The Captain: Chapter 13.5 [Where's my Mistresses?] (26/04/11)

[Daniel]

Welcome to the GT5 leg of 'The Captain'. Please keep your seatbelts fastened throughout the journey and in case of an emergency, your exits are here (motions backwards) and here (motions to front and sides). We hope you enjoy your flight story. The first 12 (bad) chapters from GT4 can be seen here or my sig 👍

Chapter 13 (Prologue)
[Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-BATMAN!!!]​

It was a lovely, sunny day: just about the right time of year to start with a clichéd chapter intro. Viktoria and I were enjoying some coffee (and Indian food) at one of the billions of Starbucks scattered generously around Earth.
“So,” I said as I took a sip of my cappuccino, “Any racing going on anywhere?”
Viktoria swallowed her Chicken Tikka, nodding, “There’s a race day at The Eiger – both road and rally.”
“That’s pretty interesting”, I said. “When is it?”
Viktoria dug into her satchel and got out a badly folded sheet of paper, “It’s this Friday and weekend.”
“Friday?” I scowled, examining the flyer, “God I hate Rebecca Black. What car are ya bringing?”
“I’m thinking the TVR,” Viktoria answered. “It’s fast, it corners well and…”
“It’s British,” I laughed.
I took another bite of my spicy chicken when a black Megane pulled up.

When the man got himself out of the car, Viktoria scowled and quickly told me about him before the man got in earshot. “This is the son-of-a-bitch Jean-Claude. He was my ex about five years ago. He says that he’s got rich parents but he’s actually a dealer who frequently ‘tests’ his produce.
“Salut, Viktoria. Comment allez-vous aujourd’hui? Et qui est cet cul?”
“Dude,” I said. “I speak French, you know.”
“Then who the hell are you?” Jean-Claude scowled..
I tried to be polite, so I stood up and offered my hand, but he didn’t take it. “I’m Tom, I teach at the high school a few blocks away.”
Jean-Claude spotted my keyring with the Evo logo on it, “Is that Evo IV yours?” he pointed over towards my car.
I smiled. “My pride and joy.”
Jean-Claude smirked, “I bet that’s all show and no go. Put a muffler on it and it’s suddenly faster than an Enzo.”
I laughed, “You think I’m a puny ricer? I’ll race you and beat you in my Evo. Especially since you’re in a little Renault.”
“Here’s the thing, you see,” Jean-Claude got out his key ring. “Can you see the Renault logo there?” He pointed to it. I nodded.
“I don’t only have a Megane. See this badge?”
I saw the familiar chevrons of a Citroen. “Haha! You have a DS3 or something?”
Jean-Claude chuckled at my comment, “No, something a bit more powerful. Meet me at Highway 5, and then we could see who’s got the better car.”


Comments and Constructive Criticism is appreciated!
I'm also putting the finishing touches on the main part of Chapter 13 as well, so that will be up today or tomorrow 👍

 

[uMadson?]

Tom's gonna need an RB26DETT swap.

Anyways, great work. You seem to have a better vocabulary than me. Mine's quite rusty...

 

[Daniel]

Well, I try not to write a dialogue, which is what some people do. I try to write a story, and add a couple of pictures inbetween 👍

 

[yellomello]

No A GT

 

[DK]

That Jean-Claude is a real arsehole.

 

[Skython]

That Jean-Claude is a real arsehole.

This

Anyway, it's good, I remember reading all the rest of your story. It's good to see people can write a story properly rather than have it all colour coded

 

[Daniel]

^
With non-colour coded stories, I guess you can connect to the characters a bit easier. But when it's colour-coded, it's easier to see who's talking.

