Why am I so lonely sometimes...

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Delirious

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Metroider17
I hang out with people all the time, I'm always around people...but I still feel so lonely at times.

I havn't had a girlfriend for three years. It kills me to no end.

I am a hopeless romantic. I have sappy poetry to prove it.

1. Where I work there is no one desirable for a girlfriend.

2. Where I go to school is mainly of men.

3. I have no real friends who would be an acceptable girlfriend.

If I lower my standards, I will NOT be happy with her. I will be unsatisfied and do something I'd regret I'm sure.

I mean I want someone who wants the same desire as I do (mine being to work at a church full time, where I could have her 100% support and help whenever I would need it) and believes the same as I do. So those are pretty hefty standards...

Just wanted to vent and rant and moan and cry. Thoughts and comments more than welcome.

:(
 
There can be many things causing your lonliness. It is most likely the fact of your lack of a girlfreind for quite some time. I know how this feels because I just went through something of the sort. So you just stick your chin up, and find yourself a girlfreind. I just broke up 2 weeks ago (3 days after Valentines day) So I went through the same thing. I found myself less vulnerable to lonliness if I would do something humorus, instead of something that would remind me of her. So instead of writing poetry and such, maybe you should watch some tv, listen to some music, just keep your mind off the lonliness. That should help you at least a little bit.
 
Same boat.

Play some guitar.

If you haven't already started, pick up an acoustic and start learning, it'll occupy a lot of your time. And girls like a dude with an acoustic. Just learn what you want to play only, not for a crowd.
 
eliseracer
Same boat.

Play some guitar.

If you haven't already started, pick up an acoustic and start learning, it'll occupy a lot of your time. And girls like a dude with an acoustic. Just learn what you want to play only, not for a crowd.
yes! Good point. I picked up guitar a while back, and now Im in a band. I get more female attention than ever. I'm a fat kid too, so if it works for me, It'll work for anyone.
 
Hey don't feel bad. I may not agree with you on practically everything, but you still come off as a good guy.

Love comes when you least expect it and don't necesarily want it. It always seems that when you are trying hard there is noone but when you've found someone other opportunities spring up that you can't take (as you are already in a relationship).

Plus you have god and poetry to reflect with. At least your not some ass who goes through tons of women but is never happy.
 
Step 1: Take the CD full of Emo out of your stereo. :lol:

Seriously though, I understand that you hang out with friends alot, but they don't always help in the look for love. Try getting out more in different groups, either with the church, or other organizations. Meet new people and make new friends, if they aren't girlfriend material, someone they know could be.

I'm not sure how old you are, but i'll give you this advice now, BARS AREN'T PLACES TO MEET GIRLFRIENDS! Think of it this way, the girl you pick up tonight and start liking tonight (tappin her or not) probably didn't do that for the first time with you, whether she says it was the first time or not.

Hope my advice helps man, i've been where you are, and your not alone. 👍
 
I just typed up a really long reply, and the database lost it. Dammit! :grumpy: Anyway, I’ll try to reconstruct it.

I think your main problem is that you see life as being incomplete without a spouse.

Do you know what vitamins do? In your body you have enzymes, which are protein molecules that catalyze chemical reactions. However, most enzymes can’t do anything by themselves – they need what are called cofactors. Vitamins are cofactors – a vitamin will come up to an enzyme, lock into it, and then the enzyme can do its stuff.

That seems to be the way you’re approaching this life business – that you need to have a lady in your life to make it all work. But you don’t. You need to be happy with who you are (your character, your morals, your work, all that jazz) – you need to feel that you in yourself are a complete package, that you make your life worthwhile. Once you change your mindset, you’ll be a much happier person, and even happier when you do find someone, which will be much easier if you’re happier.

When you make a chain, each link must individually be strong if the chain is to survive as a whole. Likewise, a strong couple can only exist with strong individuals.
 
SRV2LOW4ME
Step 1: Take the CD full of Emo out of your stereo. :lol:

Hope my advice helps man, i've been where you are, and your not alone. 👍

You're taking it the wrong way. He's not chronically-slash-my-wrists depressed. In fact, I'd bet that none of his friends think he's down or lonely, and neither does he, 85% of the time.

You can go out and have a great day with your friends, laugh it all through, but then on the bus-ride or lonely drive home or lying in bed and you still feel an incompleteness or emptiness.

It's not that having a girlfriend will turn everything over for the better. It's just having gone through that amazing day with your friends and coming back to someone who you can hold onto and talk about serious things on a personal and level plane.

But this stage isn't all that bad. You will learn a whole lot more about yourself than if you were like everyone else. This knowledge can never be taught and will help you more than anything that anyone will tell you. You may not see it now.
 
