Jokes!!

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After work, a man went to the drive-thru at a Taco Bell restaurant.

The next thing he did was gas.
 
I just saw a bloke driving a tractor and shouting "THE END IS NIGH!" I think it was Farmer Geddon.
 
Aaaaaah matty i have heard that more than i care to remember
 
My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I couldn't help but admire it.

"Nice car," I said as he got out.

"Well," he said, noticing my admiring looks, "Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year."
 
Along those same lines, and it'll likely only be funny to me but I give you this true story:

My wife and her boss drove into the parking lot of the hospital at the same time yesterday morning. As she gets out of her CR-V and he gets out of his Escalade, he says "You drive exactly what I thought you would - something small and practical." My wife retorted with "And you paid too much for your Tahoe."
 
I used to post in the Drag Racing section, but then I took a maturity to the knee...
 
TB
Along those same lines, and it'll likely only be funny to me but I give you this true story:

My wife and her boss drove into the parking lot of the hospital at the same time yesterday morning. As she gets out of her CR-V and he gets out of his Escalade, he says "You drive exactly what I thought you would - something small and practical." My wife retorted with "And you paid too much for your Tahoe."
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^BUUUURRNNN!!!! :lol:

Nicksfix
Affairs & Obama
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:lol::lol::lol:
 
what do you call a Mexican carpet fitter?

Underlay underlay.
 
TB
As she gets out of her CR-V and he gets out of his Escalade, he says "You drive exactly what I thought you would - something small and practical." My wife retorted with "And you paid too much for your Tahoe."
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Only in America can a CR-V be considered "small."
 
To neigh ir not to neigh?

That is equestrian.
 
^ :lol:

The bubonic plague walks into a bar.

Kills everyone.
 
What's big, grey, and has a trunk and big ears.

Don't worry, it's irrelevant.
 
I received a letter today saying I'd qualified for the finals of Cynic of the Year 2012. There's got to be a catch though.
 
Subtle Sporting Differences: Golfer: Whack!...Oh 🤬! Cyclist: Oh 🤬!...Whack
 
Well Matthew that joke was a real turd in the pool :lol:
 
Someone I follow on Twitter does 'crap jokes Friday', these are from there. :lol:

Manager to new signing:"I'm going to pull you off at half time." Player: "Great. We only got oranges at my old club."
 
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has begun a music career. His first song is to be titled "With Or Without Jews".
 
*Olympic commentary*
And it's Daley with 2 and a half somersaults with pike
And the pike doesn't look very happy about it
 
One.

How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
 
I sometimes like to ring up a pychic hotline and ask them what colour clothes im wearing...
 
There was a Pepsi can and a Coca-Cola can. The Pepsi kept imitating the Coca-Cola.

After all, Pepsi - Pepdo.
 
I like my steak like an Australian Olympic medal.

Rare.
 
An elderly gentleman was visiting his son when he asked if he could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century," he said. "I don't waste my money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

The fly never knew what hit him.
 
TB
An elderly gentleman was visiting his son when he asked if he could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century," he said. "I don't waste my money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

The fly never knew what hit him.
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hehe...I don't get it. :indiff:
 
You dont hit flys with newspapers, you drink a lot of beer and sit on your porchswing watching the bug zapper.
 
TB
An elderly gentleman was visiting his son when he asked if he could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century," he said. "I don't waste my money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

The fly never knew what hit him.
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
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