 

[Zach]

I can't wait to see what car it'll be. Since it's French, i'm thinking Bugatti. P.S. Bugatti is French, see it in GT5

 

[Daniel]

Chapter 13.5:
Where's my Mistresses?​

Viktoria and I were at a small shoulder on the side of Highway 5. Viktoria was digging in her glove box to see if there was any aspirin inside. “Tom, I told you that you shouldn’t have had the Indian. You know it screws up your stomach.”
I sat on the guardrail, clutching my stomach, “but it’s so worth it!”
Viktoria sighed, “Just don’t make this lose your match.”
I looked up, still holding my stomach, “since when do you care whether I win or lose? Sure, you’re my friend. But the way you said it kinda meant something different.”
She looked down before mumbling something about sexism and side bets.
I was annoyed, but okay with it, “You coulda asked first. I’m generally alright under a bit of pressure. How much cash?”
Viktoria looked down again, “It wasn’t entirely cash.”
“What!? God, that Jean-Claude is a perv!”
She laughed, “No! He’s definitely a perv, but he’d never go that low. Around me, anyway.”
I asked, “So what was it then?”
“He said that I could tag along to see how real men race, so I slapped him one and said that I could beat him. If I beat him, but he beats you, I get to slap him a few again. If we both beat him, he’ll leave us alone and three grand each. But if he beats both of us….”
“He’ll what?” I asked.
“Lets just say some pillows will get ruffled.”
“That perverted bastard!” I snapped.

Merde! Speaking of the Devil….

“What the hell kind of car is that?” I asked as Jean-Claude got out of the car.
“It’s a GT by Citroën,” he explained. “Expensive, rare and 🤬 fast! You want a look?”
Hmph, that’s odd. Jean-Claude seems… nice(ish). “Sure. I’ve never seen a Batmobile up close before.”
What? I try to be a nice person.

I bent down, to the protest of my stomach, and caught a glimpse of the French car’s interior.
Jean-Claude chuckled, “Ahh, the car of Renard Homme!”
“Renard Homme doesn’t have the same ring to it as Batman,” I muttered, but Jean-Claude didn’t hear me, he was trying to find a lighter for a small roll of paper. And it definitely wasn’t tobacco. This’ll be an easy race.

Jean-Claude took a long drag on his joint, and even offered me some (to which I refused). It was like I was his best friend.
“I love you, John,” he told me.
“My name is Tom...”
This amazed him, “really? Woah. I got your name wrong and suddenly I think I know the secrets of the universe.”
I laughed, “I’m sure you do, Jean-Claude. Now, we have a race to do.”
Jean-Claude sat up, “I wanna be Luigi. You can be Mario. He’s a fat 🤬. What track are we racing?”
That must be some expensive stuff he’s smoking. Because he’s sure as hell out of it right now. “We're not paying Mario Kart.”
"Crash Nitro Kart?"
"No."
"Gran Turismo?"
"No."
"Gran Turismo 5?"
"No."
"Colin MacRae?"
"No!"
"Honda Presents Burnout: Armageddon?"
"What?! No! We're doing an actual race. Now get up and let me win!"

I felt a bit guilty for making him race stoned, but at least Viktoria doesn’t have to... you know… go out with him
“Jean-Claude, you ready? We’ll do a rolling start,” I said into a small three-way radio Viktoria and I set up.
“Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-BATMAN!!!!!”
Viktoria’s voice crackled through the radio, “How has he not killed himself yet?”
I replied, “It’s like when you have a bit to drink and you play on Guitar Hero. You suddenly become the female Jimi Hendrix.”
“So you’re saying that when he’s not stoned, he sucks ass at driving?” Viktoria asked.
“Never mind, bad analogy.”

I got a lead into the tunnel, followed closely by Jean-Claude and Viktoria. I managed to get into a powerslide, wheels screeching.

Jean-Claude coughed, “Don’t give me more smoke! I've got enough as it is!” He swerved into Viktoria, forcing her to brake or crash.


Jean-Claude caught up to me, Viktoria still behind us. “I haven’t lost yet!” he yelled.


I tried to piss him off again by sending him some more smoke, but I think he’s taken in too much already. “Smoke on the water! Duh Duh Duh… Duh Duh Duh Nuh!” I heard him singing (quite well, in fact).

I managed to keep ahead of Jean-Claude but he bumped into me.

Causing me to fall behind near Viktoria.



“🤬!” I yelled. My belly started cramping up again.
"Don't worry," Viktoria said. "Your car gets magically repaired after The repair shop has a 100% discount after races."
"What?"
"Hmph? I didn't say anything."

