Vauxhall: They know the truth, yeah!

[GilesGuthrie]

Vauxhall are running two ads at the moment in the UK.

One, for the Meriva features a soundtrack that almost certainly says "wank", thus aptly describing the car.

The other for a Corsa, features a Corsa being driven into a skip. Surely the best place for it.

Oh yeah, their marketeers understand the product.

 

[Famine]

I'm absolutely 100% sure that the Meriva ad does in fact say "wank", and I sing along happily to it - although not with kids in the room.

Some fun points about Vauxhall adverts:
Meriva - Car splits in half. Likelihood on a Vauxhall - about 50:50
Corsa - A game of hide and seek with Corsas. Message: everyone who drives one tries to hide it.
Astra - Three Astras mimic a rollercoaster on the road. Message: Owners tailgate everyone, and the car will depreciate like a stone.
Signum - Various unusual goings-on, of a time displaced nature. Message: Time flies when you're having fun - and the opposite also applies...

 

[wee_man]

Originally posted by Famine

Meriva - Car splits in half. Likelihood on a Vauxhall - about 50:50
color]

That's just bad. I hope you didn't give it a lot of thought to come up with that one famine

 

[Famine]

First thing I thought of when I saw the car split in half - "Typical Vauxhall reliability...". That and, what the hell is that blonde Swedish lass doing flirting with, and being picked up by, a pair of 10 year olds?

Tell-tale signs - the new Vauxhall VX220 Turbo doesn't display, on any surface of the car, the word "Vauxhall"...

 

[wee_man]

I think the only way they'd be able to shift that car and sell it in the numbers of say the elise which, it should be rivaling is to:
Step 1:Remove the Vauxhall logo, form the car.
Step 2:Rename it just the VX220 and get rid of the Vauxhall bit.
Step 3:Sell it from non Vauxhall dealers.
If I went into a Vauxhall delearship to buy a car I'd be pretty imbarressed. Although I've heard the VX220 is a pretty good car. It is made by Lotus after all...

 

[Famine]

Rumour has it it's a far better car than the Elise... Amazingly...

There are only three Vauxhalls in history I'd ever consider driving - the Lotus Carlton (!), the VX220 and the VX220 Turbo. But nothing on Earth could eve, EVER make me buy one.

 

[wee_man]

Yeah. There's quite a big differance between wanting to drive one and actually owning one. I always imagined the kind of people the owned Vauxhalls are the kind of people you don't want to sit next to at a dinner party, because they're too much fun .
Actually I'm surpirsed Ron Dennis doesn't own one. I can just imagine him in one.
The Lotus Carlton. Christ I think I've seen one like once. That car is a legend. About as rare as rockinghorse ****.

 

[Race Idiot]

Originally posted by wee_man
Yeah. There's quite a big differance between wanting to drive one and actually owning one. I always imagined the kind of people the owned Vauxhalls are the kind of people you don't want to sit next to at a dinner party, because they're too much fun .
Actually I'm surpirsed Ron Dennis doesn't own one. I can just imagine him in one.
The Lotus Carlton. Christ I think I've seen one like once. That car is a legend. About as rare as rockinghorse ****.

Ha! infact I saw one last week, I love the way it has a Lotus badge on the front instead of the Vauhall badge.

Bah I hate Vauxhall.

The Vectra is horrible (Well, i've only driven the newest shape one) and the corsa is awfull. Not to mention all the ricers in their 15 year old Vauxhall novas. I think Doug likes the Vauhall Zaphira Gsi (you know the people carrier thing), although he also likes the Ford Fusion .

 

[GilesGuthrie]

Race Idiot, the older Vectra is better.

I've driven a VX220,, and it was really good, but I drove an Exige the same day, and you can see the shared parentage. Lotus build the VX220, so it really doesn't deserve a Vauxhall badge.

 

[1X83Z]

Originally posted by Race Idiot
I think Doug likes the Vauhall Zaphira Gsi (you know the people carrier thing), although he also likes the Ford Fusion .

Love the Zafria GSi, but I love the Fusion more. A little underpowered, but I'd have one.

Why aren't there any Vectras in 'Getaway?' Took me five months to realise that the 5-door Corolla is that and not a Vectra.

 

[Race Idiot]

Originally posted by M5Power
Why aren't there any Vectras in 'Getaway?' Took me five months to realise that the 5-door Corolla is that and not a Vectra.

Well, I found that funny.

 

[1X83Z]

Originally posted by Race Idiot

Well, I found that funny.

They look damn similar!

 

[GilesGuthrie]

Originally posted by M5Power
Love the Zafria GSi, but I love the Fusion more. A little underpowered, but I'd have one.

Why aren't there any Vectras in 'Getaway?' Took me five months to realise that the 5-door Corolla is that and not a Vectra.

