Jokes!!

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The one in the middle isn't a testicle and for that I pity you.
 
When scuba diving, why is it important to fall backward off the side of the boat?



Because if you fell forward, you'd still be in the boat.
 
I had a joke about The Navy and seamen, but it came and went.
 
I would tell you the joke about Nitrous Oxide but you wouldn't be able to stop laughing.
 
If you run away from a vehicle, you are bound to get tired.

Likewise, if you try to chase a vehicle, you are going to get exhausted.
 
W3HS
I would tell you the joke about Nitrous Oxide but you wouldn't be able to stop laughing.
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I would say that was cheesy but cheese is cheesy. -.-
 
I made it up on the spot and God knows I'm no comedian!
 
I would tell you the joke about shem but you're probably too drunk to understand it.
 
Was that aimed at me, because I'm only a little bit drunk tonight?
 
'My pet mouse Elvis died today, he was caught in a trap. I think he was trying to get in the gateau...'
 
^ :lol:

A blonde invites her non-blonde friend over to her home. The non-blonde friend is puzzled to find nearly-full tubs of butter being thrown out. The non-blonde asks why that is the case. The blonde answers, "I heard butter's nearly 80% fat, so I'm just using whatever isn't fat!"
 
Things you didn't hear at the Olympics. There goes Ireland with the gold
 
Here's a good one:
The only reason China almost won the Olympics is because they made all the equipment.
(If this is offensive, please mods, take it down)
 
locoman88
here's a good one:
The only reason china almost won the olympics is because they made all the equipment.
(if this is offensive, please mods, take it down)
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bwahahaha i'm asian and i find this funny!!!!
 
So today I was talking to my ex. 3 words I said were
Dream on b***(you figure out the rest)
 
alexlam24
bwahahaha i'm asian and i find this funny!!!!
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Yeah, thought it was clever.
Here's a great one too:
Shorest but funniest joke ever:
Two women sit together at a bar quietly .. . . .. . . . .
 
Why did the train crash???


BECAUSE IT WAS OFF THE F:censored:G RAILS!!!
 
How do you get Pokemons on the train?

You poke 'em on.

:D
 
Why is aspirin white? Because it actually works (remove post if offensive)
 
We need some word play. :sly:

So a man owns a business, and he has two employees, Jack and Jill. Unfortunately, his business isn't doing so well, so he must lay off one of his employees. Jack has a wife and kids, but he comes in late, and isn't always on task. Jill is always on time and is the last one to leave work every day. So the man comes into work and finds Jill already there, and explains his predicament to her.

"I can either lay you, or Jack, off."

"Jack off, I have a headache."
 
I hate using the toilet brush. I might go back to toilet paper.
 
From the Olympics, I learned that China has hundreds of athletes, and only 2 haircuts.

If you want to take this down, go ahead. I really try my hardest to offend people.

;)*

*sarcastic wink
 
Dooblewasur
From the Olympics, I learned that China has hundreds of athletes, and only 2 haircuts.

If you want to take this down, go ahead. I really try my hardest to offend people.

;)*

*sarcastic wink
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Lol I didn't laugh. HAHAHAHA I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW!
 
A blonde comes into a barbershop wearing headphones. The hair stylist asks her to take off the headphones. She replies, "I can't, or I'll die". She goes with the haircut anyway.

After a few minutes, the stylist is getting annoyed with the headphones, so she asks the blonde, "Please, take your headphones off so I can cut your hair", which she replies, again, "I can't, or I'll die". The stylist says "Oh now, you won't die", and takes off the headphones and proceeds to cut her hair.

After a few seconds, the blonde becomes blue-faced, and after a minute, collapses on the floor, unconscious. The stylist, horrified, puts the earphones up to her ears. To her surprise, the earphones say:

"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out..."
 
"Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter."

"Then Jill came down with $2.50."
 
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