"Just when you least expect it, Just what you least expect"
Sadly it's a Pet Shop Boys lyric, but it's staggeringly true, despite the cheesiness.:sick:

After choosing to be single for a number of years, then going through a "bad boy of low morals" misogynistic patch for a few years, I met my wife, in a bar, 2 days before I moved to the US from England. The rest, including 2 1/2 years of 5500 mile distance between us, is history....Thanks to modern technology the world is a very small place nowadays.

You never know what's around the corner, but when it happens you'll know, and you'll do anything to make sure it stays happening!

If you keep obsessing about why you've not met the right woman yet, you'll get in a self-depreciating rut. Live for today, she might be the girl that you buy your next DVD from, the girl who serves you your morning coffee, the girl behind the checkout in your supermarket, or someone you take a shine to in a bar! Just don't be shy! :O

You can't expect to go through your daily routines and the "right-one" to suddenly appear. You will meet her, eventually, but not at all when it's expected, and when you do, you'll know.

Stop looking in places you know and want her to be, and look outside your normal "sphere-of-influence", and you may be pleasantly surprised.
 
Smallhorses
"Just when you least expect it, Just what you least expect"
Sadly it's a Pet Shop Boys lyric, but it's staggeringly true, despite the cheesiness.:sick:
"Love Comes Quickly" - a very good song, even if it is PSB... :sick:

Smallhorses
You can't expect to go through your daily routines and the "right-one" to suddenly appear. You will meet her, eventually, but not at all when it's expected, and when you do, you'll know.

Stop looking in places you know and want her to be, and look outside your normal "sphere-of-influence", and you may be pleasantly surprised.
True.... broadening your horizons is a good plan.

A mate of mine was in a similar situation to this recently, and met a girl in January last year - they are now married!... ;)

Sage
a strong couple can only exist with strong individuals.
A sage comment... 👍
 
Elijah
If I lower my standards, I will NOT be happy with her. I will be unsatisfied and do something I'd regret I'm sure.

Doing something you might later regret is part of growing up, the sooner you accept this the richer your life experience will be. You will be unsatisfied if you go through life with the attitude you are displaying here. Nothing will ever be good enough and you'll miss-out on so much - you only live once!

Elijah
I mean I want someone who wants the same desire as I do (mine being to work at a church full time, where I could have her 100% support and help whenever I would need it) and believes the same as I do. So those are pretty hefty standards...

Why do you want to be with somebody the same as you? - it would be boring. The best relationships (and not just in romantic situations) come from those that challenge you. They make you rethink your believes, which will either open your mind or strengthen what you already believe in. Variety is the spice of life - you really don't want a female version of yourself it would be very dull if your partner brings nothing new into your life.
 
TheCracker
Why do you want to be with somebody the same as you? - it would be boring.
The Flanders, before the wifey passed on, springs to mind...
 
Elijah
I hang out with people all the time, I'm always around people...but I still feel so lonely at times.

I mean I want someone who wants the same desire as I do (mine being to work at a church full time, where I could have her 100% support and help whenever I would need it) and believes the same as I do. So those are pretty hefty standards...
OK, well I noticed you said you hang out with people not friends. I know this feeling. I say I have two friends but a large group that I socialize with. I may be wrong about this part but two things tell me it leans this way.

1) You are discussing this problem on GTP and not face-to-face with someone. A good friend or girlfriend would be someone that you would feel comfortable discussing this with.

2) I believe you hold close non-dating relationships to the same standards you do a girlfriend. This is not a bad thing because a friend needs to understand where you come from. My best friend and I (of 21 years) can finish each other's sentences. My wife says that if I were gay I would have "married" him. She's probably right.

Now, I know how you feel. I would get that way every summer when I wouldn't get to see my best friend daily. That was until we turned 16 and got licenses, then we saw each other daily in the summer too. He had a pool.

Whether you need a girlfriend or not I can't tell, mayb eyou just need a good friend. But what you said about not lowering your standards is a good thing. Don't get in a relationship with someone that doesn't meet your desires from the beginning.

Now, if you want to find a girlfriend I can only give you one bit of advice: quit looking. It's like they come out of the woodwork.

For example, I kept wanting to date someone in high school. None of the girls I liked liked me back. I finally gave up and found myself in a relationship within a month.

When in college I was just enjoying my freedom only to have a girl come on to me. After her I went six months looking to date someone and couldn't get a date for the life of me. One day I am hanging out at a friend's apartment expecting to just get drunk and play video games, but we run over to his neighbor's aparatment for a second. The next weekend I am making out with his neighbor.