I had a look at a Fusion the other day. Horrible build quality.

 

[1X83Z]

Originally posted by GilesGuthrie
I had a look at a Fusion the other day. Horrible build quality.

Why are you always so wrong?

Look at the brilliance:

That dude and his young wife seem pretty happy about their Fusion - and they have flowers!

Ahh - perfect. Those a/c vents are cooler than Race Idiot!

 

[GilesGuthrie]

Originally posted by M5Power
Why are you always so wrong?

Look at the brilliance:

That dude and his young wife seem pretty happy about their Fusion - and they have flowers!

Ahh - perfect. Those a/c vents are cooler than Race Idiot!

No, you're wrong. Have you actually seen one? The only reason they show the tailgate open is to hide the fact that the damn thing doesn't fit properly, and that the paint finish is as smooth as sandpaper.

Internally, the plastics are pretty, but of low quality and poorly moulded. Also, you get less equipment than a Fiesta, but the car weighs more, and is therefore slower and less economical. The raised ride height makes it look buffoonish, and ruins ride and handling.

It is, fundamentally, a pile of big doggy stool. Even Race Idiot would admit that. Famine's already said it.

 

[GilesGuthrie]

UPDATE: The 'seeker' car in the Corsa ad cannot count. Owners should bear this in mind when the ignition timing goes on the blink!

 

[1X83Z]

Originally posted by GilesGuthrie
No, you're wrong. Have you actually seen one?

No.

The only reason they show the tailgate open is to hide the fact that the damn thing doesn't fit properly, and that the paint finish is as smooth as sandpaper.

Yeah yeah - it's no Audi Allroad. We got that. But it looks so cool! I mean, sheesh - a raised Fiesta. What more could anybody want?! And yes - that is my whole argument. Does it have AWD?

Internally, the plastics are pretty, but of low quality and poorly moulded. Also, you get less equipment than a Fiesta, but the car weighs more, and is therefore slower and less economical. The raised ride height makes it look buffoonish, and ruins ride and handling.

The picutres don't depict it as buffoonish. I like to think of it as a Honda Element, without the uglyness. If the plastics are pretty, then that's all I need. Now I have two and a half arguments: a raised Fiesta, maybe with AWD, and pretty plastics. Yum

It is, fundamentally, a pile of big doggy stool. Even Race Idiot would admit that. Famine's already said it.

Race Idiot? Bah! He can't even tell blacks from Hispanics.

 

[Famine]

Sadly, the Fiesta the Fusion is based on sucks. In an attempt to cure the "no space in the back" problem (yeah, like it was a major hassle with all those Fiestas full of people), they completely knackered the handling. My generation Fiesta, the sleepy one and the hasty-redesign all had near-peerless handling for the class. The new Fiesta is outhandled by a Bond Bug.

Raising it just makes matters worse... Plus it's then stuffed with a 1.4/1.6 (80-100hp) and is still FF only. Still, can't argue much with the price, and the current Ford (Europe) reliability. Curse my desire to find something good in everything!

If you want a Fiesta, get a Mk5 Zetec-S. Or a Puma 1.7/FordRacing. Or a Ka. Don't get the Fusion.

 

[1X83Z]

Originally posted by Famine
If you want a Fiesta, get a Mk5 Zetec-S. Or a Puma 1.7/FordRacing. Or a Ka. Don't get the Fusion.

Here's where you go off - I don't want a Fiesta, a Puma, or a Ka - I want a Fusion! GIVE ME A FUSION!

So seriously - who's stupid enough to buy these Fusions?

 

[Famine]

The ONLY thing they're good for is school runs.

The (typically) mothers tend to like height (which they could only get previously on a massive 4x4/SUV) & small enough to park (rules out a massive 4x4/SUV). They don't need to do 75mph over a roundabout - and can seat themselves, their 2 sprogs and their sprogs mates. As a second car it's much more sensible - decent fuel economy, near bulletproof reliability and low repair bills, reduced car tax... And so on.

 

[1X83Z]

So what the hell is wrong with it?!

 

[Famine]

It's barf. It's marketing towards people in my demographic bracket - mid 20s males. It's a "lifestyle car" - you can use it to go surfing and stuff, apparently. But, most people in my age group want to drive at much higher speeds than they ought to, and this simply doesn't handle well enough to cope with it.

They should be marketing it towards the "moms" - but of course that won't happen, because it's sexist, or something.

IMO it'd be a perfect 2.4 children family 2nd car - and it'd clear the bloody roads around our schools at 8.30am and 4pm everyday, if they all drive these instead of bloody Grand Cherokees and Voyagers. It's a crisis of identity - Ford say it's something it clearly isn't, but it does have a job to serve. The people they want to buy it - me - won't.

Like the new StreetKa - should be marketed towards girls (mid 20s). Any man sits in one, he instantly looks gay. It's a brilliant car though....

