Terrorism threat levels

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daan

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The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists themselves have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.


Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.


It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."... The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
 
Re the recent bomb attempt at Glasgow airport.

----

If this had happened in a US airport, compared to Glasgow

America: "Oh my God! There was a man on fire, he was running about, i just ran for my life. I thought i was gonna die, he got so close to me"

Glasgow: "C*** wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up n gave him a good boot, then decked him"


America: "I just wanna get home, away from here. I just wanna get home, I thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow: "Here Shug, am no leaving here till am oan a ****in' plane!"


America: " there was pandemonium, people were running in all directions, we didn't know what was happening thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow: "**** this fir a kerry oan, moan we ll get a pint in"


America: "We thought he was gonna blow us all up he had a gas canister, and was trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna die, I just ran for my life"

Glasgow: "a swaggered by the motor that wis on fire, and the dafty couldnae even open his boot, he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave him a good boot to the baws"


America: "there was this huge explosion, it sounded like war, I thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow: "There wis a bang, yi know when yi throw BO basher intae a fire it wis like that"


America: "I'm too traumatized even to speak, I thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow "here mate, gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan the telly a want her tae tape it"


& finally, two quotes from an eye-witness.........john smeaton (these are real)

John just surpassed himself on the National ITV news. The interviewer asked

"What message do you have for the bombers" - he replied "This is Glasgow we'll just set about you"

John did an interview on cnn and they asked how he restrained the guy and he said "me and other folk were just tryin 2 get the boot in and some other guy banjoed him" !
 
john smeaton (these are real)

John just surpassed himself on the National ITV news. The interviewer asked

"What message do you have for the bombers" - he replied "This is Glasgow we'll just set about you"

John did an interview on cnn and they asked how he restrained the guy and he said "me and other folk were just tryin 2 get the boot in and some other guy banjoed him" !

This is one of the few times I miss having a TV. :D
 
Thoes Glasgow quotes are so true :lol:.

The first post was great too :cheers:.
 
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Roflmao'd at that one...Are they equipped with grappling hooks and cranes with which to salvage guns from the old navy for use with the new one?
 
DWA
Geez... Racism... where are the Asian Countries? Lame... :dopey:

China has taken the deft move to increase thier military power by switching thier "one child only" policy to the "if you only have one child we will procede to hang you by your toe nails then drip cold water on your head" policy. they will be giving support to the war on terrrorism when they can conquer all the country's between them and Egypt. they will also be giving thier troops laser guns but they are still developing them.

the leaders of Vietnam and North Korea meanwhile are still reading "How to run a Communist Country 'for dummies' ". vietnam is asking china to send in troops for them to fight while they build thier military power up on the border between them and cambodia has given thier entire populace large spears and bows and told to go "that way"-->.

South Korea is building up thier military again so they can go where the least amount of battle is and impress the europeon union. Thailand is supplying the asian armies with rice and trying to stay out of the battle. While, mongolia will be sending in thier armies as soon as they can find them...

if you can make it sound better than do so i won't mind.
 
I've seen the first one in the original email it started doing the rounds in, it's still great :D

The Glaswegian comments are fantastic, nice one daan :lol: 👍

DE
 
I've seen the first one in the original email it started doing the rounds in, it's still great :D

The Glaswegian comments are fantastic, nice one daan :lol: 👍

DE

er glaswegian? what is that? it sounds like an expensive and rare german beer.
 
Yeah, that's right.

But that doesn't work on all place names, just people from Glasgow have become known as Glaswegians, as people from Norway become Norwegians. No, it doesn't make sense, but it's English - of course it doesn't make sense - and what's more, it's English adapted to a particular place, so it's doomed to make no sense whatsoever. :p

DE
 
People from Galway are called Galwegians...

People from Glasgow are called Glaswegians...

And people from Edinburgh are called :censored:s... (atleast by people from Glasgow, anyway...) :sick:
 
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