The best one was after a long bad three-year relationship. After the break up I decide a full year of just being free and living life to its fullest was the way to go. That was in October. I met the woman who is now my wife in December of the same year.


There is something attractive to them about a guy who doesn't want them. I don't understand them and I don't try.

The moral of this all is that if you give up and focus on your studies and job you'll meet someone out of nowhere or someone you didn't think met your standards before will turn out to be different than you thought.
 
FoolKiller
Now, if you want to find a girlfriend I can only give you one bit of advice: quit looking. It's like they come out of the woodwork...

...There is something attractive to them about a guy who doesn't want them. I don't understand them and I don't try.

Desperation is not an attractive personality trait to women - just like wearing Axe/Lynx.
 
eliseracer
Play some guitar.

If you haven't already started, pick up an acoustic and start learning, it'll occupy a lot of your time. And girls like a dude with an acoustic. Just learn what you want to play only, not for a crowd.

This'll also help the soppy romantic look, particularly come Feb. the 14th.

Are there any girls at church? You could aim for a job there, which will help fill your time and keep your mind occupied, and you never know, you might meet someone there.

Just a thought.
 
Elijah
1. Where I work there is no one desirable for a girlfriend.
Rejoyce in that one; all your co-workers suddenly become part of your relationship. It's usually a good idea to avoid any serious in-work relationships, unless one of you plans on quitting the job soon.

I hated hearing anything about my relationships in the open. Plus, immature people make up lots garbage anyhow. Some people keep to themselves, but many others are quite nosy. They try to be nice, but they're really looking to sorting through your trash and tell others.

I'm not sure how old you are, but it's likely for the better that you're single, if you're still in school. You will learn a lot about yourself, how you act and react to things and situations, and how to do so many new things, go places, as well as situations you've never encountered. By the time you're 25, you're not remotely the same person you were when you were 18, 20, or 22. It's probably for the better that you meet someone later, rather than sooner.

Now these experiences rarely happen overnight, it just takes to time to be your own person, to rely on yourself for guidance. You'll make mistakes, and learn from them. You'll figure out what's right and wrong, or just listen to the advice of people along the way. Somethings work and somethings don't.

The stronger you are mentally, the better equiped you'll be for finding that special someone. It takes time, and it just...happens.
 
pupik
Rejoyce in that one; all your co-workers suddenly become part of your relationship. It's usually a good idea to avoid any serious in-work relationships, unless one of you plans on quitting the job soon.
WRONG... I met the EO not very long after I started my last paying job, that was 7 years ago and we're still here. I'm not with the old job, but only since the 1st of January this year, but that's another story of arsehole bosses and so forth... If she's there, and she's at your work - Need I say more ?....
 
Flerbizky
WRONG... I met the EO not very long after I started my last paying job, that was 7 years ago and we're still here.
Well, I guess it works for some people. Good for you...really!

From my past experience, I don't recommend it, unless everyone keeps to themselves, or you work in totally separate departments.

I was also with an emotionally-needy gal that didn't have her head screwed on right, and had ocassional outbursts at her employees...so that might have played a part in things not working as they should. Let's just say that was for better, too.
 
pupik
Well, I guess it works for some people. Good for you...really!

From my past experience, I don't recommend it, unless everyone keeps to themselves, or you work in totally separate departments.
I was the IT supporter, kinda hard to say - "NO, your mouse problems must wait till we get home" ;)
 
It's funny, with people.

You can be surrounded by people, and still be lonely.
 
Pretty much bang on there Ultrabeat, you can have as many friends as you want and still be lonely..
 
Elijah
I hang out with people all the time, I'm always around people...but I still feel so lonely at times.

I havn't had a girlfriend for three years. It kills me to no end.

I am a hopeless romantic. I have sappy poetry to prove it.

1. Where I work there is no one desirable for a girlfriend.

2. Where I go to school is mainly of men.

3. I have no real friends who would be an acceptable girlfriend.

If I lower my standards, I will NOT be happy with her. I will be unsatisfied and do something I'd regret I'm sure.

I mean I want someone who wants the same desire as I do (mine being to work at a church full time, where I could have her 100% support and help whenever I would need it) and believes the same as I do. So those are pretty hefty standards...

Just wanted to vent and rant and moan and cry. Thoughts and comments more than welcome.

:(

Made this for a friend, but you can have it too.

http://beefheart.ytmnd.com/


;)
 
I think you need to start going places and having more social interaction. I'm sure that there are parties or events to go to at your school. You're in a slump now, but you can break it by just going out and doing things; generally being more active.
 
He does go to things. It's another feeling entirely that is kid of hard to describe unless you can relate by having the same feelings. I guess the best word to describe it is incompleteness.
 
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