There’s a strange situation brewing up here?

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NocturnalPS

NocturnalPS

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Okay let me first point out my situation. My girlfriend of 3 years and some odd number of days just upped and left me with no other reason other then she does not love me the way she use to. But I did have this feeling something was up with her. As you can expect that threw me in a loop. Asking to myself what the hell is going on and was this my fault?:( Any how now im stuck in what was once our apartment for one more month. I’ve told all my friends and family that she had left me and everyone was pretty shocked at the whole situation.

Well anyway my bud and his girl and I have been going out every other weekend or so just so that I can get my mind on other things. Ya know just trying to keep busy. Well just the other day my buds girl started giving me these flirty kinds of body languages. Accidentally bumping in to me when I was behind her in line to buy movie tickets. Then she looks at me and gives me this kind of “Hey Baby” kind of smile. When we get to our seats I decide to go back out to the concession stands to buy a drink. Right away she jumps up and says “hey wait for me.” So im like okay, while in line (this time im in front) she’s staring at me the whole time. Kind of made me uneasy at the whole thing. Just the looks she was giving me made me think. Okay what’s happening here?

Well just today I was talking to my bud and I was telling him how I really don’t want to move out and back home with my folks. He then told me that his girl friend told him that we should all move in together. He thinks it’s a great idea. So my dilemma here is what should I do? Take his offer and move in with them? I really REALLY don’t want to move back home. And I can’t afford to live on my own (well at least not yet). I’m afraid that his girl might start to come on to me or something like that. Just have this feeling, and I don’t want to ignore it again.
:banghead:
 
That sounds like a real problem...:banghead:

So, why can't you move back home? :confused:
 
Just sit down with her and say:

"Now you listen *****! I'm staying here and I don't want any of that funny business from you now ya hear!?"

Seriously, if you do move in with them, just talk to her, tell her you're not interested.

:).
 
Suicide is an answer but not a very good one.

Do what Cobra said tell her you aren't interested and you wouldn't want to screw up the friendship between you and your mate.

From then on ponder you next steps , you never know whats lurking over the next obsticle.
 
Just always remember, "Bro's before hoe's." 👍

Here's what you need to do. Sit and think about which situation is more uncomfortable for you. Living with your folks again or living with this girl that can potentially cause you serious problems and headaches.

My suggestion to you would be to avoid moving in with this girl if you think that the situation will be just to uncomfortable.
The downside of living with your folks is, well, living with your folks. But here's the upside. You can move out of your folks place at anytime and you probably wont have to pay any rent to them, or utilities. BONUS!!!
So when a better room mate situation presents it's self to you, you can move on it without hesitation. Where as with your friend and his girl, if things turn bad, you're going to be stuck in a lease. So no easy escape from that. But if things go bad, the lease is probably gonna be the least of your problems.

So when it all boils down to it, I really think that this girl has the potential to cause you WAY more problems than your parents could.

Good luck man,


Boom
 
So you're worried that something baaad might happen? Don't worry about it.

As always, talk to this chick, and if she keeps flirting, take it to her boyfriend. Make it sound nuetral, and not like you're accusing her of anything. Ask her boyfriend to keep an eye on her flirty behaviour towards you, and if it keeps up, he should pull her aside.

Heaps luck, dude. 👍
 
Originally posted by SandStorm
So you're worried that something baaad might happen? Don't worry about it.

As always, talk to this chick, and if she keeps flirting, take it to her boyfriend. Make it sound nuetral, and not like you're accusing her of anything. Ask her boyfriend to keep an eye on her flirty behaviour towards you, and if it keeps up, he should pull her aside.

Heaps luck, dude. 👍
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I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with that course of action. No offense SandStorm. 👍

If you mention anything to the boyfriend about your suspicions of his girlfriend, I can almost guarantee you that he is going to take it the wrong way. No matter how you word it to him.
From then on, there will be tension between all of you.

Personally, I would avoid this course of action.

And quite possibly if you approach the girl, she just might flat out deny all your suspicions, regardless of how she actually feels. That could create another mess.

Remember, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn."
 
Originally posted by boombexus
I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with that course of action. No offense SandStorm. 👍

If you mention anything to the boyfriend about your suspicions of his girlfriend, I can almost guarantee you that he is going to take it the wrong way. No matter how you word it to him.
From then on, there will be tension between all of you.

Personally, I would avoid this course of action.

And quite possibly if you approach the girl, she just might flat out deny all your suspicions, regardless of how she actually feels. That could create another mess.

Remember, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn."
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Oh of course, I forgot about the 'tension' part. :O

Another good way of resolving this: Go out to a pub (but don't get pissed), bring home a chick - but make sure she's not a goblin ;) - and be really flirty with her in front of the other bloke's girlfriend (the one that is flirting with you, Noc). This will probably (hopefully) put her off.
 
I'm going to go with boom on this - there might be something to it, there might not. Living arrangements might not be something you have a choice in, but the other thing you mentioined is - it takes two to tango, and if you don't respond, then there's no problem.

