International Motorsport Journal launches an investigation into what may be the most disturbing revelations in modern sim racing.
By Randy “Full Throttle” Walker / International Motorsport Journal
For months, the Saturday Night Endurance League, organized by the mysterious commissioner known only as Cold Warrior, had earned a reputation as one of the cleanest, most competitive endurance championships in Gran Turismo 7.
Respectful racing. Professional organization. Close battles.
What nobody expected...
...was that the entire operation might secretly be connected to vampirean clans, extraterrestrial life, cryptozoology, and possibly time travel.
Instead of questioning why one of the world's premier motorsport journalists had suddenly become obsessed with breakfast, Cold Warrior calmly answered.
Fresh off a dominant championship victory, JDMKING13 expected questions about racecraft.
Instead…
The reigning champion revealed a diet consisting primarily of Ghost Energy drinks and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.
Sports nutritionists worldwide immediately resigned.
When asked about his extraordinary pace, JDMKING13 insisted he was still two seconds slower than the world's elite.
This statement raised serious concerns.
If
he believes he's slow… Who exactly are the people he's chasing?
Second-place finisher notarjy was then asked one of the most important scientific questions of our generation.
Without hesitation...
No photographs were produced. Instead, notarjy pointed investigators toward JDMKING13.
A development that would prove extremely significant.
Confronted directly with allegations of extraterrestrial involvement, JDMKING13 remained remarkably calm.
Excuse me.
The
what?
The unknown verse?
Walker later admitted this was the exact moment he began questioning every career decision that had led him to this assignment.
Third-place finisher, fastone371, appeared perfectly normal, but...
For approximately three seconds, this investigation resembled an actual motorsport interview.
Gr.4 champion Michel, known throughout the paddock as "
The Canadian Destroyer", admitted without remorse that he had dismantled the competition.
Cold Warrior was later confronted with another serious allegation.
Human Resources had reportedly received anonymous complaints claiming that organizing four consecutive Gr.1 races across four different circuits constituted psychological abuse.
The commissioner remained unmoved.
Despite the supernatural revelations, Cold Warrior confirmed that the Saturday Night Endurance League will return.
January 2027.
The spotlight will shift toward Super GT, featuring the 2016 machines in an alternate-history championship imagining the series with a greater international presence.
At least, that's the official plan.
Assuming the vampires approve.
As the interview concluded, Cold Warrior unexpectedly looked directly at yours truly and said:
I'm pretty sure there is a song about that. I recommend you do not listen to it.
After interviewing every major figure inside the
Saturday Night Endurance League, our investigative team has reached the following evidence-based conclusions:
- The commissioner voluntarily keeps vampire hours.
- Aliens have allegedly been observed racing on Saturday nights.
- One championship contender has seen "the unknown verse."
- Another competitor appears to be aging backwards.
- Bigfoot remains frustratingly difficult to photograph.
- Four consecutive Gr.1 races are apparently considered merciful compared to the original plan.
- Nobody knows why Randy kept asking about breakfast.
- Void still doesn't have a girlfriend and he will die alone and depressed.
At the time of publication, none of these findings have been disproven.
