.

He gets going a little bit fast and dosent see the cop behind a bush. He gets pulled over.

The police officer asks the man if he knows how fast he was going, to which the man replies "not fast enough for you to have pulled me over"

The cop dosent like to be second guessed by a smelly slob gets angry. he says "you fuking bum, dont tell me how to do my job, I dont tell you how to pickup your welfare check"

The man is a little taken back and replies "I have a job, I'm a rectum stretcher"

Now the cop is off guard. "A rectum stretcher?" he asks.

The man then elaborates "Yeah, I get two fingers in there, and slowly work in one fist, then the other. After a while I can get that sucker as wide as a man is tall."

to which the cop responds "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot a$$hole?"

The man then retorts "I suppose you could give him a radar gun and stick him behind a bush on the side of the road."
Click to expand...

wow, this is SOOO NOT FUNNY!!!
 
Okay, I've heard it before, so I'll try (since no one gets it):

A man's driving one day really fast. He goes over a big bridge and at the other side, a cop is waiting for speeders, and catches him.

The cop says, "why the hurry?"
and the guy says, "I'm late for work!!"
So the cop says, "what's your job?"
And the guy says, "I'm a rectum stretcher"
And the cop says, "what?"
So the guy says, "A rectum stretcher."
So the cop says, "what do you mean?"
And the guys says, "my job is to stretch people's rectums. They can get up to six feet wide."
So the cop says, "And what do you do with a six-foot @$$hole?"
And the guy says, "You give him a radar gun and put him at the end of a bridge."

Did that clarify it a tad? It really is rather funny.
 

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