There might not be anything to it - a very dear mate of mine's (now) wife constantly flirts with me in front of him - it's a running gag now, but there's nothing to it. I would never dream of fooling around on my better half or crossing him, and she would never fool around on him. It's just a cheap laugh.

Guys over-read this stuff all the time - I know, I do it. Girls like to mess around with our tiny minds for a laugh.
 
I'll follow Boom's advice on this one. When it comes to women, it was once rumored that he had more than a few relationships going at the same time. "They call me the Juggler"

Nocturnal, is she flirting with you, or simply trying to make you feel better. How long have you been friends with her and your buddy? If they've known you for quite sometime, it may be simple friendship that you are perceiving as flirtation. She likely sees you as needing a woman's affections to let you know that you are not a lost cause and there is hope.

I had friends who used to swear by "Bro's before Hoe's" Quote constantly. It annoyed me to no end as it seemed to show that sexism is alive and thriving. What it really means is that your buddy is more important than any barfly that you find. so, is she a barfly or his one and only?

Take a look at your buddy's relationship. Is it soild, and has years backed up behind it? Will help you figure out if she's flirting or helping yout. You're in a tough place.

Moving back with the parents is tough. It's also nice in that it gives you a chance to restart life anew. Save some cash, get to know your parents, and so on.

Of course, I've heard that Boom is looking for a roommate. :D

Good luck Nocturnal, let us know how it works out.

AO
 
Originally posted by Der Alta
I'll follow Bom's advice on this one. When it comes to women, it was once rumored that he had more than a few relationships going at the same time. "They call me the Juggler"

Nocturnal, is she flirting with you, or simply trying to make you feel better. How long have you been friends with her and your buddy? If they've known you for quite sometime, it may be simple friendship that you are perceiving as flirtation. She likely sees you as needing a woman's affections to let you know that you are not a lost cause and there is hope.

I had friends who used to swear by "Bro's before Hoe's" Quote constantly. It annoyed me to no end as it seemed to show that sexism is alive and thriving. What it really means is that your buddy is more important than any barfly that you find. so, is she a barfly or his one and only?

Take a look at your buddy's relationship. Is it soild, and has years backed up behind it? Will help you figure out if she's flirting or helping yout. You're in a tough place.

Moving back with the parents is tough. It's also nice in that it gives you a chance to restart life anew. Save some cash, get to know your parents, and so on.

Of course, I've heard that Boom is looking for a roommate. :D

Good luck Nocturnal, let us know how it works out.

AO
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Well ive known my bud ever since high school. Been about 6 years almost. This girl is pretty new to him. They have been together for just a little over a year. Now the two of them have a crazy relationship. Well just odd I guess. They constantly fight over little stuff all the time. She leaves him one day and comes back to him the next. It’s been like this pretty much since the beginning of their relationship. I remember this one time she got all pissed off at him cause him and I were going to hang out somwhere. She called him up on the phone and said that it’s over between them. My bud just laughed at it and said “its okay she will be back.” And what do you know the next day she’s back with him. I don’t know they must like fighting or something.

Another thing is im not the kind of person who likes confrontations. But I guess ill have to confront her and tell her to back off or something, like you guys said.
 
Don't let them move in with you unless you are ready to throw your friendship away. Seriously...I've seen it happen before.
 
After reading that, I'll note that I think she's trouble.

Have you still got a picture of your Ex? One that you can stand to tear up? The next time you three are together, pull it out of your wallet, and stare at it for a bit. Then tear it and state "I'm sick of dealing with nutcase women. I'm simply giving up on them for a while. I'm sick of the flirtatious head games, the erratic behavior, and the nonsense. Celibacy sounds like a plan for a bit." SAy it in such a way that she'll understand you want no relationship, companionship or social interaction with women. As a final nail in the coffin, you can add " and I think most of them are off their rockers anyway"

What this will allow you to do is clear the smoke in regards to any advances she may want to make. It leaves you plenty of breathing room to search for another relationship without being pressured by other people.

I'm guessing that the on again/off again relationship that they have means she doesn't pay rent at your buddies place? In which case, she's not a permanent resident.

If she should make an unwarranted advance, shunt her asside and tell her that out of respect for your long time friend, there will not nor ever will be a relation ship between the two of you.

After that, over beers some night, after one of her particular nutcase episodes off handely note to your buddy, that she's trouble, and he needs to keep an eye on her. When he responds quizzically, simply note that your looking out for him and don't want to let him get burned like you did. Then buy him a shot of tequila.

AO
 
Originally posted by boombexus
Just always remember, "Bro's before hoe's." 👍
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Usually, the easy way to get a girl that you don't want flirting with you is to ignore her as much as possible. Long ago, my good friend's girl was always coming on to me, but I didn't like her anyhow. So the easy thing to do was pay less attenion to her, pretend she doesn't exist.

