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Well, here we go again. The only awards we all care about, the Fourth Annual GTP Formula 1 Awards are go go go! I'm once again your drunken and sodomised (What? If Max can get away with it..) host where, as a special preview for 2010, the winners shall recieve funky little medals!
Let's rock.
The first award of the night is Best Start To A Race. This was won last year by Marcus Winklehock (European GP), who then went on to well.. Not do much in the DTM, let's not hope for a repeat. The nominees are:
- Felipe Massa (Hungarian GP)
- Sebastian Vettel (Italian GP)
- Lewis Hamilton (British GP)
- Fernando Alonso (Singapore GP)
- Jarno Trulli (Belgian GP)
And tonight's first Gold Medalist is... FELIPE MASSA! His start in Hungary pretty much put Hamilton on the spot, a daring move around the outside. Just a shame his engine died 3 laps from the win eh?
Ok, so congratulations to Felipe, now we move on to Best Overtaking Manoeuver. Takuma Sato won this last year after putting a Super Aguri up the inside of the then Double Reigning Champ... In a McLaren. Big shoes to fill indeed, let's see the nominees:
- Lewis Hamilton on Felipe Massa (Turkish GP)
- Felipe Massa on Rubens Barrichello and Heikki Kovalainen (Canadian GP)
- Felipe Massa on Lewis Hamilton (Hungarian GP)
- Sebastian Vettel on Lewis Hamilton (Brazilian GP)
- Nick Heidfeld on Kimi Raikkonen and Heikki Kovalainen (British GP)
And the gold medal and official Overtaking God (Well, here at GTP anyways) is.. FELIPE MASSA! Again..? Christ, someone's got off to a good start. But we have to admit, 'taking two cars in one move is a pretty darn good effort, and it was for position!
So, Felipe is on a roll here, can he make it a hat-trick stright off the bat in the next catergory, Most Improved Driver. Last year, Nico Rosberg was voted as the most improved driver. Shame then he is probably one of the least improved drivers this year, we're doing well here.. Anyway! The nominees:
- Felipe Massa
- Sebastian Vettel
- Robert Kubica
- Sebastien Bourdais
And the winner is.. SEBASTIAN VETTEL! Yes it's fair to say the young German had quite a breakthrough year, topped off by the win at Monza. Now let's just wait for him to punt off a retiring driver 2 turns into their final GP next season..
Righteo, we're doing well here, the next award is Best Rookie Performance, last year the winner of this award was Lewis Hamilton. He's gone on to take the title this year. Kazuki, you listening up bud?
This is also a very controversial award as, well, Vettel isn't really considered a rookie by some. So if Seb does happen to win, I'll announce who came second for the purists out there. The nominees!- Sebastien Bourdais
- Nelson Piquet jr
- Sebastian Vettel
- Timo Glock
- Kazuki Nakajima
And the winner is.. SEBASTIAN VETTEL! Yep, cheers GTP, lets be having the second placed guy then.. TIMO GLOCK! Vettel's year was described in the last award, just really great. As for Timo, well, it was a season of two halves. He was soundly beaten by team mate Trulli before a huge crash at his home race at Hockenheim. After that, well, he actually became a presence for top 6 finishes, Jarno best keep an eye out.
Right, now we go onto one of the more precise awards, the Best Single Race Performance award. Last season it was won by two drivers, Heikki Kovalainen (Japanese GP) and Sebastian Vettel (Chinese GP). This season has had a number of notible drives, but only 5 could make it into the final nominees:
- Sebastian Vettel (Italian GP)
- Fernando Alonso (Japanese GP)
- Lewis Hamilton (British GP)
- Robert Kubica (Canadian GP)
- Adrian Sutil (Monaco GP)
The gold medal goes to.. SEBASTIAN VETTEL! It's becoming a great night for the young driver, 3 awards from 5 and with more nominations to come, could we see an all-time record here? (Not that I can remember the current one!)
