Attention witty people: Read.

[Mike Rotch]

So, at the moment I don't have a car. But I do have an allocated parking spot where I live, which I pay for and can do with as I see fit.

I will be getting a car in a few weeks, so at the moment, besides a few empty boxes, its sitting empty downstairs.

And some knobs have decided that this give them the right to park in my spot 👎. A polite note left on their windscreen has not cleared the confusion, so stage two is for me print out a warning of sorts, and hang it up for any would-be parker's to see.

I am asking for your contribution as that what that note (to be printed on a regular fullscap piece of paper) will say.

It should obviously be something along the lines of "warning, park at your own risk", but without escalating into direct threats and not erring on the side of being too soft.

I thought about buying a toy car and putting it there with a note saying I can park whatever the heck I choose to, but that still might not prevent someone from just moving it. So I need a forcefully, but wittily worded warning to make it clear that if they do not respect my property, I shall not respect theirs (hint hint).

Fire away!

 

[CAM]

If you have the little car to place in the spot, I would put something along the lines of:

"If you move my car, yours will be moved in a way you will not enjoy, as well. At your expense. Don't do it."

👍

 

[Jim Prower]

Get one of those construction barrels or those sandwich board things that they have in construction areas, with the orange flashing light. Put that there. They'll think it's the city or landlord and won't touch it

 

[dice1998]

"All your car are belong to me." (since it's in your spot )

or: "Thanks for the new car! Oh this is your car? It's in my paid spot making it mine now."

or something like that.

 

[Neal]

Get a load of boxes and arrange them in the space in a rough car shape then cover them with a sheet...if you're low on boxes make a Messerschmitt bubble car.

 

[Beerz]

"WARNING: LANDMINE TESTING SITE"


"NOT A PUBLIC PARKING SPOT - PARK AT YOUR OWN RISK"


"IF THIS SPOT ISN'T YOURS, DON'T PARK YOUR CAR HERE"


"DON'T COME CRYING IF YOU PARK HERE AND SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS"


"DON'T PARK HERE IF YOU'RE NOT ME"


"WANT TO LIVE A LITTLE LONGER? KEEP YOUR CAR OFF THIS SPOT"

👍

 

[DK]

Forget leaving a note, wrap it in "Police Line - Do Not Cross" tape.

 

[CAM]

I have been owned. Landmine testing and bubble car are my favorites .

 

[daan]

<- GTP Moderator Parking Only ->

 

[boiltheocean]

Hang a foam block sprayed to look like concrete above your parking spot, make sure to use really thin string.

 

[kingaraya]

Just make a large professional looking sign that says....
'I'M WATCHING YOU'
Maybe mount 3 or 4 fake security cameras.

 

[AOS-]

There's an insane lunatic who likes to egg any car that parks in this spot.

 

[garlik_bread]

How about the classic:

"It's a lovely car you've got here, it would be a shame if anything happened to it."

 

[E28]

There's an insane lunatic who likes to egg any car that parks in this spot.

This is better:

 

[TB]

"Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you."

- - -

Fake parking tickets. Lots and lots of parking tickets.
Provided that's not illegal, naturally...

- - -

Four foot tall sandbag bunker complete with armaments.

- - -

Have building manager/police/etc. handle it?

- - -

daan's idea!

 

[Racedude]

Seems like an effective idea...

 

[homeforsummer]

Fake parking tickets. Lots and lots of parking tickets.

I second this one, as it was my first thought too.

Or, try and make friends with a local wheel clamping company.

 

[W3H5]

<- GTP Moderator Parking Only ->

Post of the week right there. ^

Or perhaps......

"To the person who stole my cat, I shall not rest until he has been returned safely to this parking spot" Baffle the lights out of them.

Or, perhaps.....

"Warning! Sink hole.
This area is geologically unstable. Please avoid.
Department of geology"​

 

[Ibonibo]

"I know where your car lives!"

Seriously, it's a rented car spot, so i would ask the owner about the possibilies of adding one of this.
Doesn't cost the world. 1 hour install, peace with your car spot:

 

[shmogt]

"hello, this note is to inform you that this spot belongs to a convicted male rapist. If you park here he will be forced to drive around looking for something to do. Watch your ass"

Another idea is draw one of those chalk line bodies and put a bunch of ketchup and water mixture around it with small chunks of meat scattered

"memorial to George Washington as the first person to invent parking spots "

Coat it in nails with a tiny sign that says "I have no room in my house for these luckily I own this extra spot and can put them here"

 

[Dan_]

1. Get yourself one of these:

2. If someone still parks there, you can say they're blocking an exhumation and sue them.

3. Profit.

 

[Blitz187]

Just print this out REALLY BIG.....

 

[Machate-man]

Just hide them whenever the police are near

 

[TheCracker]

Slash their tyres, take a dump on their windscreen then scratch a note into their paintwork stating that you'll sacrifice their firstborn to the gods of bad karma if they park there again.

Failing that, fit your own wheel clamp and swallow the key.

 

[Timppaq]

Get some broken glass (car window obviously) and sprinkle it to the parking spot sides + a note saying something like "parking not allowed -unauthorized parking causes broken side windows"

 

[boiltheocean]

Get painting.

 

[Vince_Fiero]

Warning!
My girlfriend will park here on my parking spot.
I agreed to keep it clear, she will not look before parking.

 

[AOS-]

Failing that, fit your own wheel clamp and swallow the key.

That's counter-productive because they can't move their car now

 

[opelgt1969]

Most stores sell these:

Give address

 

[poolhaas]

The thing behind the Corvette... It's super effective. See one take your spot, set it up behind him.