Caught Speeding :(

[RazorGTR]

While I was driving down SH1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked:

"Runway too short?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a r3ctum stretcher," I responded.
The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A r3ctum stretcher?? And just what does a r3ctum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."
Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot ars3hole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: $600.00
Court costs: $250
Look on copper's face: Priceless.


I hope and wish everyone a very Happy and SAFE holiday season.

PS. This was only a joke

 

[pimp racer]

This should be in the Comedy area. I knew you would never do something like that!

 

[gmartin]

That was hilarious. It would be nice if you actually said it though

 

[Ev0]

Heh, at first I thought you were serious!

 

[PublicSecrecy]

So did I! I'm gonna have to do that some day...

 

[CDailey]

That's great!

 

[Blake]

Good one 👍

 

[Slick6]

Good one. 👍

 

[Event]

Old, but funny nonetheless.

 

[Shannon]

Funniest thing I've read in awhile. 👍

 

[drprince89]

LMAO, that is hilarious :thumbsup:

 

[Cosmic]

Lol!

 

[ExigeEvan]

Nice Joke 👍

 

[Roo]

hehe... Excellent.

 

[toyomatt84]

True story. 👍

 

[CAMAROBOY69]

Good one.

 

[Sharky.]

Excellent!

 

[Bollocks#999]

Maybe I shouldve used that 2 weeks ago when I got stopped...

 

[livemusic]

Maybe I shouldve used that 2 weeks ago when I got stopped...

Maybe not.

 

[VT]

Maybe I shouldve used that 2 weeks ago when I got stopped...

Yeah I don't think the cop would have appreciated that very much.

Great joke!

 

[Bollocks#999]

....except it was short female copper who spoke to me, couldve used on her big fat male companion though, looked like he wouldve fit the bill...

 

[McLaren]

Good thing it was a joke...

Maybe I should try to use it on a cop next time.

 

[Bollocks#999]

Heard of one once when a woman got pulled over, he's just about to give her a ticket when she says:
"I suppose your going to try and sell me tickets to one of those policmans balls"
He replies: "Policemen dont have balls" He realised what he said and let her go...

 

[McLaren]

Heard of one once when a woman got pulled over, he's just about to give her a ticket when she says:
"I suppose your going to try and sell me tickets to one of those policmans balls"
He replies: "Policemen dont have balls" He realised what he said and let her go...

 

[Taurine]

Haha, been doing the rounds with that joke huh Vince?

 

[Bollocks#999]

If thats directed at me, my name aint Vince mate, unless Ive missed something here?

 

[Taurine]

If thats directed at me, my name aint Vince mate, unless Ive missed something here?

It was directed at the thread poster - I've seen him post it on a different forum on the exact same day I think most people thought it was true, hence the reason why he put the p.s in..

 

[Bollocks#999]

Ahhhh, gotchya 👍