Right, we're now going to have a sneaky peek at 2009, starting with the Team To Watch In 2009 award. Last year, we forecasted that BMW Sauber would be the team to watch in '08, and whilst they didn't win any titles, they finally got the breakthrough win in fine 1-2 style at Montreal. Let's see who we're giving the GTP good luck charm to this season, the nominees:
- BMW Sauber
- Red Bull Racing
- Honda
- Renault
- Toyota
And the winning team is.. BMW SAUBER! And the German/Swiss team retain their title! With what's believed to be one of the most powerful computers.. In the entire world, BMW will be having a lovely Christmas full of flashy images of a snowplow on their PC screens. Have fun chaps!
And now we go back to the drivers with the Most Promising New Driver award, last year both Lewis Hamilton and Sebastian Vettel won this award, and with both winning in 08, there was good reason for it. Again however, we have a bit of controversey surrounding Mr. Vettel so like last time, I'll anounce who came second if Vettel wins. The nominees are:
- Timo Glock
- Sebastian Vettel
- Sebastien Bourdais
- Kazuki Nakajima
- Nelson Piquet jr
And the winner is.. SEBASTIAN VETTEL! It's now an awesome foursome for him, but let's see who came second.. SEBASTIEN BOURDAIS! Wow, good outcome there for Toro Rosso, shame it seems they won't have either driver next year then!
Right, that's all the controversey out the way, I'll hand that back to Max seeing as he knows how to use it. Ok, next up is the Most Improved Team, BMW Sauber have won both times for the past 2 seasons, will they make it a three-peat here? Let's have a look at the nominees:
- Scuderia Toro Rosso
- Renault
- BMW Sauber
- Toyota
- Williams
And the winners are.. SCUDERIA TORO ROSSO! Ok, I'll set the record straight here, I have absolutely no idea why Williams are in there, but hey, that's GTP. So STR take home another, keeping their stronghold on tonight's awards. Bastards.
Right, past half way, thank god, let's see what we got next. Biggest Dissapointment Of 2008, well, this is a real upbeat award! Last year The Spy Scandal between Ferrari and McLaren took this award, sadly they behaved quite well this season, so no chance of a repeat. The nominees therefore are:
- Steward Rulings
- Valencia Circuit
- Spa-Gate
- Max's Nazi Scandal
- Super Aguri Going Into Administration
The the winner of the Golden Head Shake of Dissapointment is.. The STEWARD RULINGS! And I do agree here, let's be fair, they did make some right ol'clangers this season. Raikkonen taking no penalty in Monaco, Heidfeld getting a grid penalty in Singapore, Hamilton losing the win in Belgium, Bourdais taking a post-race penalty in Japan. Sucks to be a steward these days.
Right, let's get a positive vibe going again with the next award, the Best Race Of 2008 award. Last season's Brazilian GP won this award and with a nailbiter there this season, there's good chance fo a repeat. Let's have a look at the nominees:
- Brazilian GP
- Singapore GP
- Belgian GP
- British GP
- Italian GP
And the winning race is.. The BRAZILIAN GP! And the repeat takes place! Let's be frank, did Formula One make you ever have such a grin/frown (Delete as applicable) when Hamilton made the pass on Glock at the last meaningful corner, on the last lap of the last race of the season, oh, and for the title? Yeah, thought not.
Ok, we're getting to the real good awards now, next up is a new one, the Biggest 'ROFLMAO' Of 2008 award which is sponsored by our good friend and serial
user, Appie! The nominees are:- Ferrari Mechanics Doing The 100m Sprint In Singapore
- ITV's Goodbye Montage
- Massa Family Reaction To Hamilton Winning Title
- Hamilton Jumping The Red Light At Canada
- Massa's 'Raindancing' At Silverstone
And the Gold Medalist (Hey, this kinda works y'know..) is.. The FERRARI MECHANICS! It was a close race, with Tonio and Luca relighting their rivalry from those Spyker days. However is was rookie Bepe who took the spoils, much to Felipe Massa's delight I'm sure.
