The good husband

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Marty wakes up with a huge hangover. First thing he
sees are aspirins and water on the side table.
His clothing is all laid out. The bedroom is spotless.

He notices a note: "Honey," it reads, "breakfast is
in the oven. I had to go shopping. Love you."

In the kitchen a hot breakfast awaits him, along
with the newspaper, ready to read.
Marty's grown-up son is at the table.
Marty asks what happened last night?.

"You came home at 3 a.m. Dad, and you were drunk as
a skunk. Good thing you took a cab.
You threw up, gave yourself a black eye.
You stumbled into the door and woke everybody up."

Confused, Marty asks, "If I was so disgusting, why
am I being treated like a prince?"

Because when mom dragged you into the bedroom and
tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married."
 
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it
all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

***

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."

***

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
 

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