Back up the front, at the last corner Jean-Claude started to run into a bit of trouble as well

“Crashing yay!! I’m Tiger Woods! Where’s my mistresses?”
Tiger’s little spin out meant that Viktoria had to slow down to avoid him. And I was able to catch up to both of them and pass Jean-Claude leading into the last lap.


“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” I said to Viktoria as we were racing into the first corner. “Just mute the radio so Jean-Claude can’t hear us.”

“Okay,” she replied and I heard the click of her radio muting Jean-Claude’s. “What?”
“Okay, you’re in first. I’m second and Jean-Claude’s stoned off his face. And I feel like driving backwards. Win the race and I’ll toy with him.”
I unmuted my radio, and started talking loudly hoping that Jean-Claude would hear me clearly, “Hey Viktoria, I bet that French guy sucks at reversing. I’ll easily beat him.”
Jean-Claude’s voice crackled over the radio, “Is your head is on backwards? I can beat you in any direction!”
And with that, he pulled on the handbrake and completed a 180.



“Viktoria,” I said over the radio. “He actually spun around. He’s reversing right now.”
“I’m already at the hairpi-he what?!” she laughed. “You should beat him, just to annoy him.”
I replied, “Well, I’m not that good at reversing, but I’ll piss him off.”

“Oh crap!” I yelled.

“What? Did you crash?” Viktoria asked.
“No. My stomach. Arrgh!”


I quite like this picture. We’re both reversing actually. Too bad you can’t see me holding onto my stomach for dear life.
Viktoria’s voice came over the radio, “Well, I’ve won.”
I groaned, “good, I need to find a toilet.”
God, I’m never eating Indian before racing. Ever.
I pulled over to the side after crossing the finish line in second (going in the right direction). Viktoria helped me out of the car and hugged me, “three grand! Each!”
“Jolly well done. Now, where’s the nearest restroom?” I started running to the bathrooms along the side of the road.

Sorry for the long delay. Wasn't able to get on much
Construvtive Critiscism is appreciated. What did you like? What didn't you like? [/2nd Grade Comprehension]

 

[uMadson?]

Smoke on the water! Duh Duh Duh… Duh Duh Duh Nuh...wha? I ain't Jean-Claude. Please don't look at me like that.

Nice chapter by the way. Just got carried away by rock n' roll earlier...

 

[DK]

It was fun being Jean-Claude. That Citroen really OM NOM NOMs on its rear tyres.

 

[Skython]

Is was like I was his best friend.
“I love you, John.”
“My name is Tom”
This amazed him, “really? Woah. I got your name wrong and suddenly I know the secrets of the universe.”

That confused me, I couldn't tell who was speaking most on those lines. Other than that, another good chapter

 

[Daniel]

Thank's Skython. I thought people would've known who was who in that part, as it's just Jean-Claude and Tom talking together. I'll fix it for any other people who might read this 👍

 

[oopssorryy]

Is was like I was his best friend.
“I love you, John.”
“My name is Tom”
This amazed him, “really? Woah. I got your name wrong and suddenly I know the secrets of the universe.”

That confused me, I couldn't tell who was speaking most on those lines. Other than that, another good chapter

He was stoned, and not making sense.

The only thing I can point out is "It was like I was his best friend." Other than that, this is a nice story so far, please keep it going.

 

[Skython]

Thank's Skython. I thought people would've known who was who in that part, as it's just Jean-Claude and Tom talking together. I'll fix it for any other people who might read this 👍

Thank you. Note to self, in fact everyone: Think of everyone else as being retarded when you're writing story, so you can dumb it down to their level (yes, I AM taking the piss out of myself again) (hopefully people don't misunderstand me and think I pissed myself)

 

[Daniel]

I'll be writing the next chapter while you clean yourself up
(Not right now, Bones is coming up next on TV3 )

 

[Skython]

I'll be writing the next chapter while you clean yourself up
(Not right now, Bones is coming up next on TV3 )

EVIL!!!!!

 

[Zach]

What happened?!

 

[Skython]

What happened?!

I second that

 

[uMadson?]

I second that

I third dat (in all seriousness)

 

[Korza]

I forth that, fifth that and possibly sixth that.

 

[Zach]

What happened AGAIN?