And now the second newbie award of the night, Unluckiest Driver Of 2008. Now, I'll tell you now, Mark Webber actually didn't win this, but if his PA set up that little crash a couple of weeks earlier, I'm sure he'd have been a shoe-in! Anyways, the nominees are:
- Sebastien Bourdais
- Felipe Massa
- Adrian Sutil
- Heikki Kovalainen
- Mark Webber
And the Golden 13 goes to.. SEBASTIEN BOURDAIS! Well, if we had an award for Best Supporting I-Hate-Champcar-And-All-It's-Champions award, I'm sure the FIA would take it with opening hands. But let's not forget the heartbreaker start at Monza, stalling from fourth under a SC start = A lap down straight off. Poor guy..
Right, back to familiar terrritory now with the award for the Best Team Of 2008. BMW Sauber won this last season and should have a good case for this season's award aswell, let's see who their competition will be:
- Scuderia Toro Rosso
- BMW Sauber
- McLaren
- Toyota
- Renault
And the best team of the season is.. SCUDERIA TORO ROSSO! Yep, the little guys who became superstars this season have pulled it off. Securing their first ever win and beating their big brother Red Bull Racing, STR really pulled the cat out of the bag here.
Ok, now we refocus on the drivers with one of the highest regarded awards of the night, Best Driver Of 2008. Last year Kimi Raikkonen took the award but with a quite dissapointing '08 season, he hasn't even reached the nominees, let's see who they are:
- Sebastian Vettel
- Lewis Hamilton
- Robert Kubica
- Fernando Alonso
- Felipe Massa
And the winner is.. LEWIS HAMILTON! All the fanboys rejoice! Their man has finally taken home a win tonight and he couldn't have picked a finer award. Champ in '08, pussycat doll as a girlfriend, worship from an online forum, what else does a guy need?
Right we are now onto the final two awards of the night, and we'll stick with tradition and kick off with a downer, the ever-popular 'The Max Attack' Villian Of 2008. Maxwell has abosultely dominated this award in all it's history and again he's got a nomination for this year, can he really pull the four-peat? The nominees are:
- Max Mosley
- Spa Stewards
- Kimi Raikkonen
- Lewis Hamilton
- Ferrari's Pit Lights System
And the winner of the Golden Middle Finger is.. FERRARI'S PIT LIGHTS SYSTEM! Boy o'boy, it really wasn't the greatest of ideas. First off Valencia, where they release Massa right into the path of Sutil, oh and they let Kimi run over the damn refueler, requiring a stretcher. Fastforward to Singapore and this time the lights go off whilst the fuel pump is still in the car. I'd love to know what the life insurence quote is for some who's profession is "Refueller For Scuderia Ferrari". Whoever designed the system really needs a punch... In the nipple.
Ok, we're onto the final award of the night now everyone, and if you've bothered to read this far, great job, you deserve a medal... But not untill '10. Right then, this is the Hero Of 2008 award. Last season, Kimi Raikkonen took this back to his boat, however a new successor will take home the coveted title tonight, the shortlist is:
- Felipe Massa
- Sebastian Vettel
- Lewis Hamilton
- David Coulthard
- Robert Kubica
And the winner is... Oh crap, it's only gone and finished in a bloomin' tie. We can't have two heroes of 2008 surely? We can? Nah, that's like having two Barack Obamas.. Really? Fine.. The winners are.. FELIPE MASSA and SEBASTIAN VETTEL! Well, Felipe won this award I'd imagine just from his antics at Brazil, crying on the podium, giving the upmost respect to Hamilton when perhaps his fans did not. As for Vettel, well, um.. He helped Ex-Minardi win a race and he seems the most genuinely top guy in the paddock today, good job.
Well, that's it! Episode 4 is over and done with, thank god too, you see, ol'Bee here is starting to actually get old (19) and has turned to drinking and gambling to cure his desire for a cut-throat life in the small town of Brackley! But anyways, I'll save that for my biography, "Bee: The Nub Who Used Blue Text For 2 Years". Anyways, let's give our winners a final round of applause, see you in 2009 when I host the 5th Annual Scuderia Toro Rosso Awards!!
Only on the Planet. 
