you know ur not a good driver when...

[Ryan2]

u think horsepower is how many horses it takes to get your car out of the ditch

make up some more and post em here!

 

[Klostrophobic]

... you're a woman.

 

[SandStorm]

...you think that you have been neglecting the power plant (i.e not fertilising it)

 

[Kelly]

Originally posted by Klostrophobic
... you're a woman.

Typical male comment

 

[vat_man]

- you're so busy fiddling with the car stereo everytime you look up the view out of the windscreen's a complete surprise
- long trips seem quite short because your attention span is so short you actually only see the scenery every 5-10km
- when driving on the highway you know the cars that have got cruise control, so that when you spot them you can tailgate them to avoid tickets
- when driving on the highway and the speed limit's 110kmh, you'll start out at 120kmh, and then as you gradually lose concentration your speed drifts down to 80kmh - only to go up to 120kmh when someone doing 110kmh goes past you
- any correlation between your path through a corner and the correct 'racing' line is purely coincidental
- you're using your cell phone while you drive
- you drive a Land Rover Discovery
- you drive a Honda CR-V
- you can't drive a manual
- your overriding concern when buying a new car is the colour, not the handling, power or safety
- when you talk about your new car, you talk about the safety features, using the phrase' they'll be good for when we have our accident'
- the staff at your car insurance company know you by name - before they get your file number
- you call your car 'Elvis' - 'cos it's had more hits than 'The King'
- when seeing a huge motorsport accident on your TV, you say 'that's not as big as the two I had last year'
- you seem to see a lot more accidents than other people, but mysteriously never seem to be in them
- you get a frequent buyer discount at the local wheel alignment shop
- your hubcaps didn't make it to your car's first service
- if you can see the headlights of the car in the lane next to you, then there's enough room to make a lane change
- you drive like your accelerator is a digital switch, not an analogue
- the local tow truck operator's on speed dial
- you're fit because you regularly walk to complete journeys ended by accidents
- the excess on your insurance is $15 less than the market value of your car

 

[kyle]

When you're in midair headed in to the ground to die. Now you're car explodes. Better run!! Oh wait you can't, cus you died.

 

[kyle]

...you run into a pole in a Mini!

 

[sn00pie]

- When you think your Allegro runs faster in reverse, and actually line up reversed at stopsigns.
- Drive leftlane at 100km/h, cars need to swerve past your right, you're shaking.
- When you shut off the engine in front of trafficlights and stopsigns.
- When you think you're doing an awesome burnout while you're actually frying your piston heads. Smokin'!!

 

[Ryan2]

Originally posted by kyle
...you run into a pole in a Mini!

3
haha minis are cool but tiny my mom has a pic of me and i was like....4 yrs old and i was taller than it

 

[GilesGuthrie]

Originally posted by rufrgt_sn00pie2001
- When you think your Allegro runs faster in reverse, and actually line up reversed at stopsigns.

Heh heh! Bet there's not too many people here who would get that!

 

[GilesGuthrie]

People would rather travel four-up in a clapped out Renault 5 than in your air-conditioned luxury car. In the height of Summer. In California.

 

[MazKid]

-you think it's better ride without shocks.
-you ride the clutch at stops.
-you are unaware of lane shifts and honk at everyone else who knows.
-you think you can slide underneath a tractor trailer, only to find out you can't, but it's too late.
-you're in traffic and go onto the shoulder for a better look and someone takes your place and you honk and the 40 people behind you don't let you in.
-you try to drive a big truck into a parking garage.
-you try to drive a Tractor trailer through a subdevision and take down some power lines, get out, scratch your head, and stand there waiting for someone else to call the police.
-you try to work on your own car, you're not a mechanic, and you put your car on a lift with the door open and slam it into the control box of the lift.(yes my brother did this to his MX-6, didn't break the window, just bent the ledge of the door down)
-you drive for a while, only to forget where you're going or how you got to where you are.
-you think a jetta can out run the same MX-6 that beat you 10 times in a row.
-you hear odd noises from your car and drive faster, to make them go away, only to find out that when they went away, some parts went with them.
-you pack stuff under the hood because you ran out of room, and you put flamable stuff under the hood.
-you try to do a burnout around a corner, slam into the curb, pop the tire and still speed off because you don't wanna get out infront of all those people who saw your stupid move.
-you park diagnal where you you should have parked strait and vice versa.
-someone purposely parks far out in the parking lot, you you park on their door handles.
-your a cop, road worker, traffic worker, or other important person and you slam into a bridge pilar(MOdot guy slamed into the STL science center's over-the-hyway walk way's pilar, through the hyway fence, another fence, and trough the grass, and this was not at a hard turn in the hyway)

 

[vat_man]

Funny little story from last night's crawl home from work.

We're in the usual queue waiting for the lights at a four way intersection.

Woman in an early 90's Galant with a stuffed exhaust approaches the queue from a cross street. Seeing the queue is jammed up, she crosses the gap in the queue for the intersection, does an illegal u-turn, and joins the queue in our lane. Fair enough.

She does two pretty dodgy lane changes that anger three or four cars - net gain? Two cars.

We come up to the intersection to turn left (this is Australia, so if you're left drive think mirrored), where there's a service station.

Snce the traffic light is red,this woman decides to cut through the service station to avoid the light. All the lanes in the service station are blocked with inconsiderate people filling their cars with petrol, so she reverses up to take another exit.

In the meantime, the light has turned green, and the queue of cars she was trying cut past is now filing past the service station, blocking her exit. Last I saw through the rear vision mirror, she was still there, and I was a good kilometre down the road.

 

[MazKid]

I got a story:
OK, now this is what my mom said, I was not there.
Anyone living near STL knows about the 270/70 intersection...
Well I'll tell you.
Going North on 270, there is a duble white line that separates the 2 turning lanes(1 goes 70 west(left lane) and 1 goes 70 east(right lane)) and there's signs everywhere saying "crossing double white line prohibited". This double white line runs for about a half mile or more, and it's to stop people from going next to the left lane and cutting in father up because traffic to go on 70 is slow. So anyway...
There was a lot of traffic to go on 70, and this guy in a delivery truck was in the lane left of the left lane, and everyone was at a crawl in the 2 lanes for 70, and he sees a break in the line, and cuts over really fast to go on 70 east. Only problem is that the east lanes usually are sorta free flowing, while the west are stoped. He cut over and sideswiped a van going in the east lane at about 50mph, wiped out, took the van with him off the road, and took down a sign, before smashing into the gaurd rail(that protects a bridge, so he hit the end of it.
What a moron.
Also seen numorus off roadings from missed exits and and stuff.

Also saw an old geezer in a Lincoln Towncar cut to close to a missing concrete slab, and he poped a tire and scratched the car against those A frame thingys with the lights.