The nurse

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ledhed

ledhed

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A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check..
She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer
and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for
a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's
great...... just great.....Some asshole's got my pen."
 
Followed by the Iraqi..
The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech. He walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Iraqi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." President Bush says "Well, Mr. Ambassador, anything I can do to help you, I will do it." The Iraqi whispers, "My son watches this show "Star Trek" and in it there are Russians and Blacks and Whites and Asians and Jews, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in "Star Trek." President Bush chuckles and leans toward the Iraqi, and whispers back.....
..............
"It's because it takes place in the Future."
 
Originally posted by ledhed
Followed by the Iraqi..
The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech. He walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Iraqi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." President Bush says "Well, Mr. Ambassador, anything I can do to help you, I will do it." The Iraqi whispers, "My son watches this show "Star Trek" and in it there are Russians and Blacks and Whites and Asians and Jews, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in "Star Trek." President Bush chuckles and leans toward the Iraqi, and whispers back.....
..............
"It's because it takes place in the Future."
Click to expand...
Heh, good one. 👍
 
Saddam Hussein and George Bush meet in Baghdad for talks on sanctions. When George sits down he notices Saddam's chair has three buttons on the arm rest. They begin talking, and after 5 minutes Saddam presses a button and a boxing glove pops out of Bush's chair and bashes him in the face.

Bush, barely believing it, carries on talking but after a few minutes Saddam presses a second button and out comes a large boot and kicks him in the chest. Bush is ticked off but still remains outwardly calm. They resume the talks, but after 5 minutes Saddam presses the final button and from under the table another boxing glove hits Bush, right in the stomach. Bush is really fed up by it now and stands up to leave. "We'll continue this talk next week in the White House" says the President. Saddam, choking from his own laughter, is too proud to say no, so the appointment stands.

A week later Bush receives Saddam in the Oval Office, and as Saddam sits down, he sees three buttons in the arm-rest of Bush's chair. As the meeting goes on, Saddam sees Bush press the first button, and ducks, but nothing happens. This doesn't stop Bush from laughing... loudly.

After this, Bush continues where he left off, until he presses another button. Saddam jumps up and again nothing happens, this time Bush falls out of his chair laughing. Saddam doesn't get it - what in the world is happening here? But he hasn't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further. After a few minutes Bush presses the final button. This time, Saddam stays sitting, but Bush isn't, he's rolling on the floor, doubled up from laughing. Saddam is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and shouts: "I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Baghdad!"

(Through tears of laughter from the floor), Bush says,

"Baghdad?... what Baghdad?!"
 
Originally posted by ledhed
Saddam Hussein and George Bush meet in Baghdad for talks on sanctions. When George sits down he notices Saddam's chair has three buttons on the arm rest. They begin talking, and after 5 minutes Saddam presses a button and a boxing glove pops out of Bush's chair and bashes him in the face.

Bush, barely believing it, carries on talking but after a few minutes Saddam presses a second button and out comes a large boot and kicks him in the chest. Bush is ticked off but still remains outwardly calm. They resume the talks, but after 5 minutes Saddam presses the final button and from under the table another boxing glove hits Bush, right in the stomach. Bush is really fed up by it now and stands up to leave. "We'll continue this talk next week in the White House" says the President. Saddam, choking from his own laughter, is too proud to say no, so the appointment stands.

A week later Bush receives Saddam in the Oval Office, and as Saddam sits down, he sees three buttons in the arm-rest of Bush's chair. As the meeting goes on, Saddam sees Bush press the first button, and ducks, but nothing happens. This doesn't stop Bush from laughing... loudly.

After this, Bush continues where he left off, until he presses another button. Saddam jumps up and again nothing happens, this time Bush falls out of his chair laughing. Saddam doesn't get it - what in the world is happening here? But he hasn't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further. After a few minutes Bush presses the final button. This time, Saddam stays sitting, but Bush isn't, he's rolling on the floor, doubled up from laughing. Saddam is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and shouts: "I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Baghdad!"

(Through tears of laughter from the floor), Bush says,

"Baghdad?... what Baghdad?!"
Click to expand...
im having a hard time getting this, do u mean their is no bagded to go to becuase its boombed out?
 
I hope this ones not too hard,,:lol:
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."
 
It woudnl't work though....
Logically speaking, when the woman is there, he's supposed to have really bad luck..... (hence, he should be in the coma)
when shes not there, hes supposed to be alive....
 
I gotta MILLION of em..............
A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.

"Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.

"No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number!
 
One of my more liberal minded freinds..maybe even further left..gave me these.. Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"
Bush said, "We're planning World War III."
The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"
Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"
 
This ones a little more subtle so pay attention...:lol:
During a propaganda tour, President Bush visits a school to explain his politics to the kids. He invites the kids to ask him questions. Bobby stands up and says "Mr. President, I got 3 questions":
1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Why does my daddy and most of his friends not have jobs?

Before the president can answer, the recess bell rings, and the kids leave the room.

After they come back, Bush invites them again to ask questions. Joey stands up and says "Mr. President, I got 5 questions":
1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Why does my daddy and most of his friends not have jobs?
4. Why did the recess bell rang early?
5. What happened to Bobby?
 
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried,
"Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

HEhehe...I musta got his wife..
 
A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.

The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, "Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?" "Phew, that one's easy," says the teacher, "The Titanic."

" All right," said St. Peter, "you may pass."
Then the thief got his question: "How many died on the Titanic?"

The thief replied, "That's a toughie, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people." And so he passed through.

Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: "Name them."
Another Lawyer joke..
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. Hundreds of people have filled the funeral parlor, and the line to pay your last respects stretches all the way out the door and around the block!

The man turns to the people around him and asks, "Why are you all at this man's funeral?"

A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients."

The first man said, "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching."

"No, not at all. We came to make sure he was dead!"
 

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