One pretty girl was firting with me at work about 7 years ago, but after getting to know her, I wasn't interested. So I just paid less and less attention....it was kind of fun to be on the other end to that game for once!

Unless she's a complete psycho (she has pics of you and not your friend on her wall, for example), then after a while she'll get the hint.

Do NOT mention anything to your friend or his girlfiend, or you may damage two relationships at the same time. Just a little advice.

Move back with the folks; a situation where all three of you get together is a recipie for disaster; trhis way you have comfortable distance between the situation, and you'll save a few bucks for your next apartment.

Sorry about the break-up, there's better fish in the sea, and your friends to rely on for now.
 
Just a side comment here...And my own personal opinion/humor...

Everytime I hear that saying "There's other fish in the sea" the first follow up thought I have is "as long as I don't catch a whale."

AO
 
Originally posted by boombexus
Just always remember, "Bro's before hoe's." 👍
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Gotta remember that one.


Like the rest, i have to agree with Boom on this one. If i had to choose between moving back to my parents house or living very uncomfortable with my best friend and his girl, it wouldn't be a hard choice.

You will need to talk to her though, make it perfectly clear to her that you're not interested and that you don't want her to hurt your best friend by flirting with you. Even though he doesn't know it....yet.
 
Both vat_man and Der Alta bring up interesting points.
That us guys tend to read the signals wrong. Especially after a tough breakup.
I'm not trying to imply that this is what's going on, but just try to evaluate the situation with a clear head. Think to yourself really hard, "Is she really trying to hit on me or is she just trying to make me feel a bit better in the rough time that I'm having??????????" Or does she have some sort of alterior motive such as trying to make her boyfriend jealous?
Women can be extremely devious.

And like vat_man said:
Guys over-read this stuff all the time - I know, I do it. Girls like to mess around with our tiny minds for a laugh.
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And yes Alex, I was the juggler for sure. Two girls that I was seeing on a consistent basis, and the third was more of a "casual thing." ;) No real "dating" involved with her. :D I think you catch my drift. ;)
 
Originally posted by Cobraking
NoctornulPs did u think mabe that shes trying to make

her boyfriend jealous? mabe..
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Yeah. He does it to her all the time. :trouble: They are both pretty bad with each other.
 
Tell your friend what you think his girlfriend might be up to, and ask him to talk to her. You might even hint about while she's around, so that she gets the idea that you aren't interested.
 
Originally posted by boombexus
I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with that course of action. No offense SandStorm. 👍

If you mention anything to the boyfriend about your suspicions of his girlfriend, I can almost guarantee you that he is going to take it the wrong way. No matter how you word it to him.
From then on, there will be tension between all of you.

Personally, I would avoid this course of action.

And quite possibly if you approach the girl, she just might flat out deny all your suspicions, regardless of how she actually feels. That could create another mess.

Remember, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn."
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Hmm...actually, you've got a point...:irked: disreguard my advice...
 
OK, I just read this whole thread, and here is my £0.02:

Those who caution you are right. Absolutely. 100%. Women are strange creatures, and flirting to make you feel better is just one of the things that they, in their mixed-up minds, think is OK. They don't see that flirting is akin to giving you the come-on which messes with your (already corrupted) head, and making the whole thing worse in the long run.

The fact that she's your mate's girl makes it worse. Not as bad as if she was your mate's sister, but you know where I am with this.

The other thing which no-one else seems to have picked up on is
They constantly fight over little stuff all the time. She leaves him one day and comes back to him the next. It’s been like this pretty much since the beginning of their relationship.
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Do you really want to move into a domestic situation like this? I wouldn't go within 10 miles of their house. It's always uncomfortable when you have a couple of friends who are arguing, because anything that you do, or do not, say will be taken by both of them as being a sign of agreement/disagreement with their position in the argument. Trust me on this, you don't want to go for that. I would move in with my parents in preference, and bear in mind that over Christmas, after 4 days in their company, I nearly killed mine!

The wife and I have a couple of friends who are also married. We've been mates with them for ages, but their relationship is full of turmoil. For a while we sensed that we were being invited round to their house because they didn't want to talk to each other. We told them that we thought this, and it really shook them. Things are better now, but still not great. I think the husband is a great guy. Not perfect, but he's a good lad. She's a Machiavellian b****, who I wouldn't trust as far as I could spit.
 
Originally posted by GilesGuthrie

Do you really want to move into a domestic situation like this? I wouldn't go within 10 miles of their house.
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What if it's on his way to work?

God, I spam a whole hell of a lot.
 
Originally posted by M5Power
What if it's on his way to work?

God, I spam a whole hell of a lot.
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Certainly, I've read two of your posts tonight, and they've both been mince.
 
Originally posted by GilesGuthrie
Certainly, I've read two of your posts tonight, and they've both been mince.
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Call another of my posts 'mince' and I'll be posting 'mince' over at giles-guthrie.com, buster.

I feel tough. Girrrrr....:mad:
 

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