 

[Race Idiot]

Originally posted by Famine
Like the new StreetKa - should be marketed towards girls (mid 20s). Any man sits in one, he instantly looks gay. It's a brilliant car though....

You know I saw a billboard advertising the StreetKa (Although it seems to be called the SportKa ) and the slogan was 'The KA's evil twin'

I also saw a riced up Ka, but I won't go into that.

 

[1X83Z]

Originally posted by Famine


It's barf. It's marketing towards people in my demographic bracket - mid 20s males. It's a "lifestyle car" - you can use it to go surfing and stuff, apparently. But, most people in my age group want to drive at much higher speeds than they ought to, and this simply doesn't handle well enough to cope with it.

Hey wait - I'm a mid-20s male and I love the things! Of course, I've never seen one or a non-print ad for one. Meh

 

[liquidyellow]

The advert you saw must have been for the 'sportka' which is a Ka hatchback with the 1.6 engine and the 'streetka' bodykit.
I have driven some Ka's on a few occasions and everytime I was very impressed I remember kicking the arse of a MR-2 on some backroads once , I would love to have a go in one of the SportKa's.

 

[GilesGuthrie]

Originally posted by M5Power
No.

I've started thinking that you can't properly judge a car's looks until you actually see one in real life.

Yeah yeah - it's no Audi Allroad. We got that. But it looks so cool! I mean, sheesh - a raised Fiesta. What more could anybody want?! And yes - that is my whole argument. Does it have AWD?

ONe doesn't expect an Audi Allroad, especially considering the £14k price difference. However, since Perodua can get the panels to fit on a £5k s***box, Ford really don't have any excuse.

I've driven the current Fiesta, and it isn't very good in the handling department. It's already somewhat unwieldy and lacking in general feedback. Its engine is weedy. Making it taller and heavier is merely going to exacerbte the problem. It is not AWD. Even if it was, it still wouldn't be any good.

The picutres don't depict it as buffoonish. I like to think of it as a Honda Element, without the uglyness. If the plastics are pretty, then that's all I need. Now I have two and a half arguments: a raised Fiesta, maybe with AWD, and pretty plastics. Yum

Raised Fiesta = Bad
AWD fitted = Incorrect
Pretty (but of poor quality and poor construction) Plastics = Bad

Therefore you have half an argument that is incorrect, and two arguments which actually support my side of the discussion. You're on dodgy ground on this one Doug!

Race Idiot? Bah! He can't even tell blacks from Hispanics.

Well, if he thinks that the Fusion is a good car, we might have to subject him to the eternal damnation that is having the judgement of a cretin.

 

[1X83Z]

Originally posted by GilesGuthrie
I've started thinking that you can't properly judge a car's looks until you actually see one in real life.

I used to think that, but nowadays most of the cars I see are exactly like how the pictures portray them - I was really excited about the Chrysler Crossfire until I saw one because they gave me nothing more on the road than in a magazine.

But it's all good - I'm re-excited about it now, and poised to strike - arrrgh!

ONe doesn't expect an Audi Allroad, especially considering the £14k price difference. However, since Perodua can get the panels to fit on a £5k s***box, Ford really don't have any excuse.

I've driven the current Fiesta, and it isn't very good in the handling department. It's already somewhat unwieldy and lacking in general feedback. Its engine is weedy. Making it taller and heavier is merely going to exacerbte the problem. It is not AWD. Even if it was, it still wouldn't be any good.

So exacerbate! Who cares when it looks this good?

Raised Fiesta = Bad

It is NOT a raised Fiesta! Similar, yes, but not the same thing.

AWD fitted = Incorrect

Give them time...

Pretty (but of poor quality and poor construction) Plastics = Bad

Pretty plastics are just about all I'm looking for in these things...

Therefore you have half an argument that is incorrect, and two arguments which actually support my side of the discussion. You're on dodgy ground on this one Doug!

But have you seen the sexy beast in question?!

"Hello, my name is Fusion, and I hate Giles Guthrie, that non-spectacular bastard. My panels don't fit right? Ha! He should see into his own brain!"

That quote's from the Fusion, by the way.

And yes - I've resorted to pictures as my one and only source of evidence that the Fusion rules. 👍

Well, if he thinks that the Fusion is a good car, we might have to subject him to the eternal damnation that is having the judgement of a cretin.

Nobody gets my 'race idiot' jokes.

 

[DRIFT GOD]

Originally posted by Race Idiot
You know I saw a billboard advertising the StreetKa (Although it seems to be called the SportKa ) and the slogan was 'The KA's evil twin'

I also saw a riced up Ka, but I won't go into that.

lol here ya go

KA's EVIL TWIN

 

[Famine]

 

[240Z freak]

Sheesh, controlled-slide religions are getting stupider and stupider.